If I Die
Page 81
You called my mom?
She can help him, Tod.
I know. I was just hoping she wouldnt have to know this time. But it sounds like he picked up right where he left off, so yeah, I guess you had to tell her.
Im sorry. I told her about us, too. I hope she doesnt hate me for coming between the two of you.
She could never hate you, Kaylee. Ill probably get an earful, though. He grimaced at the thought. But enough about that. How do you want to spend your last full day?
I dont know I held up our joined hands. This is nice. Tods hand fit so well in mine that I didnt want to go anywhere or think about anything but him, and us, and the fact that we hadnt even considered turning on the TV, because we didnt need it for entertainment. And he made me smile. Even knowing that Nash was back on frost, my demon math teacher wanted to impregnate my best friend and my lifeline was scheduled to end the next day, Tod could make me laugh.
Yeah, it is. His gaze went out of focus, like he was looking at something I couldnt see. I cant remember the last time I actually got to touch someone I care about, just for the sake of touching and being touched. For human contact that demands nothing.
You and Addy didnt?
Get back together? he said when I wasnt sure how to finish my own sentence, and I nodded. No. Seeing Addy again was like going back in time, to before I died. But I dont think she thought of me like that. Not this time, anyway. She had more important things on her mind. Like reclaiming her sisters sold soul, not to mention her own. And then she died, and I couldnt stop it. He was looking at me again by then, and I knew what he was thinking.
This is different, Tod. I put my free hand on top of the one that held his. I still have my soul, so Im not just moving into the Netherworld for an eternity of torture. Dying for me will be more like a release, right? Its everyone else Im worried about.
Your dad and uncle are working on the incubus issue, and Ill do whatever I can to help, so you dont have to worry about Emma. The worst part for her will be missing you. And your dads going to be fine, now that Thanes out of the picture.
Thank you so much for that. I picked at a worn spot on the denim over his knee. I dont know how to tell you how much that meant to me. Though evidently that one fateful kiss was worth a thousand words.
That was truly my pleasure. In fact, it was so much fun Im not even going to add it to the running total of rescues you owe me.
How gallant of you.
Does that mean Ive earned my shining armor?Cause I dont see how I can slay the dragon without it. When I didnt smile, his frown deepened. If youre still worried about Nash, you know Sabine and I will watch out for him.
I know. I just hate that Im going to die with him hating me. Because how could he not? I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead, trying to draw my scrambled thoughts into focus. From the moment you told me I was going to dieokay, from the moment I came to terms with thatall Ive wanted to do was put everything in order. Make sure everyone I care about would be okay after Im gone. But I messed that up, and now Nash has to live with the consequences of what I did.
What we did, Tod insisted.
Either way, he hates us both.
Hes spent half his life hating me. Hell, he thinks Im trying to make him miserable as a punishment for living. Hes upset and confused, but hell understand eventually.
You really think so?
Tod shrugged, but couldnt quite hide his own doubt. Were brothersa three-hundred-year life span is a long time to hold a grudge.
Three hundred years. Thats what I should have had, give or take. And Tod had eternity, though I couldnt accurately describe his post-death existence as a life span. Still, compared to the mere hours I had left, eternal un-death was looking pretty good.
How did you die, Tod?
He couldntor didnthide his surprise. Nash didnt tell you?
I never asked. It honestly hadnt occurred to me. Tod had been dead long before I met him, and I rarely thought of him as ever having been alive, as obvious as that conclusion seemed in retrospect.
Well, I guess thats just as well. He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. He doesnt know the truth anyway. No one does, except my mom and Levi.
Is it some top secret reaper thing? No one can know how you entered the afterlife? I joked, but Tod looked so solemn my smile died on my face.
No. I asked my mom and Levi to keep what really happened a secret. To protect Nash.
You know you can tell me, right? I ducked, trying to draw his gaze up to my face again. Im not going to tell anyone, and after tomorrow, youre right back where you started, with just two people knowing.
Its not that I dont want you to knowId answer any question you asked me, Kaylee, even if you were scheduled to live forever. He frowned, and a rare look of uncertainty flickered over features Id nearly memorized. Its that Ive literally never told anyone what happenednot since I told my mother.
She can help him, Tod.
I know. I was just hoping she wouldnt have to know this time. But it sounds like he picked up right where he left off, so yeah, I guess you had to tell her.
Im sorry. I told her about us, too. I hope she doesnt hate me for coming between the two of you.
She could never hate you, Kaylee. Ill probably get an earful, though. He grimaced at the thought. But enough about that. How do you want to spend your last full day?
I dont know I held up our joined hands. This is nice. Tods hand fit so well in mine that I didnt want to go anywhere or think about anything but him, and us, and the fact that we hadnt even considered turning on the TV, because we didnt need it for entertainment. And he made me smile. Even knowing that Nash was back on frost, my demon math teacher wanted to impregnate my best friend and my lifeline was scheduled to end the next day, Tod could make me laugh.
Yeah, it is. His gaze went out of focus, like he was looking at something I couldnt see. I cant remember the last time I actually got to touch someone I care about, just for the sake of touching and being touched. For human contact that demands nothing.
You and Addy didnt?
Get back together? he said when I wasnt sure how to finish my own sentence, and I nodded. No. Seeing Addy again was like going back in time, to before I died. But I dont think she thought of me like that. Not this time, anyway. She had more important things on her mind. Like reclaiming her sisters sold soul, not to mention her own. And then she died, and I couldnt stop it. He was looking at me again by then, and I knew what he was thinking.
This is different, Tod. I put my free hand on top of the one that held his. I still have my soul, so Im not just moving into the Netherworld for an eternity of torture. Dying for me will be more like a release, right? Its everyone else Im worried about.
Your dad and uncle are working on the incubus issue, and Ill do whatever I can to help, so you dont have to worry about Emma. The worst part for her will be missing you. And your dads going to be fine, now that Thanes out of the picture.
Thank you so much for that. I picked at a worn spot on the denim over his knee. I dont know how to tell you how much that meant to me. Though evidently that one fateful kiss was worth a thousand words.
That was truly my pleasure. In fact, it was so much fun Im not even going to add it to the running total of rescues you owe me.
How gallant of you.
Does that mean Ive earned my shining armor?Cause I dont see how I can slay the dragon without it. When I didnt smile, his frown deepened. If youre still worried about Nash, you know Sabine and I will watch out for him.
I know. I just hate that Im going to die with him hating me. Because how could he not? I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead, trying to draw my scrambled thoughts into focus. From the moment you told me I was going to dieokay, from the moment I came to terms with thatall Ive wanted to do was put everything in order. Make sure everyone I care about would be okay after Im gone. But I messed that up, and now Nash has to live with the consequences of what I did.
What we did, Tod insisted.
Either way, he hates us both.
Hes spent half his life hating me. Hell, he thinks Im trying to make him miserable as a punishment for living. Hes upset and confused, but hell understand eventually.
You really think so?
Tod shrugged, but couldnt quite hide his own doubt. Were brothersa three-hundred-year life span is a long time to hold a grudge.
Three hundred years. Thats what I should have had, give or take. And Tod had eternity, though I couldnt accurately describe his post-death existence as a life span. Still, compared to the mere hours I had left, eternal un-death was looking pretty good.
How did you die, Tod?
He couldntor didnthide his surprise. Nash didnt tell you?
I never asked. It honestly hadnt occurred to me. Tod had been dead long before I met him, and I rarely thought of him as ever having been alive, as obvious as that conclusion seemed in retrospect.
Well, I guess thats just as well. He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb. He doesnt know the truth anyway. No one does, except my mom and Levi.
Is it some top secret reaper thing? No one can know how you entered the afterlife? I joked, but Tod looked so solemn my smile died on my face.
No. I asked my mom and Levi to keep what really happened a secret. To protect Nash.
You know you can tell me, right? I ducked, trying to draw his gaze up to my face again. Im not going to tell anyone, and after tomorrow, youre right back where you started, with just two people knowing.
Its not that I dont want you to knowId answer any question you asked me, Kaylee, even if you were scheduled to live forever. He frowned, and a rare look of uncertainty flickered over features Id nearly memorized. Its that Ive literally never told anyone what happenednot since I told my mother.
