In the Crease
Page 112
Damn it.
He was disgusted and couldn’t believe it. What hurt the most was that she might not have thought she was doing it intentionally, but he knew she was trying to get out of her brother’s wedding by going home due to the simple fear of seeing that bastard.
God, it hurt.
It fucking hurt bad.
His feelings were all over the place. He wanted to believe her. Believe in them. But he knew her, he knew her track record, and he would be naïve to assume she had changed. He didn’t doubt she loved him and his family, he knew she did, but she would do anything to make sure he didn’t find out about Bradley. He wasn’t sure he could let that go. Also, Bradley? Really? That was his son’s father? How the hell was he supposed to look at that kid…
This was what she didn’t want.
This right here.
The thoughts in his head.
Swirling and making him feel like he was going to hurl.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered as he sat down on a wooden bench, covering his face with his hands and leaning on his legs as they bounced with nervousness. Or fear. He didn’t understand what he was feeling. A dread that was so unfamiliar, it hurt.
When he felt someone sit down beside him, he didn’t look up as Vaughn said, “We need to stop meeting like this.”
He couldn’t even muster up enough energy to laugh. Swallowing hard, he moved his hands up a bit as he said, “Remember that time in the juniors when I was having the worst game of my life, and I let in six goals.”
“I do.”
“Seeing that puck behind me, sneaking in like a fucking asshole, was awful. I hate that feeling because I knew I could have stopped it—if I was quicker, you know? But that feeling, it gets me. It’s like a drop in my gut, and I hate it. But this, what I’m feeling right now, is ten times worse.”
Vaughn whistled, and Jensen shut his eyes behind his hands, seeing nothing but darkness, which was what he felt. “Well, I should have sent Wells, he’s better with this kind of thing. But he was helping Winston get Bradley up and out, while Elaine tried to comfort a very upset Wren. I don’t think I’m cut out for this kind of talk.”
Jensen scoffed, shaking his head. “Just go, man.”
“Nah, you’re my bestie. I’ll stay, try. If I ruin shit, then, eh, at least I tried,” he said. “And by the way, I don’t try, I win.”
Jensen couldn’t even roll his eyes, he just muttered. “You can go.”
“No, can’t. I’m here for you.”
When Vaughn’s hand came to his back, slapping it hard, Jensen shook his head. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, you could talk to her. I mean, you kinda just yelled and told her what she was feeling and doing. Didn’t give her a chance to tell you differently.”
“Because there is no point,” Jensen said, dropping his hands. “This is what she does. She runs or she hides. She hasn’t once just owned up to what she has done or what she is feeling—”
“Lie.”
“Excuse me?”
He looked back at Vaughn with an eyebrow raised, and Vaughn shrugged. “Lie. She told you she loved you. Out of her mouth, to you, with no hesitation at what you said,” he said simply, and Jensen looked away. “You say she hasn’t changed, but I think she has. She isn’t the girl I knew two months ago. Yeah, she still threatens me. But, dude, she does it with a smile. She looks at you with the same gooey look you always have for her. She set up a fucking nursery, for goodness’ sake. She cares about what you think, what you want for her, and, dude, she loves your family. You know that. Come on, she wouldn’t want to go home to be with your dad to get out of Wells’s wedding because of that douche. She wanted to go for you, for your dad. You know that, so what’s going on?”
Jensen’s mouth trembled as he shook his head. He did know that. He knew all that, so what was it? Damn it. Why? As the tears burned his eyes, he inhaled deeply, his words coming out as a whisper, “It’s too good, man. I got it all, and I knew… I knew it was too good, and here we are. I’ve got this fucker who can come and fight us at any moment for him, for the son I’ve decided is mine, the son she said was mine. And fuck, man, I mean, I’m… Damn it, Vaughn.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I’m scared that I’ll keep giving everything to her, loving her, loving my son, and this fucker will come in and take it all.”
Glancing to Vaughn, Jensen found his best friend staring at him like he was stupid or something. “Did you not listen to anything I said, Jenny? She told him to go take a hike.”
“But he’s the father—”
“No, he isn’t. You are. We all know it. We all feel it, and that’s it.”
“But that’s not how it works, Vaughn—”
“Who said? Because I don’t have a relationship with my father, and who is my dad? Winston. He is who I consider as my father. Is he my blood? Nope. Same with you and Wells. I don’t have a brother, I lost him. But thank God, he gave me you and Wells and, again, you guys aren’t my blood. So I don’t get it. I don’t understand what you’re upset about.”
Shaking his head, his heart in his stomach, Jensen said, “It’s different. Gunner isn’t here yet, and this guy could take everything from me. He can give her more children. I can’t, Vaughn. I mean, I’m hopeful, but I’m pretty sure I can’t. And fuck, dude, she said I’m more man than him, but if that were the case, then I could give her a kid.”
Jensen jumped as Vaughn threw his hands up with a shout. “Dude! She’s yours. The kid, yours. Stop it. You aren’t like this. You are a confident fucking man, and you aren’t going to be like this,” he announced, poking him in the arm. “When I felt like shit, you rallied with me and got me my girl. I don’t have to help you get Wren because you’ve got her. Just get rid of this insecurity crap that doesn’t have any relevance. What did she tell you? Did she tell you she wanted more kids?”
Jensen bit the inside of his cheek, his leg bouncing in nervousness as he looked out at the water. “I don’t know.”
“She doesn’t. She didn’t even want this one at the beginning, but she’s changed—because of you. And if she does want kids, I know her, she’ll adopt before she goes back to that guy because she wants you and only you.”
He was disgusted and couldn’t believe it. What hurt the most was that she might not have thought she was doing it intentionally, but he knew she was trying to get out of her brother’s wedding by going home due to the simple fear of seeing that bastard.
God, it hurt.
It fucking hurt bad.
His feelings were all over the place. He wanted to believe her. Believe in them. But he knew her, he knew her track record, and he would be naïve to assume she had changed. He didn’t doubt she loved him and his family, he knew she did, but she would do anything to make sure he didn’t find out about Bradley. He wasn’t sure he could let that go. Also, Bradley? Really? That was his son’s father? How the hell was he supposed to look at that kid…
This was what she didn’t want.
This right here.
The thoughts in his head.
Swirling and making him feel like he was going to hurl.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered as he sat down on a wooden bench, covering his face with his hands and leaning on his legs as they bounced with nervousness. Or fear. He didn’t understand what he was feeling. A dread that was so unfamiliar, it hurt.
When he felt someone sit down beside him, he didn’t look up as Vaughn said, “We need to stop meeting like this.”
He couldn’t even muster up enough energy to laugh. Swallowing hard, he moved his hands up a bit as he said, “Remember that time in the juniors when I was having the worst game of my life, and I let in six goals.”
“I do.”
“Seeing that puck behind me, sneaking in like a fucking asshole, was awful. I hate that feeling because I knew I could have stopped it—if I was quicker, you know? But that feeling, it gets me. It’s like a drop in my gut, and I hate it. But this, what I’m feeling right now, is ten times worse.”
Vaughn whistled, and Jensen shut his eyes behind his hands, seeing nothing but darkness, which was what he felt. “Well, I should have sent Wells, he’s better with this kind of thing. But he was helping Winston get Bradley up and out, while Elaine tried to comfort a very upset Wren. I don’t think I’m cut out for this kind of talk.”
Jensen scoffed, shaking his head. “Just go, man.”
“Nah, you’re my bestie. I’ll stay, try. If I ruin shit, then, eh, at least I tried,” he said. “And by the way, I don’t try, I win.”
Jensen couldn’t even roll his eyes, he just muttered. “You can go.”
“No, can’t. I’m here for you.”
When Vaughn’s hand came to his back, slapping it hard, Jensen shook his head. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, you could talk to her. I mean, you kinda just yelled and told her what she was feeling and doing. Didn’t give her a chance to tell you differently.”
“Because there is no point,” Jensen said, dropping his hands. “This is what she does. She runs or she hides. She hasn’t once just owned up to what she has done or what she is feeling—”
“Lie.”
“Excuse me?”
He looked back at Vaughn with an eyebrow raised, and Vaughn shrugged. “Lie. She told you she loved you. Out of her mouth, to you, with no hesitation at what you said,” he said simply, and Jensen looked away. “You say she hasn’t changed, but I think she has. She isn’t the girl I knew two months ago. Yeah, she still threatens me. But, dude, she does it with a smile. She looks at you with the same gooey look you always have for her. She set up a fucking nursery, for goodness’ sake. She cares about what you think, what you want for her, and, dude, she loves your family. You know that. Come on, she wouldn’t want to go home to be with your dad to get out of Wells’s wedding because of that douche. She wanted to go for you, for your dad. You know that, so what’s going on?”
Jensen’s mouth trembled as he shook his head. He did know that. He knew all that, so what was it? Damn it. Why? As the tears burned his eyes, he inhaled deeply, his words coming out as a whisper, “It’s too good, man. I got it all, and I knew… I knew it was too good, and here we are. I’ve got this fucker who can come and fight us at any moment for him, for the son I’ve decided is mine, the son she said was mine. And fuck, man, I mean, I’m… Damn it, Vaughn.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I’m scared that I’ll keep giving everything to her, loving her, loving my son, and this fucker will come in and take it all.”
Glancing to Vaughn, Jensen found his best friend staring at him like he was stupid or something. “Did you not listen to anything I said, Jenny? She told him to go take a hike.”
“But he’s the father—”
“No, he isn’t. You are. We all know it. We all feel it, and that’s it.”
“But that’s not how it works, Vaughn—”
“Who said? Because I don’t have a relationship with my father, and who is my dad? Winston. He is who I consider as my father. Is he my blood? Nope. Same with you and Wells. I don’t have a brother, I lost him. But thank God, he gave me you and Wells and, again, you guys aren’t my blood. So I don’t get it. I don’t understand what you’re upset about.”
Shaking his head, his heart in his stomach, Jensen said, “It’s different. Gunner isn’t here yet, and this guy could take everything from me. He can give her more children. I can’t, Vaughn. I mean, I’m hopeful, but I’m pretty sure I can’t. And fuck, dude, she said I’m more man than him, but if that were the case, then I could give her a kid.”
Jensen jumped as Vaughn threw his hands up with a shout. “Dude! She’s yours. The kid, yours. Stop it. You aren’t like this. You are a confident fucking man, and you aren’t going to be like this,” he announced, poking him in the arm. “When I felt like shit, you rallied with me and got me my girl. I don’t have to help you get Wren because you’ve got her. Just get rid of this insecurity crap that doesn’t have any relevance. What did she tell you? Did she tell you she wanted more kids?”
Jensen bit the inside of his cheek, his leg bouncing in nervousness as he looked out at the water. “I don’t know.”
“She doesn’t. She didn’t even want this one at the beginning, but she’s changed—because of you. And if she does want kids, I know her, she’ll adopt before she goes back to that guy because she wants you and only you.”
