In This Life
Page 17
“Much calmer now,” I said. Colin had fallen asleep on the drive and stayed that way even when I brought him into the brightly lit building. His head felt cooler too.
“My poor baby,” Kathleen murmured, kissing his face and rocking him in her arms. It was tough to get rid of the lump in my throat when I watched her hold my baby brother. She really loved that kid. She loved him every bit as much as I did.
“I dropped Emma off at my mom’s,” Kathleen said, still staring down at Colin. “She can keep her overnight.”
Kathleen managed to look excellent even at this time of night under the harsh lights of the urgent care waiting room. She wore a blue v-neck tee and a loose skirt that reached to her ankles. Her wild red curls spilled over her shoulders and she wore no makeup. She didn’t need any. And I couldn’t be sure but from this angle I guessed she wasn’t wearing a bra.
I’m such a fucking dick.
This girl comes out in the middle of the night to help me out in a crisis and all I can do is check out her tits.
I stopped watching Kathleen and returned to the tedium of my paperwork. “Sorry if I woke you up.”
“You didn’t. I had a paper to write.”
Next to a line that said ‘Allergies’ I wrote a question mark. “That’s right, you mentioned you were doing online school. What are you studying?”
“Accounting. I’d like to get my CPA license someday.”
“That’s nice.”
“Not really. But it’s a good career that will pay the bills.”
I studied her again. Colin slept on her shoulder now while she tenderly rubbed his back. “What did you want to do instead?”
A sad smile touched her lips. “It took me a little while to find my niche but I was a philosophy major.”
“Impressive.”
“I wanted to be a university professor. Get a PhD so I could have some fancy letters after my name, perhaps teach overseas for a while.”
Those plans sounded more like the Kathleen Doyle who was hyped as the town prodigy, the girl who skipped a couple of grades and braved the halls of Hawk Valley High ahead of schedule, ignoring all the snickering over her flat chested little kid appearance.
“And yet you became a bookkeeper in Hawk Valley,” I said and immediately wished I hadn’t. I was thinking aloud, wondering about the fork in the road of Kathleen Doyle’s life.
“Emma,” she said by way of explanation and her smile was no longer sad.
I should have figured that out. Kathleen was a few years younger than me, probably twenty-three. She’d graduated early, valedictorian of my class, headed off to college with big dreams and then came back home after she got knocked up by some guy she obviously didn’t want to talk about. My own parents had been young and foolish when I joined the world so I knew all about how the arrival of a kid could change a life’s trajectory.
“Do you have any idea much more I could have done if you hadn’t been born?”
My father had been a little drunk when he said that and we’d just had another of our infamous fights. I was probably fifteen at the time. Chris Ryan didn’t apologize very often but the next day he did apologize for saying those words. He stood there in the doorway of my bedroom, his hands crossed over his chest, his eyes on the floor as he said he was sorry. He’d been angry. He’d had too many beers. He didn’t mean what he said. I believed him. He wanted me to say something too, some acknowledgement of forgiveness. But I stubbornly stared down at my homework and said nothing.
“Colin Ryan?”
The nurse in purple scrubs was standing there waiting. Kathleen carried Colin while I followed with the car seat and diaper bag.
“You just have to leave Mommy’s arms for a second,” the nurse said when it was time to place Colin on the scale. “Fourteen pounds, two ounces.”
“Is that good?” I asked, sounding as anxious as I felt.
The nurse gave me an indulgent grin. She looked young, really young. She’d probably started nursing the day before yesterday. “It’s fine. You two must be first time parents?”
“No,” said Kathleen and left it at that.
The nurse promised the doctor would be in shortly and left us alone. Colin was starting to fuss so Kathleen paced the short length of the room to quiet him down.
“Want me to take him?” I asked.
She started to say no, but then handed him over. “If you want to.”
I was getting used to the feel of his tiny body against my chest. Holding him now felt natural.
“We’ll get you feeling all better soon,” I said in his little ear. When I looked up my eyes found Kathleen’s. Her eyes were striking, a light green I had never seen on anyone else.
The doctor didn’t keep us waiting long. I didn’t remember her but she knew who I was. She lived in town. She’d been on some local charity board or something with Heather.
“Double ear infection,” she announced a few minutes later after examining Colin. “That would explain the fever and the fussiness. Other than that he looks perfect so I’ll write you a prescription and you can take this little guy home.”
“Thank you, Dr. Crawford,” Kathleen said.
“You’re very welcome,” said Dr. Crawford. She scribbled some notes on a piece of paper and then looked directly at me. “Once again, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I still can’t believe it.” Her eyes moved to Colin and her expression saddened visibly. “Please let me know if there’s ever anything I can do.”
It was the same sentiment repeated to me by dozens of people since the night I arrived in Hawk Valley. A useless, well meaning ‘thoughts and prayers’ kind of thing to say. I wished there was something they could do.
“I appreciate that,” I told the doctor before she left the room.
Kathleen knew where there was a twenty-four hour pharmacy and insisted on picking up the prescription herself.
“You just get this handsome little man home,” she said. “It won’t take me long to fill this and we can give him the first dose right away.”
“Thanks,” I said. The word felt inadequate but it was all I had to offer.
She smiled. “Emma’s had her share of ear infections. They clear up quickly once the antibiotics kick in.”
“Seriously, Kathleen,” I said as Colin let out a sleepy sigh on my shoulder. “I owe you for this.”
She reached out and touched Colin’s head, her fingertips brushing my shoulder in the process. “Nonsense. I’ll always be there for Colin. And for you.”
“I’m lucky to have you,” I said, not realizing the possible double meaning of the words until I heard them out loud.
Kathleen only blushed and looked away.
I was happy to take Colin home and wait for her to show up with the medicine. It was nice, this feeling of cooperation for the sake of a child we both cared about. And it was good to have a friend. I didn’t keep too many of those around and that never bothered me. But lately I was starting to feel the deficit. And yes, I did think of Kathleen as a friend.
A friend with a sinful body, sexy hair and a dazzling smile.
A friend who was kind and generous, if a little bossy.
A friend who got my dick hard if I stared at her for too long.
I liked Kathleen. I respected her. And I couldn’t stop wanting to fuck her if I tried.
After the meeting down at the store ended on a sour note it took every shred of my willpower not to call Nash or drop by the house the following day. When he said, “I’ll be in touch,” I wasn’t sure if he was irritated with my pushiness about the store or if he just needed some space to figure things out on his own. I’d happily move mountains for Colin but my role was limited because I wasn’t his guardian. Nash was his guardian.
“My poor baby,” Kathleen murmured, kissing his face and rocking him in her arms. It was tough to get rid of the lump in my throat when I watched her hold my baby brother. She really loved that kid. She loved him every bit as much as I did.
“I dropped Emma off at my mom’s,” Kathleen said, still staring down at Colin. “She can keep her overnight.”
Kathleen managed to look excellent even at this time of night under the harsh lights of the urgent care waiting room. She wore a blue v-neck tee and a loose skirt that reached to her ankles. Her wild red curls spilled over her shoulders and she wore no makeup. She didn’t need any. And I couldn’t be sure but from this angle I guessed she wasn’t wearing a bra.
I’m such a fucking dick.
This girl comes out in the middle of the night to help me out in a crisis and all I can do is check out her tits.
I stopped watching Kathleen and returned to the tedium of my paperwork. “Sorry if I woke you up.”
“You didn’t. I had a paper to write.”
Next to a line that said ‘Allergies’ I wrote a question mark. “That’s right, you mentioned you were doing online school. What are you studying?”
“Accounting. I’d like to get my CPA license someday.”
“That’s nice.”
“Not really. But it’s a good career that will pay the bills.”
I studied her again. Colin slept on her shoulder now while she tenderly rubbed his back. “What did you want to do instead?”
A sad smile touched her lips. “It took me a little while to find my niche but I was a philosophy major.”
“Impressive.”
“I wanted to be a university professor. Get a PhD so I could have some fancy letters after my name, perhaps teach overseas for a while.”
Those plans sounded more like the Kathleen Doyle who was hyped as the town prodigy, the girl who skipped a couple of grades and braved the halls of Hawk Valley High ahead of schedule, ignoring all the snickering over her flat chested little kid appearance.
“And yet you became a bookkeeper in Hawk Valley,” I said and immediately wished I hadn’t. I was thinking aloud, wondering about the fork in the road of Kathleen Doyle’s life.
“Emma,” she said by way of explanation and her smile was no longer sad.
I should have figured that out. Kathleen was a few years younger than me, probably twenty-three. She’d graduated early, valedictorian of my class, headed off to college with big dreams and then came back home after she got knocked up by some guy she obviously didn’t want to talk about. My own parents had been young and foolish when I joined the world so I knew all about how the arrival of a kid could change a life’s trajectory.
“Do you have any idea much more I could have done if you hadn’t been born?”
My father had been a little drunk when he said that and we’d just had another of our infamous fights. I was probably fifteen at the time. Chris Ryan didn’t apologize very often but the next day he did apologize for saying those words. He stood there in the doorway of my bedroom, his hands crossed over his chest, his eyes on the floor as he said he was sorry. He’d been angry. He’d had too many beers. He didn’t mean what he said. I believed him. He wanted me to say something too, some acknowledgement of forgiveness. But I stubbornly stared down at my homework and said nothing.
“Colin Ryan?”
The nurse in purple scrubs was standing there waiting. Kathleen carried Colin while I followed with the car seat and diaper bag.
“You just have to leave Mommy’s arms for a second,” the nurse said when it was time to place Colin on the scale. “Fourteen pounds, two ounces.”
“Is that good?” I asked, sounding as anxious as I felt.
The nurse gave me an indulgent grin. She looked young, really young. She’d probably started nursing the day before yesterday. “It’s fine. You two must be first time parents?”
“No,” said Kathleen and left it at that.
The nurse promised the doctor would be in shortly and left us alone. Colin was starting to fuss so Kathleen paced the short length of the room to quiet him down.
“Want me to take him?” I asked.
She started to say no, but then handed him over. “If you want to.”
I was getting used to the feel of his tiny body against my chest. Holding him now felt natural.
“We’ll get you feeling all better soon,” I said in his little ear. When I looked up my eyes found Kathleen’s. Her eyes were striking, a light green I had never seen on anyone else.
The doctor didn’t keep us waiting long. I didn’t remember her but she knew who I was. She lived in town. She’d been on some local charity board or something with Heather.
“Double ear infection,” she announced a few minutes later after examining Colin. “That would explain the fever and the fussiness. Other than that he looks perfect so I’ll write you a prescription and you can take this little guy home.”
“Thank you, Dr. Crawford,” Kathleen said.
“You’re very welcome,” said Dr. Crawford. She scribbled some notes on a piece of paper and then looked directly at me. “Once again, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I still can’t believe it.” Her eyes moved to Colin and her expression saddened visibly. “Please let me know if there’s ever anything I can do.”
It was the same sentiment repeated to me by dozens of people since the night I arrived in Hawk Valley. A useless, well meaning ‘thoughts and prayers’ kind of thing to say. I wished there was something they could do.
“I appreciate that,” I told the doctor before she left the room.
Kathleen knew where there was a twenty-four hour pharmacy and insisted on picking up the prescription herself.
“You just get this handsome little man home,” she said. “It won’t take me long to fill this and we can give him the first dose right away.”
“Thanks,” I said. The word felt inadequate but it was all I had to offer.
She smiled. “Emma’s had her share of ear infections. They clear up quickly once the antibiotics kick in.”
“Seriously, Kathleen,” I said as Colin let out a sleepy sigh on my shoulder. “I owe you for this.”
She reached out and touched Colin’s head, her fingertips brushing my shoulder in the process. “Nonsense. I’ll always be there for Colin. And for you.”
“I’m lucky to have you,” I said, not realizing the possible double meaning of the words until I heard them out loud.
Kathleen only blushed and looked away.
I was happy to take Colin home and wait for her to show up with the medicine. It was nice, this feeling of cooperation for the sake of a child we both cared about. And it was good to have a friend. I didn’t keep too many of those around and that never bothered me. But lately I was starting to feel the deficit. And yes, I did think of Kathleen as a friend.
A friend with a sinful body, sexy hair and a dazzling smile.
A friend who was kind and generous, if a little bossy.
A friend who got my dick hard if I stared at her for too long.
I liked Kathleen. I respected her. And I couldn’t stop wanting to fuck her if I tried.
After the meeting down at the store ended on a sour note it took every shred of my willpower not to call Nash or drop by the house the following day. When he said, “I’ll be in touch,” I wasn’t sure if he was irritated with my pushiness about the store or if he just needed some space to figure things out on his own. I’d happily move mountains for Colin but my role was limited because I wasn’t his guardian. Nash was his guardian.
