In This Life
Page 19
He wouldn’t look up. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Kathleen.”
“I know enough.”
Now he raised his head. Our eyes met. His were no longer full of exhaustion. They were full of pain.
And then when I moved my hand from his shoulder to his face they became full of something else.
His jaw was rough under my fingertips, bristly with a day’s beard growth. In a distant time I’d fantasized about being this close to Nash Ryan. I’d daydreamed that some day he would look at me the way he was looking at me now. With uninhibited desire.
I knew what would happen next. This had nothing to do with the past. Or the future. Or the heartbreaking circumstances that had led us to this particular moment. This was just about here and now.
And here and now we both wanted the same thing.
I moved my hand lower and proved it.
“Kat,” he groaned as my hand closed around him through the fabric of his gym shorts. He was hard, thick, perfect. I boldly stroked him and he groaned again, this time with a curse. I hadn’t been with anyone in a long time and a primitive need pooled in my belly then rolled lower, between my legs. Nash directed my hand inside the elastic waistband of his shorts and I touched hard, heated flesh. I’d almost forgotten how this kind of triumph felt, how empowering it was to bring a strong man to the brink of ecstasy. I started to slide to my knees, intending to take him in my mouth. But he stopped me.
“Get rid of this,” he demanded, yanking on my shirt.
I obeyed, slowly drawing my shirt up and then over my head. In my haste to get out the door earlier I’d forgotten a bra. I wriggled out of my long skirt, then hooked my thumbs in my damp panties and rolled them down. As I knelt on the floor in front of him, Nash stared at me for such a long moment I started to feel self-conscious.
He seized me with no warning, his big hand fastening onto the back of my neck and pulling me in for a kiss that was ferocious, electrifying. This was what I’d been missing, the way it felt to be overpowered by a kiss. I hardly felt myself being lifted but suddenly I was in his lap. My hands roamed over the hard muscles of his chest but not for long. I was as impatient as he was, maybe more, straddling him, grinding against the feel of his skin in a desperate quest for relief.
He shoved his shorts down and looked me in the eye. “You’re sure you want this?”
I couldn’t talk. I just nodded.
Nash surprised me when he became gentle, easing inside of me slowly, like he feared I might break if he was too rough. My skin stretched and quivered as I took him all the way in and I couldn’t stand it. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and rode him with furious rhythm until he seized my hips and demanded to assume control. I gave it to him. I let him move me at the pace he wanted and reveled in the primal frenzy of our bodies colliding.
It didn’t take me long to come and holy shit did I come hard. The orgasm was an avalanche and all I could do was get temporarily buried by it, stifling the urge to scream as the tremors wracked me in waves. Nash’s arms kept me from collapsing into a spent puddle as the aftershocks kept rising and falling.
“Too fucking close,” he finally gasped and withdrew from me. Dimly I realized why, understood that he was right to pull away. We’d been absurdly reckless, not even using a condom. Another few seconds and we might have had a problem.
But we weren’t finished yet. I closed my fingers around his thick, unsatisfied cock and stroked the solid length, teasing the tip until he shuddered, moaned my name again and came in my hand.
We were both sweating, gasping, panting as hard as marathon runners. I slid off his lap and onto the couch, trying to catch my breath and figure out what should happen next.
Nash recovered first, swiping his shirt off the floor and carefully mopping the evidence off my hand. He watched as I gathered my clothes and held them to my chest in a rumpled heap.
“I should let you get some sleep,” I said.
Nash brushed the back of his right knuckle across my arm. My shiver was involuntary.
“I’m not tired,” he said.
“Even after all that?”
He thought the question was funny. “Especially after all that.”
I swallowed. “I think I should go.”
“No you shouldn’t.”
I pulled my panties on because I was starting to feel ridiculous sitting on the couch butt naked. Nash, on the other hand, didn’t seem troubled at all. He looked as relaxed as I’d ever seen him.
“What should I do then?” I asked, adding a playful note to my voice.
“Nothing.” He slid down to the floor, opened my legs and pushed my panties aside before treating me to a brief exploration of his tongue as I gasped and arched my back.
“Don’t do a goddamn thing just now,” he ordered in a gruff whisper and the feel of his bristled jaw against my sensitive inner thighs was almost as wickedly good as his tongue. So I followed his orders. I didn’t do a goddamn thing.
My first thought when I woke up was about Colin. I tensed for a second and relaxed when I remembered that Colin was fine now. I couldn’t hear any crying so he must still be sleeping. The antibiotics were already working their medical magic.
My second thought was that I felt good. Really fucking good. Clear headed and restored.
Then I looked beside me and didn’t feel so good anymore.
Kathleen was curled up on the edge of the bed. If she rolled over half an inch she’d fall right off. Her red curls covered her face but her breathing was deep and she didn’t stir when I extricated myself from the tangle of blankets. I managed to tug the sheet away in the process and the view of her smooth, bare skin was stimulating in ways I didn’t want to be stimulated right now.
I dug a clean pair of gym shorts out of one of my suitcases because I still hadn’t unpacked. The room’s décor hadn’t changed but the old dresser in the corner of the room was filled with arts and crafts supplies that must have belonged to Heather. I couldn’t recall my dad having much use for glitter and yarn. At some point I’d need to do something about the fact that the closets and cabinets all over the house were filled with personal effects belonging to my father and his wife. I couldn’t think about that yet though. The idea of pawing through the abandoned possessions of the dead still hurt too much.
Kathleen let out a soft sigh and then started to roll over, which would have sent her crashing to the polished hardwood floor. I dove in to scoop my hands underneath her and roll her back to safety. She still didn’t wake up. I stood there for a few extra seconds staring at her.
Fuck, she was sexy.
That didn’t mean I was proud of myself for drilling that hot body in a dozen different ways last night.
I hadn’t been thinking. Kathleen didn’t strike me as a bed hopping type of girl. She might expect things. Things I didn’t have available to give to her right now. Probably not ever.
I left the room and quietly closed the door behind me. The Kathleen quandary would have to wait until later. In the meantime I could admit that getting my brains fucked out last night had done wonders for my mood.
Down the hall in the nursery, Colin was awake and waving his little arms around, trying to reach for the stuffed monkey mobile over his crib. I took it as a good sign that he no longer shrieked in pain and when I put my palm on his forehead I was relieved that it was cool.
“Come on, kiddo,” I said and he actually gave me a little smile as I lifted him out of the crib. Not for the first time I wondered what was going on in his baby brain. Was there any part of him that understood how his life had been turned upside down? I hoped not.
“I know enough.”
Now he raised his head. Our eyes met. His were no longer full of exhaustion. They were full of pain.
And then when I moved my hand from his shoulder to his face they became full of something else.
His jaw was rough under my fingertips, bristly with a day’s beard growth. In a distant time I’d fantasized about being this close to Nash Ryan. I’d daydreamed that some day he would look at me the way he was looking at me now. With uninhibited desire.
I knew what would happen next. This had nothing to do with the past. Or the future. Or the heartbreaking circumstances that had led us to this particular moment. This was just about here and now.
And here and now we both wanted the same thing.
I moved my hand lower and proved it.
“Kat,” he groaned as my hand closed around him through the fabric of his gym shorts. He was hard, thick, perfect. I boldly stroked him and he groaned again, this time with a curse. I hadn’t been with anyone in a long time and a primitive need pooled in my belly then rolled lower, between my legs. Nash directed my hand inside the elastic waistband of his shorts and I touched hard, heated flesh. I’d almost forgotten how this kind of triumph felt, how empowering it was to bring a strong man to the brink of ecstasy. I started to slide to my knees, intending to take him in my mouth. But he stopped me.
“Get rid of this,” he demanded, yanking on my shirt.
I obeyed, slowly drawing my shirt up and then over my head. In my haste to get out the door earlier I’d forgotten a bra. I wriggled out of my long skirt, then hooked my thumbs in my damp panties and rolled them down. As I knelt on the floor in front of him, Nash stared at me for such a long moment I started to feel self-conscious.
He seized me with no warning, his big hand fastening onto the back of my neck and pulling me in for a kiss that was ferocious, electrifying. This was what I’d been missing, the way it felt to be overpowered by a kiss. I hardly felt myself being lifted but suddenly I was in his lap. My hands roamed over the hard muscles of his chest but not for long. I was as impatient as he was, maybe more, straddling him, grinding against the feel of his skin in a desperate quest for relief.
He shoved his shorts down and looked me in the eye. “You’re sure you want this?”
I couldn’t talk. I just nodded.
Nash surprised me when he became gentle, easing inside of me slowly, like he feared I might break if he was too rough. My skin stretched and quivered as I took him all the way in and I couldn’t stand it. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and rode him with furious rhythm until he seized my hips and demanded to assume control. I gave it to him. I let him move me at the pace he wanted and reveled in the primal frenzy of our bodies colliding.
It didn’t take me long to come and holy shit did I come hard. The orgasm was an avalanche and all I could do was get temporarily buried by it, stifling the urge to scream as the tremors wracked me in waves. Nash’s arms kept me from collapsing into a spent puddle as the aftershocks kept rising and falling.
“Too fucking close,” he finally gasped and withdrew from me. Dimly I realized why, understood that he was right to pull away. We’d been absurdly reckless, not even using a condom. Another few seconds and we might have had a problem.
But we weren’t finished yet. I closed my fingers around his thick, unsatisfied cock and stroked the solid length, teasing the tip until he shuddered, moaned my name again and came in my hand.
We were both sweating, gasping, panting as hard as marathon runners. I slid off his lap and onto the couch, trying to catch my breath and figure out what should happen next.
Nash recovered first, swiping his shirt off the floor and carefully mopping the evidence off my hand. He watched as I gathered my clothes and held them to my chest in a rumpled heap.
“I should let you get some sleep,” I said.
Nash brushed the back of his right knuckle across my arm. My shiver was involuntary.
“I’m not tired,” he said.
“Even after all that?”
He thought the question was funny. “Especially after all that.”
I swallowed. “I think I should go.”
“No you shouldn’t.”
I pulled my panties on because I was starting to feel ridiculous sitting on the couch butt naked. Nash, on the other hand, didn’t seem troubled at all. He looked as relaxed as I’d ever seen him.
“What should I do then?” I asked, adding a playful note to my voice.
“Nothing.” He slid down to the floor, opened my legs and pushed my panties aside before treating me to a brief exploration of his tongue as I gasped and arched my back.
“Don’t do a goddamn thing just now,” he ordered in a gruff whisper and the feel of his bristled jaw against my sensitive inner thighs was almost as wickedly good as his tongue. So I followed his orders. I didn’t do a goddamn thing.
My first thought when I woke up was about Colin. I tensed for a second and relaxed when I remembered that Colin was fine now. I couldn’t hear any crying so he must still be sleeping. The antibiotics were already working their medical magic.
My second thought was that I felt good. Really fucking good. Clear headed and restored.
Then I looked beside me and didn’t feel so good anymore.
Kathleen was curled up on the edge of the bed. If she rolled over half an inch she’d fall right off. Her red curls covered her face but her breathing was deep and she didn’t stir when I extricated myself from the tangle of blankets. I managed to tug the sheet away in the process and the view of her smooth, bare skin was stimulating in ways I didn’t want to be stimulated right now.
I dug a clean pair of gym shorts out of one of my suitcases because I still hadn’t unpacked. The room’s décor hadn’t changed but the old dresser in the corner of the room was filled with arts and crafts supplies that must have belonged to Heather. I couldn’t recall my dad having much use for glitter and yarn. At some point I’d need to do something about the fact that the closets and cabinets all over the house were filled with personal effects belonging to my father and his wife. I couldn’t think about that yet though. The idea of pawing through the abandoned possessions of the dead still hurt too much.
Kathleen let out a soft sigh and then started to roll over, which would have sent her crashing to the polished hardwood floor. I dove in to scoop my hands underneath her and roll her back to safety. She still didn’t wake up. I stood there for a few extra seconds staring at her.
Fuck, she was sexy.
That didn’t mean I was proud of myself for drilling that hot body in a dozen different ways last night.
I hadn’t been thinking. Kathleen didn’t strike me as a bed hopping type of girl. She might expect things. Things I didn’t have available to give to her right now. Probably not ever.
I left the room and quietly closed the door behind me. The Kathleen quandary would have to wait until later. In the meantime I could admit that getting my brains fucked out last night had done wonders for my mood.
Down the hall in the nursery, Colin was awake and waving his little arms around, trying to reach for the stuffed monkey mobile over his crib. I took it as a good sign that he no longer shrieked in pain and when I put my palm on his forehead I was relieved that it was cool.
“Come on, kiddo,” I said and he actually gave me a little smile as I lifted him out of the crib. Not for the first time I wondered what was going on in his baby brain. Was there any part of him that understood how his life had been turned upside down? I hoped not.
