Incandescent
Page 24
"Go home, Addison. I'm not gettin’ into it with you tonight in your state,” Nix tells her.
“I’m taking Z with me,” she continues not to listen.
“Like hell you are. After today, I’m not even sure I’m bringin’ him back after my four days.” I have to agree with that idea, knowing for sure that Z won’t be safe at his mom’s. I saw the fear in his reaction; something or someone has instilled that in him.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Addison scoffs, not getting how fucked she really is.
“Wouldn’t I? I’m over this bullshit you keep pullin’. Z is my main concern, and this just seals the deal. You need to leave Addison, now, before I do somethin’ I’m gonna regret. Somethin’ Z doesn't need to see.”
“This is all your fault,” she seethes, taking her anger out on me. “You’re a home-wrecker,” she accuses.
“Right, you blew it,” Nix snaps, signaling Sy and Jesse. “This conversation is over,” he states, pulling me away from her. Sy takes one arm and Jesse the other, pulling her along. She doesn’t leave without a fight, kicking and screaming.
“Fuck you, Nix. You’re my husband. You’re fucking my husband, bitch,” she continues to scream as Sy and Jesse struggle with her.
“Are you okay?” I ask as she is dragged away around the corner.
“Who fuckin’ told her Kadence was here?” he bellows out to everyone standing around. “We got a songbird on our hands,” he sneers.
“Nix,” Brooks speaks up, “it was probably fucking Chrissie, relax,” he says trying to calm him down as everyone starts leaving, heading inside to give Nix some space.
“You right, brother?” Beau comes up, looking concerned.
“I don’t know. Let’s go find out how bad I’ve fucked up here.” He rubs the tops of his eyes.
“Hey, this is not your fault, Nix.” I take his hand. I can see the anger working behind his eyes.
“She’s been speakin’ to him like that when I’m not around. Who fuckin’ knows what else she’s been doin’?”
“We don’t know that. Going in there angry might frighten him, okay?” I try to coax him off the ledge. I can see he’s slowly slipping, can see how he might not get a grip on it, but he has to, for Z. He sits on a vacant chair as the guys leave us alone.
“Do you think this is what’s been goin’ on? Why he’s been so withdrawn?” he asks after few minutes of silence.
I want to say no, maybe it was a one-off, but I see the fear in his eyes, hear his plea.
“I think so. The signs are there,” I give it to him honestly.
“Why wouldn’t he tell me?”
“Maybe he was scared, Nix. You saw the look on his face.”
“Fuck,” he breathes out, grabbing onto my hand. “I’ve fucked up badly here.”
“How? This isn’t on you,” I tell him, even though I know he won’t listen. I can already see his mind ticking over at what he missed.
This is on Addison. A mother’s job is to protect her child, not abuse their trust. You can see in Z’s reaction something isn’t right. Something has broken that trust.
“Dad?” Z calls from the back door, his expression lost and scared.
“Hey, bud, come and sit with me.” He taps the chair next to him. I stand to give them some space.
“Can Miss Turner stay?” he asks, looking at me, so unsure.
“Yeah, she won’t go anywhere,” Nix assures him, knowing I won’t leave if he wants me here. I move over one chair so he can sit between us.
“Am I in trouble?” his voice wobbles, looking up at his father.
“Why would you be in trouble? You haven’t done anything wrong,” Nix assures him, his eyebrows creasing.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn't know how to tell you.” Z sounds so uncertain, I can’t help but reach out. I take his hand in mine, trying to offer some comfort. He has nothing to be scared about, nothing at all.
“This been goin’ on for long?” Nix quietly asks.
“Just really started to get worse,” Z confirms.
“She touch you in anger like that before?”
I hold back the need to cry at Nix’s question. I just feel so helpless listening to him confirm what I had feared.
“Sometimes, when she’s really angry. Mostly it’s just a grab or slap and yelling at me.”
“Fuck,” Nix curses under his breath.
“I was gonna tell you this weekend, I swear, but then we had the BBQ,” he rushes out.
“Hey, Z, it’s okay. You’re not in any trouble,” I try to reassure him.
“But I should have told Dad or the counselor you sent me to. I just didn’t know what was gonna happen.”
“This is not your fault, bud. We’ll sort it out,” Nix assures him. Reaching over, he kisses his head.
“Let’s go home.” Nix stands and waits for Z’s response.
“Is Miss Turner coming?” They both look to me waiting for my answer. Shit. I want to go, to be there for both of them, but should I back off, let Nix sort this out? Looking up at Nix, he nods, giving me his answer.
“Only if you call me Kadence, but don’t tell any of the kids at school,” I smile, giving him a wink.
“I promise.” He smiles, and for a moment I forget things are about to get a whole lot messier. I don’t know what the hell Nix is going to do to Addison, and the thought alone scares me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Nix
I slam the bedroom door shut behind me, the rage building inside of me bringing me to the brink. The week has been the most fucked up I’ve had to deal with in a long time, but reading what I just read, I’m struggling to contain it.
I made an appointment with my attorney after spending the rest of Sunday afternoon talking with Z, trying to get him to open up about what’s been happening. I soon realized that the shit at his mom’s house is a lot worse than I first thought. I knew that Addison never wanted to end things; that decision was mine, but taking all her anger out on Z? That shit is fucked.
I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. The pain of watching my son express his fear of going back to Addison’s tore at me. I want to take away the bullshit she put him through. I want to wring her neck at the shit she’s been telling him, but at the end of the day, the only thing I can do is make sure this shit doesn’t happen again. I’ve wanted to go over there every day this week, do to her what she’s done to him, put my hands on her, but that’s not going to help Z. After just coming from my attorney, and reading through Z’s statement for CPS, I feel like if I don’t get a handle on my burning anger, I’m going to do something I’ll regret.
I pace the length of my room, willing my body to calm. Z doesn’t need to see this; he’s already witnessed too much hate.
My phone beeps from my pocket and I reach back and pull it out.
Kadence: On my way home. Want me to pick anything up?
Is it bad that hearing her call my home her home has me feeling all kinds of good?
Nix: No, only want your pretty face in my presence ASAP.
Kadence: Yeah, yeah, Casanova. You just want my cooking skills. Lasagna?
Nix: Okay, you got me. Your pretty face and your amazing lasagna.
After two text messages, she’s managed to calm me enough to be able to find Z and make sure he’s okay. I couldn’t even talk on the drive home. I probably scared him, but reading his recount of what she’d done to him, her hands on him, and the fact he was too afraid to tell me? Fuck, it was too much.
Walking down the hall to his room, I lightly tap on the door.
“Hey, Z, can I come in?”
“Yeah,” he replies and I push the door open. He’s sitting on his bed, his iPod in his hand.
“Sorry about that. I just needed to have a breather,” I explain my behavior. He nods, looking back down at his lap. Leaning up against the wall, I decide to tell him the truth.
“Z, what your mom has done is tearing me up and I can’t seem to get a handle on it,” I admit. I wish I could, but right now, I feel like I’m swimming in so much hate.
“I didn’t know what to say. What you would have said. I was scared.” He looks up at me, his small voice breaking.
“I know and I’m not angry at you for that. I’m just trying to work through all this with you. You’re my life. Anyone hurts you, they hurt me. I’m meant to protect you, Z. It’s my job.”
I walk forward and sit down next to him. Fuck, this kid is my life. The anger burning in my veins is for him, for what his mother did to him.
“I won’t have to go back, will I?” Fear flashes over his green eyes, and it just cuts me more. Where I crave the chance to have more time with my mom, my boy is hoping he doesn’t see his again. The woman is a fool.
“Not if you don’t want to,” I tell him. No fucking way will I make him go if he doesn’t want to.
“I don’t wanna go.”
“Okay, buddy,” I nod, agreeing with him. I don’t blame him; she lost that privilege when she first put her hands on him.
My phone rings from my back pocket. Pulling it out, I see Kadence’s name flash across the screen.
“Hello?”
“Hey, babe,” she says. And a jolt runs through me when I hear her voice. “Is Z there?”
“Yeah, why?” I ask concerned.
“Can you put him on?”
“It’s for you.” I hand the phone to Z, feeling less wanted. I’m jealous of my fucking son. Great.
“Hello?” he answers. His mouth spreads into a smile at the sound of her voice.
“Yeah,” he exclaims, his head bobbing up and down as he listens to her talk. “Okay, bye.” He ends the call, handing the phone back.
“What was that about?” I ask, wanting to know what has him smiling so much, something that only seems to happen around Kadence.
“She wanted to know if I liked apple pie. Told me she’ll make one from scratch and bring home ice cream.” His mind is blown that people make them from scratch. I laugh at his reaction. I’d like to think I’m a good cook, but I don’t do any baking and obviously his mother has never baked him one.
“She told me she would make lasagna again too,” I tell him, more excited for supper tonight.
“Yes!” he fists pumps, his smile breaking out over his face again. She made it last Sunday night for dinner when I took them both home following the shit that went down with Addison.
I love my brothers and the support they give me, but I needed to be with Z, and most of all, Z and I needed to be alone.
Kadence didn’t have a choice, Z wanting her to come with us. I knew she wanted to be there for him, but watching her face as Z confessed to some of the things his mom had been saying and doing, I could say we both needed each other. She cooked us dinner while Z and I sat and talked. I wanted to know everything, but at the same time, I didn’t want to push him. He opened up more with Kadence around, feeling comfortable with her.
By the end of the night, we were all drained and ready for bed. Before Z went up to bed, he told her that if she was staying the night, she didn’t have to sneak out early like all the other times last week. A blush flooded her neck and over her cheeks as he laughed himself up the stairs. He had admitted during our talk that he knew someone was here last week, heard them talking when he had woken early one morning. He just didn’t know who it was.
It was a moment that made a tense night feel like things were going to be okay. She stayed that night and every night since, and not once has she had to sneak out in the morning. In one week, we’ve created this routine that I don’t ever want to break. Z has moments where I can see what the truth of this week has done, completely shifting his life around, exposing the secret he’s hidden. He’ll look lost trying to process it all, and then Kadence will walk through the door, and I’ll have my son back.
“Come on. Let's go down. She'll be here soon,” I tell him, standing from the bed. He follows, excited to see Kadence. Even though that warms me, it also fills me concern. Pushing it away, I turn and face him. “Z.” I stop and look down at him.
“Yeah?”
“I love you, buddy.” I scruff his hair, knowing more than anything, he needs to hear it.
“Love you, too, Dad.” He smiles, and for every smile he gives me, a small amount of that stagnant anger that lives in me leaves.
***
“Oh, God,” Kadence whimpers as I place my hand over her mouth.
“Shhh, babe. You’re gonna wake up Z,” I tell her between thrusts.
“Well, stop fucking me so good then,” she pants behind my hand.
“Never.” I quicken my movements, as I feel her tighten around me. Her head thrashes to the side, her teeth biting into the soft flesh of her upper arm to soften her cries.
“You. Feel. So. Fuckin’. Good.” I punch out with each thrust. Her orgasm takes over, her unique kind of blush making itself known as it creeps across her skin. Fuck, I love it. Her pussy tightens around me, milking my orgasm from me. My cum fills her as I release my frustrations of today with each brutal pound. She takes it all, every hard and harsh thrust while begging for more.
Fuck, I’m in— I love this woman. Love? Even if I tried to deny it, my head wouldn’t let me.
I move my hand to the side of her neck and plant myself as deep as I can and let the orgasm ride out. Her head turns; the warmth of her lips find the inside of my wrist. I’m lost in the moment, forgetting about the shit week we’ve had.
“I’m taking Z with me,” she continues not to listen.
“Like hell you are. After today, I’m not even sure I’m bringin’ him back after my four days.” I have to agree with that idea, knowing for sure that Z won’t be safe at his mom’s. I saw the fear in his reaction; something or someone has instilled that in him.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Addison scoffs, not getting how fucked she really is.
“Wouldn’t I? I’m over this bullshit you keep pullin’. Z is my main concern, and this just seals the deal. You need to leave Addison, now, before I do somethin’ I’m gonna regret. Somethin’ Z doesn't need to see.”
“This is all your fault,” she seethes, taking her anger out on me. “You’re a home-wrecker,” she accuses.
“Right, you blew it,” Nix snaps, signaling Sy and Jesse. “This conversation is over,” he states, pulling me away from her. Sy takes one arm and Jesse the other, pulling her along. She doesn’t leave without a fight, kicking and screaming.
“Fuck you, Nix. You’re my husband. You’re fucking my husband, bitch,” she continues to scream as Sy and Jesse struggle with her.
“Are you okay?” I ask as she is dragged away around the corner.
“Who fuckin’ told her Kadence was here?” he bellows out to everyone standing around. “We got a songbird on our hands,” he sneers.
“Nix,” Brooks speaks up, “it was probably fucking Chrissie, relax,” he says trying to calm him down as everyone starts leaving, heading inside to give Nix some space.
“You right, brother?” Beau comes up, looking concerned.
“I don’t know. Let’s go find out how bad I’ve fucked up here.” He rubs the tops of his eyes.
“Hey, this is not your fault, Nix.” I take his hand. I can see the anger working behind his eyes.
“She’s been speakin’ to him like that when I’m not around. Who fuckin’ knows what else she’s been doin’?”
“We don’t know that. Going in there angry might frighten him, okay?” I try to coax him off the ledge. I can see he’s slowly slipping, can see how he might not get a grip on it, but he has to, for Z. He sits on a vacant chair as the guys leave us alone.
“Do you think this is what’s been goin’ on? Why he’s been so withdrawn?” he asks after few minutes of silence.
I want to say no, maybe it was a one-off, but I see the fear in his eyes, hear his plea.
“I think so. The signs are there,” I give it to him honestly.
“Why wouldn’t he tell me?”
“Maybe he was scared, Nix. You saw the look on his face.”
“Fuck,” he breathes out, grabbing onto my hand. “I’ve fucked up badly here.”
“How? This isn’t on you,” I tell him, even though I know he won’t listen. I can already see his mind ticking over at what he missed.
This is on Addison. A mother’s job is to protect her child, not abuse their trust. You can see in Z’s reaction something isn’t right. Something has broken that trust.
“Dad?” Z calls from the back door, his expression lost and scared.
“Hey, bud, come and sit with me.” He taps the chair next to him. I stand to give them some space.
“Can Miss Turner stay?” he asks, looking at me, so unsure.
“Yeah, she won’t go anywhere,” Nix assures him, knowing I won’t leave if he wants me here. I move over one chair so he can sit between us.
“Am I in trouble?” his voice wobbles, looking up at his father.
“Why would you be in trouble? You haven’t done anything wrong,” Nix assures him, his eyebrows creasing.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn't know how to tell you.” Z sounds so uncertain, I can’t help but reach out. I take his hand in mine, trying to offer some comfort. He has nothing to be scared about, nothing at all.
“This been goin’ on for long?” Nix quietly asks.
“Just really started to get worse,” Z confirms.
“She touch you in anger like that before?”
I hold back the need to cry at Nix’s question. I just feel so helpless listening to him confirm what I had feared.
“Sometimes, when she’s really angry. Mostly it’s just a grab or slap and yelling at me.”
“Fuck,” Nix curses under his breath.
“I was gonna tell you this weekend, I swear, but then we had the BBQ,” he rushes out.
“Hey, Z, it’s okay. You’re not in any trouble,” I try to reassure him.
“But I should have told Dad or the counselor you sent me to. I just didn’t know what was gonna happen.”
“This is not your fault, bud. We’ll sort it out,” Nix assures him. Reaching over, he kisses his head.
“Let’s go home.” Nix stands and waits for Z’s response.
“Is Miss Turner coming?” They both look to me waiting for my answer. Shit. I want to go, to be there for both of them, but should I back off, let Nix sort this out? Looking up at Nix, he nods, giving me his answer.
“Only if you call me Kadence, but don’t tell any of the kids at school,” I smile, giving him a wink.
“I promise.” He smiles, and for a moment I forget things are about to get a whole lot messier. I don’t know what the hell Nix is going to do to Addison, and the thought alone scares me.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Nix
I slam the bedroom door shut behind me, the rage building inside of me bringing me to the brink. The week has been the most fucked up I’ve had to deal with in a long time, but reading what I just read, I’m struggling to contain it.
I made an appointment with my attorney after spending the rest of Sunday afternoon talking with Z, trying to get him to open up about what’s been happening. I soon realized that the shit at his mom’s house is a lot worse than I first thought. I knew that Addison never wanted to end things; that decision was mine, but taking all her anger out on Z? That shit is fucked.
I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. The pain of watching my son express his fear of going back to Addison’s tore at me. I want to take away the bullshit she put him through. I want to wring her neck at the shit she’s been telling him, but at the end of the day, the only thing I can do is make sure this shit doesn’t happen again. I’ve wanted to go over there every day this week, do to her what she’s done to him, put my hands on her, but that’s not going to help Z. After just coming from my attorney, and reading through Z’s statement for CPS, I feel like if I don’t get a handle on my burning anger, I’m going to do something I’ll regret.
I pace the length of my room, willing my body to calm. Z doesn’t need to see this; he’s already witnessed too much hate.
My phone beeps from my pocket and I reach back and pull it out.
Kadence: On my way home. Want me to pick anything up?
Is it bad that hearing her call my home her home has me feeling all kinds of good?
Nix: No, only want your pretty face in my presence ASAP.
Kadence: Yeah, yeah, Casanova. You just want my cooking skills. Lasagna?
Nix: Okay, you got me. Your pretty face and your amazing lasagna.
After two text messages, she’s managed to calm me enough to be able to find Z and make sure he’s okay. I couldn’t even talk on the drive home. I probably scared him, but reading his recount of what she’d done to him, her hands on him, and the fact he was too afraid to tell me? Fuck, it was too much.
Walking down the hall to his room, I lightly tap on the door.
“Hey, Z, can I come in?”
“Yeah,” he replies and I push the door open. He’s sitting on his bed, his iPod in his hand.
“Sorry about that. I just needed to have a breather,” I explain my behavior. He nods, looking back down at his lap. Leaning up against the wall, I decide to tell him the truth.
“Z, what your mom has done is tearing me up and I can’t seem to get a handle on it,” I admit. I wish I could, but right now, I feel like I’m swimming in so much hate.
“I didn’t know what to say. What you would have said. I was scared.” He looks up at me, his small voice breaking.
“I know and I’m not angry at you for that. I’m just trying to work through all this with you. You’re my life. Anyone hurts you, they hurt me. I’m meant to protect you, Z. It’s my job.”
I walk forward and sit down next to him. Fuck, this kid is my life. The anger burning in my veins is for him, for what his mother did to him.
“I won’t have to go back, will I?” Fear flashes over his green eyes, and it just cuts me more. Where I crave the chance to have more time with my mom, my boy is hoping he doesn’t see his again. The woman is a fool.
“Not if you don’t want to,” I tell him. No fucking way will I make him go if he doesn’t want to.
“I don’t wanna go.”
“Okay, buddy,” I nod, agreeing with him. I don’t blame him; she lost that privilege when she first put her hands on him.
My phone rings from my back pocket. Pulling it out, I see Kadence’s name flash across the screen.
“Hello?”
“Hey, babe,” she says. And a jolt runs through me when I hear her voice. “Is Z there?”
“Yeah, why?” I ask concerned.
“Can you put him on?”
“It’s for you.” I hand the phone to Z, feeling less wanted. I’m jealous of my fucking son. Great.
“Hello?” he answers. His mouth spreads into a smile at the sound of her voice.
“Yeah,” he exclaims, his head bobbing up and down as he listens to her talk. “Okay, bye.” He ends the call, handing the phone back.
“What was that about?” I ask, wanting to know what has him smiling so much, something that only seems to happen around Kadence.
“She wanted to know if I liked apple pie. Told me she’ll make one from scratch and bring home ice cream.” His mind is blown that people make them from scratch. I laugh at his reaction. I’d like to think I’m a good cook, but I don’t do any baking and obviously his mother has never baked him one.
“She told me she would make lasagna again too,” I tell him, more excited for supper tonight.
“Yes!” he fists pumps, his smile breaking out over his face again. She made it last Sunday night for dinner when I took them both home following the shit that went down with Addison.
I love my brothers and the support they give me, but I needed to be with Z, and most of all, Z and I needed to be alone.
Kadence didn’t have a choice, Z wanting her to come with us. I knew she wanted to be there for him, but watching her face as Z confessed to some of the things his mom had been saying and doing, I could say we both needed each other. She cooked us dinner while Z and I sat and talked. I wanted to know everything, but at the same time, I didn’t want to push him. He opened up more with Kadence around, feeling comfortable with her.
By the end of the night, we were all drained and ready for bed. Before Z went up to bed, he told her that if she was staying the night, she didn’t have to sneak out early like all the other times last week. A blush flooded her neck and over her cheeks as he laughed himself up the stairs. He had admitted during our talk that he knew someone was here last week, heard them talking when he had woken early one morning. He just didn’t know who it was.
It was a moment that made a tense night feel like things were going to be okay. She stayed that night and every night since, and not once has she had to sneak out in the morning. In one week, we’ve created this routine that I don’t ever want to break. Z has moments where I can see what the truth of this week has done, completely shifting his life around, exposing the secret he’s hidden. He’ll look lost trying to process it all, and then Kadence will walk through the door, and I’ll have my son back.
“Come on. Let's go down. She'll be here soon,” I tell him, standing from the bed. He follows, excited to see Kadence. Even though that warms me, it also fills me concern. Pushing it away, I turn and face him. “Z.” I stop and look down at him.
“Yeah?”
“I love you, buddy.” I scruff his hair, knowing more than anything, he needs to hear it.
“Love you, too, Dad.” He smiles, and for every smile he gives me, a small amount of that stagnant anger that lives in me leaves.
***
“Oh, God,” Kadence whimpers as I place my hand over her mouth.
“Shhh, babe. You’re gonna wake up Z,” I tell her between thrusts.
“Well, stop fucking me so good then,” she pants behind my hand.
“Never.” I quicken my movements, as I feel her tighten around me. Her head thrashes to the side, her teeth biting into the soft flesh of her upper arm to soften her cries.
“You. Feel. So. Fuckin’. Good.” I punch out with each thrust. Her orgasm takes over, her unique kind of blush making itself known as it creeps across her skin. Fuck, I love it. Her pussy tightens around me, milking my orgasm from me. My cum fills her as I release my frustrations of today with each brutal pound. She takes it all, every hard and harsh thrust while begging for more.
Fuck, I’m in— I love this woman. Love? Even if I tried to deny it, my head wouldn’t let me.
I move my hand to the side of her neck and plant myself as deep as I can and let the orgasm ride out. Her head turns; the warmth of her lips find the inside of my wrist. I’m lost in the moment, forgetting about the shit week we’ve had.
