Incandescent
Page 25
“Are you okay?” The softness of her voice and the closeness of our bodies make me want to tell her that I’ve fallen in love with her. But I don’t. I know she’s not ready to hear it, and with the shit going on with Z, I wouldn’t be able to handle it if she pulled away.
“Yeah,” I breathe out. Leaning down, I kiss her forehead and pull out, rolling onto my side.
She turns facing me. “It’s going to be okay, Nix,” she promises, and as much as I believe her, I’m still struggling.
“I know, Kadence. It’s just being his dad is the most important job to me, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve let him down.”
Her head shakes in disagreement. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself.”
“I know. It's just hard when he responds better to you than me,” I admit. Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that. I just know Z feels more comfortable with her.
“Is my being here too much?” She comes up to her forearm, her eyes now concerned.
“No. No, I’m not saying that. I just feel like he’s relying too much on you as a buffer to me. I feel like I need to connect with him, get right with him.” My hand reaches out to soothe her soft skin.
“And you can’t do that with me here,” she finishes for me.
“I want you here, babe. I do. But I’m thinking of takin’ Z up to my pop’s cabin for the week. I think it would be good for both of us.”
“I think that’s a good idea, Nix.” She smiles, reaching out to stroke my face. I fucking love it when she touches me.
“It will only be for a week, five days even,” I repeat, hoping she doesn’t think I’m pushing her away.
“Honey, if you needed a month, I’d give it to you. It’s okay.” She leans forward, bringing her soft lips to mine. I don’t deepen the kiss; instead, I pull back to look at her. Her eyes open and meet my gaze. Behind her pale blue eyes, I recognize something that she hasn’t given me before, something that I know she doesn’t want to admit, but staring back at me, it's written all over her face. She’s falling in love with me.
“What did I do to deserve you?” I wonder aloud, feeling like this woman just doesn't stop bewitching me.
“Nothing really. You bossed me into dating you. Fucked me good, and then you wouldn’t leave me alone. Now you’re stuck with me.” She laughs at her own take of how things are.
“It’s more like you’re stuck with me,” I tell her. Her eyes sparkle with happiness, like the thought of it couldn’t get any better. Her mouth descends to my ear, and quietly she confesses, “I wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else.”
Yep, I’ve fallen in love.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kadence
The school bell rings above my head letting me know that the long week I’ve just had is almost over. The kids pile out, happy their weekend is here, while I’m quietly dreading mine.
It’s been four nights since Nix took Z out to his dad's cabin two hours away, deciding to have some one-on-one time together. Nix needed to make sure Z is handling the change. I understand his decision to go to his pop’s cabin. His dad is his only family left and he needed to be with him, to surround Z with people who he trusts. I just wish I could join them.
Grabbing my bag and the worksheets I need to grade over the weekend, I shut down the classroom and make my way to my car. I wave over at Brooks sitting on his bike, two rows down. Nix still hasn’t eased up on the guys watching over me, especially with him being away. Brooks waves back and I get in the car. I honestly have no idea how I used to do this every weekend before I met Nix. When you’re so used to having someone around breathing in your presence, you forget how lonely you were before.
My phone rings in my hand and I can’t stop the thrill of thinking it might be Nix. Seriously, Kadence?
“Hello,” I answer without even looking at the screen.
“Hey, baby girl,” my dad’s voice booms down the phone. Even though I wanted to speak to Nix, my dad is my other favorite guy in my life, so my disappointment is short lived.
“Hey, Dad,” I smile into my cell.
“Don’t hey, Dad me. Where the hell you been? You haven’t come to see us in over four weeks, girl.” He sounds concerned, but I don’t get a chance to respond when my mom takes the phone off him.
“Ignore him, honey. He’s just upset you haven’t brought any of your famous apple pie,” my mom’s soft voice calls down the phone.
“Hey, Mom.” I smile when I hear her swatting my father away as he yells he wants pie.
“How are you?” she asks. I can detect the small amount of concern in her voice.
“I’m good, Mom. I met someone,” I admit straight away. No point in hiding anymore, and I would hate for them to worry. When I was going through all the shit with Zane, I pushed everyone out, including my parents. I hated what I put them through.
“I knew it,” she whispers. I can hear the happiness in her voice.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been out to see you.”
“Kadence, when I was your age, the last thing I wanted to be doing was coming home to see my parents when I had your father waiting for me.” She giggles and I smile at my mom. She’s not like your usual mom. Growing up an only child, she was like my best friend. We have a great relationship and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell her.
“His name is Nix. He’s annoying, bossy, and gets on my nerves, but I think he might be the one,” I admit quietly, knowing that he is the one.
“Sounds just like your father.” We both laugh.
“I’ll bring him out in a few weeks. Think you can hold off, Papa Bear?” I cringe, picturing their first meet. Do I have to be there for that one?
“I’ll keep him at bay, just maybe bring backup. Holly might do,” she laughs. My dad and Holly are the funniest pair to be around. Holly’s crazy attitude and my bossy dad clash something fierce. I know he loves her and she loves him, but if you're looking for a showdown with sarcastic jabs, put those two in a room.
“Sounds like a good idea. I gotta go, Mom. Speaking of Holly, we have a movie date. I’ll call you next week.”
Okay, baby girl. I love you.”
“Love you too. Tell Dad I love him,” I say before hanging up.
Well shit. I didn’t think I would be ready to admit that Nix was the one, especially to my parents. Apparently, shit just got real.
***
“Holly, let’s haul ass, or we’ll be late,” I call out, coming out of my room.
“Cool your jets,” she yells back with attitude. I don’t know what has been up with her lately. Maybe I’ve been so caught up in my own drama that I’ve missed a vital piece of evidence, but something is going on with her. I just have no idea what. She walks out wearing lounge pants and a baggy sweatshirt, her messy blonde hair piled on top of her head. For the amount of years I’ve known Holly, not once have I ever seen her leave the house looking the way she is.
“Are you feeling okay, Holly?” I hold back the laugh as I look down at her chosen outfit. “You don’t seem like yourself?” I push a little.
“I’m fine, Kadence,” she bites back. I cock my eyebrow and look her straight in the eye. Fine my ass.
“Right, okay, let’s go then,” I say, walking past her to grab my coat. If she doesn’t want to talk right now, I’m not going to push her.
“Kadence?” Holly’s voice softly calls after me.
“Yeah?” I say, turning back around to her. Looking at my best friend, I know she is hiding something that is tearing her up. I don’t know why she won’t share. We’ve been through everything together.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t, okay?” she softly explains. Her eyes are showing a sadness that I’ve never seen from her.
“It’s okay. I’ll be here if you need me. Just don’t push me out.”
I don’t know how to help her through this if she doesn't let me in, but I do know I sat in darkness for three years pushing people away, and she stood by me every step of the way. If that’s what I have to do, I’ll do it.
Her eyes shine with unshed tears. Her head nods slowly. I’m worried about her, but I understand pushing her will not get me anywhere.
“Okay let’s go on then.”
Grabbing the keys, we head out. The stress and the worry of what might be happening with her weigh heavy on my shoulders.
***
“Oh, God, can you believe that ending?” I say to Holly, walking out of the movie theater. Sometimes movies just don’t do it for me anymore. Give me a book with all the details.
“I know, right? Complete bullshit.” She smiles back at me, a little glimpse of her happy, crazy self.
“Where’s Brooks?” I ask, looking out to where he was sitting before we went in.
“I don’t know, but I need the bathroom,” she says, leaving me there. Something doesn’t feel right. Brooks and all the boys have been taking this ‘looking out for me’ seriously. Brooks not being there is putting me on edge. The people walk out around me as I try to call his cell.
“You ready to go?” Holly asks, coming back from the restroom.
“I tried to call Brooks but he didn’t pick up,” I tell her, starting to freak out.
“He might have had an emergency,” she says unconcerned. “Let’s go see if he’s outside,” she says, pulling us out the doors. Most people have left; the parking lot is almost empty. Turning the corner, I notice Brooks’ bike sitting unattended next to my car. What the hell?
“Hello, Kadence.” Zane’s voice startles me. I look up to see him resting against the building. I scan our surroundings looking for Brooks, but I come up empty.
“Holly.” He turns to her with a little smile on his face. Holly’s grip on my arm tightens as I see her grab her phone.
“What do you want, Zane?” I ask him, getting the attention off her.
Zane’s right hand comes out fast, and at first I think he’s about to strike me. My hands come up to protect my face, but his hand goes to my throat. The hold on me is so intense I can barely make out Holly’s screaming. For a brief second, I notice her struggling with another man.
“Shut the fuck up, Holly,” he yells over at her, “or I’ll kill her.” Her screams stop abruptly.
He smiles, looking back at me. His grip still tight around the soft flesh of my neck, black spots dance in front of my vision. My heart and lungs are working overtime from the lack of oxygen, desperately trying to gulp down air, but it eludes my grasp. My fingers claw at his hold. Trying to pry his death grip, my nails cut his skin. Kicking my legs out, I try to fight with everything I have.
“You need to stop fighting me, Kadence, or I’m going to put a bullet in Holly.” He laughs an evil laugh as he drags me around to the back of the building. The darkness that slowly starts to creep in fades as he loosens his grip. I don’t know if he will follow through with his threat, but something screams inside of me to keep fighting, and not give up. A wave of adrenaline washes over me, giving me strength to fight. Why is this asshole trying to kill me? What the hell did I ever do to him?
Clawing at his hand again, I use all my strength to try to pry his grip away from my throat. My knee comes back to build momentum, before I push forward, delivering a hard and fast blow between his legs. The connection is brutal as the attack takes him unaware. His grip loosens enough for me to drag in a large breath down my aching throat. I spin to my left, my surroundings flashing past me as I twist my way out of his hold and step out of his reach.
He’s too fast, stepping forward and pulling hard on my hair. I feel the sting of the sharp tug all over, the sensation prickling my skin. My heel goes back into his groin, and my elbow connects with his nose simultaneously. I don’t know where my movements are coming from, but the thought of dying at the hands of this man replaces my fear and leaves me with an all-consuming rage. It bursts from me, taking me somewhere I’ve never known. Anger like this doesn't come from nowhere. It comes from deep-down hatred for a person who has tried to take everything from you. Spinning around, my fingers go to his dark hair. Latching on, I rip back with all my strength. He has already taken too much from me, and now here he stands in front of me, back for more.
I don’t think so, asshole.
“You bitch,” he spits outs, his hands coming out in front of him, trying to gain the upper hand. Holly’s whimpers echo out in to the night, but I can’t get my body to turn fast enough to see if she’s okay.
“I’m going to kill you like I should have done three years ago,” he spits, his face contorted in rage
Hot blood surges through my body, burning furiously in my veins. I release the hand from his hair, closing in for his eye, my thumb gouging out with all the strength I can muster. A painful force pushes me back, his knee coming to my stomach. My diaphragm contracts under the force and my knees buckle under the pressure, connecting with the rough surface of the asphalt. A kick to my side and a loud snap has me gasping for air, each inhale screaming for me to stop.
“You think you can overpower me, Kadence?”
A fistful of my hair brings me up to my grazed knees; bile rises up, as the pain is too much to bear. He grins, standing in front of my kneeling body. “Fuck, you’re pathetic,” he laughs as the upper side of his free hand connects with my face with a backhand. I hold back the urge to cry out as the force splits the side of my mouth. The metallic coppery taste of blood invades my taste buds as he leans forward, closing the distance. The smell of stale cigarettes fills my nostrils, and the familiar black stars dance deliriously behind my eyes. Holding on, I fight the darkness, not ready to go down.
“Yeah,” I breathe out. Leaning down, I kiss her forehead and pull out, rolling onto my side.
She turns facing me. “It’s going to be okay, Nix,” she promises, and as much as I believe her, I’m still struggling.
“I know, Kadence. It’s just being his dad is the most important job to me, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve let him down.”
Her head shakes in disagreement. “You’ve got to stop blaming yourself.”
“I know. It's just hard when he responds better to you than me,” I admit. Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that. I just know Z feels more comfortable with her.
“Is my being here too much?” She comes up to her forearm, her eyes now concerned.
“No. No, I’m not saying that. I just feel like he’s relying too much on you as a buffer to me. I feel like I need to connect with him, get right with him.” My hand reaches out to soothe her soft skin.
“And you can’t do that with me here,” she finishes for me.
“I want you here, babe. I do. But I’m thinking of takin’ Z up to my pop’s cabin for the week. I think it would be good for both of us.”
“I think that’s a good idea, Nix.” She smiles, reaching out to stroke my face. I fucking love it when she touches me.
“It will only be for a week, five days even,” I repeat, hoping she doesn’t think I’m pushing her away.
“Honey, if you needed a month, I’d give it to you. It’s okay.” She leans forward, bringing her soft lips to mine. I don’t deepen the kiss; instead, I pull back to look at her. Her eyes open and meet my gaze. Behind her pale blue eyes, I recognize something that she hasn’t given me before, something that I know she doesn’t want to admit, but staring back at me, it's written all over her face. She’s falling in love with me.
“What did I do to deserve you?” I wonder aloud, feeling like this woman just doesn't stop bewitching me.
“Nothing really. You bossed me into dating you. Fucked me good, and then you wouldn’t leave me alone. Now you’re stuck with me.” She laughs at her own take of how things are.
“It’s more like you’re stuck with me,” I tell her. Her eyes sparkle with happiness, like the thought of it couldn’t get any better. Her mouth descends to my ear, and quietly she confesses, “I wouldn’t want to be stuck with anyone else.”
Yep, I’ve fallen in love.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kadence
The school bell rings above my head letting me know that the long week I’ve just had is almost over. The kids pile out, happy their weekend is here, while I’m quietly dreading mine.
It’s been four nights since Nix took Z out to his dad's cabin two hours away, deciding to have some one-on-one time together. Nix needed to make sure Z is handling the change. I understand his decision to go to his pop’s cabin. His dad is his only family left and he needed to be with him, to surround Z with people who he trusts. I just wish I could join them.
Grabbing my bag and the worksheets I need to grade over the weekend, I shut down the classroom and make my way to my car. I wave over at Brooks sitting on his bike, two rows down. Nix still hasn’t eased up on the guys watching over me, especially with him being away. Brooks waves back and I get in the car. I honestly have no idea how I used to do this every weekend before I met Nix. When you’re so used to having someone around breathing in your presence, you forget how lonely you were before.
My phone rings in my hand and I can’t stop the thrill of thinking it might be Nix. Seriously, Kadence?
“Hello,” I answer without even looking at the screen.
“Hey, baby girl,” my dad’s voice booms down the phone. Even though I wanted to speak to Nix, my dad is my other favorite guy in my life, so my disappointment is short lived.
“Hey, Dad,” I smile into my cell.
“Don’t hey, Dad me. Where the hell you been? You haven’t come to see us in over four weeks, girl.” He sounds concerned, but I don’t get a chance to respond when my mom takes the phone off him.
“Ignore him, honey. He’s just upset you haven’t brought any of your famous apple pie,” my mom’s soft voice calls down the phone.
“Hey, Mom.” I smile when I hear her swatting my father away as he yells he wants pie.
“How are you?” she asks. I can detect the small amount of concern in her voice.
“I’m good, Mom. I met someone,” I admit straight away. No point in hiding anymore, and I would hate for them to worry. When I was going through all the shit with Zane, I pushed everyone out, including my parents. I hated what I put them through.
“I knew it,” she whispers. I can hear the happiness in her voice.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been out to see you.”
“Kadence, when I was your age, the last thing I wanted to be doing was coming home to see my parents when I had your father waiting for me.” She giggles and I smile at my mom. She’s not like your usual mom. Growing up an only child, she was like my best friend. We have a great relationship and there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell her.
“His name is Nix. He’s annoying, bossy, and gets on my nerves, but I think he might be the one,” I admit quietly, knowing that he is the one.
“Sounds just like your father.” We both laugh.
“I’ll bring him out in a few weeks. Think you can hold off, Papa Bear?” I cringe, picturing their first meet. Do I have to be there for that one?
“I’ll keep him at bay, just maybe bring backup. Holly might do,” she laughs. My dad and Holly are the funniest pair to be around. Holly’s crazy attitude and my bossy dad clash something fierce. I know he loves her and she loves him, but if you're looking for a showdown with sarcastic jabs, put those two in a room.
“Sounds like a good idea. I gotta go, Mom. Speaking of Holly, we have a movie date. I’ll call you next week.”
Okay, baby girl. I love you.”
“Love you too. Tell Dad I love him,” I say before hanging up.
Well shit. I didn’t think I would be ready to admit that Nix was the one, especially to my parents. Apparently, shit just got real.
***
“Holly, let’s haul ass, or we’ll be late,” I call out, coming out of my room.
“Cool your jets,” she yells back with attitude. I don’t know what has been up with her lately. Maybe I’ve been so caught up in my own drama that I’ve missed a vital piece of evidence, but something is going on with her. I just have no idea what. She walks out wearing lounge pants and a baggy sweatshirt, her messy blonde hair piled on top of her head. For the amount of years I’ve known Holly, not once have I ever seen her leave the house looking the way she is.
“Are you feeling okay, Holly?” I hold back the laugh as I look down at her chosen outfit. “You don’t seem like yourself?” I push a little.
“I’m fine, Kadence,” she bites back. I cock my eyebrow and look her straight in the eye. Fine my ass.
“Right, okay, let’s go then,” I say, walking past her to grab my coat. If she doesn’t want to talk right now, I’m not going to push her.
“Kadence?” Holly’s voice softly calls after me.
“Yeah?” I say, turning back around to her. Looking at my best friend, I know she is hiding something that is tearing her up. I don’t know why she won’t share. We’ve been through everything together.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t, okay?” she softly explains. Her eyes are showing a sadness that I’ve never seen from her.
“It’s okay. I’ll be here if you need me. Just don’t push me out.”
I don’t know how to help her through this if she doesn't let me in, but I do know I sat in darkness for three years pushing people away, and she stood by me every step of the way. If that’s what I have to do, I’ll do it.
Her eyes shine with unshed tears. Her head nods slowly. I’m worried about her, but I understand pushing her will not get me anywhere.
“Okay let’s go on then.”
Grabbing the keys, we head out. The stress and the worry of what might be happening with her weigh heavy on my shoulders.
***
“Oh, God, can you believe that ending?” I say to Holly, walking out of the movie theater. Sometimes movies just don’t do it for me anymore. Give me a book with all the details.
“I know, right? Complete bullshit.” She smiles back at me, a little glimpse of her happy, crazy self.
“Where’s Brooks?” I ask, looking out to where he was sitting before we went in.
“I don’t know, but I need the bathroom,” she says, leaving me there. Something doesn’t feel right. Brooks and all the boys have been taking this ‘looking out for me’ seriously. Brooks not being there is putting me on edge. The people walk out around me as I try to call his cell.
“You ready to go?” Holly asks, coming back from the restroom.
“I tried to call Brooks but he didn’t pick up,” I tell her, starting to freak out.
“He might have had an emergency,” she says unconcerned. “Let’s go see if he’s outside,” she says, pulling us out the doors. Most people have left; the parking lot is almost empty. Turning the corner, I notice Brooks’ bike sitting unattended next to my car. What the hell?
“Hello, Kadence.” Zane’s voice startles me. I look up to see him resting against the building. I scan our surroundings looking for Brooks, but I come up empty.
“Holly.” He turns to her with a little smile on his face. Holly’s grip on my arm tightens as I see her grab her phone.
“What do you want, Zane?” I ask him, getting the attention off her.
Zane’s right hand comes out fast, and at first I think he’s about to strike me. My hands come up to protect my face, but his hand goes to my throat. The hold on me is so intense I can barely make out Holly’s screaming. For a brief second, I notice her struggling with another man.
“Shut the fuck up, Holly,” he yells over at her, “or I’ll kill her.” Her screams stop abruptly.
He smiles, looking back at me. His grip still tight around the soft flesh of my neck, black spots dance in front of my vision. My heart and lungs are working overtime from the lack of oxygen, desperately trying to gulp down air, but it eludes my grasp. My fingers claw at his hold. Trying to pry his death grip, my nails cut his skin. Kicking my legs out, I try to fight with everything I have.
“You need to stop fighting me, Kadence, or I’m going to put a bullet in Holly.” He laughs an evil laugh as he drags me around to the back of the building. The darkness that slowly starts to creep in fades as he loosens his grip. I don’t know if he will follow through with his threat, but something screams inside of me to keep fighting, and not give up. A wave of adrenaline washes over me, giving me strength to fight. Why is this asshole trying to kill me? What the hell did I ever do to him?
Clawing at his hand again, I use all my strength to try to pry his grip away from my throat. My knee comes back to build momentum, before I push forward, delivering a hard and fast blow between his legs. The connection is brutal as the attack takes him unaware. His grip loosens enough for me to drag in a large breath down my aching throat. I spin to my left, my surroundings flashing past me as I twist my way out of his hold and step out of his reach.
He’s too fast, stepping forward and pulling hard on my hair. I feel the sting of the sharp tug all over, the sensation prickling my skin. My heel goes back into his groin, and my elbow connects with his nose simultaneously. I don’t know where my movements are coming from, but the thought of dying at the hands of this man replaces my fear and leaves me with an all-consuming rage. It bursts from me, taking me somewhere I’ve never known. Anger like this doesn't come from nowhere. It comes from deep-down hatred for a person who has tried to take everything from you. Spinning around, my fingers go to his dark hair. Latching on, I rip back with all my strength. He has already taken too much from me, and now here he stands in front of me, back for more.
I don’t think so, asshole.
“You bitch,” he spits outs, his hands coming out in front of him, trying to gain the upper hand. Holly’s whimpers echo out in to the night, but I can’t get my body to turn fast enough to see if she’s okay.
“I’m going to kill you like I should have done three years ago,” he spits, his face contorted in rage
Hot blood surges through my body, burning furiously in my veins. I release the hand from his hair, closing in for his eye, my thumb gouging out with all the strength I can muster. A painful force pushes me back, his knee coming to my stomach. My diaphragm contracts under the force and my knees buckle under the pressure, connecting with the rough surface of the asphalt. A kick to my side and a loud snap has me gasping for air, each inhale screaming for me to stop.
“You think you can overpower me, Kadence?”
A fistful of my hair brings me up to my grazed knees; bile rises up, as the pain is too much to bear. He grins, standing in front of my kneeling body. “Fuck, you’re pathetic,” he laughs as the upper side of his free hand connects with my face with a backhand. I hold back the urge to cry out as the force splits the side of my mouth. The metallic coppery taste of blood invades my taste buds as he leans forward, closing the distance. The smell of stale cigarettes fills my nostrils, and the familiar black stars dance deliriously behind my eyes. Holding on, I fight the darkness, not ready to go down.
