Infatuation
Page 88
“You’re right, oh, God.” She buries her head into my chest. “I’ve just been so buried under this guilt, I haven’t seen anything around me. I’ve been selfish when I should’ve been fighting.”
“You’re the least selfish person I know, darlin’.” I hold her tightly against me, wishing she wouldn’t be so hard on herself.
“I can’t even stand myself right now, how can you?” She sniffles, her hot tears roll down my skin.
“Because the bitterness I’ve been carrying from Missy’s death doesn’t taste so sour in my mouth when you’re around. You changed me. You made me see everything differently. The way you think I’m seeing you right now, is so far from the truth. If I need to light one thousand candles for you to see yourself the way I do, then I will.”
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” She lets out a shaky breath, while wiping her face.
“Been asking myself the same question until I realized I don’t think I do deserve you. So I stopped asking myself and started loving you.” She looks up giving me one of her smiles. Only this time, I believe it all the way to my bones.
It’s the most beautiful smile she’s ever given me, because it means I haven’t lost her. She is still there. She’s fighting it, and that’s all I need. I can do the rest.
And I will.
I’ll do anything for this woman.
“How you doing, brother?” I ask Brooks a couple of days later on one of my daily visits to the hospital. His face is drawn downward and his beard is unkempt. He’s wearing clean clothes only because the girls have been bringing him some in, and he doesn’t look like skin and bones because the hospital has been feeding him, but besides that, the man is falling apart and I can’t blame him. I don’t know how I’d be coping if Kenz was lying in that hospital bed.
“She just needs to fucking wake up. Everything will be okay if she just woke up.” He drops his hand from Kelly’s and rests his elbows on her bed. I look over Kelly’s sleeping form and the overwhelming ache of helplessness grows. We’re no closer to knowing when she’ll wake. The doctors are saying she can wake any time. There is no reasoning with these types of brain injuries, we just have to be patient and wait it out. It’s the worst thing to hear. Sometimes the unknown is more frightening than the horrible truth.
“It’s going to work out, Brooks. You have to believe it, brother.” He nods but doesn’t say anything else. He’s probably sick of hearing it. From everyone. The whole clubhouse has stepped in. Always having someone here for when she wakes up. The girls come up every day, making sure someone is always with Kelly. Talking to her. Encouraging her to come around. Brooks hasn’t been alone but at the same time, he has. He’s alienated himself. And I get it, I do, but it’s hard to watch it. Watch him shut down and push everyone out.
We sit in silence for another twenty minutes until Brooks finally sits up and takes Kelly’s hand again.
“You find the fucker who did this yet?”
“Not yet. We’ve still got eyes out.” I hate we can’t give him the answer he wants. Yeah, Mayor Morre has been dealt with, but the man responsible for this needs to be found.
“I want him, Beau. I want him found and I want to deal with him.” I want him, too. After finding out who we’re looking for, Jesse and Hunter did some digging. It turns out it’s the same guy who threatened Mackenzie in Liquid.
Yeah, I’ll make sure we get him.
“We’re on it, brother. Rest assured, I will find him.” I offer the only thing I can: my word. We haven’t had any blow back from the Mayor. T’s promise on the Mayor turning up dead came through. A week after we left him alone in the barn with the Warriors, he was found dead a few hours out of town. Media called it gang war. Mayor Morre was apparently in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I called it good riddance.
“I want him to pay.” I nod, knowing that feeling all too well. Even with the blood on my hands, knowing Chad and the Mayor are gone, I can breathe easier.
“While we’re talking about club business, I need to talk to you about Missy’s Place. We decided we need to keep things moving on it.” I hate being the one to tell him we want to go ahead with it. It’s the last thing he needs to think about, but I won’t go ahead without him knowing. I’m not keeping it from him.
“Kelly would want you to go ahead. You can’t keep putting it off.” He gives his okay and I’m relieved. We’ve already put the staff off for three weeks. I don’t want to risk losing them.
“The club is gonna have a fundraiser night for the opening, you want to come?” I know it’s pointless asking him, but I told Mackenzie I would, just in case.
“I can’t leave her, man. What if she wakes up?”
“You’re right. I just wanted to make sure you know you’re welcome.” A knock at the door stops Brooks from replying. I twist my head to watch Bell walk in.
“Hey, guys, how are we?” She steps into the room and walks over to Kelly. She’s wearing her nurse’s uniform today so I know she’s on shift.
“Hey, Bell.” I nod and watch her lean down and squeeze Kelly’s free hand.
“Morning, Kelly. Are you going to wake up for me today?” She smiles down at her before picking up her chart. “How was last night?” She looks up at Brooks.
“You’re the least selfish person I know, darlin’.” I hold her tightly against me, wishing she wouldn’t be so hard on herself.
“I can’t even stand myself right now, how can you?” She sniffles, her hot tears roll down my skin.
“Because the bitterness I’ve been carrying from Missy’s death doesn’t taste so sour in my mouth when you’re around. You changed me. You made me see everything differently. The way you think I’m seeing you right now, is so far from the truth. If I need to light one thousand candles for you to see yourself the way I do, then I will.”
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” She lets out a shaky breath, while wiping her face.
“Been asking myself the same question until I realized I don’t think I do deserve you. So I stopped asking myself and started loving you.” She looks up giving me one of her smiles. Only this time, I believe it all the way to my bones.
It’s the most beautiful smile she’s ever given me, because it means I haven’t lost her. She is still there. She’s fighting it, and that’s all I need. I can do the rest.
And I will.
I’ll do anything for this woman.
“How you doing, brother?” I ask Brooks a couple of days later on one of my daily visits to the hospital. His face is drawn downward and his beard is unkempt. He’s wearing clean clothes only because the girls have been bringing him some in, and he doesn’t look like skin and bones because the hospital has been feeding him, but besides that, the man is falling apart and I can’t blame him. I don’t know how I’d be coping if Kenz was lying in that hospital bed.
“She just needs to fucking wake up. Everything will be okay if she just woke up.” He drops his hand from Kelly’s and rests his elbows on her bed. I look over Kelly’s sleeping form and the overwhelming ache of helplessness grows. We’re no closer to knowing when she’ll wake. The doctors are saying she can wake any time. There is no reasoning with these types of brain injuries, we just have to be patient and wait it out. It’s the worst thing to hear. Sometimes the unknown is more frightening than the horrible truth.
“It’s going to work out, Brooks. You have to believe it, brother.” He nods but doesn’t say anything else. He’s probably sick of hearing it. From everyone. The whole clubhouse has stepped in. Always having someone here for when she wakes up. The girls come up every day, making sure someone is always with Kelly. Talking to her. Encouraging her to come around. Brooks hasn’t been alone but at the same time, he has. He’s alienated himself. And I get it, I do, but it’s hard to watch it. Watch him shut down and push everyone out.
We sit in silence for another twenty minutes until Brooks finally sits up and takes Kelly’s hand again.
“You find the fucker who did this yet?”
“Not yet. We’ve still got eyes out.” I hate we can’t give him the answer he wants. Yeah, Mayor Morre has been dealt with, but the man responsible for this needs to be found.
“I want him, Beau. I want him found and I want to deal with him.” I want him, too. After finding out who we’re looking for, Jesse and Hunter did some digging. It turns out it’s the same guy who threatened Mackenzie in Liquid.
Yeah, I’ll make sure we get him.
“We’re on it, brother. Rest assured, I will find him.” I offer the only thing I can: my word. We haven’t had any blow back from the Mayor. T’s promise on the Mayor turning up dead came through. A week after we left him alone in the barn with the Warriors, he was found dead a few hours out of town. Media called it gang war. Mayor Morre was apparently in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I called it good riddance.
“I want him to pay.” I nod, knowing that feeling all too well. Even with the blood on my hands, knowing Chad and the Mayor are gone, I can breathe easier.
“While we’re talking about club business, I need to talk to you about Missy’s Place. We decided we need to keep things moving on it.” I hate being the one to tell him we want to go ahead with it. It’s the last thing he needs to think about, but I won’t go ahead without him knowing. I’m not keeping it from him.
“Kelly would want you to go ahead. You can’t keep putting it off.” He gives his okay and I’m relieved. We’ve already put the staff off for three weeks. I don’t want to risk losing them.
“The club is gonna have a fundraiser night for the opening, you want to come?” I know it’s pointless asking him, but I told Mackenzie I would, just in case.
“I can’t leave her, man. What if she wakes up?”
“You’re right. I just wanted to make sure you know you’re welcome.” A knock at the door stops Brooks from replying. I twist my head to watch Bell walk in.
“Hey, guys, how are we?” She steps into the room and walks over to Kelly. She’s wearing her nurse’s uniform today so I know she’s on shift.
“Hey, Bell.” I nod and watch her lean down and squeeze Kelly’s free hand.
“Morning, Kelly. Are you going to wake up for me today?” She smiles down at her before picking up her chart. “How was last night?” She looks up at Brooks.
