Inside Out
Page 24
She blinked several times and took a shuddering breath.
As much as he loved his friends and celebrated their upcoming wedding, he wished quite fervently that he and Ella were in a more private place better suited to such a conversation. The last thing he wanted was to set her off balance so she’d have to explain it to anyone or feel embarrassed over it.
She’d opened up to him in a way he was totally certain she had not to very many others. He fought back a tide of emotion. Pride in her, that she’d opened up to him, that she was so amazing. Awe at how strong she was and that she didn’t seem to get it. Anger at her ex. Fear that he’d never be able to get her past this place. Fear that he’d never have her.
Suddenly the idea of not having her was simply unbearable.
“I can help you. If you let me. If you want me to. I can help you with part of the fear.”
Her breath caught. “How?”
“A place can be safe, but this isn’t about a place, is it? Sometimes it’s just you, and then what? Is that it?”
Tears glistened in her eyes. He nearly shut up, not wanting her to hurt more.
“How about you let me give you some self-defense training? One-on-one. I can give you the tools to open that f**king car door and go shopping. Or at least another reason to try.”
When she answered, her voice was small but lined with steel. “I am so very tired of being afraid and debilitated.”
He wanted to kiss her so badly he had to swallow it back. When he’d first seen her come out, the lush plum-colored dress hugging every inch of her body, her br**sts showcased pretty damned spectacularly, he’d choked on the sparkling water he’d been drinking. She wasn’t one to dress up very often or to wear more than a hint of lip gloss. But there she was, her hair shiny and smooth, her eyes and lips done up, wearing a dress that snatched the breath from him. She was breathtakingly beautiful. What he’d been the most touched by, though, was the way she’d been. More carefree than he’d seen her in years. Enjoying herself, being with her friends and, if he wasn’t wrong, aware that she looked pretty and enjoying that.
She was blossoming, and it looked just right on her. “All right then. I know you’re busy, but how about we try for three times a week? Do you exercise regularly?” He was pretty sure she did. Her body was toned. He knew this because sneaking looks at her body was one of his favorite pastimes.
“Not like you do.” She frowned, her nose wrinkling. “I do okay though. I work out in the mornings before I go to the café. Forty minutes every day. You, well you’re always biking and hiking and camping and stuff. And liking it. You’re going to run circles around me.” Her frown lightened, and she snorted.
“Well, of course I am, gorgeous. I want to see you admire me when I’m all manly and stuff.”
She laughed this time, hugging him quickly. “Thank you.”
“No problem. We can work out in the gym space at Erin’s building. That’s where we do most of our workouts. That okay?”
“Yes. Thank you, Andrew. Really.”
“You can bring me lattes or sandwiches, and we can kick fear’s ass.” He grinned, and she relaxed as he’d hoped she would.
“Deal. Earlier we got interrupted. You were going to tell me about your father.” She settled back, side to side with him again.
“I was going to ask you why you were asking.”
“Well, at first it was because of genetics. I think I was going to ask if he ate a lot like you. And now because of the way you answered my question with a question. I know there’s trouble because of Ben and Erin. And Todd. Is he mad at you because you took Ben’s side? Were you close?”
That was a question and a half. Interestingly enough, one most people didn’t ask. But she did. And he liked it. There was something about sharing intimacy that wasn’t simply about sex that made him want to grab her and run away with her, keeping her all to himself. He’d never had that before with a woman. Hell, he didn’t really have that with anyone most of the time.
It was a reminder that they’d been friends for a long time before this new twist in what they were to each other.
“I don’t know really. Stupid, huh? We had a close family growing up. My parents hung out with Todd’s parents so much it was like we were all related. Todd may as well be my blood relation, we’re that tight. Hell, our fathers have been as close as brothers until, well, you know that part of the story. I grew up fishing and boating, wood-working and carpentry. My dad and I used to do carpentry together. He isn’t mad at me for taking Ben’s side. I think he’s just mad at the world for changing. He doesn’t understand it, and instead of dealing, like everyone else, he’s just throwing a tantrum. My mother had a hard time, but she worked it through. Ben is the favorite, so it was easy for her, I think. But my dad, he’s sort of stuck there. He loves Ben, Ben loves him and he’s still the favorite, even when they don’t speak.”
She looked at him through her lashes. “You’re my favorite. Just so you know.”
Her words settled in and made him warmer than he’d let himself think he could handle. It was a tossed-off sentence, but it was precisely what he wanted to hear. And on some level she knew it. Knew him.
He grinned, resting his head on her shoulder a moment before going on. “Things are not the same, I guess. I feel bad for Ben, because he and my dad were tight. I feel bad for my dad because he’s lost Ben, and he’s not brave enough to make a step toward him.”
As much as he loved his friends and celebrated their upcoming wedding, he wished quite fervently that he and Ella were in a more private place better suited to such a conversation. The last thing he wanted was to set her off balance so she’d have to explain it to anyone or feel embarrassed over it.
She’d opened up to him in a way he was totally certain she had not to very many others. He fought back a tide of emotion. Pride in her, that she’d opened up to him, that she was so amazing. Awe at how strong she was and that she didn’t seem to get it. Anger at her ex. Fear that he’d never be able to get her past this place. Fear that he’d never have her.
Suddenly the idea of not having her was simply unbearable.
“I can help you. If you let me. If you want me to. I can help you with part of the fear.”
Her breath caught. “How?”
“A place can be safe, but this isn’t about a place, is it? Sometimes it’s just you, and then what? Is that it?”
Tears glistened in her eyes. He nearly shut up, not wanting her to hurt more.
“How about you let me give you some self-defense training? One-on-one. I can give you the tools to open that f**king car door and go shopping. Or at least another reason to try.”
When she answered, her voice was small but lined with steel. “I am so very tired of being afraid and debilitated.”
He wanted to kiss her so badly he had to swallow it back. When he’d first seen her come out, the lush plum-colored dress hugging every inch of her body, her br**sts showcased pretty damned spectacularly, he’d choked on the sparkling water he’d been drinking. She wasn’t one to dress up very often or to wear more than a hint of lip gloss. But there she was, her hair shiny and smooth, her eyes and lips done up, wearing a dress that snatched the breath from him. She was breathtakingly beautiful. What he’d been the most touched by, though, was the way she’d been. More carefree than he’d seen her in years. Enjoying herself, being with her friends and, if he wasn’t wrong, aware that she looked pretty and enjoying that.
She was blossoming, and it looked just right on her. “All right then. I know you’re busy, but how about we try for three times a week? Do you exercise regularly?” He was pretty sure she did. Her body was toned. He knew this because sneaking looks at her body was one of his favorite pastimes.
“Not like you do.” She frowned, her nose wrinkling. “I do okay though. I work out in the mornings before I go to the café. Forty minutes every day. You, well you’re always biking and hiking and camping and stuff. And liking it. You’re going to run circles around me.” Her frown lightened, and she snorted.
“Well, of course I am, gorgeous. I want to see you admire me when I’m all manly and stuff.”
She laughed this time, hugging him quickly. “Thank you.”
“No problem. We can work out in the gym space at Erin’s building. That’s where we do most of our workouts. That okay?”
“Yes. Thank you, Andrew. Really.”
“You can bring me lattes or sandwiches, and we can kick fear’s ass.” He grinned, and she relaxed as he’d hoped she would.
“Deal. Earlier we got interrupted. You were going to tell me about your father.” She settled back, side to side with him again.
“I was going to ask you why you were asking.”
“Well, at first it was because of genetics. I think I was going to ask if he ate a lot like you. And now because of the way you answered my question with a question. I know there’s trouble because of Ben and Erin. And Todd. Is he mad at you because you took Ben’s side? Were you close?”
That was a question and a half. Interestingly enough, one most people didn’t ask. But she did. And he liked it. There was something about sharing intimacy that wasn’t simply about sex that made him want to grab her and run away with her, keeping her all to himself. He’d never had that before with a woman. Hell, he didn’t really have that with anyone most of the time.
It was a reminder that they’d been friends for a long time before this new twist in what they were to each other.
“I don’t know really. Stupid, huh? We had a close family growing up. My parents hung out with Todd’s parents so much it was like we were all related. Todd may as well be my blood relation, we’re that tight. Hell, our fathers have been as close as brothers until, well, you know that part of the story. I grew up fishing and boating, wood-working and carpentry. My dad and I used to do carpentry together. He isn’t mad at me for taking Ben’s side. I think he’s just mad at the world for changing. He doesn’t understand it, and instead of dealing, like everyone else, he’s just throwing a tantrum. My mother had a hard time, but she worked it through. Ben is the favorite, so it was easy for her, I think. But my dad, he’s sort of stuck there. He loves Ben, Ben loves him and he’s still the favorite, even when they don’t speak.”
She looked at him through her lashes. “You’re my favorite. Just so you know.”
Her words settled in and made him warmer than he’d let himself think he could handle. It was a tossed-off sentence, but it was precisely what he wanted to hear. And on some level she knew it. Knew him.
He grinned, resting his head on her shoulder a moment before going on. “Things are not the same, I guess. I feel bad for Ben, because he and my dad were tight. I feel bad for my dad because he’s lost Ben, and he’s not brave enough to make a step toward him.”
