Jaden
Page 10
I took gasping breaths, trying to get ahold of myself and the storm that had been unleashed inside me. As I did, I glanced up. They were both waiting. Differing levels of concern were on their faces, but they had no idea what I was enduring.
“Please,” I rasped out. “I want to forget.” Marcus’ death.
They nodded, thinking I was asking to forget about Grace.
I didn’t clarify that. I didn’t want to.
Corrigan went to grab some blankets as Bryce got some alcohol. Both of them went to the middle couch and waited for me. I settled down, and they sat on either side of me. I was stiff at first, wave after wave of blind terror was crashing down on me, but then Bryce pulled one of my legs over his lap and he started rubbing my thigh. It wasn’t in a sexual manner, but a comforting one. He was trying to reassure me, and after a moment, it started to work. Some of my tension smoothed out. Then I felt Corrigan lift his arm, and he pulled my head into the crook of his shoulder, underneath his arm. I closed my eyes, feeling both of them there, both of them trying to take care of me.
It was true. I needed both of them. I loved them both, but I couldn’t think about choosing. They were both my best friends, and that’s what I needed most in that moment.
*
“Sheldon.”
I grew aware of Corrigan saying my name. His shoulder nudged my head gently. He said, “Hey.”
Bryce spoke over me, “She needs to sleep.”
I’d fallen asleep, and as they kept talking, a lull was settling back over me. It was like a large blanket, enfolding all around me, making me feel warm and peaceful. I was falling back asleep, but I heard Corrigan murmur, “I know. You want to carry her?”
“You’re still hurting from the accident?” As Bryce asked that, I felt myself lifted in the air. I was pulled tightly against a warm chest, a very solid, warm chest, and I could hear his heart under my head.
He stood and Corrigan said quietly from beside us, “Yeah. My ribs still ache at times, and my shoulder blade feels weird, too.”
“All the time?”
“Nah. It comes and goes.” His voice sounded a little clearer. “It’ll get better. I don’t know why it still hurts. The doctors said I’m healed.”
Bryce tightened his hold on me, securing me even closer against him. “Do you know where we’re going?”
Corrigan laughed softly. “No clue. This place is huge. I don’t remember how to get back to her room or even ours.”
“Our rooms are right next to hers.” But Bryce paused, standing still. “Maybe we should just sleep in the theater?”
“And if she snuggles up to one of us?”
“Then she snuggles up to one of us. It’s whoever she needs.” Bryce’s tone dipped down. “What’s your problem? I thought we agreed on that.”
“I know. I just,” Corrigan hesitated, “she’s going to pick you. I can see it. She loves you so much she’s scared of it.”
“You don’t know that.” Bryce stiffened underneath me. “Trust me, you don’t know that. She might like to get fucked by me, but she goes to you for the emotional stuff. You don’t think that kills me?”
“Bryce,” Corrigan started, wariness in his tone.
“Stop, Corrigan. She loves both of us. You might only see how she feels about me, but I see how she feels about you. Whoever she chooses is the one she can’t be without, but she loves both of us.”
The heaviness from sleep was fading. The more they talked, the more awake I became, but I didn’t want to wake up. I just wanted to sleep, to remain where I felt sheltered. Safe.
“Knowing Sheldon, she’ll toss a fucking coin.”
Bryce laughed. “That would suck, but yeah, I could see that.”
“Denton called me earlier. I hope she doesn’t pick him because she can’t pick between us.”
A low groan came from his chest, right where my head was resting. “He called me too, and fuck that, but I could see her doing that.” He paused and murmured, “I hope not.” He said that so quietly, with so much emotion, that it jolted me wide-awake. I knew without a doubt I would be haunted by his tone of voice just now.
“Hey.” Bryce shifted and looked down at me. “You awake?”
I didn’t open my eyes, but grumbled, “Your lack of faith in me is pissing me off.”
Corrigan laughed from the side. “Yeah, well, we didn’t want you think you could just use us to help you fall asleep every night.”
I squirmed in Bryce’s arm, getting more comfortable. My eyes were still closed. “Fuck that. Isn’t that why you two are here? To help me sleep?” I grinned, teasing them, but I didn’t want to look. I still didn’t want to deal with the truth of what they were talking about.
“Ha-ha, Sheldon.”
Bryce asked, “Where do you want to sleep?”
“In my bed.” And with that said, I knew I’d have to open my eyes. After directing them to my room, I sent both of them away. No matter what was said, I knew it wasn’t fair to use one for comfort and not the other. They were right. I did need to choose, but fuck, at the same time, I couldn’t.
Both Bryce and Corrigan frowned at me from the hallway. I stood in my bedroom. The door was open between us, but we were all in a standoff. I lifted an eyebrow. “What?” My hand gripped the door, but I wasn’t sure if it was to shut it or to hold me up.
“You’re sure about this?”
I nodded. “You both are right. It feels weird to sleep with both of you, and I shouldn’t lean on one and not the other. It’s not right so I’m going to be sleeping alone from now on.” I had been since Grace’s murder, but knowing they were so close and saying those words aloud solidified it for me. I would’ve been tempted to crawl into one of their beds. It wasn’t right. I needed them right now, but I needed to think about them, too.
I tried to smirk at them, but it failed. “I’ll see you both in the morning then.” That was meant as a joke, but there was nothing teasing about the statement or about how I said it. A knot was in my stomach, and as I stared back at them, it tightened. “Okay. Well. Goodnight.”
They both continued to frown at me.
Feeling just all sorts of weirdness about this situation, I didn’t know what else to do so I did the logical next thing.
“Please,” I rasped out. “I want to forget.” Marcus’ death.
They nodded, thinking I was asking to forget about Grace.
I didn’t clarify that. I didn’t want to.
Corrigan went to grab some blankets as Bryce got some alcohol. Both of them went to the middle couch and waited for me. I settled down, and they sat on either side of me. I was stiff at first, wave after wave of blind terror was crashing down on me, but then Bryce pulled one of my legs over his lap and he started rubbing my thigh. It wasn’t in a sexual manner, but a comforting one. He was trying to reassure me, and after a moment, it started to work. Some of my tension smoothed out. Then I felt Corrigan lift his arm, and he pulled my head into the crook of his shoulder, underneath his arm. I closed my eyes, feeling both of them there, both of them trying to take care of me.
It was true. I needed both of them. I loved them both, but I couldn’t think about choosing. They were both my best friends, and that’s what I needed most in that moment.
*
“Sheldon.”
I grew aware of Corrigan saying my name. His shoulder nudged my head gently. He said, “Hey.”
Bryce spoke over me, “She needs to sleep.”
I’d fallen asleep, and as they kept talking, a lull was settling back over me. It was like a large blanket, enfolding all around me, making me feel warm and peaceful. I was falling back asleep, but I heard Corrigan murmur, “I know. You want to carry her?”
“You’re still hurting from the accident?” As Bryce asked that, I felt myself lifted in the air. I was pulled tightly against a warm chest, a very solid, warm chest, and I could hear his heart under my head.
He stood and Corrigan said quietly from beside us, “Yeah. My ribs still ache at times, and my shoulder blade feels weird, too.”
“All the time?”
“Nah. It comes and goes.” His voice sounded a little clearer. “It’ll get better. I don’t know why it still hurts. The doctors said I’m healed.”
Bryce tightened his hold on me, securing me even closer against him. “Do you know where we’re going?”
Corrigan laughed softly. “No clue. This place is huge. I don’t remember how to get back to her room or even ours.”
“Our rooms are right next to hers.” But Bryce paused, standing still. “Maybe we should just sleep in the theater?”
“And if she snuggles up to one of us?”
“Then she snuggles up to one of us. It’s whoever she needs.” Bryce’s tone dipped down. “What’s your problem? I thought we agreed on that.”
“I know. I just,” Corrigan hesitated, “she’s going to pick you. I can see it. She loves you so much she’s scared of it.”
“You don’t know that.” Bryce stiffened underneath me. “Trust me, you don’t know that. She might like to get fucked by me, but she goes to you for the emotional stuff. You don’t think that kills me?”
“Bryce,” Corrigan started, wariness in his tone.
“Stop, Corrigan. She loves both of us. You might only see how she feels about me, but I see how she feels about you. Whoever she chooses is the one she can’t be without, but she loves both of us.”
The heaviness from sleep was fading. The more they talked, the more awake I became, but I didn’t want to wake up. I just wanted to sleep, to remain where I felt sheltered. Safe.
“Knowing Sheldon, she’ll toss a fucking coin.”
Bryce laughed. “That would suck, but yeah, I could see that.”
“Denton called me earlier. I hope she doesn’t pick him because she can’t pick between us.”
A low groan came from his chest, right where my head was resting. “He called me too, and fuck that, but I could see her doing that.” He paused and murmured, “I hope not.” He said that so quietly, with so much emotion, that it jolted me wide-awake. I knew without a doubt I would be haunted by his tone of voice just now.
“Hey.” Bryce shifted and looked down at me. “You awake?”
I didn’t open my eyes, but grumbled, “Your lack of faith in me is pissing me off.”
Corrigan laughed from the side. “Yeah, well, we didn’t want you think you could just use us to help you fall asleep every night.”
I squirmed in Bryce’s arm, getting more comfortable. My eyes were still closed. “Fuck that. Isn’t that why you two are here? To help me sleep?” I grinned, teasing them, but I didn’t want to look. I still didn’t want to deal with the truth of what they were talking about.
“Ha-ha, Sheldon.”
Bryce asked, “Where do you want to sleep?”
“In my bed.” And with that said, I knew I’d have to open my eyes. After directing them to my room, I sent both of them away. No matter what was said, I knew it wasn’t fair to use one for comfort and not the other. They were right. I did need to choose, but fuck, at the same time, I couldn’t.
Both Bryce and Corrigan frowned at me from the hallway. I stood in my bedroom. The door was open between us, but we were all in a standoff. I lifted an eyebrow. “What?” My hand gripped the door, but I wasn’t sure if it was to shut it or to hold me up.
“You’re sure about this?”
I nodded. “You both are right. It feels weird to sleep with both of you, and I shouldn’t lean on one and not the other. It’s not right so I’m going to be sleeping alone from now on.” I had been since Grace’s murder, but knowing they were so close and saying those words aloud solidified it for me. I would’ve been tempted to crawl into one of their beds. It wasn’t right. I needed them right now, but I needed to think about them, too.
I tried to smirk at them, but it failed. “I’ll see you both in the morning then.” That was meant as a joke, but there was nothing teasing about the statement or about how I said it. A knot was in my stomach, and as I stared back at them, it tightened. “Okay. Well. Goodnight.”
They both continued to frown at me.
Feeling just all sorts of weirdness about this situation, I didn’t know what else to do so I did the logical next thing.
