Jaden
Page 65
That was the truth.
So was this. “You failed me, and I failed you. And during that time, Corrigan became my rock. He’d do a lot of dark shit, but he’s never fucked-up when it came to being there for me. He was my shelter. Going back there, going through the same pain, it would happen again. If you and I tried again, it would never work. I’m not in love with you anymore.”
He let out a hissing sound.
I bit down on my lip, pausing for a moment.
Keep going, Sheldon. You owe him this moment of complete truth. Do not hold back, Grace’s voice whispered to me again. You wouldn’t want it held back either.
I grinned to myself. Even dead, she was a pain in the ass. She was right, though. I pulled even more at that thread. I kept winding it around my hand. “I think the thing that’s been holding me back is that Corrigan is better than us. I don’t know if I’m the woman for him. I’m sure there’s someone better for him, and that’s the truth about him. I don’t deserve him, but if he’ll have me, I’ll be a better person because of him.”
“Sheldon,” Bryce choked out, shaking his head. “He’s not better than you. Don’t talk about yourself like that. I don’t like hearing that. You’re a pain in the ass, but you’re the fiercest and most loyal person there is. If someone is loved by you, they are goddamn lucky.”
“Yeah.” I pulled harder at the thread. “Maybe. I’m supposed to be letting you down. Stop making me feel better about myself.”
He bit out an anguished laugh. “Yeah. So sorry. Go on breaking my heart.”
I grinned ruefully at him. He mirrored my look, right back at me. I murmured, “I do love you, Bryce. I always will.”
His head jerked up and down in an awkward motion. “I know. You’re just not in love with me.” He sighed. “That’s so fucking cliché.”
But it was true, and tears were rolling down my face again.
“There was no easy way to do this.” He was still half whispering and he gestured for the door. “We decided to get this over with. If we didn’t, it would just gut the other guy. That’s why Corrigan left, to give us this moment. Sheldon, I—” he choked off his words. “I can’t. I can’t do this right now. I—” He shoved upright from the window frame. “I love you. I love him. I love the three of us, and we’ll make it work, somehow. Just . . . give me time.”
“Bryce?” He was going. I didn’t want him to go, not yet. “Don’t—”
It didn’t matter. He crossed the room, cupped both sides of my face in his hands and gazed down at me. He was shattered. That’s all I could think, and then he leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead. He whispered against it, “I will always love you, but you’re right, our time was then. Your time with Corrigan is now.” He turned and pressed his cheek to my forehead, resting there a moment. “Make it work with him.”
My hand reached up, and I grabbed ahold of his arm. My fingers clamped down. I didn’t want him to go, but he pulled away. Moving out of my hold, he lifted the corner of his mouth in a small half-grin, but it looked like it was breaking him at the same time.
A sob erupted from me.
He was going.
The moment was here that I had been fighting for so long.
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see him go.
“Bye, Sheldon.”
I felt him leave.
I curled over, pressing my face into my lap. No matter how much time would pass, I knew a part of me went with him. The part of me that had loved him in high school, that had been scared of being with him, been scared of losing him, the part of me that loved getting in trouble with him, that loved everything about the us we had been together.
That part went with him, and I would never get that part back.
I sat there and cried.
*
They told me things later.
The police. Officer Sheila. Even Miss Connors came. Everyone was there, everyone except Bryce, and they told me a lot of stuff, but I wasn’t listening. I heard words about how Maria had snuck into the community and somehow intercepted Denton’s car. She was in the trunk. That was how she got through and snuck into the house. There was mention about a stop that the driver did. They think that’s when she got into the trunk.
I didn’t care, but Maria’s words floated back to me. “I sucked a dick, got a ride to the gate.”
More explanations were thrown at me then. How Mena got Denton’s gun. She had snuck one out of Denton’s locked gun cabinet. Then she had heard my screams and came. I was the one who opened the door, when I was trying to escape. It was then, when I fell down and Maria was about to stab me again. That was when she shot her.
Mena killed her.
Mena saved me.
I didn’t care about that either.
As they kept explaining more and more, how they didn’t understand whose warehouse Maria had kept Guadalupe in. They were still figuring out who owned it. There was more. Neil was there. Then Beth. Then Denton and Mena. My dad was professing how happy he was that his daughter was alive. Then Mena was hugging me too, wrapping her skinny little arms around me. She told me to get better, then she looked at my dad. An odd look was in her eye and she reached out for my dad. He took her hand, squeezed it with a tear in his eye, and she professed, her other arm still holding me strong, “I will take care of her.”
He frowned briefly, then squeezed her hand again and smiled. “Thank you. Just thank you so much.” On the last day he came to visit, he said I was always welcomed to visit. They were going home. It was time, and he loved me. He would keep in touch. When he left, I could see that he was thankful to be done with this nightmare.
He never said the words, but I saw the relief on his face.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to visit my dad or not, but Beth, she glanced back and gave me a little wave. Beth hadn’t been that bad.
I might visit her.
Then Carolina came.
She was more fun than the rest. Instead of asking how I was, she took one look at my face and plopped down in the chair beside me. I was told the Greek gossip instead. She talked. I listened, but I still wasn’t really listening. Half of me was in that room for the following days while they monitored me. The other half was gone. It was with Bryce, wherever he was.
He never came back.
Corrigan was there and he was the one I chose, but I was broken. Half of me was gone. I didn’t know how to explain that to him, but Corrigan did what Corrigan always did.
So was this. “You failed me, and I failed you. And during that time, Corrigan became my rock. He’d do a lot of dark shit, but he’s never fucked-up when it came to being there for me. He was my shelter. Going back there, going through the same pain, it would happen again. If you and I tried again, it would never work. I’m not in love with you anymore.”
He let out a hissing sound.
I bit down on my lip, pausing for a moment.
Keep going, Sheldon. You owe him this moment of complete truth. Do not hold back, Grace’s voice whispered to me again. You wouldn’t want it held back either.
I grinned to myself. Even dead, she was a pain in the ass. She was right, though. I pulled even more at that thread. I kept winding it around my hand. “I think the thing that’s been holding me back is that Corrigan is better than us. I don’t know if I’m the woman for him. I’m sure there’s someone better for him, and that’s the truth about him. I don’t deserve him, but if he’ll have me, I’ll be a better person because of him.”
“Sheldon,” Bryce choked out, shaking his head. “He’s not better than you. Don’t talk about yourself like that. I don’t like hearing that. You’re a pain in the ass, but you’re the fiercest and most loyal person there is. If someone is loved by you, they are goddamn lucky.”
“Yeah.” I pulled harder at the thread. “Maybe. I’m supposed to be letting you down. Stop making me feel better about myself.”
He bit out an anguished laugh. “Yeah. So sorry. Go on breaking my heart.”
I grinned ruefully at him. He mirrored my look, right back at me. I murmured, “I do love you, Bryce. I always will.”
His head jerked up and down in an awkward motion. “I know. You’re just not in love with me.” He sighed. “That’s so fucking cliché.”
But it was true, and tears were rolling down my face again.
“There was no easy way to do this.” He was still half whispering and he gestured for the door. “We decided to get this over with. If we didn’t, it would just gut the other guy. That’s why Corrigan left, to give us this moment. Sheldon, I—” he choked off his words. “I can’t. I can’t do this right now. I—” He shoved upright from the window frame. “I love you. I love him. I love the three of us, and we’ll make it work, somehow. Just . . . give me time.”
“Bryce?” He was going. I didn’t want him to go, not yet. “Don’t—”
It didn’t matter. He crossed the room, cupped both sides of my face in his hands and gazed down at me. He was shattered. That’s all I could think, and then he leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead. He whispered against it, “I will always love you, but you’re right, our time was then. Your time with Corrigan is now.” He turned and pressed his cheek to my forehead, resting there a moment. “Make it work with him.”
My hand reached up, and I grabbed ahold of his arm. My fingers clamped down. I didn’t want him to go, but he pulled away. Moving out of my hold, he lifted the corner of his mouth in a small half-grin, but it looked like it was breaking him at the same time.
A sob erupted from me.
He was going.
The moment was here that I had been fighting for so long.
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see him go.
“Bye, Sheldon.”
I felt him leave.
I curled over, pressing my face into my lap. No matter how much time would pass, I knew a part of me went with him. The part of me that had loved him in high school, that had been scared of being with him, been scared of losing him, the part of me that loved getting in trouble with him, that loved everything about the us we had been together.
That part went with him, and I would never get that part back.
I sat there and cried.
*
They told me things later.
The police. Officer Sheila. Even Miss Connors came. Everyone was there, everyone except Bryce, and they told me a lot of stuff, but I wasn’t listening. I heard words about how Maria had snuck into the community and somehow intercepted Denton’s car. She was in the trunk. That was how she got through and snuck into the house. There was mention about a stop that the driver did. They think that’s when she got into the trunk.
I didn’t care, but Maria’s words floated back to me. “I sucked a dick, got a ride to the gate.”
More explanations were thrown at me then. How Mena got Denton’s gun. She had snuck one out of Denton’s locked gun cabinet. Then she had heard my screams and came. I was the one who opened the door, when I was trying to escape. It was then, when I fell down and Maria was about to stab me again. That was when she shot her.
Mena killed her.
Mena saved me.
I didn’t care about that either.
As they kept explaining more and more, how they didn’t understand whose warehouse Maria had kept Guadalupe in. They were still figuring out who owned it. There was more. Neil was there. Then Beth. Then Denton and Mena. My dad was professing how happy he was that his daughter was alive. Then Mena was hugging me too, wrapping her skinny little arms around me. She told me to get better, then she looked at my dad. An odd look was in her eye and she reached out for my dad. He took her hand, squeezed it with a tear in his eye, and she professed, her other arm still holding me strong, “I will take care of her.”
He frowned briefly, then squeezed her hand again and smiled. “Thank you. Just thank you so much.” On the last day he came to visit, he said I was always welcomed to visit. They were going home. It was time, and he loved me. He would keep in touch. When he left, I could see that he was thankful to be done with this nightmare.
He never said the words, but I saw the relief on his face.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to visit my dad or not, but Beth, she glanced back and gave me a little wave. Beth hadn’t been that bad.
I might visit her.
Then Carolina came.
She was more fun than the rest. Instead of asking how I was, she took one look at my face and plopped down in the chair beside me. I was told the Greek gossip instead. She talked. I listened, but I still wasn’t really listening. Half of me was in that room for the following days while they monitored me. The other half was gone. It was with Bryce, wherever he was.
He never came back.
Corrigan was there and he was the one I chose, but I was broken. Half of me was gone. I didn’t know how to explain that to him, but Corrigan did what Corrigan always did.
