Jaden
Page 66
He never asked.
He never pressed.
He was my friend.
He wasn’t more, and that’s what I needed.
There were more visitors, but it was the same thing. I half listened, I half didn’t care they were there until the day I was released from the hospital.
Corrigan took me to a hotel. It was decided before we left the hospital. I didn’t want to go back to Denton’s. Too many memories. I didn’t want to go back to my dad’s either. Too many annoyances and my old home was out—way too many memories there. So a hotel was chosen, and my dad paid for the penthouse. It was his last parting gift. Mena had sighed then when she heard Corrigan talking to Neil over the phone. I heard the envy from her. In that moment, I saw her for the real her. Remembering how Denton shared his concerns about her, how her own father had never loved her, and their mother didn’t want to deal with her—I saw the real Mena. Her body was of a twenty-one year old, but she was a six year old. She was a little girl, one who wanted a family.
She wanted a father like mine.
She swung her gaze to mine, and she blinked, startled. Then she grinned, running a hand over her face. “Sorry. Did you say something?”
I shook my head. “You’re lucky.”
“I am?”
“To have a brother like Denton.” She did have good family. I wanted her to know. “He’s one of the best.”
She nodded. “I know.” She beamed at me, her cheeks growing pink. “I’m very lucky.”
Then it was time. Mena and Denton went their way. There were hugs between everyone. We acted like we wouldn’t see each other in years when Denton and Mena were coming over the next night for dinner. Mena was going to spend the day with me at the hotel pool. I couldn’t swim, but I was going to tan, or at least have a few cocktails. She suggested I invite Carolina, so that was the plan. We were going to have a girls’ day and, even though they never said a word, I knew the guys were going to check on Bryce. Corrigan, Denton, and Bryce were going to have a guys’ day.
It hurt.
I wasn’t allowed to go, but I chose. I had to get used to it.
Then they went their way, and Corrigan and I went ours. When we got to the hotel and after Corrigan checked us in, he held my hand in the elevator. My dad had paid for six months. This was going to be my next home, at least for a while.
When we got there and went inside, I didn’t see the extravagance. I didn’t care. Corrigan took my hand and led me to the room, then, as he cupped my face in his hands, I crumbled.
I whispered to him, “He’s gone.”
“I know,” he whispered back.
“I can’t—I can—,”
“Sshh.” He kissed my forehead and murmured, “You can mourn him, say goodbye to that relationship. He’s coming back. I mean, we’re going to still be friends, but—”
It wasn’t going to be the same.
My eyes searched his. Was this really okay? For me to cry for another man in his arms, but Corrigan understood. He nodded, breathing out, “Yes, Sheldon. You loved him. You can take all the time you want to let him go.” Then he pulled me to his chest and smoothed a hand down the side of my face, tucking my hair behind my ear. He sheltered me there and said, “You have to do this. You can’t love me completely until you let him go. Then, when it happens, then we can be whatever we’re going to be.” He tightened his hold on me, a sense of possession to it, “And I, for one, cannot wait for that to happen.”
Me too. I held onto his arm, trying to relay my words, but I couldn’t. Me too, but first, I did as he said.
I started to let Bryce go.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Corrigan held me that night. I slept half the night and the other half was spent just lying there in his arms. It felt nice. It felt healing, but when morning came, I knew it would take a while. He knew it too. When he got up and made coffee right away, I could feel his concern, but he kept quiet. When I wasn’t looking, I could feel his eyes on me. The fact that he was biting his tongue spoke volumes. At one point, I let out a haggard sigh and leaned against the wall, bending over with my head over my knees. Then I just breathed in and out. I closed my eyes and stopped everything for a moment.
He moved into the room from the bedroom. In a gentle voice, he asked, “Sheldon?”
I didn’t open my eyes. “I’m good. I just . . .” I just need this hole in my chest to close back up, “a minute. I need a minute.” Mena would be coming soon. She had texted thirty minutes ago that they were on their way to the hotel. Carolina had messaged a few minutes later that she’d be coming in an hour. She had a sorority meeting first.
Outsiders were coming. I had to put on a game face. No one saw me vulnerable except Corrigan and Br— just Corrigan now.
A deep sense of mourning rolled through me like one giant riptide.
“Hey.” Corrigan came to stand right next to me.
I tensed. He was going to touch me, try to comfort me, and the injustice of that tore at me. It wasn’t fair. The man I loved shouldn’t have to console the woman he loves over the previous guy. And with that thought, I stuffed it down and I looked up. Straightening my back, I nodded at him. “I’m good.”
He gave me a half-grin. He had bags under his eyes, too. “Liar.”
“Let me pretend.” I grinned back, but like him, I could only form a half one. It wasn’t in me to force a full smile.
His hand lifted and touched the side of my face, his finger resting near the corner of my eye. He murmured, studying me, “You don’t have to. Not with me.”
I started to say something, but paused. We hadn’t talked about him and me, our new relationship status. I bit down on my lip. Was I ready for that conversation now? Right before Mena got here and Corrigan went to check on Bryce with Denton?
“Sheldon.” He moved to stand in front of me, and he held both sides of my face. “Stop worrying. I get it. I do. Your job is to grieve and then heal. Grieve Grace. Grieve what happened to you. Grieve Bryce. I’m not a douche bag. I get what happened. You chose. I do. I’m the guy. I got the girl, but you lost a family member. It won’t be the same. You have to mourn him. I will be here. I’ll always be here, waiting for you, picking you up, carrying you, holding you. I’m here. No matter how long it takes.”
My hands lifted and rested on top of his, holding him as he held me. I wanted to melt down and curse at the same time. “Goddamn. Why do you have to be this guy?”
He never pressed.
He was my friend.
He wasn’t more, and that’s what I needed.
There were more visitors, but it was the same thing. I half listened, I half didn’t care they were there until the day I was released from the hospital.
Corrigan took me to a hotel. It was decided before we left the hospital. I didn’t want to go back to Denton’s. Too many memories. I didn’t want to go back to my dad’s either. Too many annoyances and my old home was out—way too many memories there. So a hotel was chosen, and my dad paid for the penthouse. It was his last parting gift. Mena had sighed then when she heard Corrigan talking to Neil over the phone. I heard the envy from her. In that moment, I saw her for the real her. Remembering how Denton shared his concerns about her, how her own father had never loved her, and their mother didn’t want to deal with her—I saw the real Mena. Her body was of a twenty-one year old, but she was a six year old. She was a little girl, one who wanted a family.
She wanted a father like mine.
She swung her gaze to mine, and she blinked, startled. Then she grinned, running a hand over her face. “Sorry. Did you say something?”
I shook my head. “You’re lucky.”
“I am?”
“To have a brother like Denton.” She did have good family. I wanted her to know. “He’s one of the best.”
She nodded. “I know.” She beamed at me, her cheeks growing pink. “I’m very lucky.”
Then it was time. Mena and Denton went their way. There were hugs between everyone. We acted like we wouldn’t see each other in years when Denton and Mena were coming over the next night for dinner. Mena was going to spend the day with me at the hotel pool. I couldn’t swim, but I was going to tan, or at least have a few cocktails. She suggested I invite Carolina, so that was the plan. We were going to have a girls’ day and, even though they never said a word, I knew the guys were going to check on Bryce. Corrigan, Denton, and Bryce were going to have a guys’ day.
It hurt.
I wasn’t allowed to go, but I chose. I had to get used to it.
Then they went their way, and Corrigan and I went ours. When we got to the hotel and after Corrigan checked us in, he held my hand in the elevator. My dad had paid for six months. This was going to be my next home, at least for a while.
When we got there and went inside, I didn’t see the extravagance. I didn’t care. Corrigan took my hand and led me to the room, then, as he cupped my face in his hands, I crumbled.
I whispered to him, “He’s gone.”
“I know,” he whispered back.
“I can’t—I can—,”
“Sshh.” He kissed my forehead and murmured, “You can mourn him, say goodbye to that relationship. He’s coming back. I mean, we’re going to still be friends, but—”
It wasn’t going to be the same.
My eyes searched his. Was this really okay? For me to cry for another man in his arms, but Corrigan understood. He nodded, breathing out, “Yes, Sheldon. You loved him. You can take all the time you want to let him go.” Then he pulled me to his chest and smoothed a hand down the side of my face, tucking my hair behind my ear. He sheltered me there and said, “You have to do this. You can’t love me completely until you let him go. Then, when it happens, then we can be whatever we’re going to be.” He tightened his hold on me, a sense of possession to it, “And I, for one, cannot wait for that to happen.”
Me too. I held onto his arm, trying to relay my words, but I couldn’t. Me too, but first, I did as he said.
I started to let Bryce go.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Corrigan held me that night. I slept half the night and the other half was spent just lying there in his arms. It felt nice. It felt healing, but when morning came, I knew it would take a while. He knew it too. When he got up and made coffee right away, I could feel his concern, but he kept quiet. When I wasn’t looking, I could feel his eyes on me. The fact that he was biting his tongue spoke volumes. At one point, I let out a haggard sigh and leaned against the wall, bending over with my head over my knees. Then I just breathed in and out. I closed my eyes and stopped everything for a moment.
He moved into the room from the bedroom. In a gentle voice, he asked, “Sheldon?”
I didn’t open my eyes. “I’m good. I just . . .” I just need this hole in my chest to close back up, “a minute. I need a minute.” Mena would be coming soon. She had texted thirty minutes ago that they were on their way to the hotel. Carolina had messaged a few minutes later that she’d be coming in an hour. She had a sorority meeting first.
Outsiders were coming. I had to put on a game face. No one saw me vulnerable except Corrigan and Br— just Corrigan now.
A deep sense of mourning rolled through me like one giant riptide.
“Hey.” Corrigan came to stand right next to me.
I tensed. He was going to touch me, try to comfort me, and the injustice of that tore at me. It wasn’t fair. The man I loved shouldn’t have to console the woman he loves over the previous guy. And with that thought, I stuffed it down and I looked up. Straightening my back, I nodded at him. “I’m good.”
He gave me a half-grin. He had bags under his eyes, too. “Liar.”
“Let me pretend.” I grinned back, but like him, I could only form a half one. It wasn’t in me to force a full smile.
His hand lifted and touched the side of my face, his finger resting near the corner of my eye. He murmured, studying me, “You don’t have to. Not with me.”
I started to say something, but paused. We hadn’t talked about him and me, our new relationship status. I bit down on my lip. Was I ready for that conversation now? Right before Mena got here and Corrigan went to check on Bryce with Denton?
“Sheldon.” He moved to stand in front of me, and he held both sides of my face. “Stop worrying. I get it. I do. Your job is to grieve and then heal. Grieve Grace. Grieve what happened to you. Grieve Bryce. I’m not a douche bag. I get what happened. You chose. I do. I’m the guy. I got the girl, but you lost a family member. It won’t be the same. You have to mourn him. I will be here. I’ll always be here, waiting for you, picking you up, carrying you, holding you. I’m here. No matter how long it takes.”
My hands lifted and rested on top of his, holding him as he held me. I wanted to melt down and curse at the same time. “Goddamn. Why do you have to be this guy?”
