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This, as Nina was prone to do, made sense.
Still, I wasn’t certain I was ready for that, the flirting part that was.
Nina kept talking.
“You’re now at a place where you can find ways to move on from all the bad things that have happened to you, honey. You also need to move on from this guy. He’s being very nice, helping you out. And I’m not sure what was in his head this morning. What I am certain of is that you shouldn’t worry about it. That bothers him, that’s his problem.” She grinned. “Be quieter next time or, since you’re roommates and you doing that bugs him, do as he asks and do it when he’s out so you can avoid the drama. But you need to fill your life and mind with good things, fun times, happy times, and push out the bad things, what happened with Greg, your house, your shop, this guy coming back into your life. It’s time. And when you do, something like what happened his morning won’t mess with your head so much.”
I wasn’t certain this would work. I’d tried to “move on” from Ham for years and, in the process, I broke a good man.
But I was certain she was right about the rest.
I was in a good place, not back where I started but not living in an unsafe studio apartment and barely existing on close to minimum wage.
I had to stop obsessing about all that happened and rejoice in the fact that, with help from friends, I was making it through. I needed to have fun like I used to. I needed to begin to enjoy life again. I’d divorced Greg, hurting him, to be free to be me, to do all that, and I wasn’t doing it.
And maybe, if I did, if I got back to me a little bit, those stings I experienced being with Ham without getting to be with Ham wouldn’t bite so deep.
“You’re the shit, Neens,” I told her quietly.
She grinned.
“I say that to her all the time,” Mindy put in.
I grinned at Nina then I grinned at Mindy, lifting my latte and taking a drink.
Girl talk shifted but, fifteen minutes later, I caught Nina staring at the river, a small smile on her face. Becca and Mindy were in a deep discussion about when they were going to schedule their next facials, so I leaned toward Nina.
“Thinking about Max?” I asked on a smile.
She turned her eyes to me. “No. About you.”
My brows went up. “Me?”
She reached out a hand and squeezed my knee. “You.”
“Why?”
“Things are looking up for you, I feel it.”
“Uh… yeah, I know. And I know because I can afford a latte.”
She smiled but shook her head and sat back. “No, in ways you don’t know yet but I’m thinking I do.”
“And what are those?”
“Be more fun if you find out yourself.”
I was confused. “What?”
She leaned in again but, this time, took my hand.
“Life has certain things planned. I find, for some people, it takes you places you don’t want to go but the path leads to where you need to be. That happened to me. You just have to learn to trust it. And, for you, have fun while it’s happening. And last, honey, go with your gut. Take risks. Roll the dice. You’ve been beaten down but you kept getting right back up. Still, when that happens it can make you hesitant to roll the dice. Don’t be. You might find the payoff is beyond anything you could even dream.”
“Now I’m more confused and maybe a little freaked out,” I shared.
She squeezed my hand, smiled again, let me go, and sat back. “Like I said, it’s going to be fun as you find out for yourself.” Her eyes grew sharp on mine. “But only if you’re strong enough to roll the dice.”
“No less freaked out, Nina,” I informed her.
To that, she freaked me out more by smiling bigger and replying, “This is going to be fun.”
“I’m not sure I agree and I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I returned.
She didn’t respond to my words.
She just said, “I can’t wait.”
Nina was really smart and not just the kind of smart having a law degree made you. She was just smart.
And knowing that, I had a feeling that I could. I definitely could wait. What might be fun for her might not be such great fun for me.
But even so, because she was smart, when my time came, I was going to take her advice, blow on those dice, and let them roll.
* * *
That night at work proved positive that the reprieve I’d had spending time with the girls, after such a shaky start to the day, would not hold because it wasn’t a shaky night.
It was a disastrous one.
I knew this right off when I walked into The Dog to start my shift and Ham was already there. My laidback Ham was history, and scary, pissed-off Ham was still in his place because he scowled at me, didn’t say hi, didn’t even give me a chin lift. In fact, he didn’t say anything to me. He just glowered, then moved down the bar to get a customer a drink.
I decided to give him a wide berth and, since it was Saturday and things were hopping, thought I could lose myself in work.
Things looked up when Nina and Max came in and sat at one of my tables.
Max, by the way, was nearly as hot as Ham but what made him hotter was how into his wife he was. They’d been through hell together, but his love and affection for her and their two babies had not dulled and he wasn’t afraid to let it show. I thought that was the hallmark of a true man, being in love and not giving a shit if people saw how deep he’d sunk into that emotion.
I’d always liked Max. He was a seriously good guy. But I liked Max with Nina even better.
Things took a turn for the worse when Arlene showed up with Cotton.
Jimmy Cotton was a world-famous photographer. Cotton also had some reclusive tendencies, in so far as he didn’t stray much from the environs of Gnaw Bone and when he did, it was to travel the width and breadth of the Rockies to take his photos. Other than that, Cotton stuck with what and who he knew. He was old, crotchety, and, contradictory to the latter, entirely lovable. He liked me, always had and always showed it in his crotchety Cotton way.
So I gave that back but without the crotchety part. The jury was out on if I gave it back without a healthy dose of sass.
Now, he’d walked into The Dog, a place he’d come to but not often, and headed straight to the bar with Arlene. Not a table where a waitress could serve him. No, to the bar, where Ham would.
Once settled in, they made it very clear they were checking out the lay of the land with Ham and me. They did this by openly watching us nearly constantly, only taking breaks to huddle and confer, more than likely about Ham and me.
Still, I wasn’t certain I was ready for that, the flirting part that was.
Nina kept talking.
“You’re now at a place where you can find ways to move on from all the bad things that have happened to you, honey. You also need to move on from this guy. He’s being very nice, helping you out. And I’m not sure what was in his head this morning. What I am certain of is that you shouldn’t worry about it. That bothers him, that’s his problem.” She grinned. “Be quieter next time or, since you’re roommates and you doing that bugs him, do as he asks and do it when he’s out so you can avoid the drama. But you need to fill your life and mind with good things, fun times, happy times, and push out the bad things, what happened with Greg, your house, your shop, this guy coming back into your life. It’s time. And when you do, something like what happened his morning won’t mess with your head so much.”
I wasn’t certain this would work. I’d tried to “move on” from Ham for years and, in the process, I broke a good man.
But I was certain she was right about the rest.
I was in a good place, not back where I started but not living in an unsafe studio apartment and barely existing on close to minimum wage.
I had to stop obsessing about all that happened and rejoice in the fact that, with help from friends, I was making it through. I needed to have fun like I used to. I needed to begin to enjoy life again. I’d divorced Greg, hurting him, to be free to be me, to do all that, and I wasn’t doing it.
And maybe, if I did, if I got back to me a little bit, those stings I experienced being with Ham without getting to be with Ham wouldn’t bite so deep.
“You’re the shit, Neens,” I told her quietly.
She grinned.
“I say that to her all the time,” Mindy put in.
I grinned at Nina then I grinned at Mindy, lifting my latte and taking a drink.
Girl talk shifted but, fifteen minutes later, I caught Nina staring at the river, a small smile on her face. Becca and Mindy were in a deep discussion about when they were going to schedule their next facials, so I leaned toward Nina.
“Thinking about Max?” I asked on a smile.
She turned her eyes to me. “No. About you.”
My brows went up. “Me?”
She reached out a hand and squeezed my knee. “You.”
“Why?”
“Things are looking up for you, I feel it.”
“Uh… yeah, I know. And I know because I can afford a latte.”
She smiled but shook her head and sat back. “No, in ways you don’t know yet but I’m thinking I do.”
“And what are those?”
“Be more fun if you find out yourself.”
I was confused. “What?”
She leaned in again but, this time, took my hand.
“Life has certain things planned. I find, for some people, it takes you places you don’t want to go but the path leads to where you need to be. That happened to me. You just have to learn to trust it. And, for you, have fun while it’s happening. And last, honey, go with your gut. Take risks. Roll the dice. You’ve been beaten down but you kept getting right back up. Still, when that happens it can make you hesitant to roll the dice. Don’t be. You might find the payoff is beyond anything you could even dream.”
“Now I’m more confused and maybe a little freaked out,” I shared.
She squeezed my hand, smiled again, let me go, and sat back. “Like I said, it’s going to be fun as you find out for yourself.” Her eyes grew sharp on mine. “But only if you’re strong enough to roll the dice.”
“No less freaked out, Nina,” I informed her.
To that, she freaked me out more by smiling bigger and replying, “This is going to be fun.”
“I’m not sure I agree and I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I returned.
She didn’t respond to my words.
She just said, “I can’t wait.”
Nina was really smart and not just the kind of smart having a law degree made you. She was just smart.
And knowing that, I had a feeling that I could. I definitely could wait. What might be fun for her might not be such great fun for me.
But even so, because she was smart, when my time came, I was going to take her advice, blow on those dice, and let them roll.
* * *
That night at work proved positive that the reprieve I’d had spending time with the girls, after such a shaky start to the day, would not hold because it wasn’t a shaky night.
It was a disastrous one.
I knew this right off when I walked into The Dog to start my shift and Ham was already there. My laidback Ham was history, and scary, pissed-off Ham was still in his place because he scowled at me, didn’t say hi, didn’t even give me a chin lift. In fact, he didn’t say anything to me. He just glowered, then moved down the bar to get a customer a drink.
I decided to give him a wide berth and, since it was Saturday and things were hopping, thought I could lose myself in work.
Things looked up when Nina and Max came in and sat at one of my tables.
Max, by the way, was nearly as hot as Ham but what made him hotter was how into his wife he was. They’d been through hell together, but his love and affection for her and their two babies had not dulled and he wasn’t afraid to let it show. I thought that was the hallmark of a true man, being in love and not giving a shit if people saw how deep he’d sunk into that emotion.
I’d always liked Max. He was a seriously good guy. But I liked Max with Nina even better.
Things took a turn for the worse when Arlene showed up with Cotton.
Jimmy Cotton was a world-famous photographer. Cotton also had some reclusive tendencies, in so far as he didn’t stray much from the environs of Gnaw Bone and when he did, it was to travel the width and breadth of the Rockies to take his photos. Other than that, Cotton stuck with what and who he knew. He was old, crotchety, and, contradictory to the latter, entirely lovable. He liked me, always had and always showed it in his crotchety Cotton way.
So I gave that back but without the crotchety part. The jury was out on if I gave it back without a healthy dose of sass.
Now, he’d walked into The Dog, a place he’d come to but not often, and headed straight to the bar with Arlene. Not a table where a waitress could serve him. No, to the bar, where Ham would.
Once settled in, they made it very clear they were checking out the lay of the land with Ham and me. They did this by openly watching us nearly constantly, only taking breaks to huddle and confer, more than likely about Ham and me.
