Jagged
Page 24
Things nosedived when Maybelline and Wanda wandered in and they took places at the bar, opposite Cotton and Arlene, but for exactly the same purpose, a purpose they didn’t try to hide either. I had hoped, since time had slid by after Maybelle threatened to wade in, that she’d forgotten she intended to get up in my business.
Alas, this hope that night was dashed.
Making matters worse, I saw them talking to Ham for not a short period of time during which his unhappy eyes cut to me twice and Maybelline’s hands gestured, a lot.
I continued with my strategy of giving Ham and the bar a wide berth, taking my drink orders exclusively to Jake and getting the hell away from the bar as quick as I could once they were filled. I added ignoring all that was happening because it was all scary and I was pretending it was occurring in an alternate universe. I decided to live in my own universe.
In other words, I found a guy who I didn’t know but who had been in a couple of times since I started there and I tested out the flirting business.
Matters degenerated significantly when, after a few jokes, smiles, and a bit of tension building of the good kind, I turned away from the guy to take his drink order to the bar and saw Ham leaned into his forearms in front of a very pretty blonde woman who was baring not a small amount of cle**age. He was grinning his flirtatious grin, one I knew was just that because it had been aimed at me enough times that I had it memorized.
That stung, the bite deep, the pain radiating, but I ignored it and went straight to Jake.
My friends saw what Ham was up to, and they didn’t like it any more than I did. Arlene was crinkling her nose Ham’s way. Cotton was scowling at him. Wanda and Maybelle were glaring. Max was studying him, looking weirdly displeased.
But Nina…
Nina was smiling at the table.
And it was her reaction that freaked me out the most.
I ignored all that, too. I flirted with my guy. I even gave him my number.
We had a packed house but Ham, like me, found his times to drift back to the blonde, lean into his forearms, and give her some attention.
This carried on for ages, nearly to closing. And even though Cotton and Arlene took off and Wanda and Maybelline had a brief visit with me before they took off and Nina and Max went back to relieve their babysitter, Ham kept flirting and so did I. This carried on to the point where I was finding it difficult to keep hold on my alternate world and not let the pain of what Ham was doing overwhelm me.
Finally, the situation ended but the ending wasn’t a relief.
The ending was me nearly bumping into Ham on my way to the bar. I had my head bent to my tray, my mind filled with cashing out tabs, so I didn’t see him until the last second.
I rocked to a halt, tipped my head back, and stared into his unhappy face.
“Call off your dogs,” he ordered, his voice not unhappy but downright pissed. “I don’t need you dealin’ with your shit walkin’ in this bar and I really don’t need me havin’ to deal with your shit walkin’ in this f**kin’ bar.”
Maybelline and Wanda had not gone cautious and Arlene and Cotton had showed zero finesse so I knew what he was talking about to the point that I couldn’t even lie to deny it.
He didn’t give me a chance to lie.
He walked away.
It was nearly closing, last call come and gone, and it was unusual, as in unheard of since I’d been back at The Dog and even before when we’d worked there together, but when Ham walked away, he walked to his blonde. Once there, he put his hand on her elbow and she slid off her stool, head tipped back to him. She smiled a sultry smile and Ham guided her to the back.
He didn’t come back out to help or even supervise clean up.
He wasn’t in the back when I went to get my purse.
And, when I checked, his truck wasn’t parked behind the bar where he always parked it.
And last, he didn’t come home that night.
* * *
The next morning, or more accurately, half past noon, I was sitting on my balcony in track pants, a hoodie, and thick wool socks, feet to the middle rung of the railing, holding aloft a steaming mug of coffee, when my door slid open.
I turned to see Ham walk out wearing his clothes from last night.
That didn’t sting. It burned.
But I battled the burn, telling myself I had to move on. We were roommates. He wanted nothing more. Even if he did, he couldn’t give me what I wanted. He wasn’t that man, not for me, not for anybody. He’d told me that himself. I had to find a way to unhook myself from a man who wanted nothing hanging on him. Not a house. Not furniture. Not a steady job. Not a woman. Not anything.
I had to find my way clear. Find a different happy that didn’t include him at the same time it did.
“Hey,” he greeted.
“Hey,” I replied.
Ham moved to the railing and leaned a hip on it, crossing his arms on his chest, all this while I watched.
“I was a dick yesterday,” he announced. “Was in a shit mood. Don’t know why but took it out on you. That was uncool. It won’t happen again. You’re right. This is your place, do what you want. I shouldn’t have said shit. It was a nasty thing to do, totally out of line, and you don’t need that crap.”
“You’re right. It was a nasty thing to do but it’s over. You’re bein’ cool about it now but I’d prefer it if we never discussed it again,” I said.
“I can do that.”
I nodded, put the coffee cup to my lips and my eyes to the mountains.
“Babe, just sayin’, I was a dick about your friends last night, too,” he stated and I looked back at him. “That said, cookie, be good you had a word with them and let them know what this is so they don’t give me anymore shit. I get where they’re comin’ from. I dig that you got that. Good friends are hard to beat. But just like you don’t need the crap I gave you yesterday, I don’t need that crap.”
“I can do that,” I told him.
“Thanks, darlin’,” he replied.
I looked back at the mountains.
“Zara,” he called.
“What?” I answered, eyes still glued to the mountains.
He said nothing.
I looked to him.
“What?” I repeated.
His head turned to the mountains and he muttered, “Nothin’, darlin’.”
I looked back to the mountains and took a sip of joe.
“More of that?” Ham asked.
“Plenty,” I answered.
“Need a refill?” he asked.
“I’m good,” I lied, but not about the coffee.
Alas, this hope that night was dashed.
Making matters worse, I saw them talking to Ham for not a short period of time during which his unhappy eyes cut to me twice and Maybelline’s hands gestured, a lot.
I continued with my strategy of giving Ham and the bar a wide berth, taking my drink orders exclusively to Jake and getting the hell away from the bar as quick as I could once they were filled. I added ignoring all that was happening because it was all scary and I was pretending it was occurring in an alternate universe. I decided to live in my own universe.
In other words, I found a guy who I didn’t know but who had been in a couple of times since I started there and I tested out the flirting business.
Matters degenerated significantly when, after a few jokes, smiles, and a bit of tension building of the good kind, I turned away from the guy to take his drink order to the bar and saw Ham leaned into his forearms in front of a very pretty blonde woman who was baring not a small amount of cle**age. He was grinning his flirtatious grin, one I knew was just that because it had been aimed at me enough times that I had it memorized.
That stung, the bite deep, the pain radiating, but I ignored it and went straight to Jake.
My friends saw what Ham was up to, and they didn’t like it any more than I did. Arlene was crinkling her nose Ham’s way. Cotton was scowling at him. Wanda and Maybelle were glaring. Max was studying him, looking weirdly displeased.
But Nina…
Nina was smiling at the table.
And it was her reaction that freaked me out the most.
I ignored all that, too. I flirted with my guy. I even gave him my number.
We had a packed house but Ham, like me, found his times to drift back to the blonde, lean into his forearms, and give her some attention.
This carried on for ages, nearly to closing. And even though Cotton and Arlene took off and Wanda and Maybelline had a brief visit with me before they took off and Nina and Max went back to relieve their babysitter, Ham kept flirting and so did I. This carried on to the point where I was finding it difficult to keep hold on my alternate world and not let the pain of what Ham was doing overwhelm me.
Finally, the situation ended but the ending wasn’t a relief.
The ending was me nearly bumping into Ham on my way to the bar. I had my head bent to my tray, my mind filled with cashing out tabs, so I didn’t see him until the last second.
I rocked to a halt, tipped my head back, and stared into his unhappy face.
“Call off your dogs,” he ordered, his voice not unhappy but downright pissed. “I don’t need you dealin’ with your shit walkin’ in this bar and I really don’t need me havin’ to deal with your shit walkin’ in this f**kin’ bar.”
Maybelline and Wanda had not gone cautious and Arlene and Cotton had showed zero finesse so I knew what he was talking about to the point that I couldn’t even lie to deny it.
He didn’t give me a chance to lie.
He walked away.
It was nearly closing, last call come and gone, and it was unusual, as in unheard of since I’d been back at The Dog and even before when we’d worked there together, but when Ham walked away, he walked to his blonde. Once there, he put his hand on her elbow and she slid off her stool, head tipped back to him. She smiled a sultry smile and Ham guided her to the back.
He didn’t come back out to help or even supervise clean up.
He wasn’t in the back when I went to get my purse.
And, when I checked, his truck wasn’t parked behind the bar where he always parked it.
And last, he didn’t come home that night.
* * *
The next morning, or more accurately, half past noon, I was sitting on my balcony in track pants, a hoodie, and thick wool socks, feet to the middle rung of the railing, holding aloft a steaming mug of coffee, when my door slid open.
I turned to see Ham walk out wearing his clothes from last night.
That didn’t sting. It burned.
But I battled the burn, telling myself I had to move on. We were roommates. He wanted nothing more. Even if he did, he couldn’t give me what I wanted. He wasn’t that man, not for me, not for anybody. He’d told me that himself. I had to find a way to unhook myself from a man who wanted nothing hanging on him. Not a house. Not furniture. Not a steady job. Not a woman. Not anything.
I had to find my way clear. Find a different happy that didn’t include him at the same time it did.
“Hey,” he greeted.
“Hey,” I replied.
Ham moved to the railing and leaned a hip on it, crossing his arms on his chest, all this while I watched.
“I was a dick yesterday,” he announced. “Was in a shit mood. Don’t know why but took it out on you. That was uncool. It won’t happen again. You’re right. This is your place, do what you want. I shouldn’t have said shit. It was a nasty thing to do, totally out of line, and you don’t need that crap.”
“You’re right. It was a nasty thing to do but it’s over. You’re bein’ cool about it now but I’d prefer it if we never discussed it again,” I said.
“I can do that.”
I nodded, put the coffee cup to my lips and my eyes to the mountains.
“Babe, just sayin’, I was a dick about your friends last night, too,” he stated and I looked back at him. “That said, cookie, be good you had a word with them and let them know what this is so they don’t give me anymore shit. I get where they’re comin’ from. I dig that you got that. Good friends are hard to beat. But just like you don’t need the crap I gave you yesterday, I don’t need that crap.”
“I can do that,” I told him.
“Thanks, darlin’,” he replied.
I looked back at the mountains.
“Zara,” he called.
“What?” I answered, eyes still glued to the mountains.
He said nothing.
I looked to him.
“What?” I repeated.
His head turned to the mountains and he muttered, “Nothin’, darlin’.”
I looked back to the mountains and took a sip of joe.
“More of that?” Ham asked.
“Plenty,” I answered.
“Need a refill?” he asked.
“I’m good,” I lied, but not about the coffee.
