Kaleidoscope
Page 64
“He wants his son to be happy and a woman who doesn’t give a shit enough about a meet with his parents to remember it and then acts like she’d rather be anywhere else, say, nailed to a cross, is not gonna be the kind of woman who might make his son happy.”
It kind of sucked that he could be funny when we were arguing.
I powered through Jacob being funny.
“Uh… pointing out, I did want to be somewhere else seeing as your dad wasn’t being cool with me. And now I want to be somewhere else seeing as you aren’t being cool with me.”
Jacob held my eyes a moment, looked to his boots then he looked back at me and instigated yet another sneak attack.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I felt those words like a body blow and lost my breath.
Like the first time he said them.
Which was the only time he said them.
“Love you, Emme. Said it once, haven’t said it again. You said it, haven’t heard it again. So I’m gonna make it clear. I love you, baby, and I feel you disconnecting from me. You love me and I hope me tellin’ you that’s what I’m feelin’ means something, enough of something for you to listen and help me put stop to it.”
My voice was gentler when I said, “I’m not disconnecting, honey.”
“Feel it, Emme.”
I didn’t want that. I never wanted that. Not ever.
To stop it, I whispered, “I love you too, Jacob.”
His eyes closed, relief sweeping through his handsome face.
Such relief, it rocked me.
Such relief it made me ask myself, was I disconnecting?
Before my mind could answer that question, he moved fast. Lifting both hands, he put them to my neck, sliding them up in my hair and he got close. But he brought his face closer.
“You’re right. All day, my dad was a dick. You forgot, you were late, that was disappointing. I didn’t get it, but you apologized. I talked to him, didn’t help for long. Tomorrow, he pulls that shit again, I’ll take your back. But Emme,” his voice now held a warning, “we had our chat, he didn’t hear me. So tomorrow, if he makes me do it again, I’m not gonna take him outside to say what I gotta say. To make my point, I’m just gonna let fly. Today, I had a mind to you bein’ not yourself. Tomorrow, I’ll do what I gotta do. You need to be prepared for that.”
That didn’t sound like fun.
Therefore, I suggested, “Maybe you should give him a safe place and talk to him in the morning with me not being around.”
“And maybe we should make the statement that you’re here, this is your safe place, my home or anything that has to do with me, and he has to have a mind to that.”
His suggestion was better.
And his words were amazing.
In this entire messy discussion, I knew a few things for certain. If it wasn’t important, Jacob wouldn’t have mentioned it. If he said he was feeling something from me, he was feeling it. And if he was feeling something, maybe there was something to feel.
Which turned my mind to the fact that, bottom line, I forgot about meeting his parents. That was crazy. He was right. I’d known for weeks they were coming and we’d made plans I should never have forgotten. I’d never met a boyfriend’s parents, but that didn’t mean I didn’t know it was important.
I wasn’t flighty. I wasn’t forgetful.
I didn’t know how it happened. I just knew it did.
And it shouldn’t have.
Therefore, it was time to backtrack.
I lifted my hands to his chest, leaned in and admitted, “I screwed up. I don’t know what I was thinking. How I got caught up in what I was doing and forgot. I don’t even know why I started doing what I got caught up in doing. What I do know is, screwing up so bad, I got nervous and that’s why I was funny with you today.” My voice dropped. “And the more your dad came at me, the more nervous I got, the worse it got. But it wasn’t your dad. It started with me, and for that, I’m truly sorry, honey.”
Jacob’s eyes held mine a moment, they did this intensely, and it wasn’t comfortable mostly because it felt like he was trying to see through my eyes to read the words written on my soul.
Fortunately, it was just a moment before he moved in for a lip touch, which felt really sweet since that was Jacob’s way of accepting my apology.
He pulled back and one of his hands stayed in my hair. The other one slid down my spine and he wrapped his arm around me.
“Over and done,” he murmured but his gaze never left mine as he asked, “Were you nervous about meeting them?”
I didn’t think I was. People liked me. I didn’t think I was the awesomest person on the planet but I wasn’t a bitch.
But maybe that was it. Maybe it was latent nerves, I woke up that morning, and because of that, blocked it and acted like an idiot. And maybe that was why I’d been being weird lately, giving Jacob the vibe I was pulling away.
Hopefully that was it.
“I didn’t think so but maybe I was,” I answered honestly.
He nodded then shared, “Seriously, babe, they’re usually very cool. Dad especially.”
I pressed my body to his, slid my arms around him, but I did this straightening my spine with resolve before I declared, “Tomorrow I’ll win him over.”
I declared it. I was going to try it. I just hoped I could do it.
Jacob finally smiled and it was then, relief swept through me.
“I know you will,” he said softly.
Then he came in for another lip touch.
I leaned into it, squeezing him with my arms, and it became a short, sweet kiss after which he lifted his head and suggested, “Let’s go to bed.”
Messy discussion over. Bad day over.
Done.
Good stuff to come.
So it was then, I smiled.
* * *
Five and a half hours later…
I opened my eyes to dark and felt the bed empty (save Buford).
Jacob was up but not reading.
He did this, not often but he did it, and told me when I got up he’d either worked out, gone for a run or did some work. So when it happened and I woke up during it, I usually went back to sleep.
But this time, I didn’t go back to sleep because this time, after a very bad day, I worried he left me for other reasons.
I love you, baby, and I feel you disconnecting from me.
I didn’t think I was doing that but with what he said, he wasn’t wrong. I let the phone go, even when it was ringing right beside me and I saw his name on the display. I did this telling myself I was busy and I’d get back to him when before, I’d snatch it up before it rang twice.
It kind of sucked that he could be funny when we were arguing.
I powered through Jacob being funny.
“Uh… pointing out, I did want to be somewhere else seeing as your dad wasn’t being cool with me. And now I want to be somewhere else seeing as you aren’t being cool with me.”
Jacob held my eyes a moment, looked to his boots then he looked back at me and instigated yet another sneak attack.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I felt those words like a body blow and lost my breath.
Like the first time he said them.
Which was the only time he said them.
“Love you, Emme. Said it once, haven’t said it again. You said it, haven’t heard it again. So I’m gonna make it clear. I love you, baby, and I feel you disconnecting from me. You love me and I hope me tellin’ you that’s what I’m feelin’ means something, enough of something for you to listen and help me put stop to it.”
My voice was gentler when I said, “I’m not disconnecting, honey.”
“Feel it, Emme.”
I didn’t want that. I never wanted that. Not ever.
To stop it, I whispered, “I love you too, Jacob.”
His eyes closed, relief sweeping through his handsome face.
Such relief, it rocked me.
Such relief it made me ask myself, was I disconnecting?
Before my mind could answer that question, he moved fast. Lifting both hands, he put them to my neck, sliding them up in my hair and he got close. But he brought his face closer.
“You’re right. All day, my dad was a dick. You forgot, you were late, that was disappointing. I didn’t get it, but you apologized. I talked to him, didn’t help for long. Tomorrow, he pulls that shit again, I’ll take your back. But Emme,” his voice now held a warning, “we had our chat, he didn’t hear me. So tomorrow, if he makes me do it again, I’m not gonna take him outside to say what I gotta say. To make my point, I’m just gonna let fly. Today, I had a mind to you bein’ not yourself. Tomorrow, I’ll do what I gotta do. You need to be prepared for that.”
That didn’t sound like fun.
Therefore, I suggested, “Maybe you should give him a safe place and talk to him in the morning with me not being around.”
“And maybe we should make the statement that you’re here, this is your safe place, my home or anything that has to do with me, and he has to have a mind to that.”
His suggestion was better.
And his words were amazing.
In this entire messy discussion, I knew a few things for certain. If it wasn’t important, Jacob wouldn’t have mentioned it. If he said he was feeling something from me, he was feeling it. And if he was feeling something, maybe there was something to feel.
Which turned my mind to the fact that, bottom line, I forgot about meeting his parents. That was crazy. He was right. I’d known for weeks they were coming and we’d made plans I should never have forgotten. I’d never met a boyfriend’s parents, but that didn’t mean I didn’t know it was important.
I wasn’t flighty. I wasn’t forgetful.
I didn’t know how it happened. I just knew it did.
And it shouldn’t have.
Therefore, it was time to backtrack.
I lifted my hands to his chest, leaned in and admitted, “I screwed up. I don’t know what I was thinking. How I got caught up in what I was doing and forgot. I don’t even know why I started doing what I got caught up in doing. What I do know is, screwing up so bad, I got nervous and that’s why I was funny with you today.” My voice dropped. “And the more your dad came at me, the more nervous I got, the worse it got. But it wasn’t your dad. It started with me, and for that, I’m truly sorry, honey.”
Jacob’s eyes held mine a moment, they did this intensely, and it wasn’t comfortable mostly because it felt like he was trying to see through my eyes to read the words written on my soul.
Fortunately, it was just a moment before he moved in for a lip touch, which felt really sweet since that was Jacob’s way of accepting my apology.
He pulled back and one of his hands stayed in my hair. The other one slid down my spine and he wrapped his arm around me.
“Over and done,” he murmured but his gaze never left mine as he asked, “Were you nervous about meeting them?”
I didn’t think I was. People liked me. I didn’t think I was the awesomest person on the planet but I wasn’t a bitch.
But maybe that was it. Maybe it was latent nerves, I woke up that morning, and because of that, blocked it and acted like an idiot. And maybe that was why I’d been being weird lately, giving Jacob the vibe I was pulling away.
Hopefully that was it.
“I didn’t think so but maybe I was,” I answered honestly.
He nodded then shared, “Seriously, babe, they’re usually very cool. Dad especially.”
I pressed my body to his, slid my arms around him, but I did this straightening my spine with resolve before I declared, “Tomorrow I’ll win him over.”
I declared it. I was going to try it. I just hoped I could do it.
Jacob finally smiled and it was then, relief swept through me.
“I know you will,” he said softly.
Then he came in for another lip touch.
I leaned into it, squeezing him with my arms, and it became a short, sweet kiss after which he lifted his head and suggested, “Let’s go to bed.”
Messy discussion over. Bad day over.
Done.
Good stuff to come.
So it was then, I smiled.
* * *
Five and a half hours later…
I opened my eyes to dark and felt the bed empty (save Buford).
Jacob was up but not reading.
He did this, not often but he did it, and told me when I got up he’d either worked out, gone for a run or did some work. So when it happened and I woke up during it, I usually went back to sleep.
But this time, I didn’t go back to sleep because this time, after a very bad day, I worried he left me for other reasons.
I love you, baby, and I feel you disconnecting from me.
I didn’t think I was doing that but with what he said, he wasn’t wrong. I let the phone go, even when it was ringing right beside me and I saw his name on the display. I did this telling myself I was busy and I’d get back to him when before, I’d snatch it up before it rang twice.
