Kaleidoscope
Page 78
“I also think that no man like the man you described takes a kaleidoscope made of glass everywhere he goes and sleeps with it on his nightstand.”
I pulled in a sharp breath.
This time, Harvey kept talking.
“Further, I think that a girl like you should in no way be living her life in a crumbling mansion up on some mountain all by herself.”
“Harvey—”
“And last, Emme, and most important, I think it’s time you stopped existing and started living.”
I sat back and it was my turn to stare.
Harvey never laid it out. He was gentle in every way, including verbally.
“Now what do you think about what I think?” he asked.
“I think I’m in love with him,” I whispered.
“I believe that. You say his name, your eyes get funny. Sad. Like you’ve lost him somehow but, honey, all you gotta do to get him back is make a phone call.”
I closed my eyes.
“Emme,” he called.
I opened them.
“I thought I could make a phone call to get my wife back, my finger would be bleeding, dialing that number over and over again.”
This time, when the tears hit my eyes, it was Harvey who was swimming.
“You get me, honey?” he asked gently.
I could tell him. I could tell Harvey. I didn’t know why I couldn’t say it to anyone else.
I just knew I could say it to him.
“He terrifies me,” I whispered.
He leaned in and grasped my hand, holding it tight. “This man does not terrify you, my beautiful Emme, something else does. Now, please pay attention to what God granted you. He did not offer you a weak man who could not see whatever this is through. He offered you a strong man who can help you keep those fears at bay as you deal with whatever this is.”
“But he’s what I fear,” I semi-repeated.
“Why?” Harvey asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered, voice trembling.
“He’s told you he wants to lead you to answers. Let him,” Harvey replied.
“What if he’s—?”
I stopped speaking when Harvey jerked my hand and leaned close.
“Let him, Emme.”
I didn’t know where it came from but it came from somewhere because my lips were saying it. “There’s something wrong with me.”
“Stop going it alone, lean on a strong man who loves you and find out what that is. Then let him help you fix it.”
“I’m scared of it.”
Harvey held my eyes and mine were watery, but if I wasn’t mistaken, his were watery too.
“I’m scared too,” he replied.
That confused me.
“Why?”
“I’m scared for you, honey.”
That made sense.
“Go home, go to him,” he urged.
“You sure?”
“No way on this earth would I ever tell you something like that if I wasn’t absolutely certain it was the right thing to tell you.”
I gave his hand a squeeze.
“I love you, Harvey.”
His hand spasmed in mine, something sharp and wounded passed swiftly through his face before he hid it and whispered, “I love you too, my beautiful, Emme. Now get out of this old guy’s kitchen and find your man.”
The word was again trembling when I agreed, “Okay.”
He stood, and with his hand in mine, brought me up with him.
It was me, it was always me, who went in for the hug.
But always upon always, Harvey hugged me back. Firm, sweet and for a long time.
This time, he did it for longer.
Then he waited until I grabbed my jacket and purse and he walked me out to Persephone.
I waved as I drove away.
Harvey waved back.
* * *
Two minutes earlier, in the control room of Nightingale Investigations…
“Confirm it’s her,” Luke Stark, Lee Nightingale’s right-hand man, demanded over the phone to Jack, the man who most frequently worked the control room.
And the vast amount of time Jack spent in that room, he did it eyes to the large bank of monitors.
“Confirmed. Caught her goin’ in, didn’t get a clear visual. Caught her goin’ out and saw her full face. Got the photo Deck gave us. It’s her. She was there an hour. Lee’s off-line, but orders are, Deck knows the minute we see her there.”
“I’ll call Deck. Out,” Luke said.
Jack heard the disconnect.
Then his eyes went back to the monitors.
Chapter Seventeen
Lost You
Three hours later…
I drove back to the mountains and went straight to Jacob’s.
I was terrified, I didn’t know why, but I was. I’d admitted that.
And he’d told me he was intent on helping me figure it out.
And I loved him.
My finger would be bleeding, dialing that number over and over again.
Throughout the journey, I heard Harvey’s words repeating in my head.
And that was what did it for me.
I loved Jacob in a way that I knew life without him would be no life at all.
Like Harvey’s life was without the ones he loved.
And I’d known that for years. Even when I didn’t have Jacob, I’d known it.
Now I had him and something was wrong with me. But he wasn’t running for the hills, knowing it the same as me, and not wanting anything to do with it.
No.
He was with me.
With me.
Wanting to fix me.
Wanting a future.
Wanting babies.
Wanting me.
It was me holding back. Holding back for no reason that I understood.
But the most intelligent person I knew was Jacob Decker. So if someone could help me understand, it was him.
Having made my decision, I went to Jacob’s but he wasn’t there. I sat in his driveway, pulled out my phone and was about to call him when I decided against it.
I’d call him when I was home. For this, whatever it was going to be, I decided I needed to be home. And Jacob, being Jacob, he’d come to me.
He’d come right to me.
Any girl in her right mind who knew that down to her bones would squeal with pure joy.
It petrified me.
Yep. Something was not right with me.
Luckily, it petrified me in a figurative way, not a literal one, so I could drive home.
When I did, I found that, just like when Jacob was looking for me and I’d been at his place fuming, when I was looking for him, he was at mine, hopefully not fuming.
He’d given me space like he said he would. Three days.
I guessed he was done doing that.
This was good because I was too.
I pulled in a sharp breath.
This time, Harvey kept talking.
“Further, I think that a girl like you should in no way be living her life in a crumbling mansion up on some mountain all by herself.”
“Harvey—”
“And last, Emme, and most important, I think it’s time you stopped existing and started living.”
I sat back and it was my turn to stare.
Harvey never laid it out. He was gentle in every way, including verbally.
“Now what do you think about what I think?” he asked.
“I think I’m in love with him,” I whispered.
“I believe that. You say his name, your eyes get funny. Sad. Like you’ve lost him somehow but, honey, all you gotta do to get him back is make a phone call.”
I closed my eyes.
“Emme,” he called.
I opened them.
“I thought I could make a phone call to get my wife back, my finger would be bleeding, dialing that number over and over again.”
This time, when the tears hit my eyes, it was Harvey who was swimming.
“You get me, honey?” he asked gently.
I could tell him. I could tell Harvey. I didn’t know why I couldn’t say it to anyone else.
I just knew I could say it to him.
“He terrifies me,” I whispered.
He leaned in and grasped my hand, holding it tight. “This man does not terrify you, my beautiful Emme, something else does. Now, please pay attention to what God granted you. He did not offer you a weak man who could not see whatever this is through. He offered you a strong man who can help you keep those fears at bay as you deal with whatever this is.”
“But he’s what I fear,” I semi-repeated.
“Why?” Harvey asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered, voice trembling.
“He’s told you he wants to lead you to answers. Let him,” Harvey replied.
“What if he’s—?”
I stopped speaking when Harvey jerked my hand and leaned close.
“Let him, Emme.”
I didn’t know where it came from but it came from somewhere because my lips were saying it. “There’s something wrong with me.”
“Stop going it alone, lean on a strong man who loves you and find out what that is. Then let him help you fix it.”
“I’m scared of it.”
Harvey held my eyes and mine were watery, but if I wasn’t mistaken, his were watery too.
“I’m scared too,” he replied.
That confused me.
“Why?”
“I’m scared for you, honey.”
That made sense.
“Go home, go to him,” he urged.
“You sure?”
“No way on this earth would I ever tell you something like that if I wasn’t absolutely certain it was the right thing to tell you.”
I gave his hand a squeeze.
“I love you, Harvey.”
His hand spasmed in mine, something sharp and wounded passed swiftly through his face before he hid it and whispered, “I love you too, my beautiful, Emme. Now get out of this old guy’s kitchen and find your man.”
The word was again trembling when I agreed, “Okay.”
He stood, and with his hand in mine, brought me up with him.
It was me, it was always me, who went in for the hug.
But always upon always, Harvey hugged me back. Firm, sweet and for a long time.
This time, he did it for longer.
Then he waited until I grabbed my jacket and purse and he walked me out to Persephone.
I waved as I drove away.
Harvey waved back.
* * *
Two minutes earlier, in the control room of Nightingale Investigations…
“Confirm it’s her,” Luke Stark, Lee Nightingale’s right-hand man, demanded over the phone to Jack, the man who most frequently worked the control room.
And the vast amount of time Jack spent in that room, he did it eyes to the large bank of monitors.
“Confirmed. Caught her goin’ in, didn’t get a clear visual. Caught her goin’ out and saw her full face. Got the photo Deck gave us. It’s her. She was there an hour. Lee’s off-line, but orders are, Deck knows the minute we see her there.”
“I’ll call Deck. Out,” Luke said.
Jack heard the disconnect.
Then his eyes went back to the monitors.
Chapter Seventeen
Lost You
Three hours later…
I drove back to the mountains and went straight to Jacob’s.
I was terrified, I didn’t know why, but I was. I’d admitted that.
And he’d told me he was intent on helping me figure it out.
And I loved him.
My finger would be bleeding, dialing that number over and over again.
Throughout the journey, I heard Harvey’s words repeating in my head.
And that was what did it for me.
I loved Jacob in a way that I knew life without him would be no life at all.
Like Harvey’s life was without the ones he loved.
And I’d known that for years. Even when I didn’t have Jacob, I’d known it.
Now I had him and something was wrong with me. But he wasn’t running for the hills, knowing it the same as me, and not wanting anything to do with it.
No.
He was with me.
With me.
Wanting to fix me.
Wanting a future.
Wanting babies.
Wanting me.
It was me holding back. Holding back for no reason that I understood.
But the most intelligent person I knew was Jacob Decker. So if someone could help me understand, it was him.
Having made my decision, I went to Jacob’s but he wasn’t there. I sat in his driveway, pulled out my phone and was about to call him when I decided against it.
I’d call him when I was home. For this, whatever it was going to be, I decided I needed to be home. And Jacob, being Jacob, he’d come to me.
He’d come right to me.
Any girl in her right mind who knew that down to her bones would squeal with pure joy.
It petrified me.
Yep. Something was not right with me.
Luckily, it petrified me in a figurative way, not a literal one, so I could drive home.
When I did, I found that, just like when Jacob was looking for me and I’d been at his place fuming, when I was looking for him, he was at mine, hopefully not fuming.
He’d given me space like he said he would. Three days.
I guessed he was done doing that.
This was good because I was too.
