Key of Valor
Page 42
“With you?”
“No, Mama.” She stepped over, kissed Crystal’s cheek. “I had something I had to do out this way, and I thought I’d come see you. You’ve got an appointment coming?”
“ ’Bout twenty minutes.”
“Can I have some coffee?”
“Help yourself.” Crystal scratched her cheek as she watched Zoe reach overhead for another mug. “You just happened to have business out here? I thought you were starting your big fancy place over there in Pennsylvania.”
“I am, though I don’t know if I’d call it big and fancy.” She kept her voice upbeat and struggled to overlook the suspicion, and the criticism, in her mother’s. “Maybe you could drive over sometime and take a look. We should be open in just a few more weeks.”
Crystal said nothing. Zoe hadn’t expected her to. She just picked up the cigarette and took a long drag.
“How’s everybody?”
“Getting on.” Crystal shrugged a shoulder. “Junior’s still working for the phone company, doing right well. He knocked up that woman he lives with.”
Zoe’s cup clattered against the counter. “Junior’s going to be a daddy?”
“Seems like he is. Says he’s gonna marry her. I expect she’ll make his life a misery.”
“Donna’s all right, Mama. They’ve been together more than a year now. They’re going to have a baby,” Zoe said softly, and smiled at the idea of her baby brother being a father. “Junior was always good with babies. He’s got a gentle way with them.”
“Like a baby’s just gonna make everything all peaches and cream. ’Least Joleen’s not looking to start popping them out right off.”
Determined, Zoe kept the smile on her face. “Are she and Denny settling in all right?”
“They both got work and a roof over their heads, so they got nothing to complain about.”
“That’s good. And Mazie?”
“Don’t hear from her much now she’s got that place of her own down in Cascade. Thinks she’s pretty high and mighty since she went to business school and works in an office.”
What made you so sour? Zoe wondered. What turned you so hard? “You should be proud, Mama. Proud that all four of your children are making their way. You gave us the means to.”
“Don’t see any of them coming around here thanking me for working my ass off more’n twenty-five years so they could have food in their bellies and clothes on their backs.”
“I’m here to thank you for it.”
Crystal let out a snort. “What do you want?”
“I don’t want anything. Mama—”
“You couldn’t get away from here fast enough. Nothing was ever good enough for Queen Zoe. Got yourself pregnant from that highfalutin Marshall boy thinking you’d buy your way into the good life. He shook you off right quick, didn’t he, and what’d you do but take off hoping to land in another pot of gold.”
“Some of that’s true,” Zoe said calmly, “and some of it isn’t. I wanted to get away from here, I wanted something better. I’m not ashamed of that. But I never thought of my baby as a ticket to a better ride. I worked hard for you, Mama, and I worked hard for Simon and for myself. And I made something. I’m still making something.”
“That don’t make you better. That don’t make you special.”
“I think it does. I think it makes me better than the people who don’t buckle down and take care of their own. That’s what you did. You took care of your own, the best you could, and that makes you special. I know how hard it is to raise a child,” she continued while Crystal stared at her. “How hard, and how scary it is to raise that child, and worry about him and work to figure out how to pay the bills and just keep it all going with nobody to help.”
Another car started up, with a frantic backfire. “I only have Simon, and there were times I just didn’t know what I was going to do next, times when I didn’t know how I’d make it to the next morning, much less the next week. You did it with four of us. I’m sorry if I made you feel I didn’t appreciate it. Maybe I didn’t appreciate it enough when it was going on. I’d like to thank you for it now.”
Crystal stubbed out her cigarette, folded her arms across her chest. “You pregnant again?”
“No.” With a laugh, Zoe rubbed her hands over her face. “No, Mama.”
“You just stop in here, out of the blue, to say thanks?”
“I can’t say I knew that’s what I had in mind when I got up this morning, but yes. I just want to say thanks.”
“You always were a strange one. Well, you said it. Now I’ve got a customer coming in.”
Zoe let out a little sigh of defeat and set her coffee mug in the sink. “I’ll see you Christmas, then.”
“Zoe,” Crystal said as she turned for the door. After a brief hesitation, Crystal stepped over, gave Zoe an awkward hug. “You always were a strange one,” she repeated, then walked back to the counter and began separating rods.
With tears pricking her eyes, Zoe stepped out, let the screen door slap shut behind her. “ ’Bye, Mama,” she mumbled, and walked back toward the woods.
She didn’t know if she’d accomplished anything more than a kind of backtracking, but it felt right—just as the brief, self-conscious hug from her mother had felt right. She’d taken a step toward healing a personal wound, and finding the key.
She had to understand herself, didn’t she? She had to understand why she’d made the choices she’d made, and where they had led her, before she would understand what choice she had to make to find the key.
Eager to move forward, she hurried down the path. She would drive to Morgantown, go by the rooms she’d rented, go by the salon and the store where she’d worked, the hospital where Simon was born. Maybe there was unfinished business there, too, something to resolve, something to see.
She’d lived there nearly six years, the first years of her son’s life. But she hadn’t forged any strong ties. Why was that? She’d been friendly with the people she’d worked with, had spent time with her neighbors and a couple of other young mothers.
She’d had relationships with two men while she’d lived there, men she liked. But it was all so transient.
“No, Mama.” She stepped over, kissed Crystal’s cheek. “I had something I had to do out this way, and I thought I’d come see you. You’ve got an appointment coming?”
“ ’Bout twenty minutes.”
“Can I have some coffee?”
“Help yourself.” Crystal scratched her cheek as she watched Zoe reach overhead for another mug. “You just happened to have business out here? I thought you were starting your big fancy place over there in Pennsylvania.”
“I am, though I don’t know if I’d call it big and fancy.” She kept her voice upbeat and struggled to overlook the suspicion, and the criticism, in her mother’s. “Maybe you could drive over sometime and take a look. We should be open in just a few more weeks.”
Crystal said nothing. Zoe hadn’t expected her to. She just picked up the cigarette and took a long drag.
“How’s everybody?”
“Getting on.” Crystal shrugged a shoulder. “Junior’s still working for the phone company, doing right well. He knocked up that woman he lives with.”
Zoe’s cup clattered against the counter. “Junior’s going to be a daddy?”
“Seems like he is. Says he’s gonna marry her. I expect she’ll make his life a misery.”
“Donna’s all right, Mama. They’ve been together more than a year now. They’re going to have a baby,” Zoe said softly, and smiled at the idea of her baby brother being a father. “Junior was always good with babies. He’s got a gentle way with them.”
“Like a baby’s just gonna make everything all peaches and cream. ’Least Joleen’s not looking to start popping them out right off.”
Determined, Zoe kept the smile on her face. “Are she and Denny settling in all right?”
“They both got work and a roof over their heads, so they got nothing to complain about.”
“That’s good. And Mazie?”
“Don’t hear from her much now she’s got that place of her own down in Cascade. Thinks she’s pretty high and mighty since she went to business school and works in an office.”
What made you so sour? Zoe wondered. What turned you so hard? “You should be proud, Mama. Proud that all four of your children are making their way. You gave us the means to.”
“Don’t see any of them coming around here thanking me for working my ass off more’n twenty-five years so they could have food in their bellies and clothes on their backs.”
“I’m here to thank you for it.”
Crystal let out a snort. “What do you want?”
“I don’t want anything. Mama—”
“You couldn’t get away from here fast enough. Nothing was ever good enough for Queen Zoe. Got yourself pregnant from that highfalutin Marshall boy thinking you’d buy your way into the good life. He shook you off right quick, didn’t he, and what’d you do but take off hoping to land in another pot of gold.”
“Some of that’s true,” Zoe said calmly, “and some of it isn’t. I wanted to get away from here, I wanted something better. I’m not ashamed of that. But I never thought of my baby as a ticket to a better ride. I worked hard for you, Mama, and I worked hard for Simon and for myself. And I made something. I’m still making something.”
“That don’t make you better. That don’t make you special.”
“I think it does. I think it makes me better than the people who don’t buckle down and take care of their own. That’s what you did. You took care of your own, the best you could, and that makes you special. I know how hard it is to raise a child,” she continued while Crystal stared at her. “How hard, and how scary it is to raise that child, and worry about him and work to figure out how to pay the bills and just keep it all going with nobody to help.”
Another car started up, with a frantic backfire. “I only have Simon, and there were times I just didn’t know what I was going to do next, times when I didn’t know how I’d make it to the next morning, much less the next week. You did it with four of us. I’m sorry if I made you feel I didn’t appreciate it. Maybe I didn’t appreciate it enough when it was going on. I’d like to thank you for it now.”
Crystal stubbed out her cigarette, folded her arms across her chest. “You pregnant again?”
“No.” With a laugh, Zoe rubbed her hands over her face. “No, Mama.”
“You just stop in here, out of the blue, to say thanks?”
“I can’t say I knew that’s what I had in mind when I got up this morning, but yes. I just want to say thanks.”
“You always were a strange one. Well, you said it. Now I’ve got a customer coming in.”
Zoe let out a little sigh of defeat and set her coffee mug in the sink. “I’ll see you Christmas, then.”
“Zoe,” Crystal said as she turned for the door. After a brief hesitation, Crystal stepped over, gave Zoe an awkward hug. “You always were a strange one,” she repeated, then walked back to the counter and began separating rods.
With tears pricking her eyes, Zoe stepped out, let the screen door slap shut behind her. “ ’Bye, Mama,” she mumbled, and walked back toward the woods.
She didn’t know if she’d accomplished anything more than a kind of backtracking, but it felt right—just as the brief, self-conscious hug from her mother had felt right. She’d taken a step toward healing a personal wound, and finding the key.
She had to understand herself, didn’t she? She had to understand why she’d made the choices she’d made, and where they had led her, before she would understand what choice she had to make to find the key.
Eager to move forward, she hurried down the path. She would drive to Morgantown, go by the rooms she’d rented, go by the salon and the store where she’d worked, the hospital where Simon was born. Maybe there was unfinished business there, too, something to resolve, something to see.
She’d lived there nearly six years, the first years of her son’s life. But she hadn’t forged any strong ties. Why was that? She’d been friendly with the people she’d worked with, had spent time with her neighbors and a couple of other young mothers.
She’d had relationships with two men while she’d lived there, men she liked. But it was all so transient.
