Key of Valor
Page 63
He took her hand as they approached the trees. “What did you play with?”
“Tools and paints. I liked to fix things. I gave my dolls to Joleen and Mazie. There wasn’t any point pretending to take care of somebody when I already was. Oh, God, I wanted out of here. I wanted out, so bad, Bradley, then when James came around—I didn’t hope to get pregnant. But . . . I’m not sure I didn’t figure somewhere in my head that it had to be a man and babies after all, and that was the only way I was going to get out and get more.”
“What if it was?” He stopped as they reached the edge of the trees. “What if it was, Zoe? You were sixteen.”
“I’m not anymore, and I want you to know that I don’t look at you and think you’re a way I can get more.” She gripped both of his hands, hard. “I need you to know that before we walk through these woods.”
“I don’t think that. Hell, I can hardly get you to take more when I knock you over the head with it.” To soothe them both, he lifted her hand, pressed his lips to it. “But I’d take it from you. I want more from you.”
“If I could give it to anybody, it’d be you.” She wrapped her arms around him, pressed close. “You’re the best man I ever met in my life, and that’s what scares me most.”
“It’s about time you let me worry about myself.”
“A few more days,” she murmured, then pulling back, took his hand again and walked into the woods.
“I saw the white buck on the way through,” she told him. “But nothing else. It felt good to walk here again. Peaceful. Simon was conceived in here. It’s a good place, an important place for me.”
“For both of us, then.”
She walked the way she’d walked before, but there was no white buck, and no sense of import. When they came to the edge where the gravel began, she stopped again.
“I’ve got to go over and see my mother. You don’t have to come.”
“You don’t want me to meet her?”
Staring at the trailers, she blew out a breath. “Maybe you’d better. Saturday’s a busy day for her. She’ll probably have customers, so we won’t stay long.”
He saw some children playing on a rusted swing set, and a Doberman mix tethered by a thick chain that barked at them as if it’d already tasted blood. From a trailer to the left came the sounds of voices raised in a vicious argument. And to the right, a little girl was perched on a rickety step, singing her baby doll to sleep.
She looked up and offered Bradley a slow and beautiful smile. “Time for Cissy’s nap,” she told him in a whisper.
He crouched, angling his head around to look at the doll. “She’s very pretty.”
“She’s my sweet baby girl.”
As she spoke, the door opened behind her. A young woman stepped out, a dishrag in her hand and a cautious look in her eye.
“Can I help you?” She laid a hand on the little girl’s shoulder.
“Just admiring Cissy,” Brad said.
“I’m Crystal McCourt’s daughter, Zoe.” Understanding the mother’s caution, Zoe stepped up to touch Brad’s arm. “We’re just dropping by to see her.”
“Oh.” She relaxed visibly. “Nice to meet you. You gave me a start, is all. Chloe knows she’s not supposed to talk to strangers, but she can’t seem to help it. She trusts everybody. Tell Mrs. McCourt I said hey, and thank her again for cutting Chloe’s hair so nice.”
“I will.” As Zoe walked away, she heard the woman say, “Come inside with Mama, sweet baby girl.”
“Some people make a good life here,” she said quietly. “They plant little container gardens and have picnics in the summer.”
“And some people live in palaces and can’t make a good life. It’s not where, it’s how. And it’s who.”
Maybe, Zoe thought, that was one more thing she was meant to remember.
“That’s ours. Hers. Ours.” She dropped the hand she’d used to gesture to the dingy green double-wide. “I’m ashamed that I’m ashamed of this. And I hate myself for hating that you see this. She always said I had too much pride. I guess she was right about that.”
“I guess you’re not perfect, then. Maybe I don’t love you after all.”
She tried to laugh, but it got stuck in her throat.
“Are you going to introduce me to your mother, Zoe, or should I just go up and knock on the door myself?”
“She won’t like you.”
“You’re not taking into account my incredible charm.”
Noting the amused and confident tone, Zoe merely slid her gaze up to his face. “That’s one of the things she won’t like about you.” Resigned, she started forward. She heard the chattering inside as she reached the door. Young voices, at least two.
Saturday morning drives into Saturday night, she thought. Date night. A couple of girls wanted to get done up for a night on the prowl. She knocked on the metal frame of the screen, squeaked it open, then gave the inner door a good nudge with her shoulder.
Three girls, she noted. One with her hair already plastered with stripper. Somebody was going blond. The second had her short do already coated and setting up, and a third waited her turn and was holding out a fashion magazine to show off a hairstyle.
They sounded like an excited flock of birds, then fell into silence, then into snorting giggles when they spotted Brad behind Zoe.
The place smelled of bleach, dye, smoke, and last night’s dinner.
Crystal finished setting an egg timer on the counter, turned. Her eyebrows raised high. “Wind blew you back a second time in one month, and it ain’t even my birthday.” Her gaze shifted to Brad and held, speculatively.
“I was out this way. I wanted you to meet my friend, Bradley.”
“Bradley. That’s a silver-dollar name.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. McCourt.”
“Too many people in here.” She grabbed her cigarettes and her hot-pink Bic. “Go on outside.”
“Ladies,” Brad said to the girls, and the giggles erupted again as he stepped back.
“I can see you’re busy,” Zoe began.
“Good Saturday business today.” When the door shut behind her, Crystal flicked on her lighter, blew out a stream of smoke. “The Jacobson girl wants her hair blond. Wants to be Britney Spears. Had herself a nice head of chestnut brown, too, but it’s no never mind to me if she wants to ruin it.”
“Tools and paints. I liked to fix things. I gave my dolls to Joleen and Mazie. There wasn’t any point pretending to take care of somebody when I already was. Oh, God, I wanted out of here. I wanted out, so bad, Bradley, then when James came around—I didn’t hope to get pregnant. But . . . I’m not sure I didn’t figure somewhere in my head that it had to be a man and babies after all, and that was the only way I was going to get out and get more.”
“What if it was?” He stopped as they reached the edge of the trees. “What if it was, Zoe? You were sixteen.”
“I’m not anymore, and I want you to know that I don’t look at you and think you’re a way I can get more.” She gripped both of his hands, hard. “I need you to know that before we walk through these woods.”
“I don’t think that. Hell, I can hardly get you to take more when I knock you over the head with it.” To soothe them both, he lifted her hand, pressed his lips to it. “But I’d take it from you. I want more from you.”
“If I could give it to anybody, it’d be you.” She wrapped her arms around him, pressed close. “You’re the best man I ever met in my life, and that’s what scares me most.”
“It’s about time you let me worry about myself.”
“A few more days,” she murmured, then pulling back, took his hand again and walked into the woods.
“I saw the white buck on the way through,” she told him. “But nothing else. It felt good to walk here again. Peaceful. Simon was conceived in here. It’s a good place, an important place for me.”
“For both of us, then.”
She walked the way she’d walked before, but there was no white buck, and no sense of import. When they came to the edge where the gravel began, she stopped again.
“I’ve got to go over and see my mother. You don’t have to come.”
“You don’t want me to meet her?”
Staring at the trailers, she blew out a breath. “Maybe you’d better. Saturday’s a busy day for her. She’ll probably have customers, so we won’t stay long.”
He saw some children playing on a rusted swing set, and a Doberman mix tethered by a thick chain that barked at them as if it’d already tasted blood. From a trailer to the left came the sounds of voices raised in a vicious argument. And to the right, a little girl was perched on a rickety step, singing her baby doll to sleep.
She looked up and offered Bradley a slow and beautiful smile. “Time for Cissy’s nap,” she told him in a whisper.
He crouched, angling his head around to look at the doll. “She’s very pretty.”
“She’s my sweet baby girl.”
As she spoke, the door opened behind her. A young woman stepped out, a dishrag in her hand and a cautious look in her eye.
“Can I help you?” She laid a hand on the little girl’s shoulder.
“Just admiring Cissy,” Brad said.
“I’m Crystal McCourt’s daughter, Zoe.” Understanding the mother’s caution, Zoe stepped up to touch Brad’s arm. “We’re just dropping by to see her.”
“Oh.” She relaxed visibly. “Nice to meet you. You gave me a start, is all. Chloe knows she’s not supposed to talk to strangers, but she can’t seem to help it. She trusts everybody. Tell Mrs. McCourt I said hey, and thank her again for cutting Chloe’s hair so nice.”
“I will.” As Zoe walked away, she heard the woman say, “Come inside with Mama, sweet baby girl.”
“Some people make a good life here,” she said quietly. “They plant little container gardens and have picnics in the summer.”
“And some people live in palaces and can’t make a good life. It’s not where, it’s how. And it’s who.”
Maybe, Zoe thought, that was one more thing she was meant to remember.
“That’s ours. Hers. Ours.” She dropped the hand she’d used to gesture to the dingy green double-wide. “I’m ashamed that I’m ashamed of this. And I hate myself for hating that you see this. She always said I had too much pride. I guess she was right about that.”
“I guess you’re not perfect, then. Maybe I don’t love you after all.”
She tried to laugh, but it got stuck in her throat.
“Are you going to introduce me to your mother, Zoe, or should I just go up and knock on the door myself?”
“She won’t like you.”
“You’re not taking into account my incredible charm.”
Noting the amused and confident tone, Zoe merely slid her gaze up to his face. “That’s one of the things she won’t like about you.” Resigned, she started forward. She heard the chattering inside as she reached the door. Young voices, at least two.
Saturday morning drives into Saturday night, she thought. Date night. A couple of girls wanted to get done up for a night on the prowl. She knocked on the metal frame of the screen, squeaked it open, then gave the inner door a good nudge with her shoulder.
Three girls, she noted. One with her hair already plastered with stripper. Somebody was going blond. The second had her short do already coated and setting up, and a third waited her turn and was holding out a fashion magazine to show off a hairstyle.
They sounded like an excited flock of birds, then fell into silence, then into snorting giggles when they spotted Brad behind Zoe.
The place smelled of bleach, dye, smoke, and last night’s dinner.
Crystal finished setting an egg timer on the counter, turned. Her eyebrows raised high. “Wind blew you back a second time in one month, and it ain’t even my birthday.” Her gaze shifted to Brad and held, speculatively.
“I was out this way. I wanted you to meet my friend, Bradley.”
“Bradley. That’s a silver-dollar name.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. McCourt.”
“Too many people in here.” She grabbed her cigarettes and her hot-pink Bic. “Go on outside.”
“Ladies,” Brad said to the girls, and the giggles erupted again as he stepped back.
“I can see you’re busy,” Zoe began.
“Good Saturday business today.” When the door shut behind her, Crystal flicked on her lighter, blew out a stream of smoke. “The Jacobson girl wants her hair blond. Wants to be Britney Spears. Had herself a nice head of chestnut brown, too, but it’s no never mind to me if she wants to ruin it.”
