Key of Valor
Page 67
“Do you want the man who’s willing to stand by you, and your child?”
“I do.” There was a flutter under her heart as she selected the lotion for Dana. “But I don’t seem to trust either of us to make it work. Lie on your back,” she said when Dana came back in. “And there’s more than that, than not trusting us.”
Efficiently, she adjusted the towel that covered Dana from breast to crotch, then warmed the lotion in her hands. “If I take that last step with him, how much danger will that put him in? It’s kind of a quandary. If you love someone, you want to protect them. If I’m going to protect him, I can’t let myself love him. Not all the way.”
“If you love him, you ought to respect him enough to know he’ll protect himself.”
Zoe stared at Dana. “I do respect him.”
“I don’t think you do. You keep wondering if and when he’s going to let you down, let Simon down. When he’s going to walk. You’re talking to somebody who’s been there. You’re thinking you shouldn’t give him a hundred percent because you’ll need something in reserve when he takes a hike. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to that. You’ve got a lot on the line.”
“And what’s most on the line for Zoe? Personally,” Malory qualified. “The single thing you won’t risk?”
“Simon.”
“Exactly.”
“I know Bradley won’t hurt him.” Zoe massaged the lotion in, working her way down Dana’s body. “But the more Simon looks to him for the sort of things a boy looks for from a father, the more of a jolt it’ll be if things don’t work out. He’s had to deal with not having a father. Ever. Not like a divorce or even death, but never having one. However much I’ve smoothed it for him, however much he knows I love him, and I’m there for him, he’s always known there was someone who didn’t, who refused to be there. I don’t want him to ever feel unwanted again.”
“And to keep that from happening, you’d sacrifice. You’d fight,” Malory added. “Whatever it took, whatever it cost you, you’d fight. Because of all the choices you’ve made, Simon is the most important. He’s your key.”
“Simon?” Zoe repeated as Dana sat up. “Oh, sorry, over on your stomach. My mind’s churning.”
“Mal’s clicked on something.” Dana rolled over, but propped her head on her fist. “We’re the keys, the three of us. That’s been emphasized over and over. But of the three of us, Zoe’s the one who has—you could say—re-created herself in a child. Simon’s part of Zoe. Zoe’s the key, ergo, Simon’s the key.”
“Kane can’t touch him.” Fear wanted to leap up and choke her. “Rowena said she’d protected him.”
“Count on it.” Dana looked over her shoulder. “If he could do anything about Simon, he’d have tried by now.”
“I think it might be more than Rowena that protects him,” Malory added. “I think whatever can be done from the other side is being done. Someone’s children were already harmed. They won’t let it happen again. Between all that, and us, nothing touches Simon.”
“If I believed otherwise, I’d walk away from this in a heartbeat.” Zoe paused as she caught Malory’s nod. “Which Kane has to know, so he would have done anything he could to threaten my son. He hasn’t, because he can’t. Okay.” She let out a long breath. “Okay, let’s work from there. If Simon’s the key, or part of it the way he’s part of me, doesn’t that take me back to choices I’ve made regarding him? Having him was a choice, keeping him was a choice—the best ones I ever made. But I’ve been back there. And though I think going back mattered, I don’t have the key.”
“You made other choices,” Dana pointed out. “Went in other directions.”
“Been over some of those, too. It’s been a kind of journey, I guess,” she continued as she finished slicking the lotion on Dana. “Remembering, seeing it again, thinking about it all. It’s been good for me, all in all, because it validated my choices and let me see that the mistakes I made weren’t all that big. You want to roll over? I’ll get you your robe.”
“You came here to the Valley,” Dana began. “You got a job, you bought a house. What else?”
Malory held up a hand while Zoe helped Dana into her robe. “I’m not going to say all of that’s not important, and maybe going through some of the details is one of the answers. But we could look at this from a different angle. What if some of the answers have to do with Simon’s choices?”
“He’s a kid,” Dana pointed out, rubbing a hand on her forearm to admire Zoe’s work. “His biggest choice is which video game to play.”
“No.” Thoughtfully, Zoe shook her head. “No, children have a lot of choices. Right or wrong. Some of those choices stick with them, and push them in a certain direction. What friends they make. Maybe they read a book about a fighter pilot and they decide they want to fly. Right now, in a hundred different ways, Simon’s deciding what kind of a man he’ll be.”
“Then maybe you need to take a closer look at some of those decisions,” Malory suggested.
A decision Simon was particularly pleased with at the moment was his choice of Homer as a name for the pup. It combined some of his favorite things into one—baseball, a cartoon character, and a dog. Outside in the crisp fall air, watching Moe chase a tennis ball and Homer chase Moe, Simon figured life didn’t get any cooler.
Plus, the guys were coming over pretty soon to watch the game while his mom and her friends did girl stuff. He could eat potato chips till he puked.
He snatched up the ball Moe dropped at his feet, then did a lot of dancing and fake throwing to make the dogs totally nutso before he hurled it toward the trees.
When he went to school the next day, he’d tell all his pals about Homer. Maybe, if it wasn’t too goofy, he could get Brad to take a picture so he could show everybody.
He looked back toward the river while the dogs rolled around together. He really liked it here. He liked his house, too, and the yard and all. And living next to the Hansons. But, boy, he really liked it here, with the woods to explore and the river right there.
“I do.” There was a flutter under her heart as she selected the lotion for Dana. “But I don’t seem to trust either of us to make it work. Lie on your back,” she said when Dana came back in. “And there’s more than that, than not trusting us.”
Efficiently, she adjusted the towel that covered Dana from breast to crotch, then warmed the lotion in her hands. “If I take that last step with him, how much danger will that put him in? It’s kind of a quandary. If you love someone, you want to protect them. If I’m going to protect him, I can’t let myself love him. Not all the way.”
“If you love him, you ought to respect him enough to know he’ll protect himself.”
Zoe stared at Dana. “I do respect him.”
“I don’t think you do. You keep wondering if and when he’s going to let you down, let Simon down. When he’s going to walk. You’re talking to somebody who’s been there. You’re thinking you shouldn’t give him a hundred percent because you’ll need something in reserve when he takes a hike. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to that. You’ve got a lot on the line.”
“And what’s most on the line for Zoe? Personally,” Malory qualified. “The single thing you won’t risk?”
“Simon.”
“Exactly.”
“I know Bradley won’t hurt him.” Zoe massaged the lotion in, working her way down Dana’s body. “But the more Simon looks to him for the sort of things a boy looks for from a father, the more of a jolt it’ll be if things don’t work out. He’s had to deal with not having a father. Ever. Not like a divorce or even death, but never having one. However much I’ve smoothed it for him, however much he knows I love him, and I’m there for him, he’s always known there was someone who didn’t, who refused to be there. I don’t want him to ever feel unwanted again.”
“And to keep that from happening, you’d sacrifice. You’d fight,” Malory added. “Whatever it took, whatever it cost you, you’d fight. Because of all the choices you’ve made, Simon is the most important. He’s your key.”
“Simon?” Zoe repeated as Dana sat up. “Oh, sorry, over on your stomach. My mind’s churning.”
“Mal’s clicked on something.” Dana rolled over, but propped her head on her fist. “We’re the keys, the three of us. That’s been emphasized over and over. But of the three of us, Zoe’s the one who has—you could say—re-created herself in a child. Simon’s part of Zoe. Zoe’s the key, ergo, Simon’s the key.”
“Kane can’t touch him.” Fear wanted to leap up and choke her. “Rowena said she’d protected him.”
“Count on it.” Dana looked over her shoulder. “If he could do anything about Simon, he’d have tried by now.”
“I think it might be more than Rowena that protects him,” Malory added. “I think whatever can be done from the other side is being done. Someone’s children were already harmed. They won’t let it happen again. Between all that, and us, nothing touches Simon.”
“If I believed otherwise, I’d walk away from this in a heartbeat.” Zoe paused as she caught Malory’s nod. “Which Kane has to know, so he would have done anything he could to threaten my son. He hasn’t, because he can’t. Okay.” She let out a long breath. “Okay, let’s work from there. If Simon’s the key, or part of it the way he’s part of me, doesn’t that take me back to choices I’ve made regarding him? Having him was a choice, keeping him was a choice—the best ones I ever made. But I’ve been back there. And though I think going back mattered, I don’t have the key.”
“You made other choices,” Dana pointed out. “Went in other directions.”
“Been over some of those, too. It’s been a kind of journey, I guess,” she continued as she finished slicking the lotion on Dana. “Remembering, seeing it again, thinking about it all. It’s been good for me, all in all, because it validated my choices and let me see that the mistakes I made weren’t all that big. You want to roll over? I’ll get you your robe.”
“You came here to the Valley,” Dana began. “You got a job, you bought a house. What else?”
Malory held up a hand while Zoe helped Dana into her robe. “I’m not going to say all of that’s not important, and maybe going through some of the details is one of the answers. But we could look at this from a different angle. What if some of the answers have to do with Simon’s choices?”
“He’s a kid,” Dana pointed out, rubbing a hand on her forearm to admire Zoe’s work. “His biggest choice is which video game to play.”
“No.” Thoughtfully, Zoe shook her head. “No, children have a lot of choices. Right or wrong. Some of those choices stick with them, and push them in a certain direction. What friends they make. Maybe they read a book about a fighter pilot and they decide they want to fly. Right now, in a hundred different ways, Simon’s deciding what kind of a man he’ll be.”
“Then maybe you need to take a closer look at some of those decisions,” Malory suggested.
A decision Simon was particularly pleased with at the moment was his choice of Homer as a name for the pup. It combined some of his favorite things into one—baseball, a cartoon character, and a dog. Outside in the crisp fall air, watching Moe chase a tennis ball and Homer chase Moe, Simon figured life didn’t get any cooler.
Plus, the guys were coming over pretty soon to watch the game while his mom and her friends did girl stuff. He could eat potato chips till he puked.
He snatched up the ball Moe dropped at his feet, then did a lot of dancing and fake throwing to make the dogs totally nutso before he hurled it toward the trees.
When he went to school the next day, he’d tell all his pals about Homer. Maybe, if it wasn’t too goofy, he could get Brad to take a picture so he could show everybody.
He looked back toward the river while the dogs rolled around together. He really liked it here. He liked his house, too, and the yard and all. And living next to the Hansons. But, boy, he really liked it here, with the woods to explore and the river right there.
