Kyland
Page 52
"No," I squeaked out. "That's not how it would be. And I would turn it all down for you." Because it was true. I realized in that instant that I'd throw it all away for him. And I knew that was stupid and reckless and wrong, but it was how I felt. I wouldn't leave him here in this little house or on a lonely highway somewhere hitchhiking out of town. I wouldn't let him suffer and scrounge for food one more day of his life. I wouldn't. Nothing on earth could make me.
He barked out a sharp laugh and I winced. "Love will keep us alive?" he asked, his voice dripping with ugly sarcasm. "You of all people should know what a stupid thing that is to say. Love doesn't keep anyone alive. Food does. Warmth does. Have you, your sister, and your mama been barely surviving on love all this time, Tenleigh?"
I swallowed down a lump of hurt. "I just . . . No." I looked down, but then looked up at him. "Why don't you come with me, then?" My voice cracked on the last word.
"What?"
I moved closer to him. "Come with me. You said you were going to walk out of here. Make your way to California. I'll wait for you. You won't be able to stay with me, but . . . you can get a job, find a place of your own. We can be together there."
I swore I saw longing flit through his expression, but then he turned from me again. "I can't do that."
I looked down, biting my lip. The truth was, that would be difficult. He barely had any money at all. To hitchhike all the way across the country without stopping . . . and then what would he do? Live in a homeless shelter until he got a job? Could you even get a job from a homeless shelter? Where would he get clothes? Could I keep him hidden in my dorm room? Would that risk my scholarship? Okay, so the logistics weren't exactly adding up . . .
"Okay, then listen, I'll go to California, Ky, and when I'm done, I'll come back here and—"
"Don't you dare ever come back here," he yelled, startling me. His eyes were fiery with anger. "Don't you dare go to college and then come back here. Why would you ever even consider that? This is your chance, Tenleigh. Why would you ever come back here? The whole point of this scholarship is that you can get out of Dennville. It's the whole point. There are no jobs here—there's no reason on earth to come back."
I frowned. "The people I love are here—you're here, my mama's here, my sister."
He shook his head. "You finish college and then you get a good job and you pay for them to move to California with you. Then all three of you will have a chance at life."
"I'd come back here for you," I said. "Or you could work for a year, save some money, and then you could come to California. If we have to wait—"
"I can't do that."
"Of course you can," I said. "Anything's possible. We can make it happen. Why can't we?" I asked.
His eyes met mine. "Because Shelly's pregnant," he said.
For a brief second, the words didn't compute. Then, ice water filled my veins. "Shelly's . . ." I trailed off. "What? What does that have to do with you, Kyland?" I asked, my voice breaking on his name.
"I have to stay here," he said in barely more than a whisper.
The world around me swayed, and my face turned hot. "I don't understand," I said. "How could . . . It's yours? I don't . . ." I backed up and when I felt the wall behind me, I leaned against it. Kyland watched me, his expression wary, unreadable. "You had sex with her?"
He let out a long, shuddery breath. "I'm sorry. Things were getting too intense with us. I just needed to remind myself that—"
"That what?" I sobbed. Kyland winced. "That it was going to be possible to dismiss me when the time came?" Devastation hit me in the gut like a body blow and I weaved. This couldn't be happening. Oh God, oh God. No. No. No. No. No. I realized I was moving my head along with my inner screaming.
"You said you loved me," I croaked out. I put my hand to my head. This couldn't be real. Make it stop.
"I—"
I stuck my hand up to halt his words. I held it out in front of me, shaking, warding off whatever he'd been about to say, whether to confirm or deny. Either one would be equally as bad. A sob came up my throat.
Suddenly Kyland advanced on me. "You listen to me, Tenleigh. You are going to leave here. You are going to forget all about Dennville, Kentucky. Leave here and don't ever look back. And when the time comes, you'll make a life for yourself, your mama, and your sister. All three of you are getting out of here. Do you know how fucking rare it is for people like us to get out from under the poverty of a place like this? You have a chance. Take it."
I was still shaking my head back and forth, looking at him in horror. This wasn't happening.
"It was meant to be that you won the scholarship. It's for the best that I didn't. Because I wouldn't have been able to use it anyway."
"You touched her," I choked out in a horrified whisper. "You touched me and then you touched her. Or did you touch her and then still . . ." I let out a sob. "In what order did it happen, Kyland? Tell me!" I screamed, hot tears finally starting to fall.
"I, what?" he asked, looking confused.
"Did you betray me with her before or after you took my virginity?" I screamed. I was shaking all over now.
Kyland closed his eyes tightly and opened them again. "Does it matter?" he asked.
He barked out a sharp laugh and I winced. "Love will keep us alive?" he asked, his voice dripping with ugly sarcasm. "You of all people should know what a stupid thing that is to say. Love doesn't keep anyone alive. Food does. Warmth does. Have you, your sister, and your mama been barely surviving on love all this time, Tenleigh?"
I swallowed down a lump of hurt. "I just . . . No." I looked down, but then looked up at him. "Why don't you come with me, then?" My voice cracked on the last word.
"What?"
I moved closer to him. "Come with me. You said you were going to walk out of here. Make your way to California. I'll wait for you. You won't be able to stay with me, but . . . you can get a job, find a place of your own. We can be together there."
I swore I saw longing flit through his expression, but then he turned from me again. "I can't do that."
I looked down, biting my lip. The truth was, that would be difficult. He barely had any money at all. To hitchhike all the way across the country without stopping . . . and then what would he do? Live in a homeless shelter until he got a job? Could you even get a job from a homeless shelter? Where would he get clothes? Could I keep him hidden in my dorm room? Would that risk my scholarship? Okay, so the logistics weren't exactly adding up . . .
"Okay, then listen, I'll go to California, Ky, and when I'm done, I'll come back here and—"
"Don't you dare ever come back here," he yelled, startling me. His eyes were fiery with anger. "Don't you dare go to college and then come back here. Why would you ever even consider that? This is your chance, Tenleigh. Why would you ever come back here? The whole point of this scholarship is that you can get out of Dennville. It's the whole point. There are no jobs here—there's no reason on earth to come back."
I frowned. "The people I love are here—you're here, my mama's here, my sister."
He shook his head. "You finish college and then you get a good job and you pay for them to move to California with you. Then all three of you will have a chance at life."
"I'd come back here for you," I said. "Or you could work for a year, save some money, and then you could come to California. If we have to wait—"
"I can't do that."
"Of course you can," I said. "Anything's possible. We can make it happen. Why can't we?" I asked.
His eyes met mine. "Because Shelly's pregnant," he said.
For a brief second, the words didn't compute. Then, ice water filled my veins. "Shelly's . . ." I trailed off. "What? What does that have to do with you, Kyland?" I asked, my voice breaking on his name.
"I have to stay here," he said in barely more than a whisper.
The world around me swayed, and my face turned hot. "I don't understand," I said. "How could . . . It's yours? I don't . . ." I backed up and when I felt the wall behind me, I leaned against it. Kyland watched me, his expression wary, unreadable. "You had sex with her?"
He let out a long, shuddery breath. "I'm sorry. Things were getting too intense with us. I just needed to remind myself that—"
"That what?" I sobbed. Kyland winced. "That it was going to be possible to dismiss me when the time came?" Devastation hit me in the gut like a body blow and I weaved. This couldn't be happening. Oh God, oh God. No. No. No. No. No. I realized I was moving my head along with my inner screaming.
"You said you loved me," I croaked out. I put my hand to my head. This couldn't be real. Make it stop.
"I—"
I stuck my hand up to halt his words. I held it out in front of me, shaking, warding off whatever he'd been about to say, whether to confirm or deny. Either one would be equally as bad. A sob came up my throat.
Suddenly Kyland advanced on me. "You listen to me, Tenleigh. You are going to leave here. You are going to forget all about Dennville, Kentucky. Leave here and don't ever look back. And when the time comes, you'll make a life for yourself, your mama, and your sister. All three of you are getting out of here. Do you know how fucking rare it is for people like us to get out from under the poverty of a place like this? You have a chance. Take it."
I was still shaking my head back and forth, looking at him in horror. This wasn't happening.
"It was meant to be that you won the scholarship. It's for the best that I didn't. Because I wouldn't have been able to use it anyway."
"You touched her," I choked out in a horrified whisper. "You touched me and then you touched her. Or did you touch her and then still . . ." I let out a sob. "In what order did it happen, Kyland? Tell me!" I screamed, hot tears finally starting to fall.
"I, what?" he asked, looking confused.
"Did you betray me with her before or after you took my virginity?" I screamed. I was shaking all over now.
Kyland closed his eyes tightly and opened them again. "Does it matter?" he asked.
