Laces and Lace
Page 154
He couldn’t even believe what he was hearing. “Are you fucking kidding me? Do you hear yourself? This is insane and you are being ridiculous.”
She glared as she pointed to herself. “Oh, now, I’m being ridiculous? Add it onto my list of fucking fucked-up things about myself!”
“Don’t forget stubborn, Lacey, because Lord knows you’re that!”
“Well, you’re an asshole!” she said and he rolled his eyes.
“Guess I am. Maybe even inconsiderate.”
“Oh, for sure, inconsiderate!” she yelled and he shook his head.
“You know what, no, I’m not. I fucking do everything to make sure you are happy, comfortable, and the most satisfied woman in the damn world. And no matter what I say, you put yourself down. When you need someone to pick you up, I’m there, and I would be there for you all the fucking time if you let me. But you hold these pieces of yourself and I don’t understand why. You hide behind these walls and allow your family to dictate your life, but when I want to talk about our future, you shut down on me and accuse me of being like them when we both know I am nothing like them. What am I doing wrong? Tell me so I can fix it. I want to be the man you deserve.”
“Maybe I don’t deserve you or anyone because I’m not even worth it. Obviously everyone thinks I can’t think for myself.”
“Are you serious right now? Do you want to throw a fucking pity party for yourself? Because I refuse to do it for you. Get it together, Lacey! Don’t let your cancer define you. It’s gone; you beat it. You are so much stronger than you’ll ever realize,” he urged, but she looked away and it irritated him to the core. “And stop listening to everyone else; listen to your heart. Do what you want because that’s what I want for you. I want you to be happy, but all I am asking is for you to have the consideration to include me in decisions that are life-altering. You are just shutting me out, not even giving me the chance to decide with you. We are supposed to be a team, but you went from being a team player to a one-man team, and it’s pissing me off, Lacey. Include me.”
“You say you want to be included and make a team decision, but every time I don’t agree with you, you blow up on me.”
“What! When did I blow up? Minus now?”
“You want me to do what you want, or it’s no way.” Her tears started falling in floods again as she shook her head. “And I won’t allow you to do that to me. I did it for years with my dad, and I won’t allow you to do it to me.”
Frustrated beyond belief, he shook his head “You know what, you’re delusional. I am the most patient man in the world; my dad calls me a fucking pussy, Lacey! I can sit here and say all this till I’m blue in the face, but you’re already shaking your head,” he said, completely disgusted with this argument. “You need someone to blame for you freaking out, and you are pushing it all on me. Whatever. When you’re ready to have an adult conversation, I’ll be in my man cave,” he said and then he turned, heading to his cave.
“Fine,” she yelled at his back.
“Fine,” he yelled back, and when he got to the door, his eyes met hers and he honestly almost gave in. He nearly went to her and wrapped his arms around her to comfort her, but that would be giving in to her. That would be condoning her immature behavior. For blaming him for everything when he did no wrong. He tried being supportive, he tried to talk to her about the whole thing, but she was so damn stubborn and didn’t want to hear a thing he wanted to say.
Fine. They could talk in the morning, and maybe then she’d talk to him rationally instead of flying off the damn handle. He understood that it was stressful and that she was scared, but damn, give him a chance to talk. To try to figure out some way to make her feel better about the whole thing. He could accept that she didn’t want to have kids—that was fine—he was going to suggest adoption, but she wouldn’t even allow him to. It was whatever; they could talk in the morning.
But when he woke up, Lacey was gone.
Lacey was ignoring his calls.
Her phone had started ringing as soon as she landed, but she put it on silent and went straight to the women’s health center. As she stood at the podium in front of more than a hundred women who had either won their battle or were fighting for their lives, with tears in her eyes and love in her heart, she talked about strength and about loving yourself, but she felt like a complete fraud.
Where was this person last night?
Because the person who stood in front of Karson and yelled and screamed was a complete coward. Especially after leaving without even saying goodbye. She wanted to call and apologize, but she was so embarrassed. Karson was right. About everything, but she just flipped. She was tired of being told what to do, and she felt like he was going to do just that. He knew what he wanted, and he deserved that, but she couldn’t give it to him. Because of that, she put up the biggest wall in the world and placed all the blame on him.
It was her crutch. One she wasn’t proud of, but it always came out when she felt like the world was coming down on her. When her dad tried to control her, she shut down and conceded, the same with Rachel, even. But the only time she didn’t was when Karson was there, when he was supporting her, being her rock. But as he held her gaze last night, trying to suggest things that she had already thought of, all she saw was him saying fuck it and throwing her out. She wouldn’t back down from her decision, and she knew she owed it to him to talk it through, but in the end, she knew that he would decide that she wasn’t worth it.
She glared as she pointed to herself. “Oh, now, I’m being ridiculous? Add it onto my list of fucking fucked-up things about myself!”
“Don’t forget stubborn, Lacey, because Lord knows you’re that!”
“Well, you’re an asshole!” she said and he rolled his eyes.
“Guess I am. Maybe even inconsiderate.”
“Oh, for sure, inconsiderate!” she yelled and he shook his head.
“You know what, no, I’m not. I fucking do everything to make sure you are happy, comfortable, and the most satisfied woman in the damn world. And no matter what I say, you put yourself down. When you need someone to pick you up, I’m there, and I would be there for you all the fucking time if you let me. But you hold these pieces of yourself and I don’t understand why. You hide behind these walls and allow your family to dictate your life, but when I want to talk about our future, you shut down on me and accuse me of being like them when we both know I am nothing like them. What am I doing wrong? Tell me so I can fix it. I want to be the man you deserve.”
“Maybe I don’t deserve you or anyone because I’m not even worth it. Obviously everyone thinks I can’t think for myself.”
“Are you serious right now? Do you want to throw a fucking pity party for yourself? Because I refuse to do it for you. Get it together, Lacey! Don’t let your cancer define you. It’s gone; you beat it. You are so much stronger than you’ll ever realize,” he urged, but she looked away and it irritated him to the core. “And stop listening to everyone else; listen to your heart. Do what you want because that’s what I want for you. I want you to be happy, but all I am asking is for you to have the consideration to include me in decisions that are life-altering. You are just shutting me out, not even giving me the chance to decide with you. We are supposed to be a team, but you went from being a team player to a one-man team, and it’s pissing me off, Lacey. Include me.”
“You say you want to be included and make a team decision, but every time I don’t agree with you, you blow up on me.”
“What! When did I blow up? Minus now?”
“You want me to do what you want, or it’s no way.” Her tears started falling in floods again as she shook her head. “And I won’t allow you to do that to me. I did it for years with my dad, and I won’t allow you to do it to me.”
Frustrated beyond belief, he shook his head “You know what, you’re delusional. I am the most patient man in the world; my dad calls me a fucking pussy, Lacey! I can sit here and say all this till I’m blue in the face, but you’re already shaking your head,” he said, completely disgusted with this argument. “You need someone to blame for you freaking out, and you are pushing it all on me. Whatever. When you’re ready to have an adult conversation, I’ll be in my man cave,” he said and then he turned, heading to his cave.
“Fine,” she yelled at his back.
“Fine,” he yelled back, and when he got to the door, his eyes met hers and he honestly almost gave in. He nearly went to her and wrapped his arms around her to comfort her, but that would be giving in to her. That would be condoning her immature behavior. For blaming him for everything when he did no wrong. He tried being supportive, he tried to talk to her about the whole thing, but she was so damn stubborn and didn’t want to hear a thing he wanted to say.
Fine. They could talk in the morning, and maybe then she’d talk to him rationally instead of flying off the damn handle. He understood that it was stressful and that she was scared, but damn, give him a chance to talk. To try to figure out some way to make her feel better about the whole thing. He could accept that she didn’t want to have kids—that was fine—he was going to suggest adoption, but she wouldn’t even allow him to. It was whatever; they could talk in the morning.
But when he woke up, Lacey was gone.
Lacey was ignoring his calls.
Her phone had started ringing as soon as she landed, but she put it on silent and went straight to the women’s health center. As she stood at the podium in front of more than a hundred women who had either won their battle or were fighting for their lives, with tears in her eyes and love in her heart, she talked about strength and about loving yourself, but she felt like a complete fraud.
Where was this person last night?
Because the person who stood in front of Karson and yelled and screamed was a complete coward. Especially after leaving without even saying goodbye. She wanted to call and apologize, but she was so embarrassed. Karson was right. About everything, but she just flipped. She was tired of being told what to do, and she felt like he was going to do just that. He knew what he wanted, and he deserved that, but she couldn’t give it to him. Because of that, she put up the biggest wall in the world and placed all the blame on him.
It was her crutch. One she wasn’t proud of, but it always came out when she felt like the world was coming down on her. When her dad tried to control her, she shut down and conceded, the same with Rachel, even. But the only time she didn’t was when Karson was there, when he was supporting her, being her rock. But as he held her gaze last night, trying to suggest things that she had already thought of, all she saw was him saying fuck it and throwing her out. She wouldn’t back down from her decision, and she knew she owed it to him to talk it through, but in the end, she knew that he would decide that she wasn’t worth it.
