Laces and Lace
Page 155
So she left.
They needed some distance; she needed to think, and being around him, thinking wasn’t an option. He wanted to talk things out and fix them, but sometimes things weren’t fixable. This was one of those things. Maybe love wasn’t enough to hold them together, and that scared her. She had started to build a life with Karson, and like she had said last night, maybe she didn’t deserve it. Any of it.
He said not to allow her cancer to hold her back, that it didn’t define her, but for her whole adult life, even her younger life, cancer was her evil. It took her mother, her womanhood, her confidence in herself, and now because she was scared it would take all that from her child, it would ultimately take Karson away too. Because of all that, it did define her and she was terrified of it. At any moment, it could come back and take everything she had worked so hard for. And she couldn’t do that to her child. She wouldn’t.
But that more than likely meant she was going to lose Karson.
And she couldn’t decide what was worse because either way, she would lose everything.
Closing her eyes, she wished she could suffer from amnesia. Like forget everything. Forget watching her mother suffer and then die. Forget the pain, the feeling of dying and losing a part of herself that, if she wouldn’t have remembered its being there, she wouldn’t miss. She wished that she could forget how much pain she felt when she lost Karson and maybe even his presence altogether. Because maybe then the thought of his being with someone else, making a child and being happy, wouldn’t hurt so badly. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel like she was going to dissolve into nothingness because she didn’t have him.
But then again, why? Why would she want that?
If she didn’t remember watching her mother fight so hard and die trying, she wouldn’t have had the strength to fight her own battle. Yeah, she lost a piece of herself, but because of that, she was helping the world. And forgetting Karson was just plain dumb. He was her saving grace, her other half, her forever, and forgetting him would be worse than living through the pain of losing him.
Running her hands through her hair, she wished her world could be perfect. She wished that her family loved Karson, that she wasn’t scared to have children, and that they could live happily ever after. But as she sat at her desk, clicking through her email, she didn’t see that happening. She saw herself growing old and alone because no one would ever be Karson. She wanted to believe that maybe she would move on, but as soon as she thought it, she knew it was downright hilarious.
There was one person in the world for her and that was Karson.
Her forever.
Blinking back her tears, she swallowed past the lump in her throat as her desk phone rang. Glancing at it, she cleared her throat and then picked it up. “Lacey King, how can I help you?”
“Well, Mrs. King, let me tell you how you can help me,” Karson said and her heart completely stopped in her chest. “You can first explain to me how it is okay for my wife to run off and get on a plane without telling me goodbye. Without kissing me and promising that she would be back because I’m sitting here, thinking that she won’t. So please, can you help me with that?”
“Karson,” she whispered.
“Plus, Mrs. King, I think it is ridiculous that I had to call your work phone to get ahold of you,” he added, causing her lip to start to tremble. “Is your phone broken or are you ignoring it?”
She bit her lip to keep it from moving as she closed her eyes. “I’ve been busy all morning, and I was going to call you once I left the office.”
“Couldn’t text me that?”
Wiping away the tear that rolled down her face, she sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say that you love me, that you’ll be home when I get home tomorrow.”
Clearing her throat, she wiped away another round of tears as her heart thudded against her chest. “I love you, and I wish I wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye because I miss you so much,” she whispered as she sucked in a deep breath.
“Are you coming home to me, Lacey?”
She nodded even though he couldn’t see her, but then the door opened and Rachel burst in, saying, “I need you to sign this, and then I have a lady on line two who wants to order in bulk for some kind of goodie bag? For something, I don’t know, she wants to talk to you.”
When Lacey looked up, Rachel’s eyes filled with worry as Lacey said, “Karson, I need to go.”
“Seriously?” he asked. “I am trying to talk to you.”
“I know, and I’ll call you back. I promise.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said and then said bye before setting the phone down. Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose as she said, “Now what do you need?”
“What’s wrong, first?”
“Nothing. What do you want, Rachel?” she asked, meeting her best friend’s eyes. She must have known that Lacey wasn’t in the mood because she didn’t press for info, only did what she came into the room for. After talking to Melissa Eaton about ordering over three hundred pieces for goodie bags for a breast cancer survivors’ gala for over an hour, Lacey hung up the phone and leaned back into her chair as Rachel set her with a look.
“Now that that’s all taken care of, care to explain why you look like your dog died? Did Karson end up on the internet again?”
They needed some distance; she needed to think, and being around him, thinking wasn’t an option. He wanted to talk things out and fix them, but sometimes things weren’t fixable. This was one of those things. Maybe love wasn’t enough to hold them together, and that scared her. She had started to build a life with Karson, and like she had said last night, maybe she didn’t deserve it. Any of it.
He said not to allow her cancer to hold her back, that it didn’t define her, but for her whole adult life, even her younger life, cancer was her evil. It took her mother, her womanhood, her confidence in herself, and now because she was scared it would take all that from her child, it would ultimately take Karson away too. Because of all that, it did define her and she was terrified of it. At any moment, it could come back and take everything she had worked so hard for. And she couldn’t do that to her child. She wouldn’t.
But that more than likely meant she was going to lose Karson.
And she couldn’t decide what was worse because either way, she would lose everything.
Closing her eyes, she wished she could suffer from amnesia. Like forget everything. Forget watching her mother suffer and then die. Forget the pain, the feeling of dying and losing a part of herself that, if she wouldn’t have remembered its being there, she wouldn’t miss. She wished that she could forget how much pain she felt when she lost Karson and maybe even his presence altogether. Because maybe then the thought of his being with someone else, making a child and being happy, wouldn’t hurt so badly. Maybe then she wouldn’t feel like she was going to dissolve into nothingness because she didn’t have him.
But then again, why? Why would she want that?
If she didn’t remember watching her mother fight so hard and die trying, she wouldn’t have had the strength to fight her own battle. Yeah, she lost a piece of herself, but because of that, she was helping the world. And forgetting Karson was just plain dumb. He was her saving grace, her other half, her forever, and forgetting him would be worse than living through the pain of losing him.
Running her hands through her hair, she wished her world could be perfect. She wished that her family loved Karson, that she wasn’t scared to have children, and that they could live happily ever after. But as she sat at her desk, clicking through her email, she didn’t see that happening. She saw herself growing old and alone because no one would ever be Karson. She wanted to believe that maybe she would move on, but as soon as she thought it, she knew it was downright hilarious.
There was one person in the world for her and that was Karson.
Her forever.
Blinking back her tears, she swallowed past the lump in her throat as her desk phone rang. Glancing at it, she cleared her throat and then picked it up. “Lacey King, how can I help you?”
“Well, Mrs. King, let me tell you how you can help me,” Karson said and her heart completely stopped in her chest. “You can first explain to me how it is okay for my wife to run off and get on a plane without telling me goodbye. Without kissing me and promising that she would be back because I’m sitting here, thinking that she won’t. So please, can you help me with that?”
“Karson,” she whispered.
“Plus, Mrs. King, I think it is ridiculous that I had to call your work phone to get ahold of you,” he added, causing her lip to start to tremble. “Is your phone broken or are you ignoring it?”
She bit her lip to keep it from moving as she closed her eyes. “I’ve been busy all morning, and I was going to call you once I left the office.”
“Couldn’t text me that?”
Wiping away the tear that rolled down her face, she sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say that you love me, that you’ll be home when I get home tomorrow.”
Clearing her throat, she wiped away another round of tears as her heart thudded against her chest. “I love you, and I wish I wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye because I miss you so much,” she whispered as she sucked in a deep breath.
“Are you coming home to me, Lacey?”
She nodded even though he couldn’t see her, but then the door opened and Rachel burst in, saying, “I need you to sign this, and then I have a lady on line two who wants to order in bulk for some kind of goodie bag? For something, I don’t know, she wants to talk to you.”
When Lacey looked up, Rachel’s eyes filled with worry as Lacey said, “Karson, I need to go.”
“Seriously?” he asked. “I am trying to talk to you.”
“I know, and I’ll call you back. I promise.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said and then said bye before setting the phone down. Closing her eyes, she pinched the bridge of her nose as she said, “Now what do you need?”
“What’s wrong, first?”
“Nothing. What do you want, Rachel?” she asked, meeting her best friend’s eyes. She must have known that Lacey wasn’t in the mood because she didn’t press for info, only did what she came into the room for. After talking to Melissa Eaton about ordering over three hundred pieces for goodie bags for a breast cancer survivors’ gala for over an hour, Lacey hung up the phone and leaned back into her chair as Rachel set her with a look.
“Now that that’s all taken care of, care to explain why you look like your dog died? Did Karson end up on the internet again?”
