Letting Go
Page 26
“You’re the muse for the pieces, are you not?” she asked, turning enough to point at the drawing I’d just been in front of.
I looked to Jagger for help, but he was still staring at me with an intensity I felt in my core. My mouth opened, and I looked back to the woman helplessly.
“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you, you just look so much like her.”
“I—I . . . they are—”
“She is,” Jagger said quickly, stepping forward to put an arm around my waist and extending a hand to the woman. “Enjoy looking around, but I hope you don’t mind me stealing my muse away.”
“Of course not.” The woman smiled at him, and sent me a knowing look as Jagger pulled me to his side and walked us quickly through the building and down a dark hall.
When we reached the end of the hall, he turned me so my back was pressed against the wall and his body was caging me in. He slowly brought his hands up to my face, the tips of his fingers trailing along my jaw and cheeks until he was cradling my face in his large hands. For minutes, there was only the distant sound of the music playing in the gallery and our breathing as our eyes adjusted to the dark, and we just watched each other.
“I’ve been waiting to hear those words from you for a long time, Grey LaRue.”
My lips parted as his head dipped closer to mine, and soon Jagger was the only thing in my immediate world.
He paused a breath away, and my eyes fluttered shut when he slowly trailed his nose down mine. His lips faintly brushed against mine as he spoke. “I don’t want to be Ben, and I don’t want to take what the two of you had away from you. I’m not going to try to replace him, Grey, because I don’t want to forget him either. I just want to love you the way I always have, and hope that one day you’ll love me half as much as you love him.”
Slowly moving up, he passed his lips softly across one cheek, my forehead, and nose before settling back into the place that had me straining not to reach up to press my mouth to his.
“Don’t be scared. I will always take care of you, I will always put your heart before my own, and I will never push you for more than you’re willing to give me,” he promised. “I have no expectations, and being mine doesn’t change the fact that you can talk to me about anything—including him.”
I nodded my head, my nose and lips brushing against his as I did, and he leaned impossibly closer without completely closing the distance between us.
“Don’t be scared, Grey,” he repeated, his voice now barely above a whisper.
His mouth pressed against mine, the touch so tender, something so opposite Jagger, and yet something so completely Jagger when it came to the two of us. Both of our lips moved against the other’s in slow, synchronized movements before he slowly pulled away. Running a hand through my hair to brush it away, he left his hand cradling the side of my head as he stared down at me.
“You know what I want. Tell me what you want from me. Whether it’s everything or nothing, I’ll always be here for you.”
I swallowed past the tightness in my throat and brought my hand up to cover the one he was still holding against my cheek. Slowly letting my fingers glide down his arm until I was gripping the top of his forearm, I whispered, “I want you to kiss me again.”
That lopsided smile crossed his face for a brief second before his lips were pressed against mine. My hands dropped to his waist when he tilted my head back, and his tongue lightly teased my lips. My body sagged into his when I opened my mouth to him, want and need for him surging through my body as the tips of his fingers barely brushed down my neck.
“Grey,” he whispered into my mouth, and a shiver worked through my body.
Leaning back enough to break the kiss, I looked up into his eyes and his brow furrowed when he saw the wetness gathering in mine. His mouth opened, but I spoke first. “You deserve someone who can give you as much of them as you’re giving.”
Pain briefly crossed his face as he shook his head. “Tell me what you want.”
I moved one of my hands up to his chest and dropped my eyes to stare at it. “I want to be selfish enough to ask you to give me everything while I try to figure this out. Figure out how to be okay, how to not be scared, how to completely give myself to you. But I—”
“You’re not the only one who’s struggling, Grey,” he promised. “I’ve felt like I was betraying him for a long time, and I won’t lie to you, a part of me still feels that way. It’s hard knowing what is and isn’t right even though he’s not here anymore, because he was my best friend for most of my life. I’ve hated myself the last two years for not being able to stop loving you when I knew you were in so much pain. But I—I can’t. I can’t stop. I want you, and I want you forever.”
I looked up into his darkened eyes at his words, my mind and heart equally torn. I knew a future with Ben was impossible, and I knew I’d just been blinding myself to what I’d felt for Jagger for who knew how long. But it was also hard to see myself doing this with him; it felt like I was letting Ben go, and that had a panicked feeling battling with my need for the man holding me. The love I’d always had for Jagger, mixed with the love I’d been denying . . . I could easily feel them now that I’d acknowledged my feelings and was here in front of him. But the love was terrifying me, like even my heart knew I wasn’t allowed to love someone the way I’d loved Ben.
I looked to Jagger for help, but he was still staring at me with an intensity I felt in my core. My mouth opened, and I looked back to the woman helplessly.
“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you, you just look so much like her.”
“I—I . . . they are—”
“She is,” Jagger said quickly, stepping forward to put an arm around my waist and extending a hand to the woman. “Enjoy looking around, but I hope you don’t mind me stealing my muse away.”
“Of course not.” The woman smiled at him, and sent me a knowing look as Jagger pulled me to his side and walked us quickly through the building and down a dark hall.
When we reached the end of the hall, he turned me so my back was pressed against the wall and his body was caging me in. He slowly brought his hands up to my face, the tips of his fingers trailing along my jaw and cheeks until he was cradling my face in his large hands. For minutes, there was only the distant sound of the music playing in the gallery and our breathing as our eyes adjusted to the dark, and we just watched each other.
“I’ve been waiting to hear those words from you for a long time, Grey LaRue.”
My lips parted as his head dipped closer to mine, and soon Jagger was the only thing in my immediate world.
He paused a breath away, and my eyes fluttered shut when he slowly trailed his nose down mine. His lips faintly brushed against mine as he spoke. “I don’t want to be Ben, and I don’t want to take what the two of you had away from you. I’m not going to try to replace him, Grey, because I don’t want to forget him either. I just want to love you the way I always have, and hope that one day you’ll love me half as much as you love him.”
Slowly moving up, he passed his lips softly across one cheek, my forehead, and nose before settling back into the place that had me straining not to reach up to press my mouth to his.
“Don’t be scared. I will always take care of you, I will always put your heart before my own, and I will never push you for more than you’re willing to give me,” he promised. “I have no expectations, and being mine doesn’t change the fact that you can talk to me about anything—including him.”
I nodded my head, my nose and lips brushing against his as I did, and he leaned impossibly closer without completely closing the distance between us.
“Don’t be scared, Grey,” he repeated, his voice now barely above a whisper.
His mouth pressed against mine, the touch so tender, something so opposite Jagger, and yet something so completely Jagger when it came to the two of us. Both of our lips moved against the other’s in slow, synchronized movements before he slowly pulled away. Running a hand through my hair to brush it away, he left his hand cradling the side of my head as he stared down at me.
“You know what I want. Tell me what you want from me. Whether it’s everything or nothing, I’ll always be here for you.”
I swallowed past the tightness in my throat and brought my hand up to cover the one he was still holding against my cheek. Slowly letting my fingers glide down his arm until I was gripping the top of his forearm, I whispered, “I want you to kiss me again.”
That lopsided smile crossed his face for a brief second before his lips were pressed against mine. My hands dropped to his waist when he tilted my head back, and his tongue lightly teased my lips. My body sagged into his when I opened my mouth to him, want and need for him surging through my body as the tips of his fingers barely brushed down my neck.
“Grey,” he whispered into my mouth, and a shiver worked through my body.
Leaning back enough to break the kiss, I looked up into his eyes and his brow furrowed when he saw the wetness gathering in mine. His mouth opened, but I spoke first. “You deserve someone who can give you as much of them as you’re giving.”
Pain briefly crossed his face as he shook his head. “Tell me what you want.”
I moved one of my hands up to his chest and dropped my eyes to stare at it. “I want to be selfish enough to ask you to give me everything while I try to figure this out. Figure out how to be okay, how to not be scared, how to completely give myself to you. But I—”
“You’re not the only one who’s struggling, Grey,” he promised. “I’ve felt like I was betraying him for a long time, and I won’t lie to you, a part of me still feels that way. It’s hard knowing what is and isn’t right even though he’s not here anymore, because he was my best friend for most of my life. I’ve hated myself the last two years for not being able to stop loving you when I knew you were in so much pain. But I—I can’t. I can’t stop. I want you, and I want you forever.”
I looked up into his darkened eyes at his words, my mind and heart equally torn. I knew a future with Ben was impossible, and I knew I’d just been blinding myself to what I’d felt for Jagger for who knew how long. But it was also hard to see myself doing this with him; it felt like I was letting Ben go, and that had a panicked feeling battling with my need for the man holding me. The love I’d always had for Jagger, mixed with the love I’d been denying . . . I could easily feel them now that I’d acknowledged my feelings and was here in front of him. But the love was terrifying me, like even my heart knew I wasn’t allowed to love someone the way I’d loved Ben.
