Letting Go
Page 27
Jagger tightened his arms around me when he noticed the battle I was fighting. “You wouldn’t be the only one trying to figure out how to go into this, Grey. I told you I’ll be there for you, and I swear I will. Through every hard time, through every unsure moment, I’ll be there . . . I just want you to be mine.”
I nodded slowly, and a few tears slipped down my cheeks. “I want this. I know that I want you,” I whispered. The words were true, reaffirmed by the warming feeling in my chest, but that didn’t stop a tiny crack from forming in the same place for Ben. “I just hate that after you waited so long I still need to ask you to be patient with me.”
He smiled softly and brushed his thumb across my cheek. “Don’t. I would’ve waited forever for you. I hadn’t been planning on telling you, and I would’ve left you here in Seattle as long as you needed if it weren’t for your brother.”
My eyebrows pulled together. “What did Graham do?”
“He said that you were doing really good here, and asked how I would feel if you found someone else. I knew I had to get here and try to talk to you. I just hadn’t known how much better you would look. I’d already talked to Janie, so I knew you weren’t seeing someone, but when I saw you walk in tonight I just didn’t know how to fight for you when you looked so happy.”
“I told you this was because of you. I haven’t changed that much since I left. They picked out the outfit, made me go to a salon . . . and it was all with the hope that I would see you tonight.”
Jagger’s signature lopsided smile crossed his face, and he looked away for a second. “Yeah, I get that now. I should’ve known what Janie would do when I put her in charge.”
I laughed softly and shook my head in amazement. “You really came here and did all this because you were afraid I would find another guy?”
He didn’t respond, but the slight rise of one eyebrow gave me the confirmation I’d been looking for.
“No one else,” I said softly. “As unfair and horrible as it is for me to say it, I know it would kill me to see you with someone else. I don’t know when I fell in love with you. I can’t look back and remember when exactly it changed for me, only that it has.”
“I don’t care about the when, Grey.” He smiled as he leaned in and placed another deceptively soft kiss on my lips. What seemed so innocent had my legs weakening and my eyelids fluttering shut as I clung to his shirt. “What’s next?” he breathed against my lips when he pulled back.
I blinked slowly, trying to come out of the daze of the kiss. “What do you mean?”
“Are you ready to come back to Thatch, or do you need to stay here longer? Or do you not want to go back at all?”
“No, I want to go back. I just didn’t know how to before. It was easier to run away from it all and then stay gone when I knew everyone had been right. Like I told you, I’m scared. But I’m ready now . . . I’m ready to move.”
“Then let’s move.”
LATER THAT NIGHT, after the gallery had closed, I said good night to Jagger and went back with Janie and Heather to their apartment. They both demanded details as soon as Jagger had gotten us into Janie’s car and walked away, and with all their questions and pleas for me to give them every detail of my reunion with Jagger, I’d still been explaining everything by the time I’d started packing.
“I can’t believe you didn’t go back to his hotel with him!” Heather said in exasperation when I finished, and I shot her a look.
“Uh, why would I have?”
Her eyes widened like I’d missed something huge. “Have you seen that guy? And after you both declared your love and everything, how could you not want to go and explore the rest of what you’ve been missing?”
My hands paused above my bag, and I stared at her in shock. I’d only ever been with Ben, and up until sometime over the last six weeks, I’d been sure I would stay single for the rest of my life. Letting myself admit my feelings to Jagger had been hard enough; sleeping with him . . . well, that just wasn’t something I could think of yet. He and I both knew we had to go slow, we couldn’t . . . I couldn’t . . .
“Grey, it’s okay! Calm down, just focus on taking deep breaths in and out,” Janie said quickly as she moved in front of me.
I hadn’t even realized I’d started hyperventilating until I’d heard her talking. “I can’t yet,” I managed to get out, horrified.
“I know, it’s okay. It’s fine. Jagger knows that too.”
“Shit, Grey, I’m sorry,” Heather said. “I wasn’t thinking. Janie’s right; Jagger knows that. From what you said he isn’t going to rush you into anything. I was just being me and . . . well, it was stupid. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, I just . . . I hadn’t even thought about that. I—God, it’s ridiculous to be scared over that, right?” I laughed, but it sounded off.
“It’s not,” Janie assured me. “All of this is a lot, and it’s happened fast. You’re totally allowed to freak out over things. You made a huge decision tonight, and you don’t have to make the rest of them anytime soon, okay? Just go back to Thatch with him and be yourself. Let everything happen one day at a time, just like how you’ve been taking the last two years, all right?”
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, you’re right.”
I nodded slowly, and a few tears slipped down my cheeks. “I want this. I know that I want you,” I whispered. The words were true, reaffirmed by the warming feeling in my chest, but that didn’t stop a tiny crack from forming in the same place for Ben. “I just hate that after you waited so long I still need to ask you to be patient with me.”
He smiled softly and brushed his thumb across my cheek. “Don’t. I would’ve waited forever for you. I hadn’t been planning on telling you, and I would’ve left you here in Seattle as long as you needed if it weren’t for your brother.”
My eyebrows pulled together. “What did Graham do?”
“He said that you were doing really good here, and asked how I would feel if you found someone else. I knew I had to get here and try to talk to you. I just hadn’t known how much better you would look. I’d already talked to Janie, so I knew you weren’t seeing someone, but when I saw you walk in tonight I just didn’t know how to fight for you when you looked so happy.”
“I told you this was because of you. I haven’t changed that much since I left. They picked out the outfit, made me go to a salon . . . and it was all with the hope that I would see you tonight.”
Jagger’s signature lopsided smile crossed his face, and he looked away for a second. “Yeah, I get that now. I should’ve known what Janie would do when I put her in charge.”
I laughed softly and shook my head in amazement. “You really came here and did all this because you were afraid I would find another guy?”
He didn’t respond, but the slight rise of one eyebrow gave me the confirmation I’d been looking for.
“No one else,” I said softly. “As unfair and horrible as it is for me to say it, I know it would kill me to see you with someone else. I don’t know when I fell in love with you. I can’t look back and remember when exactly it changed for me, only that it has.”
“I don’t care about the when, Grey.” He smiled as he leaned in and placed another deceptively soft kiss on my lips. What seemed so innocent had my legs weakening and my eyelids fluttering shut as I clung to his shirt. “What’s next?” he breathed against my lips when he pulled back.
I blinked slowly, trying to come out of the daze of the kiss. “What do you mean?”
“Are you ready to come back to Thatch, or do you need to stay here longer? Or do you not want to go back at all?”
“No, I want to go back. I just didn’t know how to before. It was easier to run away from it all and then stay gone when I knew everyone had been right. Like I told you, I’m scared. But I’m ready now . . . I’m ready to move.”
“Then let’s move.”
LATER THAT NIGHT, after the gallery had closed, I said good night to Jagger and went back with Janie and Heather to their apartment. They both demanded details as soon as Jagger had gotten us into Janie’s car and walked away, and with all their questions and pleas for me to give them every detail of my reunion with Jagger, I’d still been explaining everything by the time I’d started packing.
“I can’t believe you didn’t go back to his hotel with him!” Heather said in exasperation when I finished, and I shot her a look.
“Uh, why would I have?”
Her eyes widened like I’d missed something huge. “Have you seen that guy? And after you both declared your love and everything, how could you not want to go and explore the rest of what you’ve been missing?”
My hands paused above my bag, and I stared at her in shock. I’d only ever been with Ben, and up until sometime over the last six weeks, I’d been sure I would stay single for the rest of my life. Letting myself admit my feelings to Jagger had been hard enough; sleeping with him . . . well, that just wasn’t something I could think of yet. He and I both knew we had to go slow, we couldn’t . . . I couldn’t . . .
“Grey, it’s okay! Calm down, just focus on taking deep breaths in and out,” Janie said quickly as she moved in front of me.
I hadn’t even realized I’d started hyperventilating until I’d heard her talking. “I can’t yet,” I managed to get out, horrified.
“I know, it’s okay. It’s fine. Jagger knows that too.”
“Shit, Grey, I’m sorry,” Heather said. “I wasn’t thinking. Janie’s right; Jagger knows that. From what you said he isn’t going to rush you into anything. I was just being me and . . . well, it was stupid. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, I just . . . I hadn’t even thought about that. I—God, it’s ridiculous to be scared over that, right?” I laughed, but it sounded off.
“It’s not,” Janie assured me. “All of this is a lot, and it’s happened fast. You’re totally allowed to freak out over things. You made a huge decision tonight, and you don’t have to make the rest of them anytime soon, okay? Just go back to Thatch with him and be yourself. Let everything happen one day at a time, just like how you’ve been taking the last two years, all right?”
I nodded quickly. “Yeah, you’re right.”
