Letting Go
Page 53
A sob broke free from my chest, and I leaned my head against the stone as I gripped his ring.
“I’m not letting this person take me from Jagger,” I said a few minutes later. “Your death was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and I will never forget you or what we had, but I can’t lose him too. There is a man who loves me and who loved you, a man who knows exactly what I need in my healing from losing you—and now it’s time I gave him my heart.” Pressing my fingers to my lips, I shakily pressed them to the stone and whispered, “I’ll always love you, Benjamin Craft, but it’s time for me to love him now. Please understand.”
On weak legs, I stood up and slowly walked back to my car. The drive was smoother and not nearly as rushed as the drive to the cemetery, but I needed the time to cry as I let a part of my life go.
When I was sure I was done crying, I wiped my face and took some deep breaths as I sat outside the place where I knew I needed to be. And just before I got out of my car, I unclasped the necklace I’d worn every day for the past two years and set Ben’s ring down in one of my cup holders. Slowly climbing out of my car, I walked up to the door of the warehouse and unlocked it. I could have called him to let him know I was coming—I should have. But I would’ve started explaining why I was coming, and this wasn’t something that could be said over the phone, and I knew he was awake by the loud music that met me before I even had the door open. Slipping out of my flip-flops and setting my keys and phone down on the counter, I steadied my breathing as I made my way through the large room and to the halls.
My breath caught as I saw Jagger working furiously on a piece in front of him, and just like the last time I’d caught him working—the picture was of me. I looked lost. A part of me wondered if he was replicating what he’d seen on my face tonight, and I hated that I’d zoned out and fallen back into a place where I wasn’t sure of anything.
Jagger hung his head, one hand moving to grip the back of his neck as he stood there in front of the drawing. Dropping the charcoal in his other hand, he looked up and started using his fingers to continue creating what was in his mind, and a small smile crossed my face when I saw the streak of black on the back of his neck.
When I was halfway down the hall, his body suddenly straightened and he slowly looked over his shoulder to where I was standing. Shock crossed his face, but not soon enough that I didn’t see the pain and fear that had been there seconds before. He turned to face me, and just stood there for a few moments before hitting the stereo until the music abruptly cut off.
“What are you—what time is it?”
I shrugged and shook my head. “Um . . . late? I don’t know.”
“Are you okay?” he asked as he closed the distance between us, and my smile came back as I got a better look at his charcoal-streaked face.
Lifting my hands to wipe them across the streaks, I looked up into his green eyes. “You have a little something.”
Jagger gripped my wrists, loose enough so it didn’t hurt, but tight enough that I could feel the way his body was vibrating. “Why are you here, Grey?”
My smile fell as my stomach turned. I’d hurt him tonight, it was clear. Brushing my fingers across his cheeks again, I locked my eyes with his and knew I was ready. Knew that I was making the right decision. Jagger already knew I loved him, but this—it was different, and he would know. “I love you, Jagger Easton.”
His worried face softened. “I love you too.”
“I needed to tell you that I’m in love with you, and I’m ready.”
A lopsided smile pulled at his lips as he bent his head lower. “Yeah?” he asked when his forehead rested against mine. “What are you ready for?”
“Everything,” I whispered. Looking directly into his green eyes, I hooked my fingers inside the top of his jeans before slowly unbuttoning them. “Everything with you.”
“Don’t do this for me.”
“I’m not,” I promised. “I’m doing it for us.” Pulling away from him, I started walking backward down the hall, my gaze locked with his the entire time.
With shaky hands, I moved the thin straps of my top off my shoulders and down my arms, and the desire was clear in Jagger’s eyes as I turned the corner to the hall leading out to the main room. I made it to the stairs leading up to his loft before he grabbed me from behind and slammed my body to his. One hand pressed against my stomach as the other trailed up my arm to my bare shoulder. His lips pressed to the base of my neck as his trailing hand moved over my br**sts and slowly pulled the shirt down to free them.
“If you need to stop—”
“I won’t,” I assured him.
Pulling my shirt down the rest of the way, I pushed it past my h*ps and down my legs as his large hands explored my torso and chest. I leaned back against his bare chest and wondered briefly when he’d taken his shirt off; then my thoughts were only on his lips and hands. One of his hands slid down to cup me through my thin shorts, and I moaned as I arched my back off him.
“Jagger,” I whimpered.
His lips brushed against the sensitive skin of my neck as he mumbled, “I’m getting charcoal all over you.”
“I don’t care.”
A soft laugh rumbled through his chest as he pushed me up the stairs and simultaneously finished undressing me. Never once did his hands and lips leave some part of my body, and the ascent that should have taken seconds ended up taking a few minutes.
“I’m not letting this person take me from Jagger,” I said a few minutes later. “Your death was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and I will never forget you or what we had, but I can’t lose him too. There is a man who loves me and who loved you, a man who knows exactly what I need in my healing from losing you—and now it’s time I gave him my heart.” Pressing my fingers to my lips, I shakily pressed them to the stone and whispered, “I’ll always love you, Benjamin Craft, but it’s time for me to love him now. Please understand.”
On weak legs, I stood up and slowly walked back to my car. The drive was smoother and not nearly as rushed as the drive to the cemetery, but I needed the time to cry as I let a part of my life go.
When I was sure I was done crying, I wiped my face and took some deep breaths as I sat outside the place where I knew I needed to be. And just before I got out of my car, I unclasped the necklace I’d worn every day for the past two years and set Ben’s ring down in one of my cup holders. Slowly climbing out of my car, I walked up to the door of the warehouse and unlocked it. I could have called him to let him know I was coming—I should have. But I would’ve started explaining why I was coming, and this wasn’t something that could be said over the phone, and I knew he was awake by the loud music that met me before I even had the door open. Slipping out of my flip-flops and setting my keys and phone down on the counter, I steadied my breathing as I made my way through the large room and to the halls.
My breath caught as I saw Jagger working furiously on a piece in front of him, and just like the last time I’d caught him working—the picture was of me. I looked lost. A part of me wondered if he was replicating what he’d seen on my face tonight, and I hated that I’d zoned out and fallen back into a place where I wasn’t sure of anything.
Jagger hung his head, one hand moving to grip the back of his neck as he stood there in front of the drawing. Dropping the charcoal in his other hand, he looked up and started using his fingers to continue creating what was in his mind, and a small smile crossed my face when I saw the streak of black on the back of his neck.
When I was halfway down the hall, his body suddenly straightened and he slowly looked over his shoulder to where I was standing. Shock crossed his face, but not soon enough that I didn’t see the pain and fear that had been there seconds before. He turned to face me, and just stood there for a few moments before hitting the stereo until the music abruptly cut off.
“What are you—what time is it?”
I shrugged and shook my head. “Um . . . late? I don’t know.”
“Are you okay?” he asked as he closed the distance between us, and my smile came back as I got a better look at his charcoal-streaked face.
Lifting my hands to wipe them across the streaks, I looked up into his green eyes. “You have a little something.”
Jagger gripped my wrists, loose enough so it didn’t hurt, but tight enough that I could feel the way his body was vibrating. “Why are you here, Grey?”
My smile fell as my stomach turned. I’d hurt him tonight, it was clear. Brushing my fingers across his cheeks again, I locked my eyes with his and knew I was ready. Knew that I was making the right decision. Jagger already knew I loved him, but this—it was different, and he would know. “I love you, Jagger Easton.”
His worried face softened. “I love you too.”
“I needed to tell you that I’m in love with you, and I’m ready.”
A lopsided smile pulled at his lips as he bent his head lower. “Yeah?” he asked when his forehead rested against mine. “What are you ready for?”
“Everything,” I whispered. Looking directly into his green eyes, I hooked my fingers inside the top of his jeans before slowly unbuttoning them. “Everything with you.”
“Don’t do this for me.”
“I’m not,” I promised. “I’m doing it for us.” Pulling away from him, I started walking backward down the hall, my gaze locked with his the entire time.
With shaky hands, I moved the thin straps of my top off my shoulders and down my arms, and the desire was clear in Jagger’s eyes as I turned the corner to the hall leading out to the main room. I made it to the stairs leading up to his loft before he grabbed me from behind and slammed my body to his. One hand pressed against my stomach as the other trailed up my arm to my bare shoulder. His lips pressed to the base of my neck as his trailing hand moved over my br**sts and slowly pulled the shirt down to free them.
“If you need to stop—”
“I won’t,” I assured him.
Pulling my shirt down the rest of the way, I pushed it past my h*ps and down my legs as his large hands explored my torso and chest. I leaned back against his bare chest and wondered briefly when he’d taken his shirt off; then my thoughts were only on his lips and hands. One of his hands slid down to cup me through my thin shorts, and I moaned as I arched my back off him.
“Jagger,” I whimpered.
His lips brushed against the sensitive skin of my neck as he mumbled, “I’m getting charcoal all over you.”
“I don’t care.”
A soft laugh rumbled through his chest as he pushed me up the stairs and simultaneously finished undressing me. Never once did his hands and lips leave some part of my body, and the ascent that should have taken seconds ended up taking a few minutes.
