Letting Go
Page 54
Jagger lowered me onto his bed, and I watched him through hooded eyes as he slowly reached for the zipper on his jeans—his eyes raking over me as he let his pants fall to the floor and stepped out of them. As he crawled onto the bed to hover over me, his head dipped and he pressed his mouth to mine, then continued in a line down my neck toward my chest. I ran my hands over his short hair before intertwining my fingers at the back of his head to keep him against me and feel his lips curve up into a smile.
A breathy sigh fell past my lips when he settled himself between my legs and gently rocked against me. Releasing the hold I had on him, I slid my hands over the muscles of his back until I hit the band of his boxer briefs. I pushed down with one hand while the other gripped his back, and a rough needy noise sounded in his throat as I slowly rid him of the only material separating us.
Moving back up my body when the briefs were on the floor, Jagger gently grazed my ear with his teeth before mumbling, “You’re mine, Grey.”
Raising himself a little higher above me, he captured and held my eyes as he positioned himself against me before pressing into me. My mouth fell open in a wordless plea at the most perfect torture I’d ever known as he slowly filled me inch by inch. I wrapped my legs around his narrow h*ps to bring him closer to me, and his next kiss quieted my moans as he finally began moving inside me.
My eyes fluttered shut and my head fell back against the bed when his pace quickened. My hands clung to Jagger’s body as he quickly became my everything. He was everywhere physically and emotionally, and yet I still wanted more. I wanted more of him, I wanted all of this, and I wanted it forever.
I wanted him to be my forever.
Something deep inside my soul broke open as I let go and gave everything that was left of me to Jagger.
Burying my head in the crook of his neck, I breathed him in and focused on his shuddering muscles and harsh breathing as he brought us both over the edge. I continued to cling to him as I slowly came down off the high he’d just given me, refusing to give this moment up just yet. After what we’d just shared, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to get enough of him. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to get used to this feeling he gave me. This calm, this safety, this appreciation, and this sense of finally being whole and having everything I would ever need.
He was my best friend. He was my protector and healer. And I was so in love with him.
Moving to press his lips to my cheek, he stilled against me and I felt his body tighten. Before I could question the sudden terror in his eyes, a broken exhalation left him and he wiped his thumbs against my cheeks as he sat back.
“Grey,” he breathed. “God, Grey, I’m sorry.”
My eyebrows pinched together as confusion engulfed me. “What?” He was sorry about what we’d just done? “I don’t—why?”
I watched as his features softened and he leaned closer to me. “Babe, you’re crying,” he explained, and his fingers brushed against my cheeks again.
Releasing the grip I had on him, I wiped at my own cheeks—my head shaking back and forth when I saw the wetness on my fingers. “I didn’t know.” Understanding covered his face, and I quickly cradled his face in my hands. “No! No, it’s not what you think, I swear.”
“It’s okay,” his deep voice crooned.
“No. Jagger, just no, please listen to me.” Pushing him to the side, I rolled us over until I was on top of him, my legs straddling his waist. “I didn’t know I was crying, but it has nothing to do with Ben. I finally let go. I let go, and giving myself to you was . . .” I trailed off and looked around the room as I tried to find the words for something that was beyond describing. “It shook my soul, Jagger. What just happened was perfect, and indescribable, and more than I ever imagined it could be.”
Brushing away loose strands of hair, he cupped my cheek with his large hand, and his lips slowly tilted up in a soft smile. A smile that quickly disappeared when his eyes fell to my chest. Releasing my cheek, his fingers lightly traced along the bottom of my neck to my chest, the question clear on his face. “Where’s his—”
“It was time. I was clinging to a memory, and it was time to let that memory go. I couldn’t let the past get between us anymore.”
“Grey . . .”
“I’m yours.” Bending down to rest my forehead on his, I whispered, “I’m yours, and you’re mine. Finally giving myself to you was what broke me in the most beautiful way. Those tears weren’t sad. They were freeing.”
Reaching up to kiss me, he mumbled against my lips, “I love you.”
“I love you,” I choked out, my voice breaking on the last word.
Lifting my h*ps off him, I moved back and slowly lowered myself onto him—chills coursing through my body at being filled by him again. When I looked up, his green eyes were locked on mine, and the intensity in them had my stomach heating. And I loved the feeling.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” I assured him.
I WOKE UP the next morning with my body half draped across Jagger’s, one of his arms tightly wrapped around my waist, the comforter somewhere on the floor, and the sheet tangled around our legs. A smile broke across my face as my body slowly rose and fell in time with his steady breathing. I ached in a way I hadn’t ached in years, but it just made this morning that much more real and perfect. Last night had changed our relationship, and it had changed me. I was ready for whatever this brought for us.
A breathy sigh fell past my lips when he settled himself between my legs and gently rocked against me. Releasing the hold I had on him, I slid my hands over the muscles of his back until I hit the band of his boxer briefs. I pushed down with one hand while the other gripped his back, and a rough needy noise sounded in his throat as I slowly rid him of the only material separating us.
Moving back up my body when the briefs were on the floor, Jagger gently grazed my ear with his teeth before mumbling, “You’re mine, Grey.”
Raising himself a little higher above me, he captured and held my eyes as he positioned himself against me before pressing into me. My mouth fell open in a wordless plea at the most perfect torture I’d ever known as he slowly filled me inch by inch. I wrapped my legs around his narrow h*ps to bring him closer to me, and his next kiss quieted my moans as he finally began moving inside me.
My eyes fluttered shut and my head fell back against the bed when his pace quickened. My hands clung to Jagger’s body as he quickly became my everything. He was everywhere physically and emotionally, and yet I still wanted more. I wanted more of him, I wanted all of this, and I wanted it forever.
I wanted him to be my forever.
Something deep inside my soul broke open as I let go and gave everything that was left of me to Jagger.
Burying my head in the crook of his neck, I breathed him in and focused on his shuddering muscles and harsh breathing as he brought us both over the edge. I continued to cling to him as I slowly came down off the high he’d just given me, refusing to give this moment up just yet. After what we’d just shared, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to get enough of him. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to get used to this feeling he gave me. This calm, this safety, this appreciation, and this sense of finally being whole and having everything I would ever need.
He was my best friend. He was my protector and healer. And I was so in love with him.
Moving to press his lips to my cheek, he stilled against me and I felt his body tighten. Before I could question the sudden terror in his eyes, a broken exhalation left him and he wiped his thumbs against my cheeks as he sat back.
“Grey,” he breathed. “God, Grey, I’m sorry.”
My eyebrows pinched together as confusion engulfed me. “What?” He was sorry about what we’d just done? “I don’t—why?”
I watched as his features softened and he leaned closer to me. “Babe, you’re crying,” he explained, and his fingers brushed against my cheeks again.
Releasing the grip I had on him, I wiped at my own cheeks—my head shaking back and forth when I saw the wetness on my fingers. “I didn’t know.” Understanding covered his face, and I quickly cradled his face in my hands. “No! No, it’s not what you think, I swear.”
“It’s okay,” his deep voice crooned.
“No. Jagger, just no, please listen to me.” Pushing him to the side, I rolled us over until I was on top of him, my legs straddling his waist. “I didn’t know I was crying, but it has nothing to do with Ben. I finally let go. I let go, and giving myself to you was . . .” I trailed off and looked around the room as I tried to find the words for something that was beyond describing. “It shook my soul, Jagger. What just happened was perfect, and indescribable, and more than I ever imagined it could be.”
Brushing away loose strands of hair, he cupped my cheek with his large hand, and his lips slowly tilted up in a soft smile. A smile that quickly disappeared when his eyes fell to my chest. Releasing my cheek, his fingers lightly traced along the bottom of my neck to my chest, the question clear on his face. “Where’s his—”
“It was time. I was clinging to a memory, and it was time to let that memory go. I couldn’t let the past get between us anymore.”
“Grey . . .”
“I’m yours.” Bending down to rest my forehead on his, I whispered, “I’m yours, and you’re mine. Finally giving myself to you was what broke me in the most beautiful way. Those tears weren’t sad. They were freeing.”
Reaching up to kiss me, he mumbled against my lips, “I love you.”
“I love you,” I choked out, my voice breaking on the last word.
Lifting my h*ps off him, I moved back and slowly lowered myself onto him—chills coursing through my body at being filled by him again. When I looked up, his green eyes were locked on mine, and the intensity in them had my stomach heating. And I loved the feeling.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” I assured him.
I WOKE UP the next morning with my body half draped across Jagger’s, one of his arms tightly wrapped around my waist, the comforter somewhere on the floor, and the sheet tangled around our legs. A smile broke across my face as my body slowly rose and fell in time with his steady breathing. I ached in a way I hadn’t ached in years, but it just made this morning that much more real and perfect. Last night had changed our relationship, and it had changed me. I was ready for whatever this brought for us.
