Life After Taylah
Page 36
“So, basically the only reason you’re with me is so you can take over my share of the business?”
He pins me with a scathing glare. “Don’t pretend you’re in this, Avery. Because we both know there’s no real connection between us.”
“Then why do we do it? Why are we wasting what is such a short life together?”
“If you’re thinking of leaving,” he snarls, “don’t. You’ve got no life outside of me, Avery. Your father holds everything you are in his hands and if you walk from me, he’ll crush it.”
It hurts me that I’m in this over a threat. It hurts me that my father would do such a thing. But what hurts the most is the reality that I’ll never be loved. I’ll never feel that soul-crushing, heart-stopping emotion that will change my life. Instead, I’ll fall for a man I can never have and marry one I don’t want.
That’s not a life.
“What is our life to be like in ten years?” I whisper, my voice too shaky to show itself.
“The same as it is now.”
That wasn’t the right answer.
He could have said better, or even we’ll try. But the same . . . the same? That crushes any hope I have left in my heart. I stare down at my hands and hear the waiter come to our table. He places another bottle of the best wine into the ice bucket beside the table, then he places our meals down. I can’t eat that—that fancy meal that I don’t even like. I can’t do anything of this. It’s not fair. I don’t want to live forever with a man who can barely look at me with affection, let alone give it.
I get to my feet, shoving my chair back.
“Where are you going?” Jacob asks, staring up at me. His expression is bored, as though our conversation didn’t even spark any kind of feeling from him.
“I’m going home.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I laugh bitterly. “Are you joking?”
He stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “Ah, no?”
“Jesus, Jacob. Doesn’t it bother you that you’re going to marry a woman you don’t even love? That you’ll spend your life without ever feeling love?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t need love, and as for any sort of affectionate feelings, that’s what I’ll take lovers for.”
My mouth drops open. He did not just say lovers.
“What?” I gasp.
“Don’t look like it actually shocks you, Avery. You don’t care if I fuck other women.”
“I would if I was your wife!” I cry. “I would if I had to tie myself to you for life.”
“We’re not going to have this conversation. You don’t get a say in this; you don’t get to choose how it goes. You’ll do as you’re told and accept it, because doing so will set up an amazing life for you.”
A life without love.
“I do get a say,” I whisper. “That’s the thing . . . I do.”
His eyes finally show emotion, because I think he finally realizes I’m serious. He gets to his feet and reaches out to take my arm, but I take a step back. The entire restaurant is watching, and an eerie silence fills the air.
“You walk away from this, you will lose everything. Your career, your home, your trust . . .”
“You mean I’ll be able to make my own mistakes, work for my own money and make my own career?”
“You’re not even going to consider this. Now sit down and stop your nonsense.”
“Maybe I am considering it,” I say, jerking my arm out of his as he tries to lead me out the door.
“Do you want to lose everything?”
I glare at him. “Lose everything to gain so much more.”
“You’ve lost your mind. We’re going to speak with your father and he can talk some sense into you.”
“My father.” I laugh bitterly. “My father hardly speaks to me.”
Jacob pulls out his phone and storms from the restaurant. I follow him, avoiding eye contact with all the people staring at me as I pass them. I step outside and I immediately feel a soft drizzle of rain kiss my skin as my eyes scan the car park for Jacob. I catch him over inside his car, talking frantically on his phone. I walk slowly over, letting the rain soak my clothes and hair. I stop at the car and swing open the door. Jacob’s voice fills my ears right away.
“She’s lost it. You need to talk to her.”
I roll my eyes and slip into the front seat. Jacob turns and glares at me, and he keeps his eyes on me the entire time he keeps speaking.
“She’s just gotten into the car. I’ll bring her over.”
No.
No way.
I swing the door open and jump out. Jacob curses and slams his phone down before leaping out after me. I start off down the street, furious. He’s trying to take me to my father, as if that’s going to fix all these problems. He has no idea—none. He lives in this fantasy world of business and logic. Love, happiness and friendship are not a part of that and I’m tired of pretending it’s how I want my life to go.
“Stop, Avery.”
I spin around, water dripping off my nose. I swipe my hand across my face and yell loudly through the rain, “Stop? Why should I stop? You’re trying to control my life. You’re telling me you want a lover and that our lives will always be like this. I don’t want that, Jacob. I want love; I want laughter and happiness. I want something beautiful. You’re not my something beautiful.”
He pins me with a scathing glare. “Don’t pretend you’re in this, Avery. Because we both know there’s no real connection between us.”
“Then why do we do it? Why are we wasting what is such a short life together?”
“If you’re thinking of leaving,” he snarls, “don’t. You’ve got no life outside of me, Avery. Your father holds everything you are in his hands and if you walk from me, he’ll crush it.”
It hurts me that I’m in this over a threat. It hurts me that my father would do such a thing. But what hurts the most is the reality that I’ll never be loved. I’ll never feel that soul-crushing, heart-stopping emotion that will change my life. Instead, I’ll fall for a man I can never have and marry one I don’t want.
That’s not a life.
“What is our life to be like in ten years?” I whisper, my voice too shaky to show itself.
“The same as it is now.”
That wasn’t the right answer.
He could have said better, or even we’ll try. But the same . . . the same? That crushes any hope I have left in my heart. I stare down at my hands and hear the waiter come to our table. He places another bottle of the best wine into the ice bucket beside the table, then he places our meals down. I can’t eat that—that fancy meal that I don’t even like. I can’t do anything of this. It’s not fair. I don’t want to live forever with a man who can barely look at me with affection, let alone give it.
I get to my feet, shoving my chair back.
“Where are you going?” Jacob asks, staring up at me. His expression is bored, as though our conversation didn’t even spark any kind of feeling from him.
“I’m going home.”
“Why?”
“Why?” I laugh bitterly. “Are you joking?”
He stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “Ah, no?”
“Jesus, Jacob. Doesn’t it bother you that you’re going to marry a woman you don’t even love? That you’ll spend your life without ever feeling love?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t need love, and as for any sort of affectionate feelings, that’s what I’ll take lovers for.”
My mouth drops open. He did not just say lovers.
“What?” I gasp.
“Don’t look like it actually shocks you, Avery. You don’t care if I fuck other women.”
“I would if I was your wife!” I cry. “I would if I had to tie myself to you for life.”
“We’re not going to have this conversation. You don’t get a say in this; you don’t get to choose how it goes. You’ll do as you’re told and accept it, because doing so will set up an amazing life for you.”
A life without love.
“I do get a say,” I whisper. “That’s the thing . . . I do.”
His eyes finally show emotion, because I think he finally realizes I’m serious. He gets to his feet and reaches out to take my arm, but I take a step back. The entire restaurant is watching, and an eerie silence fills the air.
“You walk away from this, you will lose everything. Your career, your home, your trust . . .”
“You mean I’ll be able to make my own mistakes, work for my own money and make my own career?”
“You’re not even going to consider this. Now sit down and stop your nonsense.”
“Maybe I am considering it,” I say, jerking my arm out of his as he tries to lead me out the door.
“Do you want to lose everything?”
I glare at him. “Lose everything to gain so much more.”
“You’ve lost your mind. We’re going to speak with your father and he can talk some sense into you.”
“My father.” I laugh bitterly. “My father hardly speaks to me.”
Jacob pulls out his phone and storms from the restaurant. I follow him, avoiding eye contact with all the people staring at me as I pass them. I step outside and I immediately feel a soft drizzle of rain kiss my skin as my eyes scan the car park for Jacob. I catch him over inside his car, talking frantically on his phone. I walk slowly over, letting the rain soak my clothes and hair. I stop at the car and swing open the door. Jacob’s voice fills my ears right away.
“She’s lost it. You need to talk to her.”
I roll my eyes and slip into the front seat. Jacob turns and glares at me, and he keeps his eyes on me the entire time he keeps speaking.
“She’s just gotten into the car. I’ll bring her over.”
No.
No way.
I swing the door open and jump out. Jacob curses and slams his phone down before leaping out after me. I start off down the street, furious. He’s trying to take me to my father, as if that’s going to fix all these problems. He has no idea—none. He lives in this fantasy world of business and logic. Love, happiness and friendship are not a part of that and I’m tired of pretending it’s how I want my life to go.
“Stop, Avery.”
I spin around, water dripping off my nose. I swipe my hand across my face and yell loudly through the rain, “Stop? Why should I stop? You’re trying to control my life. You’re telling me you want a lover and that our lives will always be like this. I don’t want that, Jacob. I want love; I want laughter and happiness. I want something beautiful. You’re not my something beautiful.”
