Life After Taylah
Page 61
“Avery?” Kelly calls. A moment later, the door opens and he steps inside, followed by Max. I’m standing pitifully in the doorway, tears running down my face.
“Shit,” Kelly says, rushing over and pulling me into his arms. “Honey, what happened?”
“It’s nothing,” I lie. “I just had a massive fight with Jacob on the phone.”
“I’m sorry.”
Sorry.
It’s not him who should be sorry. It’s me who should be sorry.
~*~*~*~
AVERY
They say bad things happen in threes. Two weeks ago my life felt real. Nate was with me and I felt a love I’d never felt before. Now it’s been three days since I told him to leave my house, and I’ve not heard from him since. A part of me, a huge part of me is praying that he’ll call. The agony ripping through my chest is something I can’t explain. It burns every second of every minute of every hour of the day.
He’s broken me.
Yet a part of me is so sure he’s coming back. He loves me. I love him. Maybe he’s leaving Lena; maybe he’s going to come to my doorstep any minute and tell me we’re going to be happy together, forever. That moment doesn’t come—no—but he does come to my doorstep. His eyes are broken, his face completely lacking in emotion. I know even before he says it. I know . . . I fucking know.
“We need to talk,” he rasps.
Those four words have so much meaning.
He steps past me, but I can’t focus on anything else but his words. The words that are never good. They never end well. They break everything. When he turns to me and begins speaking I am still praying, with a pathetically broken piece of my heart that I’m wrong. We have something that is so amazing, so real he wouldn’t just throw it away. He wouldn’t. He promised.
Promises are made to be broken.
“I didn’t call and I’m sorry,” he says, his voice shaky. “I went home to leave Lena, I did, Avery, but she told me . . . she told me she’s sick.”
Sick.
Sick.
He stares at his feet. He can’t even look at me.
“She said she went back to see the doctor after she was released from hospital because of the alcohol poising. They did some blood work just to make sure she hadn’t damaged her liver, things like that, and they found something. She went back to get more tests while I was away—I didn’t know. I got home and she seemed fine, so I came to you. When I got home, she got the call—right there in front of me. She’s got cancer, Avery. It’s not good.”
My knees tremble and I have to reach out and grip the countertop to stop myself from crumbling.
“I can’t leave her, not right now. She needs me around; Macy needs her mother to live, regardless of how I feel. She has no one else. I can’t leave her when she’s in trouble. Please understand, Avery, that this isn’t what I wanted, but I can’t step away.”
My world is spinning; all I can hear is white noise as my life comes crumbling down around me. I know I’m crying, though I can’t hear the sounds coming from my throat. Nate steps forward, cupping my cheeks, his calloused fingers lying so perfectly against my skin. This isn’t how this is meant to go. Through my blurred vision, I see a tear trickle down his cheek. My big, brave man is crying. How can I hate him? How can I?
“It’s not fair what I’m doing,” he rasps, his voice thick with emotion. “How can I expect you to just sit around and wait for me? You’re not a toy, Avery. You’re not something I can just pull out of the closet when I feel like it. You’re a girl, a beautiful girl who deserves everything. You deserve so much more than me. I have to let you go, because if I don’t I’m keeping you from living with the love you deserve.”
No.
My knees wobble and I sink to the floor. My world is vacant and I hear nothing but the sound of my own sobbing. It hurts; it feels like my heart has been torn open and ripped into tiny shreds. My entire body aches from the inside out, every organ, every muscle, every inch of my skin. Nate kneels with me, and I feel his body shake with emotion.
“I’m sorry, Avery. So fuckin’ sorry. Please know that I love you. I fucking love you with everything I am, but I have to do this.”
A broken kiss is pressed to my head. Then he stands and I hear him walking towards the door. That’s when the desperation hits. It hits me like a hurricane swirling in my soul. I push to my feet and I take two steps forward, my arms outstretched, like that’s going to stop him from leaving me. “Please,” I beg, my voice shaking. “Nate, please. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.”
He swallows, his face so pained . . . so fucking pained.
“I’m sorry, Avery.”
He walks out the door and I run forward, tripping before I make it. I land on the floor hard and fast, screaming with pain and agony as I hear his truck start up. No, no, no, no, no. He can’t leave me. He can’t go. I crawl towards the door, wailing, desperate. I’m crying out his name, begging him not to go. When I hear the car disappear down the street, my entire world crashes around me and I scream so loudly my ears feel like they’re going to explode.
So this is what heartbreak feels like.
~*~*~*~
“Oh, Avery,” Kelly says, rushing in and scooping me off the floor. “What have you done?”
“It hurts, Kelly,” I scream, clutching his shirt as he lifts me. “It hurts so bad.”
“Shit,” Kelly says, rushing over and pulling me into his arms. “Honey, what happened?”
“It’s nothing,” I lie. “I just had a massive fight with Jacob on the phone.”
“I’m sorry.”
Sorry.
It’s not him who should be sorry. It’s me who should be sorry.
~*~*~*~
AVERY
They say bad things happen in threes. Two weeks ago my life felt real. Nate was with me and I felt a love I’d never felt before. Now it’s been three days since I told him to leave my house, and I’ve not heard from him since. A part of me, a huge part of me is praying that he’ll call. The agony ripping through my chest is something I can’t explain. It burns every second of every minute of every hour of the day.
He’s broken me.
Yet a part of me is so sure he’s coming back. He loves me. I love him. Maybe he’s leaving Lena; maybe he’s going to come to my doorstep any minute and tell me we’re going to be happy together, forever. That moment doesn’t come—no—but he does come to my doorstep. His eyes are broken, his face completely lacking in emotion. I know even before he says it. I know . . . I fucking know.
“We need to talk,” he rasps.
Those four words have so much meaning.
He steps past me, but I can’t focus on anything else but his words. The words that are never good. They never end well. They break everything. When he turns to me and begins speaking I am still praying, with a pathetically broken piece of my heart that I’m wrong. We have something that is so amazing, so real he wouldn’t just throw it away. He wouldn’t. He promised.
Promises are made to be broken.
“I didn’t call and I’m sorry,” he says, his voice shaky. “I went home to leave Lena, I did, Avery, but she told me . . . she told me she’s sick.”
Sick.
Sick.
He stares at his feet. He can’t even look at me.
“She said she went back to see the doctor after she was released from hospital because of the alcohol poising. They did some blood work just to make sure she hadn’t damaged her liver, things like that, and they found something. She went back to get more tests while I was away—I didn’t know. I got home and she seemed fine, so I came to you. When I got home, she got the call—right there in front of me. She’s got cancer, Avery. It’s not good.”
My knees tremble and I have to reach out and grip the countertop to stop myself from crumbling.
“I can’t leave her, not right now. She needs me around; Macy needs her mother to live, regardless of how I feel. She has no one else. I can’t leave her when she’s in trouble. Please understand, Avery, that this isn’t what I wanted, but I can’t step away.”
My world is spinning; all I can hear is white noise as my life comes crumbling down around me. I know I’m crying, though I can’t hear the sounds coming from my throat. Nate steps forward, cupping my cheeks, his calloused fingers lying so perfectly against my skin. This isn’t how this is meant to go. Through my blurred vision, I see a tear trickle down his cheek. My big, brave man is crying. How can I hate him? How can I?
“It’s not fair what I’m doing,” he rasps, his voice thick with emotion. “How can I expect you to just sit around and wait for me? You’re not a toy, Avery. You’re not something I can just pull out of the closet when I feel like it. You’re a girl, a beautiful girl who deserves everything. You deserve so much more than me. I have to let you go, because if I don’t I’m keeping you from living with the love you deserve.”
No.
My knees wobble and I sink to the floor. My world is vacant and I hear nothing but the sound of my own sobbing. It hurts; it feels like my heart has been torn open and ripped into tiny shreds. My entire body aches from the inside out, every organ, every muscle, every inch of my skin. Nate kneels with me, and I feel his body shake with emotion.
“I’m sorry, Avery. So fuckin’ sorry. Please know that I love you. I fucking love you with everything I am, but I have to do this.”
A broken kiss is pressed to my head. Then he stands and I hear him walking towards the door. That’s when the desperation hits. It hits me like a hurricane swirling in my soul. I push to my feet and I take two steps forward, my arms outstretched, like that’s going to stop him from leaving me. “Please,” I beg, my voice shaking. “Nate, please. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.”
He swallows, his face so pained . . . so fucking pained.
“I’m sorry, Avery.”
He walks out the door and I run forward, tripping before I make it. I land on the floor hard and fast, screaming with pain and agony as I hear his truck start up. No, no, no, no, no. He can’t leave me. He can’t go. I crawl towards the door, wailing, desperate. I’m crying out his name, begging him not to go. When I hear the car disappear down the street, my entire world crashes around me and I scream so loudly my ears feel like they’re going to explode.
So this is what heartbreak feels like.
~*~*~*~
“Oh, Avery,” Kelly says, rushing in and scooping me off the floor. “What have you done?”
“It hurts, Kelly,” I scream, clutching his shirt as he lifts me. “It hurts so bad.”
