Light in the Shadows
Page 89
“If you need to sell the house and shop, then you sell the house and shop. You need to do what’s right for you,” I assured her. Maggie wrapped her arm around my waist and I leaned into her body.
“But if this makes you unhappy, I can’t be okay with it,” Ruby argued and I held up my hand, stopping her.
“You’ve always done what’s right for me, for Lisa, for the shop. This time, do what’s right for you.” And I realized I really meant it. It didn’t take away the pain and the deep rooted fear that I was being abandoned but feeling Maggie’s arm around me I knew it would all be okay.
I looked down at my girlfriend, who stared up at me with tears in her eyes. Would there ever be a day when I didn’t make her cry? I used the pad of my thumb and wiped the wetness from her cheeks.
But she was right. We were in this together. And that made it all okay.
Chapter Twenty-Three
-Maggie-
Five more days and I would officially be a high school graduate. I had finished up my English Lit exam and was ready to start my last weekend as a senior. The feeling of it was bittersweet. I was a jumbled mixture of excited and scared.
My parents had taken me up to JMU two weeks ago for a tour of the campus. I filled out the pile of paperwork and submitted it. Things were set in motion and I felt like it all was going as it was supposed to.
Well most things.
Clay had changed. You would think I would have become accustomed to the multitude of Clayton Reed fluctuations. I had seen him at his highest and at his lowest and every facet in between. I had loved the Clay in the throes of his mania and I had loved the Clay who had tried to end it all.
And then I had loved the Clay who had come back to me, determined to be a better man and to make a life for the two of us together, whatever form that took.
And I loved this new Clay as well. But the newest incarnation of Clay Reed made me nervous. Which was sort of silly. He wasn’t freaking out. He wasn’t angry and defensive. He wasn’t abnormally happy and trying desperately to make things in his world work out.
No, he was just…content. Peaceful even. Like he had come to terms with something that he wasn’t letting me in on. I hadn’t been able to go to therapy since before his breakdown at the swimming hole. My schedule had been so chaotic with track meets and studying for exams and college prep that there hadn’t been time for it. Clay was okay with that. He continued to go to his sessions twice a week.
We continued to spend time together as much as possible, but there was a definite under current now that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I would find Clay watching me sometimes, seeming as though he were trying to find a way to say something. But the moment would pass and we’d carry on as though I hadn’t noticed the odd look in his eyes.
I hadn’t brought up the community college again and neither had Clay. He had told me about the large chunk of money Ruby had given him. When I had delicately asked what he planned to do with it, he hadn’t been able to give me a straight answer. But something told me that it didn’t include college. I just wish I knew what his plans were, but after his extreme reaction to any and all questions in that regard, I tried to back off and only hoped he’d share with me when he was ready.
“Hey birthday, girl!” Rachel squealed, running up to me as I was cleaning out my locker. I laughed as she launched herself at me, hugging me as tightly as she was able.
“Hey, you. I’d like to resume the ability to breathe, Rach,” I let out as she squeezed me. She let me go and beamed up at me with her contagious smile.
“I have presents! So many presents! I can’t wait to give them to you!” I often thought Rachel got more excited about other people’s birthdays than she did her own. I flicked her in the arm.
“You don’t need to be spending your money on me. I don’t need anything,” I complained, not liking my cash strapped friend blowing her paychecks on me. Not when I knew she had to save up for school.
“Psh, don’t be ridiculous. Of course I have to lavish my bestie with gifts on her birthday! It’s like a written friendship rule or something,” she protested and I didn’t bother to argue. There was no arguing with Rachel about some things. And all things birthday related were definitely one of those things.
I rubbed at the Band-Aid that covered the underside of my wrist and couldn’t help but smile. It itched like crazy but it was a discomfort I could handle.
“I can’t believe you actually did it. And that your dad took you to get it! You are such a bad ass, Mags!” Rachel remarked, shaking her head.
Last weekend, my father had gotten me up bright and early on Saturday and taken me to the tattoo parlor in the next town over. I had gotten the rune, Uruz, just as I had wanted. My dad had liked what it represented and conceded that it was small and tasteful. “As long as you’re not getting a rose on your upper arm or Mom on your knuckles, I’m okay with it,” he had said when I had mentioned the idea.
Uruz represented healing and courage. They were qualities that I needed to be reminded of and I liked having something that symbolized it on my skin.
“So your mom said to be at your place by six for the birthday dinner extravaganza! I’m bringing my world famous three cheese and bean dip!” she said excitedly as though the world’s problems could be solved with cheese and bean dip.
“Sounds good. It’s just you, Danny and Clay. Nothing wild and crazy,” I said, hoping to calm her down a bit. No sense in her getting her hopes up for some raging party that wasn’t going to happen.
“But if this makes you unhappy, I can’t be okay with it,” Ruby argued and I held up my hand, stopping her.
“You’ve always done what’s right for me, for Lisa, for the shop. This time, do what’s right for you.” And I realized I really meant it. It didn’t take away the pain and the deep rooted fear that I was being abandoned but feeling Maggie’s arm around me I knew it would all be okay.
I looked down at my girlfriend, who stared up at me with tears in her eyes. Would there ever be a day when I didn’t make her cry? I used the pad of my thumb and wiped the wetness from her cheeks.
But she was right. We were in this together. And that made it all okay.
Chapter Twenty-Three
-Maggie-
Five more days and I would officially be a high school graduate. I had finished up my English Lit exam and was ready to start my last weekend as a senior. The feeling of it was bittersweet. I was a jumbled mixture of excited and scared.
My parents had taken me up to JMU two weeks ago for a tour of the campus. I filled out the pile of paperwork and submitted it. Things were set in motion and I felt like it all was going as it was supposed to.
Well most things.
Clay had changed. You would think I would have become accustomed to the multitude of Clayton Reed fluctuations. I had seen him at his highest and at his lowest and every facet in between. I had loved the Clay in the throes of his mania and I had loved the Clay who had tried to end it all.
And then I had loved the Clay who had come back to me, determined to be a better man and to make a life for the two of us together, whatever form that took.
And I loved this new Clay as well. But the newest incarnation of Clay Reed made me nervous. Which was sort of silly. He wasn’t freaking out. He wasn’t angry and defensive. He wasn’t abnormally happy and trying desperately to make things in his world work out.
No, he was just…content. Peaceful even. Like he had come to terms with something that he wasn’t letting me in on. I hadn’t been able to go to therapy since before his breakdown at the swimming hole. My schedule had been so chaotic with track meets and studying for exams and college prep that there hadn’t been time for it. Clay was okay with that. He continued to go to his sessions twice a week.
We continued to spend time together as much as possible, but there was a definite under current now that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I would find Clay watching me sometimes, seeming as though he were trying to find a way to say something. But the moment would pass and we’d carry on as though I hadn’t noticed the odd look in his eyes.
I hadn’t brought up the community college again and neither had Clay. He had told me about the large chunk of money Ruby had given him. When I had delicately asked what he planned to do with it, he hadn’t been able to give me a straight answer. But something told me that it didn’t include college. I just wish I knew what his plans were, but after his extreme reaction to any and all questions in that regard, I tried to back off and only hoped he’d share with me when he was ready.
“Hey birthday, girl!” Rachel squealed, running up to me as I was cleaning out my locker. I laughed as she launched herself at me, hugging me as tightly as she was able.
“Hey, you. I’d like to resume the ability to breathe, Rach,” I let out as she squeezed me. She let me go and beamed up at me with her contagious smile.
“I have presents! So many presents! I can’t wait to give them to you!” I often thought Rachel got more excited about other people’s birthdays than she did her own. I flicked her in the arm.
“You don’t need to be spending your money on me. I don’t need anything,” I complained, not liking my cash strapped friend blowing her paychecks on me. Not when I knew she had to save up for school.
“Psh, don’t be ridiculous. Of course I have to lavish my bestie with gifts on her birthday! It’s like a written friendship rule or something,” she protested and I didn’t bother to argue. There was no arguing with Rachel about some things. And all things birthday related were definitely one of those things.
I rubbed at the Band-Aid that covered the underside of my wrist and couldn’t help but smile. It itched like crazy but it was a discomfort I could handle.
“I can’t believe you actually did it. And that your dad took you to get it! You are such a bad ass, Mags!” Rachel remarked, shaking her head.
Last weekend, my father had gotten me up bright and early on Saturday and taken me to the tattoo parlor in the next town over. I had gotten the rune, Uruz, just as I had wanted. My dad had liked what it represented and conceded that it was small and tasteful. “As long as you’re not getting a rose on your upper arm or Mom on your knuckles, I’m okay with it,” he had said when I had mentioned the idea.
Uruz represented healing and courage. They were qualities that I needed to be reminded of and I liked having something that symbolized it on my skin.
“So your mom said to be at your place by six for the birthday dinner extravaganza! I’m bringing my world famous three cheese and bean dip!” she said excitedly as though the world’s problems could be solved with cheese and bean dip.
“Sounds good. It’s just you, Danny and Clay. Nothing wild and crazy,” I said, hoping to calm her down a bit. No sense in her getting her hopes up for some raging party that wasn’t going to happen.
