Listen to Your Heart
Page 45
I thought about the last time we’d really talked, on that hill behind the stadium. How he got so guarded. Why was he so guarded? “Tell me about your last relationship,” I said because that was apparently the most un-weird thing I could think of. I cringed. “Or don’t. I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “Don’t be sorry. It’s a valid question. When I’m done talking about mine, I will return the same question.”
Hunter. He wanted to know about Hunter? “Okay. It’s pretty boring, but that’s fair.”
“Ditto. I dated Pam Argyle last year for a couple months. Do you know her?”
“Not really. What happened?”
He looked up at the sky, pursed his lips, and then met my eyes. “Good question. I’m not really sure. I don’t have a lot of spare time.”
“The schedule thing with your parents?”
“Yes. I think that bothered her. Plus, she complained that I never told her anything.”
We inched forward in the line. “You’re private.”
“That or I just have nothing going on in my head.”
I laughed. “Right. That’s probably it.”
Diego ran a hand through his hair. “Sometimes I hesitate to share important things because … I don’t think people will care about them as much as I do. And then when I do share, the things are out there to be judged, or never thought about again. And I can’t decide which outcome is worse.”
“That’s understandable. I pretty much judge everything you say.”
“I figured.”
I gave him a gentle elbow to his ribs. “You know I’m kidding, right?”
“Yes, Kate. I know when you’re kidding. It’s kind of your defense.”
I started to argue but then nodded. It was very unfair that he seemed to know me so well. “Yes. It is.”
The girl in front of us in line turned around. “I thought I recognized your voice,” she said to me. “Hi, Kat. I love the show.”
“Hi, thanks.”
“Did you give the football players any advice before the big game tonight?”
“Um … no. Their coach didn’t think to ask me. Go figure.”
She laughed. “I’m going to come to your live show later.”
“Thanks.”
She turned back around.
“I’m sorry for what I said a minute ago,” Diego said, his voice softer. “Was that rude?”
“No. It’s true. Humor is my defense. It makes things easier sometimes.”
“What things?”
I thought about it. “Pretty much everything.”
He smiled. “So, your turn. Tell me about your most recent relationship.”
I looked at the girl in front of me, wondering if she was listening in, waiting to share this with everyone. Thankfully, she was talking to someone in front of her now.
“Hunter Eller. Last year. We dated for a while. It was good. We got each other. And then he moved away and stopped texting or calling.”
“And you aren’t over him.”
“What?”
He lowered his voice more, even though the girl wasn’t listening. “Alana called in to the podcast that first episode.”
“How did you know that?”
“One, because I recognized her voice. She was trying to disguise it but she slipped toward the end. And two, because of the way you were responding to her.”
“I guess I was pretty obvious for those who know me.” I couldn’t remember the exact exchange on the podcast but I knew I gave advice like, maybe you should let your friend get over him. And I vaguely remembered saying something about eating new fish when I was ready. “But no. I am over him. I mean, I wasn’t, or I thought I wasn’t, but then he texted me a couple weeks ago and I realized there was nothing left but the idea of him. I wasn’t over the idea of him but I was completely over him. It took him texting me to realize that.”
“So then why …” Diego stopped himself, shook his head, and said, “Never mind.”
“No, what were you going to say?”
It was our turn at the window and we stepped up.
“Are you getting something for Frank, too?” Diego asked.
Right. Frank. I was here with Frank, even if it was just a formality. “Yes. Two Cokes, please.”
Diego ordered the same and we headed back with our hands full.
“What were you going to say a minute ago?” I asked.
“I was going to ask you why you hadn’t moved on, but then I remembered you were here with Frank.”
I let a sharp breath out. “I don’t think I’m going to move on with Frank. We just barely started tolerating each other.”
“Kat!” A boy who couldn’t have been more than twelve came running up to me. “Can I take a selfie with you?”
“Fair warning, I take really awkward pictures.”
“I know! I saw your pictures online. They’re awesome.”
I laughed and let him snap a picture of us and the two sodas I held.
“Thanks!” he said, running off.
“You’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with your role,” Diego said. “I remember that first week, how you came into tutoring and were so hard on yourself and talked about how you would’ve given back the job if you could’ve.”
“That has not changed.”
“But you’ve embraced it.”
“I guess I sort of have.” I wanted to get good at hosting the podcast, and I had. And I’d still choose the lake … right?
“It’s a good look on you,” Diego said.
My traitorous brain said, Maybe he’d like you if you told him how you felt. I took a drink and swallowed that thought right down.
Our team won and that put everyone in an even better mood. The carnival was almost as loud as the football game had been. As promised, three big rides took up half the parking lot, along with booth after booth of carnival games—dart balloon pop, ring toss, water gun horse race, bounce house, and on and on down the line. There were also food booths everywhere, mostly candy, but some fried food on sticks as well.
And then there was the podcast stage. It was set up on the far end, with a big clearing for an audience. In one hour, I was supposed to go up there and talk, live, in front of a bunch of people. I waited for my nerves to kick up a notch but they didn’t. Maybe I had embraced this new role.
Alana and Diego were walking side by side, taking in the sights. Frank and I trailed behind them.
“Do you want to go on the Ferris wheel?” Frank asked me.
“Sure.”
“I have front of the line privileges for all the rides.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m okay waiting in line.”
“Well, I’m not.” He said it with a smile but I knew he was serious. He took my hand. “We’re going on a ride,” he announced.
Alana and Diego turned around. My hand in Frank’s did not escape Alana’s notice. She wiggled her eyebrows at me. I took my hand back and walked toward the Ferris wheel.
Frank was indeed serious about cutting. And to my surprise, nobody cared. They all called out their thanks to him for providing the rides. Great. That would just encourage him.
Frank and I stepped forward and were strapped into the seat. Frank’s arm immediately went around my shoulder as the ride jerked into motion. The motion stopped after ten feet, letting the next people on below us.
He smiled. “Don’t be sorry. It’s a valid question. When I’m done talking about mine, I will return the same question.”
Hunter. He wanted to know about Hunter? “Okay. It’s pretty boring, but that’s fair.”
“Ditto. I dated Pam Argyle last year for a couple months. Do you know her?”
“Not really. What happened?”
He looked up at the sky, pursed his lips, and then met my eyes. “Good question. I’m not really sure. I don’t have a lot of spare time.”
“The schedule thing with your parents?”
“Yes. I think that bothered her. Plus, she complained that I never told her anything.”
We inched forward in the line. “You’re private.”
“That or I just have nothing going on in my head.”
I laughed. “Right. That’s probably it.”
Diego ran a hand through his hair. “Sometimes I hesitate to share important things because … I don’t think people will care about them as much as I do. And then when I do share, the things are out there to be judged, or never thought about again. And I can’t decide which outcome is worse.”
“That’s understandable. I pretty much judge everything you say.”
“I figured.”
I gave him a gentle elbow to his ribs. “You know I’m kidding, right?”
“Yes, Kate. I know when you’re kidding. It’s kind of your defense.”
I started to argue but then nodded. It was very unfair that he seemed to know me so well. “Yes. It is.”
The girl in front of us in line turned around. “I thought I recognized your voice,” she said to me. “Hi, Kat. I love the show.”
“Hi, thanks.”
“Did you give the football players any advice before the big game tonight?”
“Um … no. Their coach didn’t think to ask me. Go figure.”
She laughed. “I’m going to come to your live show later.”
“Thanks.”
She turned back around.
“I’m sorry for what I said a minute ago,” Diego said, his voice softer. “Was that rude?”
“No. It’s true. Humor is my defense. It makes things easier sometimes.”
“What things?”
I thought about it. “Pretty much everything.”
He smiled. “So, your turn. Tell me about your most recent relationship.”
I looked at the girl in front of me, wondering if she was listening in, waiting to share this with everyone. Thankfully, she was talking to someone in front of her now.
“Hunter Eller. Last year. We dated for a while. It was good. We got each other. And then he moved away and stopped texting or calling.”
“And you aren’t over him.”
“What?”
He lowered his voice more, even though the girl wasn’t listening. “Alana called in to the podcast that first episode.”
“How did you know that?”
“One, because I recognized her voice. She was trying to disguise it but she slipped toward the end. And two, because of the way you were responding to her.”
“I guess I was pretty obvious for those who know me.” I couldn’t remember the exact exchange on the podcast but I knew I gave advice like, maybe you should let your friend get over him. And I vaguely remembered saying something about eating new fish when I was ready. “But no. I am over him. I mean, I wasn’t, or I thought I wasn’t, but then he texted me a couple weeks ago and I realized there was nothing left but the idea of him. I wasn’t over the idea of him but I was completely over him. It took him texting me to realize that.”
“So then why …” Diego stopped himself, shook his head, and said, “Never mind.”
“No, what were you going to say?”
It was our turn at the window and we stepped up.
“Are you getting something for Frank, too?” Diego asked.
Right. Frank. I was here with Frank, even if it was just a formality. “Yes. Two Cokes, please.”
Diego ordered the same and we headed back with our hands full.
“What were you going to say a minute ago?” I asked.
“I was going to ask you why you hadn’t moved on, but then I remembered you were here with Frank.”
I let a sharp breath out. “I don’t think I’m going to move on with Frank. We just barely started tolerating each other.”
“Kat!” A boy who couldn’t have been more than twelve came running up to me. “Can I take a selfie with you?”
“Fair warning, I take really awkward pictures.”
“I know! I saw your pictures online. They’re awesome.”
I laughed and let him snap a picture of us and the two sodas I held.
“Thanks!” he said, running off.
“You’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with your role,” Diego said. “I remember that first week, how you came into tutoring and were so hard on yourself and talked about how you would’ve given back the job if you could’ve.”
“That has not changed.”
“But you’ve embraced it.”
“I guess I sort of have.” I wanted to get good at hosting the podcast, and I had. And I’d still choose the lake … right?
“It’s a good look on you,” Diego said.
My traitorous brain said, Maybe he’d like you if you told him how you felt. I took a drink and swallowed that thought right down.
Our team won and that put everyone in an even better mood. The carnival was almost as loud as the football game had been. As promised, three big rides took up half the parking lot, along with booth after booth of carnival games—dart balloon pop, ring toss, water gun horse race, bounce house, and on and on down the line. There were also food booths everywhere, mostly candy, but some fried food on sticks as well.
And then there was the podcast stage. It was set up on the far end, with a big clearing for an audience. In one hour, I was supposed to go up there and talk, live, in front of a bunch of people. I waited for my nerves to kick up a notch but they didn’t. Maybe I had embraced this new role.
Alana and Diego were walking side by side, taking in the sights. Frank and I trailed behind them.
“Do you want to go on the Ferris wheel?” Frank asked me.
“Sure.”
“I have front of the line privileges for all the rides.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m okay waiting in line.”
“Well, I’m not.” He said it with a smile but I knew he was serious. He took my hand. “We’re going on a ride,” he announced.
Alana and Diego turned around. My hand in Frank’s did not escape Alana’s notice. She wiggled her eyebrows at me. I took my hand back and walked toward the Ferris wheel.
Frank was indeed serious about cutting. And to my surprise, nobody cared. They all called out their thanks to him for providing the rides. Great. That would just encourage him.
Frank and I stepped forward and were strapped into the seat. Frank’s arm immediately went around my shoulder as the ride jerked into motion. The motion stopped after ten feet, letting the next people on below us.
