Listen to Your Heart
Page 52
So Frank scared her. That was a first.
“Plus,” she continued, “I feel like I need to see things through with Diego first. I’ve invested all this time and energy into it, I’m not ready to walk away yet. I texted him yesterday and he never responded.”
“What did you say in the text?”
“That I was sorry that we didn’t tell him that we knew he was calling in.”
Now was the time that I was supposed to step away. At least until Alana worked out her feelings. But I really didn’t want to. I wasn’t conflicted about Diego, like she obviously was. I knew exactly how I felt.
Even though it was a long shot, even though I was sure Diego had liked Alana for weeks and that he probably hadn’t once thought of me as anything more than a friend, I wanted him to know how I felt. And I didn’t want to lose Alana over this, either. Was that the very definition of having my cake and eating it, too? I didn’t want to have to choose. I let my head fall back on the headrest.
“I want to tell Diego how I feel,” I admitted. “And I don’t want to lose you over it.”
Her grip was back on the A, moving it back and forth over and over again along her chain. “And I can tell him how I feel and not lose you over it?”
I swallowed. The idea tightened across my chest, but I knew I had to say, “Of course.”
“It will be weird. We’ll create this awkward dynamic between the three of us.”
I shook my head. “If he chooses you, I’ll let him go. There will be nothing weird.”
“We’re going to make him choose? How horribly antifeminist of us.”
“The Woman Power part will be that his choice won’t break us apart,” I argued. “We’ll still be best friends no matter what.” I turned toward her, my eyes pleading. “Right?”
Alana looked thoughtful. “I’ve never had to compete with you for a guy.”
“I know. What am I thinking, challenging the master?”
Alana smirked. “Is there a reality show about this yet? Two friends, one guy, death.”
“Death?”
“Love, death, we’ll see.” Alana was joking, that was a good sign. She patted the console between us. “I’m not supposed to give up, am I? Was that what you were hoping would come of this?”
“No, actually. I was thinking I was supposed to give up.”
“He’s going to choose neither of us, mark my words. Because now we’ve turned him into some sort of competition.”
“Not a competition. Just a prize,” I teased.
Alana stuck out her hand and I shook it. “May the best woman win.”
She seemed like she was being funny and lighthearted, but I heard an edge to the words. I sensed that no matter the outcome, I was going to lose someone at the end of this.
Tuesday morning, when I was all ready for school, I marched into my mom’s bedroom. I was feeling so emboldened from my declaration to Alana the day before, I figured I might as well continue making declarations.
Mom looked up from where she was making her bed.
“I’m not going to quit,” I announced.
“What?” she asked.
“I like the podcast.”
“Okay,” my mom said.
“And I’m actually good at it. I have fun. Victoria and I work well together. I’ve been working hard for this.” Probably harder than I’d ever worked for anything, I realized. The marina, the lake, that was easy. It came naturally. The podcast was something I’d had to fight for. And there was a satisfaction in that.
“I know you have,” Mom said, looking at me thoughtfully. “I just didn’t want you doing something that was making you unhappy.”
“It’s not. And maybe because of it, I’m going to choose something different someday.”
“Choose something different?” she asked.
“I thought at the beginning of the year that no matter what else I did, I’d always choose the lake. But now … I don’t know. There seem to be more possibilities for the future. I want to try new things.” As much as it killed me to say that out loud because it meant my parents were right, it was the truth. “I’ll always love the lake, and maybe this is where I’ll land in the end. The point is, I’m not sure anymore.”
Mom smiled. “I know. And I’ll always love you. And, Kate, you can try whatever you want to.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I pointed over my shoulder. “I better go. Don’t want to be late for school.”
On my way out the door, I grabbed my backpack and Max followed me to my car. My smile widened when I saw Liza in the back seat.
“I would’ve ridden with my mom,” Liza snapped as Max and I got inside, “but she said that she refused to drive me a second day in a row.”
“Are you going to hate me forever?” I asked. “What can I do to make this up to you? I made a mistake.”
She gave a small grunt. For the rest of the trip, she read the Lake Life magazine that she’d picked up off the back seat. When we got to the school she asked, “Have you read this yet?”
“Now you’re going to talk to me?” I asked.
She shook the magazine at me.
“No, I haven’t, so you can’t take it,” I replied.
“Fine.” She plopped it back down and got out of the car. Maybe I should’ve given her the magazine, extended some goodwill, but it was the only thing Diego had ever given me.
Max and Liza walked off together, and I saw Alana and Diego standing by his car. Really? She was already in the lead? Well, she was already in the lead before but she was just cementing it now. I steeled myself. If I was going to do this, I had to put myself out there.
I grabbed hold of my backpack straps and made my way to them. I could hear him holding a civil conversation with Alana, nothing overly friendly, but not bad, either. Had he forgiven her? If that was the case, he could forgive me, too.
I took one last breath for courage and slid up beside Alana. “Hi,” I said, looking at the collar of his shirt first and then forcing my gaze up to his eyes. I missed those eyes. They instantly went cold.
“Good morning, Kate,” Alana said. “Diego was just telling me a funny anecdote about a girl who brought her entire rock collection to tutoring yesterday.”
“Oh yeah?”
“It wasn’t that funny,” he said. “I have to talk to one of my teachers before class. I better go.”
“Diego,” I said when he got one step away. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Alana widened her eyes at me as if saying, You’re going to do this now? Have I taught you nothing? But it didn’t matter because he said, “Not right now,” and left. His voice seemed sad, not angry, and that just hurt even more.
“Ouch,” Alana said.
“Yeah, I felt that one.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, and I knew she totally meant it. “This is going to end with us giving each other a speech about how we don’t need no stinkin’ boys, isn’t it?”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad ending right now,” I said.
I hadn’t seen Frank sneak up behind us, until he was between us, an arm around each of our shoulders.
“Good morning,” he said, and kissed Alana’s cheek.
“What did I tell you last night?” she said.
“Plus,” she continued, “I feel like I need to see things through with Diego first. I’ve invested all this time and energy into it, I’m not ready to walk away yet. I texted him yesterday and he never responded.”
“What did you say in the text?”
“That I was sorry that we didn’t tell him that we knew he was calling in.”
Now was the time that I was supposed to step away. At least until Alana worked out her feelings. But I really didn’t want to. I wasn’t conflicted about Diego, like she obviously was. I knew exactly how I felt.
Even though it was a long shot, even though I was sure Diego had liked Alana for weeks and that he probably hadn’t once thought of me as anything more than a friend, I wanted him to know how I felt. And I didn’t want to lose Alana over this, either. Was that the very definition of having my cake and eating it, too? I didn’t want to have to choose. I let my head fall back on the headrest.
“I want to tell Diego how I feel,” I admitted. “And I don’t want to lose you over it.”
Her grip was back on the A, moving it back and forth over and over again along her chain. “And I can tell him how I feel and not lose you over it?”
I swallowed. The idea tightened across my chest, but I knew I had to say, “Of course.”
“It will be weird. We’ll create this awkward dynamic between the three of us.”
I shook my head. “If he chooses you, I’ll let him go. There will be nothing weird.”
“We’re going to make him choose? How horribly antifeminist of us.”
“The Woman Power part will be that his choice won’t break us apart,” I argued. “We’ll still be best friends no matter what.” I turned toward her, my eyes pleading. “Right?”
Alana looked thoughtful. “I’ve never had to compete with you for a guy.”
“I know. What am I thinking, challenging the master?”
Alana smirked. “Is there a reality show about this yet? Two friends, one guy, death.”
“Death?”
“Love, death, we’ll see.” Alana was joking, that was a good sign. She patted the console between us. “I’m not supposed to give up, am I? Was that what you were hoping would come of this?”
“No, actually. I was thinking I was supposed to give up.”
“He’s going to choose neither of us, mark my words. Because now we’ve turned him into some sort of competition.”
“Not a competition. Just a prize,” I teased.
Alana stuck out her hand and I shook it. “May the best woman win.”
She seemed like she was being funny and lighthearted, but I heard an edge to the words. I sensed that no matter the outcome, I was going to lose someone at the end of this.
Tuesday morning, when I was all ready for school, I marched into my mom’s bedroom. I was feeling so emboldened from my declaration to Alana the day before, I figured I might as well continue making declarations.
Mom looked up from where she was making her bed.
“I’m not going to quit,” I announced.
“What?” she asked.
“I like the podcast.”
“Okay,” my mom said.
“And I’m actually good at it. I have fun. Victoria and I work well together. I’ve been working hard for this.” Probably harder than I’d ever worked for anything, I realized. The marina, the lake, that was easy. It came naturally. The podcast was something I’d had to fight for. And there was a satisfaction in that.
“I know you have,” Mom said, looking at me thoughtfully. “I just didn’t want you doing something that was making you unhappy.”
“It’s not. And maybe because of it, I’m going to choose something different someday.”
“Choose something different?” she asked.
“I thought at the beginning of the year that no matter what else I did, I’d always choose the lake. But now … I don’t know. There seem to be more possibilities for the future. I want to try new things.” As much as it killed me to say that out loud because it meant my parents were right, it was the truth. “I’ll always love the lake, and maybe this is where I’ll land in the end. The point is, I’m not sure anymore.”
Mom smiled. “I know. And I’ll always love you. And, Kate, you can try whatever you want to.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I pointed over my shoulder. “I better go. Don’t want to be late for school.”
On my way out the door, I grabbed my backpack and Max followed me to my car. My smile widened when I saw Liza in the back seat.
“I would’ve ridden with my mom,” Liza snapped as Max and I got inside, “but she said that she refused to drive me a second day in a row.”
“Are you going to hate me forever?” I asked. “What can I do to make this up to you? I made a mistake.”
She gave a small grunt. For the rest of the trip, she read the Lake Life magazine that she’d picked up off the back seat. When we got to the school she asked, “Have you read this yet?”
“Now you’re going to talk to me?” I asked.
She shook the magazine at me.
“No, I haven’t, so you can’t take it,” I replied.
“Fine.” She plopped it back down and got out of the car. Maybe I should’ve given her the magazine, extended some goodwill, but it was the only thing Diego had ever given me.
Max and Liza walked off together, and I saw Alana and Diego standing by his car. Really? She was already in the lead? Well, she was already in the lead before but she was just cementing it now. I steeled myself. If I was going to do this, I had to put myself out there.
I grabbed hold of my backpack straps and made my way to them. I could hear him holding a civil conversation with Alana, nothing overly friendly, but not bad, either. Had he forgiven her? If that was the case, he could forgive me, too.
I took one last breath for courage and slid up beside Alana. “Hi,” I said, looking at the collar of his shirt first and then forcing my gaze up to his eyes. I missed those eyes. They instantly went cold.
“Good morning, Kate,” Alana said. “Diego was just telling me a funny anecdote about a girl who brought her entire rock collection to tutoring yesterday.”
“Oh yeah?”
“It wasn’t that funny,” he said. “I have to talk to one of my teachers before class. I better go.”
“Diego,” I said when he got one step away. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Alana widened her eyes at me as if saying, You’re going to do this now? Have I taught you nothing? But it didn’t matter because he said, “Not right now,” and left. His voice seemed sad, not angry, and that just hurt even more.
“Ouch,” Alana said.
“Yeah, I felt that one.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, and I knew she totally meant it. “This is going to end with us giving each other a speech about how we don’t need no stinkin’ boys, isn’t it?”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad ending right now,” I said.
I hadn’t seen Frank sneak up behind us, until he was between us, an arm around each of our shoulders.
“Good morning,” he said, and kissed Alana’s cheek.
“What did I tell you last night?” she said.
