Listen to Your Heart
Page 53
“That I should keep trying because I’m growing on you.”
“I didn’t say that!” Alana said.
“I was reading between the lines. Was I right?”
She laughed and shoved him away.
“I can work with that,” he said.
I was impressed that he was still coming around at all. I would’ve thought that, in Frank’s world, Alana liking another boy would mean Frank had to walk away and maintain his pride. But I was slowly learning Frank wasn’t everything I had thought he was.
“Oh, Frank,” I said. “While you’re here. Remember when I accused you of sabotaging the marina?”
“No.”
“Oh, I mean of posting pictures on the website.”
“Yes, I remember that.”
“Well, I was wrong.”
“I actually did post pictures on the website,” he said.
I patted his shoulder. “I was wrong about other things, Romeo. I’m sorry.”
“That one actually sounded like you meant it.”
“It was at least ninety-five percent sincere.”
“We’re going to change our parents’ hearts yet, and it probably won’t even take death, Juliet.”
The next morning, the only glimpse I had of Diego was the back of his wavy hair as he disappeared into a crowded hallway.
“Don’t worry,” Alana said, obviously seeing him as well. “I haven’t talked to him, either.”
“I just never thought of him as a guy who held grudges.”
“When pride is involved, people can hold on to a lot of things,” Alana said wisely.
“How am I going to talk to him? At the very least I just want to explain to him why I didn’t tell him.”
“Why would I help you figure that out?” She winked my way. “Every woman for herself, remember?”
“I love you, too,” I said.
“Good luck on the podcast today.”
At this point, there was really only one way to get my message across to Diego. It would be embarrassing, it would involve letting more people into my personal life than I felt comfortable with, and it would make me more vulnerable than I’d ever been. But it was important. This wasn’t a very good pep talk, I realized as I repeated the thoughts once again as I sat getting ready to record the podcast.
Alana was back on the production crew. This time, she and Frank sat at the phones.
“Good afternoon, Oak Court!” Victoria chirped into the microphone. “You’re listening to Not My Problem, with Victoria and Kat.”
“Today it needs to be Kate,” I said.
“What?” Victoria asked, looking startled.
“I need to be Kate today because I have something to say, as Kate.”
Victoria’s eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline. “Okay, then, Kate. Take it away.”
“I have a problem.”
“And it’s not that you hate people?”
I laughed a little. “No. Quite the opposite in this case actually.”
“You love someone?”
I thought about that for a moment. Was it love? It was on its way there, I knew that. “Maybe,” I said, my heart pounding. “I’m not sure he feels the same way. In fact, I’m pretty sure he is or was in love with my best friend.”
“Oh,” Victoria said. “You’re actually going to share.”
“Yes. See, I’m hoping he’ll give me a chance. I screwed up before I ever got to tell him how I felt. I kept a secret from him, and now he’s not speaking to me. And I miss him.”
“What do you miss about him?” Victoria asked.
Of course she would make me put everything out there. Make myself even more vulnerable. Drop some fronts I had up. But she was right, I needed to.
“I miss his attentive gaze,” I started, “and his insightful observations and his humor and our conversations and I miss his smile.” I caught my breath. “He hasn’t smiled at me in a while. That sounds so cheesy, I know it does. I’m not used to being this open.” I bit my lip. “I’m used to hiding behind sarcasm and indifference.”
“How does it feel to let it out?”
“Not good.”
Victoria laughed, obviously surprised by that answer. “I thought you’d say freeing.”
“No, it’s terrifying. But I have to do it. I have to do it because if there is even a tiny chance that he returns any of these feelings, then it is worth it.”
“Are you going to be vague and keep the guy anonymous or are you going to share with the listeners the name of your mystery love?” Victoria asked.
I hadn’t prepared myself for that question. Was I going to be vague? What would be better? I didn’t want to embarrass Diego or make him even angrier with me. But hadn’t this whole thing started because we were keeping secrets?
A buzz sounded in my earphones, followed by Alana’s voice. “We have a caller.”
Victoria held up her hand. “Can we wait a few minutes on that? Kate is still sharing.”
“I think you’ll want to take this one … Kate.” Alana met my eyes through the glass. She looked equal parts nervous and apprehensive.
“Let’s take the call,” I said, not sure what Alana was trying to convey with that look. It almost seemed like a bad thing. Was she trying to save Diego from my saying his name on the podcast? Was she trying to save me from further humiliation? Was she trying to help herself? Make it so she could tell him how she felt about him before I could?
“Hello,” Victoria said, “You’re on Not My Problem.”
“Hi,” the caller said. It seemed so strange that even from just that tiny, two-letter word, I could know who spoke it. But I did know. “Is Kate recording today?” the voice asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m here.”
“Hi, Kate.”
“Oh!” Victoria said. “It’s Looking For Love.”
“It’s Diego,” he said. “My name is Diego Martinez, and I need to talk to Kate.”
“Talk away, Diego,” Victoria said. “She’s listening.”
“I’m sorry, Kate,” Diego said. “I’ve been acting badly.”
“I understand,” I said, my heart racing. “You were blindsided. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept a secret from you. It wasn’t for the show. I promise. I had no idea you’d keep calling.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I shouldn’t have accused you of that. I was hurt. And embarrassed. I felt like I’d been rejected both on air and in real life. I was trying to be a big person about it all. But in the end that one more piece of information I was told at the carnival pushed me over the edge.”
“You don’t need to be embarrassed,” I said fervently. “You weren’t rejected. She likes you. She’s always liked you. I should’ve just told you. I was always just trying to help you tell …” I almost said Alana, but that wasn’t my secret to broadcast. I’d already learned my lesson with Liza. “… your crush how you felt about her.”
He let out a breathy laugh. “Why didn’t you just read the magazine, Kate?”
The headphones slipped down the back of my head and I pushed them into place. “The magazine? Oh, the magazine …” Was something in the magazine? How did he know I hadn’t read it? Had Liza told him?
“I didn’t say that!” Alana said.
“I was reading between the lines. Was I right?”
She laughed and shoved him away.
“I can work with that,” he said.
I was impressed that he was still coming around at all. I would’ve thought that, in Frank’s world, Alana liking another boy would mean Frank had to walk away and maintain his pride. But I was slowly learning Frank wasn’t everything I had thought he was.
“Oh, Frank,” I said. “While you’re here. Remember when I accused you of sabotaging the marina?”
“No.”
“Oh, I mean of posting pictures on the website.”
“Yes, I remember that.”
“Well, I was wrong.”
“I actually did post pictures on the website,” he said.
I patted his shoulder. “I was wrong about other things, Romeo. I’m sorry.”
“That one actually sounded like you meant it.”
“It was at least ninety-five percent sincere.”
“We’re going to change our parents’ hearts yet, and it probably won’t even take death, Juliet.”
The next morning, the only glimpse I had of Diego was the back of his wavy hair as he disappeared into a crowded hallway.
“Don’t worry,” Alana said, obviously seeing him as well. “I haven’t talked to him, either.”
“I just never thought of him as a guy who held grudges.”
“When pride is involved, people can hold on to a lot of things,” Alana said wisely.
“How am I going to talk to him? At the very least I just want to explain to him why I didn’t tell him.”
“Why would I help you figure that out?” She winked my way. “Every woman for herself, remember?”
“I love you, too,” I said.
“Good luck on the podcast today.”
At this point, there was really only one way to get my message across to Diego. It would be embarrassing, it would involve letting more people into my personal life than I felt comfortable with, and it would make me more vulnerable than I’d ever been. But it was important. This wasn’t a very good pep talk, I realized as I repeated the thoughts once again as I sat getting ready to record the podcast.
Alana was back on the production crew. This time, she and Frank sat at the phones.
“Good afternoon, Oak Court!” Victoria chirped into the microphone. “You’re listening to Not My Problem, with Victoria and Kat.”
“Today it needs to be Kate,” I said.
“What?” Victoria asked, looking startled.
“I need to be Kate today because I have something to say, as Kate.”
Victoria’s eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline. “Okay, then, Kate. Take it away.”
“I have a problem.”
“And it’s not that you hate people?”
I laughed a little. “No. Quite the opposite in this case actually.”
“You love someone?”
I thought about that for a moment. Was it love? It was on its way there, I knew that. “Maybe,” I said, my heart pounding. “I’m not sure he feels the same way. In fact, I’m pretty sure he is or was in love with my best friend.”
“Oh,” Victoria said. “You’re actually going to share.”
“Yes. See, I’m hoping he’ll give me a chance. I screwed up before I ever got to tell him how I felt. I kept a secret from him, and now he’s not speaking to me. And I miss him.”
“What do you miss about him?” Victoria asked.
Of course she would make me put everything out there. Make myself even more vulnerable. Drop some fronts I had up. But she was right, I needed to.
“I miss his attentive gaze,” I started, “and his insightful observations and his humor and our conversations and I miss his smile.” I caught my breath. “He hasn’t smiled at me in a while. That sounds so cheesy, I know it does. I’m not used to being this open.” I bit my lip. “I’m used to hiding behind sarcasm and indifference.”
“How does it feel to let it out?”
“Not good.”
Victoria laughed, obviously surprised by that answer. “I thought you’d say freeing.”
“No, it’s terrifying. But I have to do it. I have to do it because if there is even a tiny chance that he returns any of these feelings, then it is worth it.”
“Are you going to be vague and keep the guy anonymous or are you going to share with the listeners the name of your mystery love?” Victoria asked.
I hadn’t prepared myself for that question. Was I going to be vague? What would be better? I didn’t want to embarrass Diego or make him even angrier with me. But hadn’t this whole thing started because we were keeping secrets?
A buzz sounded in my earphones, followed by Alana’s voice. “We have a caller.”
Victoria held up her hand. “Can we wait a few minutes on that? Kate is still sharing.”
“I think you’ll want to take this one … Kate.” Alana met my eyes through the glass. She looked equal parts nervous and apprehensive.
“Let’s take the call,” I said, not sure what Alana was trying to convey with that look. It almost seemed like a bad thing. Was she trying to save Diego from my saying his name on the podcast? Was she trying to save me from further humiliation? Was she trying to help herself? Make it so she could tell him how she felt about him before I could?
“Hello,” Victoria said, “You’re on Not My Problem.”
“Hi,” the caller said. It seemed so strange that even from just that tiny, two-letter word, I could know who spoke it. But I did know. “Is Kate recording today?” the voice asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m here.”
“Hi, Kate.”
“Oh!” Victoria said. “It’s Looking For Love.”
“It’s Diego,” he said. “My name is Diego Martinez, and I need to talk to Kate.”
“Talk away, Diego,” Victoria said. “She’s listening.”
“I’m sorry, Kate,” Diego said. “I’ve been acting badly.”
“I understand,” I said, my heart racing. “You were blindsided. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept a secret from you. It wasn’t for the show. I promise. I had no idea you’d keep calling.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I shouldn’t have accused you of that. I was hurt. And embarrassed. I felt like I’d been rejected both on air and in real life. I was trying to be a big person about it all. But in the end that one more piece of information I was told at the carnival pushed me over the edge.”
“You don’t need to be embarrassed,” I said fervently. “You weren’t rejected. She likes you. She’s always liked you. I should’ve just told you. I was always just trying to help you tell …” I almost said Alana, but that wasn’t my secret to broadcast. I’d already learned my lesson with Liza. “… your crush how you felt about her.”
He let out a breathy laugh. “Why didn’t you just read the magazine, Kate?”
The headphones slipped down the back of my head and I pushed them into place. “The magazine? Oh, the magazine …” Was something in the magazine? How did he know I hadn’t read it? Had Liza told him?
