Lure of Oblivion
Page 68
When his pack mates and Donnie left, Zander remained with Gwen as she packed away the weapons. “I didn’t mean to snap at you for leaving the house,” he told her. “I just like to know you’re safe when I’m gone. I don’t ask you to stay inside permanently, just when I’m not around.”
It was a half-assed apology, thought Gwen, but she’d take it. “If the range was near the border, I would have waited for you. But it’s pretty much smack bam in the middle of the land. Intruders would have a hard time getting that far undetected—which you know full well. Besides, it’s not like I gave Ally the slip or anything. I took her with me.” Locking the gun storage box, Gwen said, “As much as I appreciate that you’re protective, I’m looking forward to having a break from the weight of it. It’ll ease off when all this shit’s over.”
Zander frowned. “I will never be any less protective of you, no matter what is going on.”
“But you won’t be here every day, growling orders at me.” Gwen refused to admit how much it would hurt when he went back to California, even though it wouldn’t be the end of their relationship. “I don’t know how often you plan to come down here—”
“It doesn’t have to be a long-distance relationship, Gwen. You could come live with me; you could join the pack.” Zander held his breath, waiting for her response, hoping she didn’t freak out. His wolf waited, anxious. For a long moment, she just looked at him steadily.
“Is that what you want?”
“Fuck, yes. I want you with me. I want you in my pack. I want you to be there when I wake up. I don’t want to see you on weekends or whenever either of us have free time. That won’t be enough for me. I’d like to think it won’t be enough for you.”
She rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know, Zander. It would be a major decision. And it would surely involve you taking me as your mate, because I’m doubting your Alphas would take in a human for no good reason.”
He placed his hands on the bench and leaned toward her. “I’ve made it clear countless times that this is more than a fling. I told you I was keeping you, I told you that you’re mine. This is not a temporary thing for me. I want you with me. Not just for now. For good.”
“You also told me that imprinting can happen without the conscious decision of the couple, and you said it can happen fast.” Gwen had waited, reasoning that if she and Zander really had something deep and true, imprinting would have begun, but . . . “It hasn’t happened for us.”
“I also said that it can take months.”
Gwen folded her arms. “Where’s your wolf at?”
“He adores you. He wants you happy and safe and at our side. He wants you as our mate.” Zander rounded the bench and closed the distance between them. “I know you’ve gotten used to people turning away from you or giving you up, but I’m not going to be one of those people. I’m here for good.”
“I know.”
The total confidence with which she’d spoken both relieved and satisfied him. “Good. You’re it for me.” He flicked her bangs out of her face. “But I need to be it for you. I’m not saying I’ll leave if I’m not. That’s not going to happen. I just want you to know that I need that. I need to be as important to you as you are to me.”
She tossed him an impatient look. “You know you’re important.”
“How important?”
“Important enough that I’m considering moving to California. Be fair, Zander, it’s easy for you to suggest it—you’re not the one who’d have to make all the changes.”
He’d figured out in advance that she’d say that, so he had his answers prepared. “You’re right. I’d be asking you to move out . . . but really, Gwen, did you imagine yourself living in that house forever? You might not have planned exactly when you’d leave, but you knew that you’d move out eventually. I’m not asking you to do something you wouldn’t have done at some point anyway. Okay, yeah, my territory isn’t exactly down the road from here, but take the distance out of the way for a minute. Can you envision yourself living in a place that’s more beautiful to you than my territory?”
No, Gwen couldn’t, but . . . “It’s not the only change I’d have to make.”
“You’d have to give up your jobs, I know. But those are jobs that you do for your family, not for you, not because you enjoy them. You can’t honestly tell me that you’d miss either position.”
That was totally true, Gwen conceded to herself.
“And yes, living with me would mean leaving your family, but it’s not like they’d be on the other side of the globe. You could visit them anytime, and they could come visit you. Plenty of people live far away from their relatives. My sister lives a fair distance away from me. It’s not ideal, but it’s not soul-destroying either. I know you feel that they need you, but you can’t sacrifice your own happiness so that they have your company regularly. It’s senseless. They’ll tell you the same thing.” He cupped her face. “Just say yes, Gwen. It’s real easy.”
Easy? Gwen snickered. “You have to see this from my point of view. You’re not just asking me to move in with you. You live on pack territory. You and all your pack mates live virtually on top of each other and are probably constantly in each other’s business. In some ways, it’s the human equivalent of living in a house with most of your relatives. Moving in with you would mean moving in with them, in a sense.”
Zander brushed his nose against hers. “Baby, you’re not fooling anyone if you think I don’t know how much the idea of belonging to a pack appeals to you. The idea of being surrounded by people who will care for, support, accept, and protect you is drugging to you. You’re hesitating right now because you’re scared to reach for it. I don’t like how scared you are of reaching for happiness.”
“I reached for you, didn’t I?” she shot back.
Satisfaction roared through Zander at that. His mouth curved. “Yes, baby, you did. And you have no idea how glad I am of that. But I’m greedy—I want all of you. I want you with me every day and every night.” Neither he nor his wolf would settle for anything less.
It was a half-assed apology, thought Gwen, but she’d take it. “If the range was near the border, I would have waited for you. But it’s pretty much smack bam in the middle of the land. Intruders would have a hard time getting that far undetected—which you know full well. Besides, it’s not like I gave Ally the slip or anything. I took her with me.” Locking the gun storage box, Gwen said, “As much as I appreciate that you’re protective, I’m looking forward to having a break from the weight of it. It’ll ease off when all this shit’s over.”
Zander frowned. “I will never be any less protective of you, no matter what is going on.”
“But you won’t be here every day, growling orders at me.” Gwen refused to admit how much it would hurt when he went back to California, even though it wouldn’t be the end of their relationship. “I don’t know how often you plan to come down here—”
“It doesn’t have to be a long-distance relationship, Gwen. You could come live with me; you could join the pack.” Zander held his breath, waiting for her response, hoping she didn’t freak out. His wolf waited, anxious. For a long moment, she just looked at him steadily.
“Is that what you want?”
“Fuck, yes. I want you with me. I want you in my pack. I want you to be there when I wake up. I don’t want to see you on weekends or whenever either of us have free time. That won’t be enough for me. I’d like to think it won’t be enough for you.”
She rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know, Zander. It would be a major decision. And it would surely involve you taking me as your mate, because I’m doubting your Alphas would take in a human for no good reason.”
He placed his hands on the bench and leaned toward her. “I’ve made it clear countless times that this is more than a fling. I told you I was keeping you, I told you that you’re mine. This is not a temporary thing for me. I want you with me. Not just for now. For good.”
“You also told me that imprinting can happen without the conscious decision of the couple, and you said it can happen fast.” Gwen had waited, reasoning that if she and Zander really had something deep and true, imprinting would have begun, but . . . “It hasn’t happened for us.”
“I also said that it can take months.”
Gwen folded her arms. “Where’s your wolf at?”
“He adores you. He wants you happy and safe and at our side. He wants you as our mate.” Zander rounded the bench and closed the distance between them. “I know you’ve gotten used to people turning away from you or giving you up, but I’m not going to be one of those people. I’m here for good.”
“I know.”
The total confidence with which she’d spoken both relieved and satisfied him. “Good. You’re it for me.” He flicked her bangs out of her face. “But I need to be it for you. I’m not saying I’ll leave if I’m not. That’s not going to happen. I just want you to know that I need that. I need to be as important to you as you are to me.”
She tossed him an impatient look. “You know you’re important.”
“How important?”
“Important enough that I’m considering moving to California. Be fair, Zander, it’s easy for you to suggest it—you’re not the one who’d have to make all the changes.”
He’d figured out in advance that she’d say that, so he had his answers prepared. “You’re right. I’d be asking you to move out . . . but really, Gwen, did you imagine yourself living in that house forever? You might not have planned exactly when you’d leave, but you knew that you’d move out eventually. I’m not asking you to do something you wouldn’t have done at some point anyway. Okay, yeah, my territory isn’t exactly down the road from here, but take the distance out of the way for a minute. Can you envision yourself living in a place that’s more beautiful to you than my territory?”
No, Gwen couldn’t, but . . . “It’s not the only change I’d have to make.”
“You’d have to give up your jobs, I know. But those are jobs that you do for your family, not for you, not because you enjoy them. You can’t honestly tell me that you’d miss either position.”
That was totally true, Gwen conceded to herself.
“And yes, living with me would mean leaving your family, but it’s not like they’d be on the other side of the globe. You could visit them anytime, and they could come visit you. Plenty of people live far away from their relatives. My sister lives a fair distance away from me. It’s not ideal, but it’s not soul-destroying either. I know you feel that they need you, but you can’t sacrifice your own happiness so that they have your company regularly. It’s senseless. They’ll tell you the same thing.” He cupped her face. “Just say yes, Gwen. It’s real easy.”
Easy? Gwen snickered. “You have to see this from my point of view. You’re not just asking me to move in with you. You live on pack territory. You and all your pack mates live virtually on top of each other and are probably constantly in each other’s business. In some ways, it’s the human equivalent of living in a house with most of your relatives. Moving in with you would mean moving in with them, in a sense.”
Zander brushed his nose against hers. “Baby, you’re not fooling anyone if you think I don’t know how much the idea of belonging to a pack appeals to you. The idea of being surrounded by people who will care for, support, accept, and protect you is drugging to you. You’re hesitating right now because you’re scared to reach for it. I don’t like how scared you are of reaching for happiness.”
“I reached for you, didn’t I?” she shot back.
Satisfaction roared through Zander at that. His mouth curved. “Yes, baby, you did. And you have no idea how glad I am of that. But I’m greedy—I want all of you. I want you with me every day and every night.” Neither he nor his wolf would settle for anything less.
