Made for You
Page 66
He moves so he’s beside me on my bed, instead of half on top of me, and kisses my temple. When I try to slip my hand back under his shirt where it was before he pulled away, he catches my wrist and says, “No.”
“No what?”
“If we’re dating, we have to go slower than this.” He has an arm around me, and he kisses my head again. “We need to be like . . . normal about it.”
I want to laugh, but it would be rude. “You realize that it’s not like there’s a normal time between dating and sex, right? It’s about the two people. If we wanted to have sex today—”
“Today?” He sounds nervous.
“So you’re saying we can date, but we should just kiss . . . and not ‘like that’?” I turn my head and kiss his chest.
He puts his hand on my cheek and tilts my head so I’m looking at him before he continues. “I don’t want to f**k this up by going too fast.”
I put my hand on his and say, “How about you trust me to decide how fast is too fast for me, and I’ll trust you to decide how fast is too fast for you, and if we end up on the same page at some point, that’s when we go further?”
“Fine, but I’m not ready. Not with you.” He swallows. “This is going to sound stupid, but want to wait until it’s not just sex.”
I almost tell him that it wouldn’t be, not even today. “So we wait till it’s making love.”
He looks even more uncomfortable when I use that phrase, but he doesn’t try to suggest that he meant something else. He studies my face like he’s expecting a rejection before asking, “That’s okay?”
I stretch up to kiss him before saying, “Very, and it’s not stupid.”
We’re still cuddled up together talking and sometimes kissing when my parents get home a little while later. Nate doesn’t quite leap out of bed when he hears the door open, but it’s close.
“Relax, Nate.”
“I don’t want them to think—”
“That we’re dating?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t want them to hate me.” He rubs his head. “I didn’t know if you wanted them to know.”
“Don’t be an idiot.” I shake my head and call out, “Mom? Could you come up here?”
In a matter of moments, she walks into my room. Her eyes are a little wide, and she’s studying me not-so-subtly. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assure her. “Everything’s fine.”
I can see the tension flee as her shoulders visibly relax. In a split second, she goes from worried to the seemingly emotionless woman I’ve seen most of my life. I know now that it’s a mask, but it’s a convincing one. Then she glances at Nate, who is standing awkwardly beside my bed, and then at my bed. The pillow and comforter are still compressed from where he was lying beside me.
“Do you mind if I see Nate? Go out with him?”
Her expression doesn’t change, but Nate’s does. He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
My mother scowls at me and then turns her scowl on Nate. “There’s a killer out there, Nathaniel. You can’t take her out until he’s caught.”
“Can we date here?” I clarify.
My mother frowns. “Why would you ask that? I’ve never had to approve your dates before.”
I watch Nate’s expression switch from nervous to poleaxed.
“Because you hired Nate.”
“But you were friends first.” She looks at Nate and asks, “Are you still going to do the job I hired you to do?”
“Yes,” Nate says.
“Well, then, I see no reason you can’t ask my daughter out.” My mother reaches out and pats my leg. “It’s sweet that you asked, but I think you scared Nate a bit. I’m going to go fix dinner. Are you staying?”
“Not tonight, ma’am,” he says. “I’m heading out in a minute.”
She nods and sails out of the room with the same calm expression that she usually has. I like it much better than the alarm I saw when she walked into my room. Nate watches the empty doorway, and I hold in my laughter at Nate’s stunned expression until I figure my mother is downstairs. I wouldn’t want her to think I’m laughing at her.
Nate shakes his head. Then he walks over to the bed again, and I reach up and take his hand. I tug, and he bends so I can kiss him.
“Text me so I know you’re home safe?”
“I’m going to Durham to see Aaron. I’ll have my phone, and I’ll be safe.”
He’s still bent down so our lips are close together, so I kiss him one more time before I say, “Will you still text me when you get to Durham?”
“Okay.” He kisses me this time, and I want to pull him back down to the bed. I wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling like I could spend forever just kissing him.
Nate steps backward and shakes his head. It seems surreal that he feels as overwhelmed as I do, but when I look at him, there’s no denying how affected he obviously is. I feel different, powerful, maybe more so because he wants to wait.
He walks out, and a few moments later my mother comes in and asks, “Are you eating up here or do you need help coming down?”
“Up here if it’s okay.”
She nods and goes to the hallway. “Up here.”
A few moments later, I’m stunned to see my father walk in with a tray of food. It’s not the tray, or my father, but the fact that he’s brought plates for three people. “I told you,” he says to my mother.
“No what?”
“If we’re dating, we have to go slower than this.” He has an arm around me, and he kisses my head again. “We need to be like . . . normal about it.”
I want to laugh, but it would be rude. “You realize that it’s not like there’s a normal time between dating and sex, right? It’s about the two people. If we wanted to have sex today—”
“Today?” He sounds nervous.
“So you’re saying we can date, but we should just kiss . . . and not ‘like that’?” I turn my head and kiss his chest.
He puts his hand on my cheek and tilts my head so I’m looking at him before he continues. “I don’t want to f**k this up by going too fast.”
I put my hand on his and say, “How about you trust me to decide how fast is too fast for me, and I’ll trust you to decide how fast is too fast for you, and if we end up on the same page at some point, that’s when we go further?”
“Fine, but I’m not ready. Not with you.” He swallows. “This is going to sound stupid, but want to wait until it’s not just sex.”
I almost tell him that it wouldn’t be, not even today. “So we wait till it’s making love.”
He looks even more uncomfortable when I use that phrase, but he doesn’t try to suggest that he meant something else. He studies my face like he’s expecting a rejection before asking, “That’s okay?”
I stretch up to kiss him before saying, “Very, and it’s not stupid.”
We’re still cuddled up together talking and sometimes kissing when my parents get home a little while later. Nate doesn’t quite leap out of bed when he hears the door open, but it’s close.
“Relax, Nate.”
“I don’t want them to think—”
“That we’re dating?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t want them to hate me.” He rubs his head. “I didn’t know if you wanted them to know.”
“Don’t be an idiot.” I shake my head and call out, “Mom? Could you come up here?”
In a matter of moments, she walks into my room. Her eyes are a little wide, and she’s studying me not-so-subtly. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I assure her. “Everything’s fine.”
I can see the tension flee as her shoulders visibly relax. In a split second, she goes from worried to the seemingly emotionless woman I’ve seen most of my life. I know now that it’s a mask, but it’s a convincing one. Then she glances at Nate, who is standing awkwardly beside my bed, and then at my bed. The pillow and comforter are still compressed from where he was lying beside me.
“Do you mind if I see Nate? Go out with him?”
Her expression doesn’t change, but Nate’s does. He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
My mother scowls at me and then turns her scowl on Nate. “There’s a killer out there, Nathaniel. You can’t take her out until he’s caught.”
“Can we date here?” I clarify.
My mother frowns. “Why would you ask that? I’ve never had to approve your dates before.”
I watch Nate’s expression switch from nervous to poleaxed.
“Because you hired Nate.”
“But you were friends first.” She looks at Nate and asks, “Are you still going to do the job I hired you to do?”
“Yes,” Nate says.
“Well, then, I see no reason you can’t ask my daughter out.” My mother reaches out and pats my leg. “It’s sweet that you asked, but I think you scared Nate a bit. I’m going to go fix dinner. Are you staying?”
“Not tonight, ma’am,” he says. “I’m heading out in a minute.”
She nods and sails out of the room with the same calm expression that she usually has. I like it much better than the alarm I saw when she walked into my room. Nate watches the empty doorway, and I hold in my laughter at Nate’s stunned expression until I figure my mother is downstairs. I wouldn’t want her to think I’m laughing at her.
Nate shakes his head. Then he walks over to the bed again, and I reach up and take his hand. I tug, and he bends so I can kiss him.
“Text me so I know you’re home safe?”
“I’m going to Durham to see Aaron. I’ll have my phone, and I’ll be safe.”
He’s still bent down so our lips are close together, so I kiss him one more time before I say, “Will you still text me when you get to Durham?”
“Okay.” He kisses me this time, and I want to pull him back down to the bed. I wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling like I could spend forever just kissing him.
Nate steps backward and shakes his head. It seems surreal that he feels as overwhelmed as I do, but when I look at him, there’s no denying how affected he obviously is. I feel different, powerful, maybe more so because he wants to wait.
He walks out, and a few moments later my mother comes in and asks, “Are you eating up here or do you need help coming down?”
“Up here if it’s okay.”
She nods and goes to the hallway. “Up here.”
A few moments later, I’m stunned to see my father walk in with a tray of food. It’s not the tray, or my father, but the fact that he’s brought plates for three people. “I told you,” he says to my mother.
