Made for You
Page 67
“You were right.” She laughs and walks out of the room again.
“Mom? Dad?”
“Be right back,” she calls back.
When they return, he’s carrying a card table and two folding chairs, and she has a second tray with drinks and condiments. I watch speechlessly as they set up a makeshift dining room beside my bed. Once the second, smaller tray is empty, my mother sets it on my lap and puts my plate and drink on it.
“So, what’s this about you and the Bouchet boy?” my father asks.
I blink at him. I’m not sure he’s ever asked me about a boy in my entire life. I open my mouth, realize I’m not sure what to say, and then close it.
“I told your father about my new parenting plan,” my mother offers with a small smile. “I read an article at lunch today that says talking about the day’s events is critical. You weren’t dating Nate yesterday, correct?”
“Correct.”
“So it’s today’s events.” She nods once and takes a sip of her lemonade.
Both of my parents are watching me, and I think they look a little nervous. This is new territory for all of us. My father obviously follows her lead on parenting, although I never realized how much until now. I take a deep breath, and then I start to tell them a slightly modified version of the day, of my feelings for Nate, of how he thinks I’m beautiful even with all these fresh scars, of how he’s never had a girlfriend. They listen. They don’t ask awkward questions, even though I know my mother saw the proof that he was next to me in my bed. I don’t tell them the death visions part or the fact that I have a newly discovered sex drive. I’m not sure either of those details are things I’ll be telling them ever, but it’s sort of awesome to talk about all the rest.
For a day that started pretty awfully, I think, perhaps, there is a little bit of light in the darkness. I’m dating the boy I’ve been dreaming of for years, and I feel certain I have stopped the killer, at least for tonight.
Yes, perhaps there is some light in all of this. And I am thankful for it. Without it I fear I might lose my mind. My parents are chatting about Nate and their work day with me. I don’t completely stop worrying about the killer, but I push the worries to the back of my mind to deal with tomorrow.
DAY 14: “THE CHALLENGE”
Judge
I TRIED TO PRETEND that CeCe was Eva, but that didn’t work. Eva’s skin feels softer. I tried to pretend she’s Amy, but that wasn’t quite right either. I kissed CeCe, and she let me put a hand under her shirt, but she wouldn’t let me take it off or even unhook her bra. I even tried to listen to her talk about some marathon thing she’s doing in Raleigh. I nodded, and I smiled, and I tried to listen. My big reward? Kissing.
I miss Amy.
After it’s pretty obvious that CeCe isn’t going to budge, I drive her home.
When I pull into her drive, she leans over to kiss my cheek. “Call me,” CeCe says as she closes the car door.
I drive back out to the lake, thinking about Amy. I miss her. She looked so content before she died. I think that the secret is the water. It made her pure, washed away her sins like a baptism.
When I reach the lake, I park in an area a bit away from where Amy and I spent our last night together. It’s not night yet, so there are a few people out walking along the trails—but not as many as there usually are. I noticed that earlier. I think that’s why CeCe only let me get as far as I did. Maybe if it were darker, she’d go further.
I feel different here. I’ve driven out to the spot where Micki died, but it doesn’t excite me like this does. Micki’s death simply wasn’t as personal. Amy was special.
Being with Amy was the Lord’s will. The signs were there. She was the inversion of Eva: the whore to Eva’s virgin. Robert touched her because Eva was too pure. It only makes sense that I would too; after all, Eva’s mine. Robert was my stand-in, like Amy was Eva’s.
I wonder if I have to kill Robert so the good in him comes back to me. Amy had parts of Eva, and now that she’s dead, Eva reached out and touched me. It’s like the parts that were trapped inside Amy joined Eva.
Because Amy died, Eva asked me to touch her. She gave me a mission.
I think about Robert. We’ve been friends our whole lives, but I’m not sure I want his traits in me. I like who I am. I’m not sure what to do about him.
The sound of the waves makes me think about Amy-Eva. Now that Amy’s gone, I see that she was a part of Eva. That’s why being with her mattered. That’s why she had to be sacrificed. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I didn’t quite understand how complex Eva was until today when she touched me.
I pull off my shirt, shoes, and socks. I set the shoes side by side on the passenger seat, roll my socks together, and fold my shirt the way I always do. A quick glance outside lets me know no one is nearby right now. Barefoot in only my trousers, I get out of the car and walk toward the water. I can almost see her there on the ground. Amy-Eva looking up at me, satisfied with how happy I made her. I unbutton my trousers, fold them neatly, and drop them on the ground.
Once I wade na**d into the water, I sigh. I wonder how long it will be until Eva looks at me like Amy-Eva did. Soon, I expect, especially if I do a good job with Madison.
DAY 15: “THE TALK”
Eva
THE NEXT MORNING, I’M awake before Nate arrives. After my mother shows him into the kitchen, where I’m having a far healthier breakfast than I want, she announces that she’s going to work at home for a couple hours, and then she gives us a strange look and asks, “Are you dating in the house today?”
“Mom? Dad?”
“Be right back,” she calls back.
When they return, he’s carrying a card table and two folding chairs, and she has a second tray with drinks and condiments. I watch speechlessly as they set up a makeshift dining room beside my bed. Once the second, smaller tray is empty, my mother sets it on my lap and puts my plate and drink on it.
“So, what’s this about you and the Bouchet boy?” my father asks.
I blink at him. I’m not sure he’s ever asked me about a boy in my entire life. I open my mouth, realize I’m not sure what to say, and then close it.
“I told your father about my new parenting plan,” my mother offers with a small smile. “I read an article at lunch today that says talking about the day’s events is critical. You weren’t dating Nate yesterday, correct?”
“Correct.”
“So it’s today’s events.” She nods once and takes a sip of her lemonade.
Both of my parents are watching me, and I think they look a little nervous. This is new territory for all of us. My father obviously follows her lead on parenting, although I never realized how much until now. I take a deep breath, and then I start to tell them a slightly modified version of the day, of my feelings for Nate, of how he thinks I’m beautiful even with all these fresh scars, of how he’s never had a girlfriend. They listen. They don’t ask awkward questions, even though I know my mother saw the proof that he was next to me in my bed. I don’t tell them the death visions part or the fact that I have a newly discovered sex drive. I’m not sure either of those details are things I’ll be telling them ever, but it’s sort of awesome to talk about all the rest.
For a day that started pretty awfully, I think, perhaps, there is a little bit of light in the darkness. I’m dating the boy I’ve been dreaming of for years, and I feel certain I have stopped the killer, at least for tonight.
Yes, perhaps there is some light in all of this. And I am thankful for it. Without it I fear I might lose my mind. My parents are chatting about Nate and their work day with me. I don’t completely stop worrying about the killer, but I push the worries to the back of my mind to deal with tomorrow.
DAY 14: “THE CHALLENGE”
Judge
I TRIED TO PRETEND that CeCe was Eva, but that didn’t work. Eva’s skin feels softer. I tried to pretend she’s Amy, but that wasn’t quite right either. I kissed CeCe, and she let me put a hand under her shirt, but she wouldn’t let me take it off or even unhook her bra. I even tried to listen to her talk about some marathon thing she’s doing in Raleigh. I nodded, and I smiled, and I tried to listen. My big reward? Kissing.
I miss Amy.
After it’s pretty obvious that CeCe isn’t going to budge, I drive her home.
When I pull into her drive, she leans over to kiss my cheek. “Call me,” CeCe says as she closes the car door.
I drive back out to the lake, thinking about Amy. I miss her. She looked so content before she died. I think that the secret is the water. It made her pure, washed away her sins like a baptism.
When I reach the lake, I park in an area a bit away from where Amy and I spent our last night together. It’s not night yet, so there are a few people out walking along the trails—but not as many as there usually are. I noticed that earlier. I think that’s why CeCe only let me get as far as I did. Maybe if it were darker, she’d go further.
I feel different here. I’ve driven out to the spot where Micki died, but it doesn’t excite me like this does. Micki’s death simply wasn’t as personal. Amy was special.
Being with Amy was the Lord’s will. The signs were there. She was the inversion of Eva: the whore to Eva’s virgin. Robert touched her because Eva was too pure. It only makes sense that I would too; after all, Eva’s mine. Robert was my stand-in, like Amy was Eva’s.
I wonder if I have to kill Robert so the good in him comes back to me. Amy had parts of Eva, and now that she’s dead, Eva reached out and touched me. It’s like the parts that were trapped inside Amy joined Eva.
Because Amy died, Eva asked me to touch her. She gave me a mission.
I think about Robert. We’ve been friends our whole lives, but I’m not sure I want his traits in me. I like who I am. I’m not sure what to do about him.
The sound of the waves makes me think about Amy-Eva. Now that Amy’s gone, I see that she was a part of Eva. That’s why being with her mattered. That’s why she had to be sacrificed. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I didn’t quite understand how complex Eva was until today when she touched me.
I pull off my shirt, shoes, and socks. I set the shoes side by side on the passenger seat, roll my socks together, and fold my shirt the way I always do. A quick glance outside lets me know no one is nearby right now. Barefoot in only my trousers, I get out of the car and walk toward the water. I can almost see her there on the ground. Amy-Eva looking up at me, satisfied with how happy I made her. I unbutton my trousers, fold them neatly, and drop them on the ground.
Once I wade na**d into the water, I sigh. I wonder how long it will be until Eva looks at me like Amy-Eva did. Soon, I expect, especially if I do a good job with Madison.
DAY 15: “THE TALK”
Eva
THE NEXT MORNING, I’M awake before Nate arrives. After my mother shows him into the kitchen, where I’m having a far healthier breakfast than I want, she announces that she’s going to work at home for a couple hours, and then she gives us a strange look and asks, “Are you dating in the house today?”
