More Than Forever
Page 51
"Wait." I pull on her arm to stop her from leaving. "I don't—"
"It's okay," she says. Her teeth are clenched when she adds, "Seriously, Cam. It's fine."
My breaths are short and I can't seem to settle it. I'm afraid of what she's thinking, what she's feeling. I pull on her arm until she's closer to me. I lean down to kiss her but she turns her head, avoiding me.
"Come on, Lucy," I whisper, my desperation for her ears only.
Roxy clears her throat from behind us. "Cameron, you can go, I'll finish up here."
I don't even think. I just gather my shit. Mouth 'thank you' to Roxy and I leave.
But she's already ten steps ahead of me.
"Lucy," I shout after her.
She gets in the elevator and waits for me to catch up. "Logan's gone," she deadpans, staring down at the floor.
"What?" I huff, pressing the button to the ground floor.
"He left."
"What do you mean left? Dropped out?"
She looks up at me now. "No. He's gone. Left the country. Nobody knows where he is, or when, or if he's coming back."
I pinch the bridge of nose with my thumb and index finger, trying to weaken the pounding in my head. There's too much to take in and I don't know which thought to run with.
The elevator dings and she steps out, I follow, still not knowing what to say.
She walks out of the building and unlocks her car. "I organized a study group tonight, I'm already late. I'll call you later, Cam." She gets in her car and drives away.
And I'm left standing on the sidewalk wondering what the fuck just happened, and why I feel like my world is falling apart.
***
Eight times I call her.
She never answers.
I stare at my phone and drop down on my bed. And then I dial Jake's number.
"Yo," he answers.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
He laughs once. "Stalking Logan's Facebook, trying to work out where the fuck he is."
"So it's true?"
"Yeah, man. Dr. Matthews called today and told me. He won't give any more information, just that he's left." He lets out another laugh, a bitter one. "I'm watching this video of him when we were at Lucy's cabin. He's drunk and doing—"
"The MC Hammer dance?"
"Yeah. He was so wasted that night."
A quiet moment passes, both of us thinking about that night.
"Anyway," he perks up. "You wanna talk to Luce?"
"What?"
"I figured you're calling to speak to Lucy?"
My heart drops. She lied. I don't think she's ever lied to me. "She said she had study group. She's there?"
"Yeah, dude. She's talking to Kayla."
"What are they saying?"
"I don't know, man. They're in the living room, I'm in the study."
"Well, fuck, go eavesdrop. What are they saying?"
"I can't do that."
"Jake." His name comes out a warning.
"Fine," he clips. "But you owe me." He sighs into the phone and I hear a knob turn.
"Okay," he whispers.
I keep my ears pressed to the phone, not wanting to miss a word.
"Kayla's saying that she's sure it's nothing."
"What's nothing?"
"Shut up. Do you want me to listen to them or not?"
I clamp my mouth shut.
"Okay so Lucy just said that she's never worried before. That it was always kind of a joke, like a show... the jealousy and stuff..."
My hand squeezes the phone so tight I'm scared I'm going to break it.
"She says that it's different now, she's actually afraid. She says that things have changed, that you've been different lately. She says she has a reason to worry now. Who's Roxy?"
Fuck. I rub by eyes and try not to cry like a bitch into the phone.
I hear a door close, then Jake's deep voice. "Dude..."
"What!"
"She's fucking crying. Like all out sobbing."
"Fuck."
"Cameron, what the hell did you do?"
***
You'd think considering how tired I was that I'd be able to sleep, but I can't. I tried calling her again, but her phone was busy. Who the hell is she talking to?
Throwing my covers off, I get dressed, grab my keys, and drive the few minutes to her dorm. Rose answers, but there's no Lucy. I curse and try to call her again. Still busy. I sit my ass on the floor next to her door and wait. I don't care how long I have to wait. I need to see her. I know I won't be able to relax until shit's resolved and she's in my arms again. I'm about to doze off when my phone rings. Her name flashes on the screen. My heart picks up. "Babe," I answer.
"I've been trying to call you."
"I've been trying to call you."
"Where are you?"
"At your dorm, where are you?"
"At your dorm."
I sigh. "We're a mess tonight."
She laughs.
My world stops.
"Stay there, I'll come to you."
"Wait," she says, and I can hear her feet clicking against the floor. "Is Minge in there?"
"He was when I left."
"Then you stay there—" she cuts herself off and the footsteps stop. Her voice lowers when she adds, "I mean, if you wanted to spend the night together?" She says it like a question, like she's unsure of my answer.
"Luce, I don't want to be anywhere else."
"Good," she perks up. "I'll call Rose to let you in, warm my bed for me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Hey, Cam?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
My eyes drift shut and I feel all the muscles in my body slowly relax. "Forever, baby."
***
I rest my head on her chest, my arms around her waist and my leg over hers. I hold her as tight as I can, afraid that if I let her go she might not come back.
Her fingers run through my hair. Her chest rises and falls, faster than it should. I lift my gaze; she's already watching me. "I didn't mean that I'd be happier without you, Luce," I whisper.
She pulls back and scoots lower on the bed so we're face to face, and pulls the covers over our heads. "So what did you mean? Will you explain it to me? I've been trying to understand, but I can't." She swallows loudly and I know that she's trying to hold back a sob.
"I just meant that it would be easier. I'd be happier, right now, if I got up every day, did the same routine and got to go home every night and just be with you. I'm just so fucking stressed at the moment. There's so much going on and the stuff with Logan—I'm drained, babe. Physically and mentally drained. Once I get over finals, I'll be fine."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because the times I have with you are the only times I look forward to. It's the only time I can drop the ball and just relax and be myself. I want my Lucy time separate from everything else."
"And why were your clothes off?"
"It's okay," she says. Her teeth are clenched when she adds, "Seriously, Cam. It's fine."
My breaths are short and I can't seem to settle it. I'm afraid of what she's thinking, what she's feeling. I pull on her arm until she's closer to me. I lean down to kiss her but she turns her head, avoiding me.
"Come on, Lucy," I whisper, my desperation for her ears only.
Roxy clears her throat from behind us. "Cameron, you can go, I'll finish up here."
I don't even think. I just gather my shit. Mouth 'thank you' to Roxy and I leave.
But she's already ten steps ahead of me.
"Lucy," I shout after her.
She gets in the elevator and waits for me to catch up. "Logan's gone," she deadpans, staring down at the floor.
"What?" I huff, pressing the button to the ground floor.
"He left."
"What do you mean left? Dropped out?"
She looks up at me now. "No. He's gone. Left the country. Nobody knows where he is, or when, or if he's coming back."
I pinch the bridge of nose with my thumb and index finger, trying to weaken the pounding in my head. There's too much to take in and I don't know which thought to run with.
The elevator dings and she steps out, I follow, still not knowing what to say.
She walks out of the building and unlocks her car. "I organized a study group tonight, I'm already late. I'll call you later, Cam." She gets in her car and drives away.
And I'm left standing on the sidewalk wondering what the fuck just happened, and why I feel like my world is falling apart.
***
Eight times I call her.
She never answers.
I stare at my phone and drop down on my bed. And then I dial Jake's number.
"Yo," he answers.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
He laughs once. "Stalking Logan's Facebook, trying to work out where the fuck he is."
"So it's true?"
"Yeah, man. Dr. Matthews called today and told me. He won't give any more information, just that he's left." He lets out another laugh, a bitter one. "I'm watching this video of him when we were at Lucy's cabin. He's drunk and doing—"
"The MC Hammer dance?"
"Yeah. He was so wasted that night."
A quiet moment passes, both of us thinking about that night.
"Anyway," he perks up. "You wanna talk to Luce?"
"What?"
"I figured you're calling to speak to Lucy?"
My heart drops. She lied. I don't think she's ever lied to me. "She said she had study group. She's there?"
"Yeah, dude. She's talking to Kayla."
"What are they saying?"
"I don't know, man. They're in the living room, I'm in the study."
"Well, fuck, go eavesdrop. What are they saying?"
"I can't do that."
"Jake." His name comes out a warning.
"Fine," he clips. "But you owe me." He sighs into the phone and I hear a knob turn.
"Okay," he whispers.
I keep my ears pressed to the phone, not wanting to miss a word.
"Kayla's saying that she's sure it's nothing."
"What's nothing?"
"Shut up. Do you want me to listen to them or not?"
I clamp my mouth shut.
"Okay so Lucy just said that she's never worried before. That it was always kind of a joke, like a show... the jealousy and stuff..."
My hand squeezes the phone so tight I'm scared I'm going to break it.
"She says that it's different now, she's actually afraid. She says that things have changed, that you've been different lately. She says she has a reason to worry now. Who's Roxy?"
Fuck. I rub by eyes and try not to cry like a bitch into the phone.
I hear a door close, then Jake's deep voice. "Dude..."
"What!"
"She's fucking crying. Like all out sobbing."
"Fuck."
"Cameron, what the hell did you do?"
***
You'd think considering how tired I was that I'd be able to sleep, but I can't. I tried calling her again, but her phone was busy. Who the hell is she talking to?
Throwing my covers off, I get dressed, grab my keys, and drive the few minutes to her dorm. Rose answers, but there's no Lucy. I curse and try to call her again. Still busy. I sit my ass on the floor next to her door and wait. I don't care how long I have to wait. I need to see her. I know I won't be able to relax until shit's resolved and she's in my arms again. I'm about to doze off when my phone rings. Her name flashes on the screen. My heart picks up. "Babe," I answer.
"I've been trying to call you."
"I've been trying to call you."
"Where are you?"
"At your dorm, where are you?"
"At your dorm."
I sigh. "We're a mess tonight."
She laughs.
My world stops.
"Stay there, I'll come to you."
"Wait," she says, and I can hear her feet clicking against the floor. "Is Minge in there?"
"He was when I left."
"Then you stay there—" she cuts herself off and the footsteps stop. Her voice lowers when she adds, "I mean, if you wanted to spend the night together?" She says it like a question, like she's unsure of my answer.
"Luce, I don't want to be anywhere else."
"Good," she perks up. "I'll call Rose to let you in, warm my bed for me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Hey, Cam?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
My eyes drift shut and I feel all the muscles in my body slowly relax. "Forever, baby."
***
I rest my head on her chest, my arms around her waist and my leg over hers. I hold her as tight as I can, afraid that if I let her go she might not come back.
Her fingers run through my hair. Her chest rises and falls, faster than it should. I lift my gaze; she's already watching me. "I didn't mean that I'd be happier without you, Luce," I whisper.
She pulls back and scoots lower on the bed so we're face to face, and pulls the covers over our heads. "So what did you mean? Will you explain it to me? I've been trying to understand, but I can't." She swallows loudly and I know that she's trying to hold back a sob.
"I just meant that it would be easier. I'd be happier, right now, if I got up every day, did the same routine and got to go home every night and just be with you. I'm just so fucking stressed at the moment. There's so much going on and the stuff with Logan—I'm drained, babe. Physically and mentally drained. Once I get over finals, I'll be fine."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because the times I have with you are the only times I look forward to. It's the only time I can drop the ball and just relax and be myself. I want my Lucy time separate from everything else."
"And why were your clothes off?"
