My Clarity
Page 40
“Oh.” It was all I could say. I was just about to say good night when she headed to the kitchen, then came back.
“You have another tattoo, don’t you?”
I flashed my eyes to her. “How did you know?”
“I...um…saw it when you had your shirt off,” she said slowly, hesitantly. “I saw the letters C-L-A-R, but I didn’t see the rest.”
I dragged my hair back. “This is when I tell you it’s none of your business.” I winked so she didn’t think I was upset with her.
Alex nodded and parted her lips to reply, probably wanting to ask another question, but she was apparently unsure. I could guess what her next question would be. Before she could ask, I intervened. “Let’s talk about something else,” I said sternly.
“Sorry,” she muttered.
Maybe I should’ve gone to the party. She was full of questions tonight. “How do you know when you really love someone? How do you know if a guy really loves you? I’m asking because you seemed to have lot more experience with relationships.”
I thought about it for a moment. No one had ever asked me this question before. “Did Liam make you walk on air? That’s how girls usually describe it when they fall in love.”
“Not lately,” she said under her breath.
I headed to the kitchen and Alex trailed behind me. After placing my mug in the sink, she did the same. “Have you ever heard the song called ‘To Love A Woman,’ by E.C.?”
“Maybe. How does it go?” She gazed into my eyes, begging. “Can you sing it to me?”
“No way,” I blurted.
“Why not? You have such a great voice. I love to hear you sing, please.” Alex grabbed my sweater and wouldn’t let go.
With that smile and those innocent, bedroom eyes looking back at me, how could I deny her request? “Okay, just a snippet of it.” I cleared my throat and focused my eyes onto hers. “You see her across the room, every other face disappears…the earth shakes inside of you, her smile crawls into your skin…touching your heart, your soul…you can do nothing, but dream of her…all you want to do is hold her in your arms.”
Before I knew it, I had pinned her against the cabinet—lost in the moment, lost in the song, lost in her. My arms were planted around her. She was my prisoner, locked and mesmerized as I continued to sing. My voice became softer as I sang to her by the side of her neck. “You want to breathe her in and taste every word on her lips…touch her…taste her…make love to her until you can feel her in your blood….”
I backed away, needing a moment to clear my head. At the same time, I heard a long intake of breath from her. She looked like she was going to faint, and my ego went up a notch knowing that I could make her feel that way. I continued again, gazing into her eyes. This time I ran my hands on her cheeks, then through her hair. “…with every kiss, and every touch, she takes away pieces of you…till there’s nothing left…but you need her so you let her…cause you love her…and you cannot breathe without her.”
I had sung the whole song and I only meant to sing a section of it. I was caught in the moment, caught in this feeling I wanted to ignore, but it felt so good. I couldn’t stop. “Alex,” I whispered her name when I realized my hands were wrapped around her waist, though they weren’t meant to be there.
My body was lightly pressed on hers. Dazed, I murmured, “Now that’s how a man should really love his woman.” Not knowing if I’d answered her question, I said goodnight and walked away without looking back.
I couldn’t look at her. I was afraid of what I would do if her eyes gave me permission to do what I wanted to do at that very moment. Walking away was the only way I could maintain control, but she stopped me.
“Elijah, did you ever love anyone like that before?” she asked softly, still looking overcome, still planted against the cabinet as if she was stuck there.
“No. Goodnight, Freckles,” I said and went to my room.
Alex’s questions brought up the memories of my mom and my brother. As I lay in bed, I could clearly remember that dreadful day, as if it happened yesterday.
I didn’t know what else to do. All I could do was be strong for my little brother and pretend everything was going to be all right. But it wasn’t and he knew it wasn’t. As he lay there helplessly in bed, I thought about all the good times we had shared, playing catch, watching movies, playing videos games, and tackling each other. I was eight years older than he was, but the age didn’t matter. We were close.
How could a healthy, thirteen-year-old kid all of a sudden become so sick? His life had just begun. It wasn’t fair for him and it wasn’t fair for those of us who would be left with nothing but heartache and the memories of him. Life was cruel. I knew this all too well. It just sucked, and sometimes you couldn’t do anything about it.
“Hi,” Evan said softly, looking pale and weak.
“Hey,” I said as cheerfully as I could. “You’re never going to believe what I did.”
“What?” His eyes grew wide with excitement, just like they always did whenever I said those words to him.
“Don’t tell Mom, okay? I got it done today, so I’m a little sore. Don’t you dare punch me there, got it?” I narrowed my eyes at him playfully so he knew I was messing with him.
A soft chuckled escaped his mouth. “Hurry. You talk too much. After I see it, then I’ll decide. Where’s Mom?” I could tell it took a lot more of his energy to speak today than yesterday, but his eyes twinkled with excitement.
“You have another tattoo, don’t you?”
I flashed my eyes to her. “How did you know?”
“I...um…saw it when you had your shirt off,” she said slowly, hesitantly. “I saw the letters C-L-A-R, but I didn’t see the rest.”
I dragged my hair back. “This is when I tell you it’s none of your business.” I winked so she didn’t think I was upset with her.
Alex nodded and parted her lips to reply, probably wanting to ask another question, but she was apparently unsure. I could guess what her next question would be. Before she could ask, I intervened. “Let’s talk about something else,” I said sternly.
“Sorry,” she muttered.
Maybe I should’ve gone to the party. She was full of questions tonight. “How do you know when you really love someone? How do you know if a guy really loves you? I’m asking because you seemed to have lot more experience with relationships.”
I thought about it for a moment. No one had ever asked me this question before. “Did Liam make you walk on air? That’s how girls usually describe it when they fall in love.”
“Not lately,” she said under her breath.
I headed to the kitchen and Alex trailed behind me. After placing my mug in the sink, she did the same. “Have you ever heard the song called ‘To Love A Woman,’ by E.C.?”
“Maybe. How does it go?” She gazed into my eyes, begging. “Can you sing it to me?”
“No way,” I blurted.
“Why not? You have such a great voice. I love to hear you sing, please.” Alex grabbed my sweater and wouldn’t let go.
With that smile and those innocent, bedroom eyes looking back at me, how could I deny her request? “Okay, just a snippet of it.” I cleared my throat and focused my eyes onto hers. “You see her across the room, every other face disappears…the earth shakes inside of you, her smile crawls into your skin…touching your heart, your soul…you can do nothing, but dream of her…all you want to do is hold her in your arms.”
Before I knew it, I had pinned her against the cabinet—lost in the moment, lost in the song, lost in her. My arms were planted around her. She was my prisoner, locked and mesmerized as I continued to sing. My voice became softer as I sang to her by the side of her neck. “You want to breathe her in and taste every word on her lips…touch her…taste her…make love to her until you can feel her in your blood….”
I backed away, needing a moment to clear my head. At the same time, I heard a long intake of breath from her. She looked like she was going to faint, and my ego went up a notch knowing that I could make her feel that way. I continued again, gazing into her eyes. This time I ran my hands on her cheeks, then through her hair. “…with every kiss, and every touch, she takes away pieces of you…till there’s nothing left…but you need her so you let her…cause you love her…and you cannot breathe without her.”
I had sung the whole song and I only meant to sing a section of it. I was caught in the moment, caught in this feeling I wanted to ignore, but it felt so good. I couldn’t stop. “Alex,” I whispered her name when I realized my hands were wrapped around her waist, though they weren’t meant to be there.
My body was lightly pressed on hers. Dazed, I murmured, “Now that’s how a man should really love his woman.” Not knowing if I’d answered her question, I said goodnight and walked away without looking back.
I couldn’t look at her. I was afraid of what I would do if her eyes gave me permission to do what I wanted to do at that very moment. Walking away was the only way I could maintain control, but she stopped me.
“Elijah, did you ever love anyone like that before?” she asked softly, still looking overcome, still planted against the cabinet as if she was stuck there.
“No. Goodnight, Freckles,” I said and went to my room.
Alex’s questions brought up the memories of my mom and my brother. As I lay in bed, I could clearly remember that dreadful day, as if it happened yesterday.
I didn’t know what else to do. All I could do was be strong for my little brother and pretend everything was going to be all right. But it wasn’t and he knew it wasn’t. As he lay there helplessly in bed, I thought about all the good times we had shared, playing catch, watching movies, playing videos games, and tackling each other. I was eight years older than he was, but the age didn’t matter. We were close.
How could a healthy, thirteen-year-old kid all of a sudden become so sick? His life had just begun. It wasn’t fair for him and it wasn’t fair for those of us who would be left with nothing but heartache and the memories of him. Life was cruel. I knew this all too well. It just sucked, and sometimes you couldn’t do anything about it.
“Hi,” Evan said softly, looking pale and weak.
“Hey,” I said as cheerfully as I could. “You’re never going to believe what I did.”
“What?” His eyes grew wide with excitement, just like they always did whenever I said those words to him.
“Don’t tell Mom, okay? I got it done today, so I’m a little sore. Don’t you dare punch me there, got it?” I narrowed my eyes at him playfully so he knew I was messing with him.
A soft chuckled escaped his mouth. “Hurry. You talk too much. After I see it, then I’ll decide. Where’s Mom?” I could tell it took a lot more of his energy to speak today than yesterday, but his eyes twinkled with excitement.
