My Clarity
Page 47
After I ate the pancake, I drank a glass of juice and washed the dishes. I headed to my room where I saw a gift bag with my name on it. How did I miss that?
Elijah,
Happy belated Birthday!
Everyone needs a home, even pictures.
Hope you like them.
-Alex XO
The two picture frames were simple, just like how I like things. They each had a black border around them and that was all. My friends and I didn’t exchange birthday presents, so it had been a while since I received one. Not only was I very touched by her gesture, I felt like crap about last night. I wished she could be mine.
Alexandria
“So you and Liam made up for the one hundredth time?” Lexy asked, leaning against the counter. It was so slow today. All we did was talk. Occasionally, my mind drifted off to last night and I could still feel the heat lingering from Elijah’s touch. I wanted to tell Lexy what had happened mostly out of guilt, but knowing nothing good would come out of me telling her, I decided to keep that topic to myself. The fact that it would never happen again was another reason.
I frowned at her. She was right. Liam and I had been fighting more and more since I moved away to college. “To tell you the truth, I told him to come over so I can tell him in person that it’s over. I just need the courage to do it. My feelings for him have changed. Maybe we’re both changing. It’s also this long distance relationship. It’s difficult and he doesn’t like that I’m living with Elijah.” Talking it over with Lexy helped me sort my thoughts.
“Can you blame him?” Lexy said quickly. “I mean, would you want Liam living with a hot looking girl?”
Once upon a time I would’ve cared, but I didn’t anymore. And how do I even know he wasn’t with other girls? Who knew what he was doing? He was the one that had the car. He never invited me to his place. “I guess not. He wants me to meet his parents during Christmas vacation.”
“Wow…that’s pretty serious.”
“I’m not going to. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s older, but I feel like I don’t have a say in the relationship sometimes. It’s like I need to accommodate his needs and his wants before mine. Am I being selfish?”
“Of course not. Relationships should be give and take.”
“He wanted me to spend Christmas and New Year’s Eve with him, which is fine, but what about my family? What about getting to know my friends?”
“Did you talk to him about this?”
“Yes, but he always gets his way.”
“Hmmm…acting like a true lawyer already. Didn’t you say he wants to go to law school?”
“Yup.”
“You should have done what always works. If he’s not giving in, then don’t put out.” Lexy’s face was so serious; I thought she was joking at first.
“Does that work?” I only asked since I didn’t feel like telling Lexy that I was a virgin.
“Hell yes. All guys ever think about is sex.”
I let out a chuckle. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
“I was going to go home, but I may just stick around and go home during Christmas break instead. It’s costly to fly to New York. I might as well go for a week instead of a weekend.”
“How about Elijah? Does he have any relatives nearby?”
“Why don’t you ask him?”
I looked away. “Sometimes, he can be so complicated. I don’t know if he likes me. I mean…like a friend.” Oh God! I didn’t even know what the heck we were after last night.
“Elijah is complicated, but he has a huge heart. He cares too much, but at the same time, he tries not to show it. For example, he doesn’t want you at the race tonight.” Lexy stiffened. “Shoot. Please don’t tell him I said anything, okay?”
“He doesn’t want me to go?” I don’t know why, but that hurt my feelings. I wished I hadn’t made him that racecar-shaped pancake. What the hell was I thinking? Feeling bad for causing a fight between Nolan and him, it was my way of apologizing for everything, including last night.
“Don’t take it the wrong way. The crowd will be worse tonight and even I’m not going. It’s not a safe place to be. And Liam is coming over to see you right?”
“Yeah, if he doesn’t cancel. I wouldn’t blame him. The drive is really long. I want him to come over so I can let him go. I don’t feel right doing it over the phone or in a text.”
“Wow, you are seriously going to break up with him?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it happens. You grow, you make mistakes, and you change. You also see things in a different light. Not only will you make a lot of mistakes with your first, he will also be the hardest to let go. That being said, if you’re sure he’s not the one, then let him go. You have yet to meet your Mr. Right, the one who was meant for you.”
Letting Lexy’s words of wisdom soak in, I knew she was right, but it was easier said than done. Letting go of someone was always difficult. It’s as if they took a piece of you with them and you couldn’t get it back.
“When will you know if Liam is coming?” Lexy asked.
My phone vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans. “You must be a psychic.” Taking it out, I read the text from Liam. “He’s not coming,” I grumbled.
Lexy gave me a sympathetic smile. “Let’s go out, just the two of us. What do you say?” Lexy must have seen the disappointed expression on my face.
Elijah,
Happy belated Birthday!
Everyone needs a home, even pictures.
Hope you like them.
-Alex XO
The two picture frames were simple, just like how I like things. They each had a black border around them and that was all. My friends and I didn’t exchange birthday presents, so it had been a while since I received one. Not only was I very touched by her gesture, I felt like crap about last night. I wished she could be mine.
Alexandria
“So you and Liam made up for the one hundredth time?” Lexy asked, leaning against the counter. It was so slow today. All we did was talk. Occasionally, my mind drifted off to last night and I could still feel the heat lingering from Elijah’s touch. I wanted to tell Lexy what had happened mostly out of guilt, but knowing nothing good would come out of me telling her, I decided to keep that topic to myself. The fact that it would never happen again was another reason.
I frowned at her. She was right. Liam and I had been fighting more and more since I moved away to college. “To tell you the truth, I told him to come over so I can tell him in person that it’s over. I just need the courage to do it. My feelings for him have changed. Maybe we’re both changing. It’s also this long distance relationship. It’s difficult and he doesn’t like that I’m living with Elijah.” Talking it over with Lexy helped me sort my thoughts.
“Can you blame him?” Lexy said quickly. “I mean, would you want Liam living with a hot looking girl?”
Once upon a time I would’ve cared, but I didn’t anymore. And how do I even know he wasn’t with other girls? Who knew what he was doing? He was the one that had the car. He never invited me to his place. “I guess not. He wants me to meet his parents during Christmas vacation.”
“Wow…that’s pretty serious.”
“I’m not going to. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s older, but I feel like I don’t have a say in the relationship sometimes. It’s like I need to accommodate his needs and his wants before mine. Am I being selfish?”
“Of course not. Relationships should be give and take.”
“He wanted me to spend Christmas and New Year’s Eve with him, which is fine, but what about my family? What about getting to know my friends?”
“Did you talk to him about this?”
“Yes, but he always gets his way.”
“Hmmm…acting like a true lawyer already. Didn’t you say he wants to go to law school?”
“Yup.”
“You should have done what always works. If he’s not giving in, then don’t put out.” Lexy’s face was so serious; I thought she was joking at first.
“Does that work?” I only asked since I didn’t feel like telling Lexy that I was a virgin.
“Hell yes. All guys ever think about is sex.”
I let out a chuckle. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
“I was going to go home, but I may just stick around and go home during Christmas break instead. It’s costly to fly to New York. I might as well go for a week instead of a weekend.”
“How about Elijah? Does he have any relatives nearby?”
“Why don’t you ask him?”
I looked away. “Sometimes, he can be so complicated. I don’t know if he likes me. I mean…like a friend.” Oh God! I didn’t even know what the heck we were after last night.
“Elijah is complicated, but he has a huge heart. He cares too much, but at the same time, he tries not to show it. For example, he doesn’t want you at the race tonight.” Lexy stiffened. “Shoot. Please don’t tell him I said anything, okay?”
“He doesn’t want me to go?” I don’t know why, but that hurt my feelings. I wished I hadn’t made him that racecar-shaped pancake. What the hell was I thinking? Feeling bad for causing a fight between Nolan and him, it was my way of apologizing for everything, including last night.
“Don’t take it the wrong way. The crowd will be worse tonight and even I’m not going. It’s not a safe place to be. And Liam is coming over to see you right?”
“Yeah, if he doesn’t cancel. I wouldn’t blame him. The drive is really long. I want him to come over so I can let him go. I don’t feel right doing it over the phone or in a text.”
“Wow, you are seriously going to break up with him?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it happens. You grow, you make mistakes, and you change. You also see things in a different light. Not only will you make a lot of mistakes with your first, he will also be the hardest to let go. That being said, if you’re sure he’s not the one, then let him go. You have yet to meet your Mr. Right, the one who was meant for you.”
Letting Lexy’s words of wisdom soak in, I knew she was right, but it was easier said than done. Letting go of someone was always difficult. It’s as if they took a piece of you with them and you couldn’t get it back.
“When will you know if Liam is coming?” Lexy asked.
My phone vibrated in the back pocket of my jeans. “You must be a psychic.” Taking it out, I read the text from Liam. “He’s not coming,” I grumbled.
Lexy gave me a sympathetic smile. “Let’s go out, just the two of us. What do you say?” Lexy must have seen the disappointed expression on my face.
