My Clarity
Page 55
“No, no Alex,” Lexy said. “You keep the money. You don’t need to spend it on us.”
“Save it for the down payment on your car,” Emma suggested, “so you can come home anytime you like.” She gave Alex a hug, then let go. “Or you can go shopping where I work and I’ll get you a discount.”
The girls laughed, but were soon interrupted by Dean.
“Before I forget, Alex. Cynthia told me to tell you that she may need a roommate as soon as Christmas break. She asked me to let you know since she went home for Thanksgiving.”
“You’re moving out?” Lexy asked Alex, and then turned to me with a questioning look. Now I was going to hear it from her.
It occurred to me that Alex might move out after what had happened between us, but I thought that was a very slim chance. I didn’t know it bothered her this much. I also didn’t know the idea of her moving out would cause a tremendous sting of pain in my heart. Maybe it was for the best.
“I was going to let you know,” Alex started to tell me, keeping her eyes glued on her fingernails as if she was being scolded. “Cynthia told me she needed a roommate. This way you could have your place back. You can smoke whenever and wherever you want. Or bring girls home so you don’t have to ask me and feel weird about it.”
“Liam must be happy about that,” I slithered in that comment and headed to the kitchen without letting her answer back. I don’t know why I said it, only that it pissed me off knowing he got his way. This also confirmed she was still with him.
Chapter 30
Alexandria
Whiteboard:
Going home. I left the rent on the table.
-Alex
The bus ride home wasn’t too bad. Mom picked me up at the bus station, and I settled into my old room. It was strange coming back home after being gone so long, especially since my father passed away. Besides seeing Emma and few of my others friends, I didn’t have much to look forward to.
“You’re not eating much,” Mom said, sitting across from me. “Is everything okay?”
“Do you remember Liam?” I asked, twirling my fork through the rice pilaf. I hadn’t opened up to Mom in a long time. We rarely talked about this type of thing. Actually, I was the one brushing off the subject every time she would bring it up, so I was surprised at how open I was tonight.
“Of course I do. Are you two having problems?”
“To make a long story short, we are. I don’t feel the same about him anymore. Actually, I want to tell him that I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore, but I’m so nervous.”
What I really wanted to tell Mom was that I was attracted to a guy who smoked, who had not one, but two tattoos, didn’t believe in commitment, and was street racing for a living. Yeah, that would go over really well with her. Even though these were things I normally avoided in a relationship, somehow, it seems I was falling in love with him. I wouldn’t want to change anything about him. Elijah is who he is because of what he’d been through in life. It was ironic. I never thought I would fall for someone like him. I guess the old saying is right; you can’t help whom you fall in love with.
“To tell you the truth, I really didn’t like Liam. I’m sure he treated you well, and I know I don’t have the right to judge him since I didn’t get to know him, but he reminded me of your dad.”
Anger flared like a shotgun blast. “What do you mean? How could you say that? Dad was the best. He did so much for us.” I could feel my face burn with fury. He wasn’t here to defend himself. How could she say things like that?
Mom took a deep sigh. “Alex, you always blamed me for the divorce and I never said anything in my defense because I never wanted you to look at your father any differently. And you shouldn’t have to. What you two had was very special. You were his sunshine, but I was his rain. He was a great father, but a terrible husband. He was domineering, controlling, and mostly selfish. I’m sorry to tell you all this, but you have to know. I felt like I lost you when I left your dad.”
Her words shocked me. I never knew how it was for her. Then it hit me. Of course, I didn’t know. I was their daughter, but I knew very little about their relationship. What they wanted me to see compared to what really went on was completely different. I had never heard them arguing. I couldn’t recall my dad ever acting the way she said he did, but how could I? Looking in from the outside, everything was perfect. I always thought mom was being selfish and just wanted out of the marriage. I thought about Liam. None of his friends would think he was controlling, demanding, or selfish. Then I understood.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I never knew.”
“Of course you didn’t. It was our problem and not yours. Your dad and I were good at arguing when you weren’t around. But when it was the three of us, we were a happy family. We did it for your sake. To tell you the truth, I was miserable. I stuck it out as long as I could. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t make it work for all of us. Don’t suffer the same fate. You can’t help whom you fall in love with, but you can be smart about it. Liam was your first real relationship. It doesn’t mean he has to be your last. Don’t feel like you have to make it work because dad and I couldn’t. You’re not married. Play the field while you can, and figure out what kind of man you want.”
Just as she finished her words, William walked through the front door. Mom stood up, her smile beaming. I could see how happy she was with him. I rarely saw that smile when she was with dad. I got up and gave William a hug. I promised myself that I would stop thinking negative thoughts about him and be more open-minded.
“Save it for the down payment on your car,” Emma suggested, “so you can come home anytime you like.” She gave Alex a hug, then let go. “Or you can go shopping where I work and I’ll get you a discount.”
The girls laughed, but were soon interrupted by Dean.
“Before I forget, Alex. Cynthia told me to tell you that she may need a roommate as soon as Christmas break. She asked me to let you know since she went home for Thanksgiving.”
“You’re moving out?” Lexy asked Alex, and then turned to me with a questioning look. Now I was going to hear it from her.
It occurred to me that Alex might move out after what had happened between us, but I thought that was a very slim chance. I didn’t know it bothered her this much. I also didn’t know the idea of her moving out would cause a tremendous sting of pain in my heart. Maybe it was for the best.
“I was going to let you know,” Alex started to tell me, keeping her eyes glued on her fingernails as if she was being scolded. “Cynthia told me she needed a roommate. This way you could have your place back. You can smoke whenever and wherever you want. Or bring girls home so you don’t have to ask me and feel weird about it.”
“Liam must be happy about that,” I slithered in that comment and headed to the kitchen without letting her answer back. I don’t know why I said it, only that it pissed me off knowing he got his way. This also confirmed she was still with him.
Chapter 30
Alexandria
Whiteboard:
Going home. I left the rent on the table.
-Alex
The bus ride home wasn’t too bad. Mom picked me up at the bus station, and I settled into my old room. It was strange coming back home after being gone so long, especially since my father passed away. Besides seeing Emma and few of my others friends, I didn’t have much to look forward to.
“You’re not eating much,” Mom said, sitting across from me. “Is everything okay?”
“Do you remember Liam?” I asked, twirling my fork through the rice pilaf. I hadn’t opened up to Mom in a long time. We rarely talked about this type of thing. Actually, I was the one brushing off the subject every time she would bring it up, so I was surprised at how open I was tonight.
“Of course I do. Are you two having problems?”
“To make a long story short, we are. I don’t feel the same about him anymore. Actually, I want to tell him that I think it’s best we don’t see each other anymore, but I’m so nervous.”
What I really wanted to tell Mom was that I was attracted to a guy who smoked, who had not one, but two tattoos, didn’t believe in commitment, and was street racing for a living. Yeah, that would go over really well with her. Even though these were things I normally avoided in a relationship, somehow, it seems I was falling in love with him. I wouldn’t want to change anything about him. Elijah is who he is because of what he’d been through in life. It was ironic. I never thought I would fall for someone like him. I guess the old saying is right; you can’t help whom you fall in love with.
“To tell you the truth, I really didn’t like Liam. I’m sure he treated you well, and I know I don’t have the right to judge him since I didn’t get to know him, but he reminded me of your dad.”
Anger flared like a shotgun blast. “What do you mean? How could you say that? Dad was the best. He did so much for us.” I could feel my face burn with fury. He wasn’t here to defend himself. How could she say things like that?
Mom took a deep sigh. “Alex, you always blamed me for the divorce and I never said anything in my defense because I never wanted you to look at your father any differently. And you shouldn’t have to. What you two had was very special. You were his sunshine, but I was his rain. He was a great father, but a terrible husband. He was domineering, controlling, and mostly selfish. I’m sorry to tell you all this, but you have to know. I felt like I lost you when I left your dad.”
Her words shocked me. I never knew how it was for her. Then it hit me. Of course, I didn’t know. I was their daughter, but I knew very little about their relationship. What they wanted me to see compared to what really went on was completely different. I had never heard them arguing. I couldn’t recall my dad ever acting the way she said he did, but how could I? Looking in from the outside, everything was perfect. I always thought mom was being selfish and just wanted out of the marriage. I thought about Liam. None of his friends would think he was controlling, demanding, or selfish. Then I understood.
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I never knew.”
“Of course you didn’t. It was our problem and not yours. Your dad and I were good at arguing when you weren’t around. But when it was the three of us, we were a happy family. We did it for your sake. To tell you the truth, I was miserable. I stuck it out as long as I could. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t make it work for all of us. Don’t suffer the same fate. You can’t help whom you fall in love with, but you can be smart about it. Liam was your first real relationship. It doesn’t mean he has to be your last. Don’t feel like you have to make it work because dad and I couldn’t. You’re not married. Play the field while you can, and figure out what kind of man you want.”
Just as she finished her words, William walked through the front door. Mom stood up, her smile beaming. I could see how happy she was with him. I rarely saw that smile when she was with dad. I got up and gave William a hug. I promised myself that I would stop thinking negative thoughts about him and be more open-minded.
