My Clarity
Page 56
My eyes were truly opened today. I didn’t know why I made snap judgments instead of looking at all the evidence. Maybe I just refused to see the truth that was right in front of me. I was Daddy’s little girl and I only saw what he wanted me to see.
Liam picked me up. I had a feeling he knew something was up when I had stopped calling him or returning his calls, especially when I texted him to let him know I was not going to spend Christmas with his family. I knew it was childish of me, but that was one way of letting him know we were done.
Liam didn’t even get out of the car when he came to my house. He just honked the horn several times to let me know he was here. Jerk! I knew he wasn’t happy with me, but he gave me all the confirmation again that I was doing the right thing.
“I’m going to drive to the park nearby so we can talk.” His tone was not friendly.
“Sure.” I nodded, trying to keep it cool. My heart was pounding against my chest. I was not good with confrontation. It also saddened me that the feelings I once had for this guy could vanish just like that. I guess I really didn’t love him, but what did I know about love anyway?
After a couple of blocks, he pulled over to the curb. All the beautiful leaves had fallen, leaving the branches bare and decorating the grass with colors of orange, red and yellow. It was a beautiful sight. I purposely focused on them, trying to figure out how I should tell him without hurting his feelings. I was also anticipating his loud, angry tone.
“Why didn’t you answer my calls?” His eyes set on mine with disappointment and anger.
“Liam—”
“Alex. Let me talk first,” he cut me off.
There he was being all about him again.
“I don’t think we’re right for each other. I think it’s best we go our separate ways. The distance isn’t helping either.”
I was disgusted. All this time I had been worrying about how he would feel about me breaking up with him, worrying about hurting his feelings. Obviously, he had been thinking about it, too.
My anger began to boil. Was I angry because I had wasted all this time on him, or because I didn’t see what a real jerk he was? Or maybe it was the fact that he wanted to make it sound like he had broken up with me. Why? Probably so he could save face in front of his friends—who knew which one.
“You know what? I was going to say the exact same thing,” I retorted. Liam didn’t look surprised.
“I was right. It’s because of him, isn’t it?” he huffed, raising his voice. “You slept with him, didn’t you? You let him be your first when it should have been me. Well, I hooked up with someone else, too, so I guess that makes us even.”
I knew I should have been hurt, but truthfully, I didn’t care. I was just glad I never gave him all of me; I didn’t want him to take the best of me, either. I wanted him to know I wouldn’t be thinking about him after I left. I wanted him to know that he was not going to push me around anymore.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded after I opened my side of the car.
I thought about the time Elijah asked in front of Liam if I wanted his big dick, referring to the Big Stick popsicle he was holding. They didn’t know I was listening. They didn’t know I was laughing at Elijah’s question. I bore into Liam’s eyes so he would see the sincerity of what I was about to say.
“We’re done. Oh and by the way…I kissed Elijah. He’s a great kisser.” Going in for the kill, I added, “And his dick is a lot bigger than yours.” Then I slammed the door. The look on his face was priceless. I wished I could have taken a picture of it and sent it to Emma. Running across the park, I felt the cold breeze brush against my face. It felt good to run the rest of the way home. It felt even better to be free of Liam, but a part of me was sad. He would no longer be a part of my life. I guess that was a good thing.
Elijah
Everyone had gone home for the holidays. Though my friends invited me to their homes, I didn’t feel like going anywhere. It had been a week since Alex left, but it felt more like a month. When Jimmy was gone, I’d missed him, but not like this. I kept telling myself that it was the fact that there was another body here again so it made it less lonely, but I knew that wasn’t the real reason. What made this situation worse was knowing Alex was seriously considering moving out, or maybe she had already made up her mind.
Standing against the cool breeze, I tugged my leather jacket closer together as I stood before my mother and my brother’s graves. The cemetery was always crowded and beautiful this time of the year. Most people brought either a small, decorated Christmas tree or poinsettias, but I brought something different. From afar, the color red stood out and it was an amazing site to see.
It didn’t matter that it had been a little over a year. The pain was just the same. “Merry Christmas, Mom.” I placed a dozen red roses on her stone. “I’ve brought your favorite flowers. If you were here….” I choked and paused. “I would’ve placed them all over the house for you.”
Turning to my brother’s headstone, I placed down a huge stuffed dragon. “Merry Christmas, Evan. I saw this and I knew you would like it.” I took a moment to collect myself. “You know, it’s not fair. You and Mom are together and I’m here alone. I miss you both very much. I have good friends, but it’s not the same.” I exhaled a heavy sigh, taking another moment to collect myself.
“So what are you two doing up there?” I tried to lighten my mood. “Not much for me. The same old thing except, I have a new roommate now.” I smiled at the thought of Alex. “She’s a girl, Mom. A really nice girl. I know you would have loved her,” I snorted. “I can tell you this without worrying about you lecturing me.”
Liam picked me up. I had a feeling he knew something was up when I had stopped calling him or returning his calls, especially when I texted him to let him know I was not going to spend Christmas with his family. I knew it was childish of me, but that was one way of letting him know we were done.
Liam didn’t even get out of the car when he came to my house. He just honked the horn several times to let me know he was here. Jerk! I knew he wasn’t happy with me, but he gave me all the confirmation again that I was doing the right thing.
“I’m going to drive to the park nearby so we can talk.” His tone was not friendly.
“Sure.” I nodded, trying to keep it cool. My heart was pounding against my chest. I was not good with confrontation. It also saddened me that the feelings I once had for this guy could vanish just like that. I guess I really didn’t love him, but what did I know about love anyway?
After a couple of blocks, he pulled over to the curb. All the beautiful leaves had fallen, leaving the branches bare and decorating the grass with colors of orange, red and yellow. It was a beautiful sight. I purposely focused on them, trying to figure out how I should tell him without hurting his feelings. I was also anticipating his loud, angry tone.
“Why didn’t you answer my calls?” His eyes set on mine with disappointment and anger.
“Liam—”
“Alex. Let me talk first,” he cut me off.
There he was being all about him again.
“I don’t think we’re right for each other. I think it’s best we go our separate ways. The distance isn’t helping either.”
I was disgusted. All this time I had been worrying about how he would feel about me breaking up with him, worrying about hurting his feelings. Obviously, he had been thinking about it, too.
My anger began to boil. Was I angry because I had wasted all this time on him, or because I didn’t see what a real jerk he was? Or maybe it was the fact that he wanted to make it sound like he had broken up with me. Why? Probably so he could save face in front of his friends—who knew which one.
“You know what? I was going to say the exact same thing,” I retorted. Liam didn’t look surprised.
“I was right. It’s because of him, isn’t it?” he huffed, raising his voice. “You slept with him, didn’t you? You let him be your first when it should have been me. Well, I hooked up with someone else, too, so I guess that makes us even.”
I knew I should have been hurt, but truthfully, I didn’t care. I was just glad I never gave him all of me; I didn’t want him to take the best of me, either. I wanted him to know I wouldn’t be thinking about him after I left. I wanted him to know that he was not going to push me around anymore.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded after I opened my side of the car.
I thought about the time Elijah asked in front of Liam if I wanted his big dick, referring to the Big Stick popsicle he was holding. They didn’t know I was listening. They didn’t know I was laughing at Elijah’s question. I bore into Liam’s eyes so he would see the sincerity of what I was about to say.
“We’re done. Oh and by the way…I kissed Elijah. He’s a great kisser.” Going in for the kill, I added, “And his dick is a lot bigger than yours.” Then I slammed the door. The look on his face was priceless. I wished I could have taken a picture of it and sent it to Emma. Running across the park, I felt the cold breeze brush against my face. It felt good to run the rest of the way home. It felt even better to be free of Liam, but a part of me was sad. He would no longer be a part of my life. I guess that was a good thing.
Elijah
Everyone had gone home for the holidays. Though my friends invited me to their homes, I didn’t feel like going anywhere. It had been a week since Alex left, but it felt more like a month. When Jimmy was gone, I’d missed him, but not like this. I kept telling myself that it was the fact that there was another body here again so it made it less lonely, but I knew that wasn’t the real reason. What made this situation worse was knowing Alex was seriously considering moving out, or maybe she had already made up her mind.
Standing against the cool breeze, I tugged my leather jacket closer together as I stood before my mother and my brother’s graves. The cemetery was always crowded and beautiful this time of the year. Most people brought either a small, decorated Christmas tree or poinsettias, but I brought something different. From afar, the color red stood out and it was an amazing site to see.
It didn’t matter that it had been a little over a year. The pain was just the same. “Merry Christmas, Mom.” I placed a dozen red roses on her stone. “I’ve brought your favorite flowers. If you were here….” I choked and paused. “I would’ve placed them all over the house for you.”
Turning to my brother’s headstone, I placed down a huge stuffed dragon. “Merry Christmas, Evan. I saw this and I knew you would like it.” I took a moment to collect myself. “You know, it’s not fair. You and Mom are together and I’m here alone. I miss you both very much. I have good friends, but it’s not the same.” I exhaled a heavy sigh, taking another moment to collect myself.
“So what are you two doing up there?” I tried to lighten my mood. “Not much for me. The same old thing except, I have a new roommate now.” I smiled at the thought of Alex. “She’s a girl, Mom. A really nice girl. I know you would have loved her,” I snorted. “I can tell you this without worrying about you lecturing me.”
