My Clarity
Page 57
“It’s kind of complicated. I think I really like her and I think she likes me, but she’s seeing someone. So, my dear brother, nice try. You really did send me a hot girl, but too bad. It just wasn’t meant to be,” I said, remembering his words at the hospital, when he told me he was going to ask God to send me a hot girl to make me stop smoking. Yeah, right.
Kneeling down, I brushed the cut grass off their headstones and ran my hand across once more, as if I could touch them. The stones felt cold and rough, but I didn’t care. It was a painful reminder that I was alone and they were gone.
Knowing I had to leave soon, I had my own moment of silence and took in their presence. The gut-wrenching pain sucked me in, holding tightly against my heart, tearing piece by piece, slicing layer by layer, until there was only an empty space…until I felt nothing. Every time, it was the same. I started to heal only after I let the pain out through my tears and through the ugly, horrid sound that escaped my mouth. Only a few could understand how much I was missing them, aching from their absence. I didn’t bother to wipe away the tears. They continued to fall as I headed home.
Alexandria
Emma and I had a blast, shopping and hanging out for a couple of days before Christmas. We tried to spend a lot of time together, and I made sure to spend quality time with my mom, as well. The visit with her was different this time around. There was a misunderstanding between us that was cleared up now. I felt closer to my mom than ever before.
School didn’t start for another week, but since I was scheduled to work, I had to cut my vacation short. I also needed time to get my things packed to move out. Elijah had no clue I was actually moving. I didn’t think I could do it face-to-face. Knowing he wasn’t home, I packed up quickly and left a note.
Chapter 31
Elijah
When I walked through the door after being at the gym, I didn’t know if my mind was playing tricks on me. Strangely, I inhaled Alex’s perfume, the flowers I loved to smell. I was happy she might be back home so I quickly showered. When I headed to the kitchen and saw a letter addressed to me, I knew it wasn’t good. My heart sunk and I didn’t want to read it.
Elijah,
I’m sorry to give you such short notice. By the time you get this letter, I’ll be at my new place. I’ve left you the rent for January as well, since it wasn’t fair of me to leave without giving you at least thirty days’ notice as you requested. I also added my share of the monthly utility bill in the check. I hope it’s enough. If not, please let me know. I hope you had a nice Christmas and I guess I’ll see you around.
-Alex
I stared at the letter after I’d read it twice. I crumbled it up and chucked it across the dining room as if I was throwing a baseball. FUCK! I messed up. I messed up BIG time. Gripping my hair tightly with both of my hands, I walked in circles, trying to calm myself down. There was so much anger, frustration, and regret bottled up. I could’ve fought for her, should’ve fixed whatever came between us. Now I lost her friendship and HER!
She had moved out…she had really moved out. It repeatedly echoed in my mind. This was my f**king fault. I knew it was coming. I was almost certain Liam had forced her to do it. I guess it was better this way, but why did it hurt so much? It was as if we had broken up. A blanket of emptiness settled around me, and it refused to let go.
It got worse as the days went by, especially when I’d lay alone in my bed at night. I could almost see her laying with me, asking me to sing to her. The feel of her smooth skin was imprinted on my mind and it haunted me. Not to mention the sweet taste of her lips and the softness of her hair. I loved to bury my face in her hair.
It was difficult to concentrate on anything else, especially at home. My mind was consumed with thoughts of her. Everything in this place reminded me of Alex, especially the milk carton and her favorite popsicles. I was even daydreaming about the meals she would purposely leave for me.
I could say without a doubt that I missed her. I missed everything about her. I didn’t have Art History class with her anymore, but I knew where she worked. I couldn’t go there. It seemed desperate, even though a part of me wanted to go. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea. I had a race in couple of weeks. It was going to be on the streets, one of the most dangerous ones, and we’ll be drawing a lot of attention.
A soft knock broke me out of my thoughts. “Lexy?”
“Hey, Elijah. Got a minute?”
Squeezing into the small space between the door and me, she didn’t give me a chance to answer, so I asked her a question instead. “Did something happen to Alex?”
She looked at me like I was an idiot. “Seriously? You’re like my brother and you’re asking me that question? I know something happened between you.”
“Alex told you?” I nervously ran my fingers through my hair.
“Shit,” she mumbled softly. “Something did happen.”
She had tricked me! Crap! Alex hadn’t told her anything. “We just kissed. I didn’t sleep with her.”
“Were you wasted at the time or—”
“No, I wasn’t. I told her that I was. I know I shouldn’t have, but—”
“You like her don’t you?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’m here because there’s a rumor Clara is pregnant. I thought I should give you a heads up. I’ve seen her a couple of times around campus. She doesn’t look pregnant so I’m wondering—”
Kneeling down, I brushed the cut grass off their headstones and ran my hand across once more, as if I could touch them. The stones felt cold and rough, but I didn’t care. It was a painful reminder that I was alone and they were gone.
Knowing I had to leave soon, I had my own moment of silence and took in their presence. The gut-wrenching pain sucked me in, holding tightly against my heart, tearing piece by piece, slicing layer by layer, until there was only an empty space…until I felt nothing. Every time, it was the same. I started to heal only after I let the pain out through my tears and through the ugly, horrid sound that escaped my mouth. Only a few could understand how much I was missing them, aching from their absence. I didn’t bother to wipe away the tears. They continued to fall as I headed home.
Alexandria
Emma and I had a blast, shopping and hanging out for a couple of days before Christmas. We tried to spend a lot of time together, and I made sure to spend quality time with my mom, as well. The visit with her was different this time around. There was a misunderstanding between us that was cleared up now. I felt closer to my mom than ever before.
School didn’t start for another week, but since I was scheduled to work, I had to cut my vacation short. I also needed time to get my things packed to move out. Elijah had no clue I was actually moving. I didn’t think I could do it face-to-face. Knowing he wasn’t home, I packed up quickly and left a note.
Chapter 31
Elijah
When I walked through the door after being at the gym, I didn’t know if my mind was playing tricks on me. Strangely, I inhaled Alex’s perfume, the flowers I loved to smell. I was happy she might be back home so I quickly showered. When I headed to the kitchen and saw a letter addressed to me, I knew it wasn’t good. My heart sunk and I didn’t want to read it.
Elijah,
I’m sorry to give you such short notice. By the time you get this letter, I’ll be at my new place. I’ve left you the rent for January as well, since it wasn’t fair of me to leave without giving you at least thirty days’ notice as you requested. I also added my share of the monthly utility bill in the check. I hope it’s enough. If not, please let me know. I hope you had a nice Christmas and I guess I’ll see you around.
-Alex
I stared at the letter after I’d read it twice. I crumbled it up and chucked it across the dining room as if I was throwing a baseball. FUCK! I messed up. I messed up BIG time. Gripping my hair tightly with both of my hands, I walked in circles, trying to calm myself down. There was so much anger, frustration, and regret bottled up. I could’ve fought for her, should’ve fixed whatever came between us. Now I lost her friendship and HER!
She had moved out…she had really moved out. It repeatedly echoed in my mind. This was my f**king fault. I knew it was coming. I was almost certain Liam had forced her to do it. I guess it was better this way, but why did it hurt so much? It was as if we had broken up. A blanket of emptiness settled around me, and it refused to let go.
It got worse as the days went by, especially when I’d lay alone in my bed at night. I could almost see her laying with me, asking me to sing to her. The feel of her smooth skin was imprinted on my mind and it haunted me. Not to mention the sweet taste of her lips and the softness of her hair. I loved to bury my face in her hair.
It was difficult to concentrate on anything else, especially at home. My mind was consumed with thoughts of her. Everything in this place reminded me of Alex, especially the milk carton and her favorite popsicles. I was even daydreaming about the meals she would purposely leave for me.
I could say without a doubt that I missed her. I missed everything about her. I didn’t have Art History class with her anymore, but I knew where she worked. I couldn’t go there. It seemed desperate, even though a part of me wanted to go. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea. I had a race in couple of weeks. It was going to be on the streets, one of the most dangerous ones, and we’ll be drawing a lot of attention.
A soft knock broke me out of my thoughts. “Lexy?”
“Hey, Elijah. Got a minute?”
Squeezing into the small space between the door and me, she didn’t give me a chance to answer, so I asked her a question instead. “Did something happen to Alex?”
She looked at me like I was an idiot. “Seriously? You’re like my brother and you’re asking me that question? I know something happened between you.”
“Alex told you?” I nervously ran my fingers through my hair.
“Shit,” she mumbled softly. “Something did happen.”
She had tricked me! Crap! Alex hadn’t told her anything. “We just kissed. I didn’t sleep with her.”
“Were you wasted at the time or—”
“No, I wasn’t. I told her that I was. I know I shouldn’t have, but—”
“You like her don’t you?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’m here because there’s a rumor Clara is pregnant. I thought I should give you a heads up. I’ve seen her a couple of times around campus. She doesn’t look pregnant so I’m wondering—”
