My Soul to Steal
Page 69
Thanks. I took the box and closed the door behind him, a little disturbed that I was only a little disturbed by the mention of his night job. Whats the occasion?
No occasion. I need to talk to you, and I was hungry.
Okaaay What do we need to talk about? I set the pizza box on the coffee table and flipped open the lid to find the pie still steaming and gooey with cheese.
But instead of flopping into my dads favorite chair, Tod stood in the middle of my living room, watching me like he wasnt sure what to do next. Are you alone?
Not as alone as I was a minute ago, I said, and at that, he cracked a smilebut a small one. Whats up, Tod? Is something wrong?
We need to talk about Nash. And Sabine.
I dropped onto the couch and grabbed a slice of pizza, then gestured for him to help himself. Pizza isnt enough to get me to talk about Sabine. You should have brought chocolate. I chewed my first bite as he sank onto the opposite end of the couch, but made no move on the pizza. She broke into my car this morning and wouldnt get out, so I had to take her to work with me. Then she left my car unlocked, like a tribute to suburban crime statistics.
Tods mouth quirked in a half smile. Youre lucky she didnt take a bat to it.
So I hear. That girl is seriously damaged.
I know. She came to see me after she left the theater.
At work?
Yeah. Shes hurting, Kaylee.
I know. Now explain the part where thats my fault.
Its not. But shes not the only one. I talked to Nash after that.
I frowned and swallowed another bite. You have too much free time. Two jobs, yet youre never at either of them. Im in the wrong line of work.
He shrugged and glanced at the pizza, but didnt take a slice. I have a lot of driving time to kill, so I stopped by home by which he meant Nashs home on the way to a delivery address.
Convenient.
Yeah. He frowned. It almost makes up for the whole walking corpse thing, huh?
Anyway
Anyway, Nash is in bad shape, Kaylee. On Friday, he had been reunited with a good friend and was a couple of steps from getting back together with his girlfriend. Today he has neither one of those.
He has me, I insisted. We kinda made up. He even came over last night. Or early this morning
Yeah. You kinda made up. In the sense that hell drop everything to come running when you call, but you still havent forgiven him enough to deal with his problems. Which meansthat hes still alone in every way that counts. And being alone is really hard on his willpower.
I made myself swallow another bite. By willpower, are we talking about resisting certain Netherworld addictive substances, or certain willing ex-girlfriends?
Im talking about frost, Kaylee. Demons Breath. He cant do this on his own, and Mom and I cant be there all the time. Especially now that I have two jobs.
When were you ever there?
I was around. He just didnt know it. But Im not gonna let my brother start using again. He looked right into my eyes then, and I saw a hint of true turmoil flicker in the cerulean depths of his eyes. Turmoil andsomething else. Something even more aching and suppressed. Being alone and in pain makes everything harder to resist, and right now Nash is hurting because he knows you cant forgive him. And hes resisting something that already has a hold on him. Hes fighting the undertow, Kaylee, and he needs your help.
Nash hadnt said anything to me about that. He didnt talk to me about his cravings or the lingering effects of withdrawal, because he knew I wanted nothing to do with that part of his life.
You think I should forgive him? Like it was just that easy.
Tod blinked and met my gaze. I think you should give him up. You need to let Sabine have him.
20
I NEED TO WHAT? Tod was kidding. He had to be.
The reaper held two hands up in a defensive gesture. Okay, just hear me out before you start yelling, okay?
I nodded, because the truth was that I could barely speak, much less yell. My vocal cords were paralyzed by shock. Which almost never happens to a bean sidhe.
Kay, you and Nash are no good for each other, Tod said. I tried to interrupt, but he spoke over my inarticulate mumble. You know it, even if you wont admit it. He needs you, but you dont need him.
Thats not true. I shook my head, emphasizing my denial. I do need him. I needed him last night.
No, you didnt. He said that by the time he got there, youd already expelled the hellion, tied up the host, and cut your dad loose, all by yourself. Youre so strong, and smart, and you never hesitate when something needs to be done, and thats allamazing. Tods irises sparked with a sharp twist of bright blue before going suddenly still. But Nash needs to be needed. You both want each othereven a dead man could see thatbut youve changed, and he has nothing to offer you anymore, and eventually youre going to realize that on your own. But probably not before youve wasted years of your lifeand hiswith the wrong guy.
No occasion. I need to talk to you, and I was hungry.
Okaaay What do we need to talk about? I set the pizza box on the coffee table and flipped open the lid to find the pie still steaming and gooey with cheese.
But instead of flopping into my dads favorite chair, Tod stood in the middle of my living room, watching me like he wasnt sure what to do next. Are you alone?
Not as alone as I was a minute ago, I said, and at that, he cracked a smilebut a small one. Whats up, Tod? Is something wrong?
We need to talk about Nash. And Sabine.
I dropped onto the couch and grabbed a slice of pizza, then gestured for him to help himself. Pizza isnt enough to get me to talk about Sabine. You should have brought chocolate. I chewed my first bite as he sank onto the opposite end of the couch, but made no move on the pizza. She broke into my car this morning and wouldnt get out, so I had to take her to work with me. Then she left my car unlocked, like a tribute to suburban crime statistics.
Tods mouth quirked in a half smile. Youre lucky she didnt take a bat to it.
So I hear. That girl is seriously damaged.
I know. She came to see me after she left the theater.
At work?
Yeah. Shes hurting, Kaylee.
I know. Now explain the part where thats my fault.
Its not. But shes not the only one. I talked to Nash after that.
I frowned and swallowed another bite. You have too much free time. Two jobs, yet youre never at either of them. Im in the wrong line of work.
He shrugged and glanced at the pizza, but didnt take a slice. I have a lot of driving time to kill, so I stopped by home by which he meant Nashs home on the way to a delivery address.
Convenient.
Yeah. He frowned. It almost makes up for the whole walking corpse thing, huh?
Anyway
Anyway, Nash is in bad shape, Kaylee. On Friday, he had been reunited with a good friend and was a couple of steps from getting back together with his girlfriend. Today he has neither one of those.
He has me, I insisted. We kinda made up. He even came over last night. Or early this morning
Yeah. You kinda made up. In the sense that hell drop everything to come running when you call, but you still havent forgiven him enough to deal with his problems. Which meansthat hes still alone in every way that counts. And being alone is really hard on his willpower.
I made myself swallow another bite. By willpower, are we talking about resisting certain Netherworld addictive substances, or certain willing ex-girlfriends?
Im talking about frost, Kaylee. Demons Breath. He cant do this on his own, and Mom and I cant be there all the time. Especially now that I have two jobs.
When were you ever there?
I was around. He just didnt know it. But Im not gonna let my brother start using again. He looked right into my eyes then, and I saw a hint of true turmoil flicker in the cerulean depths of his eyes. Turmoil andsomething else. Something even more aching and suppressed. Being alone and in pain makes everything harder to resist, and right now Nash is hurting because he knows you cant forgive him. And hes resisting something that already has a hold on him. Hes fighting the undertow, Kaylee, and he needs your help.
Nash hadnt said anything to me about that. He didnt talk to me about his cravings or the lingering effects of withdrawal, because he knew I wanted nothing to do with that part of his life.
You think I should forgive him? Like it was just that easy.
Tod blinked and met my gaze. I think you should give him up. You need to let Sabine have him.
20
I NEED TO WHAT? Tod was kidding. He had to be.
The reaper held two hands up in a defensive gesture. Okay, just hear me out before you start yelling, okay?
I nodded, because the truth was that I could barely speak, much less yell. My vocal cords were paralyzed by shock. Which almost never happens to a bean sidhe.
Kay, you and Nash are no good for each other, Tod said. I tried to interrupt, but he spoke over my inarticulate mumble. You know it, even if you wont admit it. He needs you, but you dont need him.
Thats not true. I shook my head, emphasizing my denial. I do need him. I needed him last night.
No, you didnt. He said that by the time he got there, youd already expelled the hellion, tied up the host, and cut your dad loose, all by yourself. Youre so strong, and smart, and you never hesitate when something needs to be done, and thats allamazing. Tods irises sparked with a sharp twist of bright blue before going suddenly still. But Nash needs to be needed. You both want each othereven a dead man could see thatbut youve changed, and he has nothing to offer you anymore, and eventually youre going to realize that on your own. But probably not before youve wasted years of your lifeand hiswith the wrong guy.
