My Soul to Steal
Page 70
My chest throbbed like one big bruise, like my heart was trying to pound its way out through my ribs. But above that steady beat of pain, my indignation roared, drowning out everything else, demanding to be heard.
What gives you the right to tell me who I shouldnt be with? What, you think being a few years older than me means you know everything?
Tods irises pulsed with a quick beat of anger, then went still when he got control of them. No. But I think being dead for a couple of those years gives me a perspective most people dont have. I know how short life really is, and I can see things you and Nash dont understand yet. Like, maybe theres someone better out there for him. And maybe theres someone better for you.
I dropped my half-eaten slice of pizza into the box and stared at him in disbelief. Being dead doesnt qualify you to play matchmaker between my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. Maybe shes an ex for a very good reason.
Or maybe shes an ex because my death got in the way of their relationship. Maybe they never should have been separated. And then you two never would have met, and this whole thing would have played out differently.
Shocked silent, I could only blink for several seconds, as what he was really saying sank in. Then he wouldnt be an addict, right? Because if hed never met me, he would never have been exposed. I could barely breathe through the sting in his words.
No. Tod reached for me, looking both stunned and confused, but I pulled away from him. Kaylee, I swear thats not what I meant. Im not even sure how you got that out of what I was trying to say
Then what did you mean?
I just meant that if you and Nash had never met He stopped and closed his eyes, like he was trying to gather his thoughts. If you hadnt met, you wouldnt have to deal with letting each other go now.
Im not letting him go.
If you give a damn about him, you will. As bad as it probably hurts to think about this right now, Nash and Sabine are right for each other. Maybe more so now than they ever were before, because now they need each other. Theyre both messed up pretty bad, but together, their two halves make a whole, while the most you and Nash are ever gonna add up to is one and a half.
One and a half? I repeated, like a brain-damaged parrot. I heard what he was saying, but I just couldnt believe that some manipulative, antagonistic, dream-pirate could possibly be better for Nash than I was.
Tod nodded solemnly. Its an improper fraction. Sad, but true.
Actually, its a mixed number, I said, slowly going numb as his words continued to sink in. Fourth-grade math.
Whatever. He glanced down, then met my gaze again and let me see a sad littleswirl of color in his eyes. My point stands, and I have to side with Sabine on this one. If you really care about him, you have to let her have him. Thats the only way either of them are ever going to be whole. If you try to keep Nash for yourself, youll only ever really have half of him.
But he loves me. I felt like Id just turned in a hundred circles and the room wouldnt stop spinning.
Then Tod put his hand on my arm, and the world went still.
Yeah. He does. And itll hurt like hell for him to get over you. But he will get over you. And shell help make that happen.
What if I dont want him to get over me?
Then youre being selfish. Tod leaned back and ran his hand through his hair again. Kaylee, youre never going to be able to truly forgive him for what he did, and honestly, I dont know that you should. But my point is that if you cant forgive him, he wont be able to forgive himself. Which means that as long as the two of you are together, hes going to be living with this, trying to make up for it and failing over and over again, because he has nothing left to offer you. Do you really want to watch him suffer like that?
I shook my head, not in answer, but in denial and confusion. Being with Sabine wont fix that. She cant undo it, and she cant make me get over it.
No, but she can help him forgive himself. Your relationship with Nash was all shiny and clean, but its tainted now. Its like a stain you can never wash out. A constant reminder. But their relationshipwell, it was messed up from day one, so thats kind of their status quo. Itll work between them, Kaylee. If you let it.
I could only stare at him in mounting shock and pain. And when my anger reached its crest, my temper exploded. What is wrong with you? I demanded. How can you stand there and tell me that two people who love each other shouldnt be together? That I should just shove him into the arms of his slut of an ex-girlfriend and call it a day?
This is the truth, Kaylee. Tod put his hands up, palms out, in another defensive gesture. You cant get mad at me for telling the truth.
Oh, yes, I can. I stood and flipped the pizza box closed, then slammed my hand down on it for good measure. Get out. I picked up the smooshed box and shoved it at him.
Kaylee
Just go away, Tod. I have enough to worry about without adding taking stupid advice from a dead guy to the list.
Tod blinked at me, and the smallest cobalt tremor of emotion rippled through his irises before he regained control. Before I could interpret what Id seen. Then he sighed and blinked out of the room, pizza box and all.
What gives you the right to tell me who I shouldnt be with? What, you think being a few years older than me means you know everything?
Tods irises pulsed with a quick beat of anger, then went still when he got control of them. No. But I think being dead for a couple of those years gives me a perspective most people dont have. I know how short life really is, and I can see things you and Nash dont understand yet. Like, maybe theres someone better out there for him. And maybe theres someone better for you.
I dropped my half-eaten slice of pizza into the box and stared at him in disbelief. Being dead doesnt qualify you to play matchmaker between my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend. Maybe shes an ex for a very good reason.
Or maybe shes an ex because my death got in the way of their relationship. Maybe they never should have been separated. And then you two never would have met, and this whole thing would have played out differently.
Shocked silent, I could only blink for several seconds, as what he was really saying sank in. Then he wouldnt be an addict, right? Because if hed never met me, he would never have been exposed. I could barely breathe through the sting in his words.
No. Tod reached for me, looking both stunned and confused, but I pulled away from him. Kaylee, I swear thats not what I meant. Im not even sure how you got that out of what I was trying to say
Then what did you mean?
I just meant that if you and Nash had never met He stopped and closed his eyes, like he was trying to gather his thoughts. If you hadnt met, you wouldnt have to deal with letting each other go now.
Im not letting him go.
If you give a damn about him, you will. As bad as it probably hurts to think about this right now, Nash and Sabine are right for each other. Maybe more so now than they ever were before, because now they need each other. Theyre both messed up pretty bad, but together, their two halves make a whole, while the most you and Nash are ever gonna add up to is one and a half.
One and a half? I repeated, like a brain-damaged parrot. I heard what he was saying, but I just couldnt believe that some manipulative, antagonistic, dream-pirate could possibly be better for Nash than I was.
Tod nodded solemnly. Its an improper fraction. Sad, but true.
Actually, its a mixed number, I said, slowly going numb as his words continued to sink in. Fourth-grade math.
Whatever. He glanced down, then met my gaze again and let me see a sad littleswirl of color in his eyes. My point stands, and I have to side with Sabine on this one. If you really care about him, you have to let her have him. Thats the only way either of them are ever going to be whole. If you try to keep Nash for yourself, youll only ever really have half of him.
But he loves me. I felt like Id just turned in a hundred circles and the room wouldnt stop spinning.
Then Tod put his hand on my arm, and the world went still.
Yeah. He does. And itll hurt like hell for him to get over you. But he will get over you. And shell help make that happen.
What if I dont want him to get over me?
Then youre being selfish. Tod leaned back and ran his hand through his hair again. Kaylee, youre never going to be able to truly forgive him for what he did, and honestly, I dont know that you should. But my point is that if you cant forgive him, he wont be able to forgive himself. Which means that as long as the two of you are together, hes going to be living with this, trying to make up for it and failing over and over again, because he has nothing left to offer you. Do you really want to watch him suffer like that?
I shook my head, not in answer, but in denial and confusion. Being with Sabine wont fix that. She cant undo it, and she cant make me get over it.
No, but she can help him forgive himself. Your relationship with Nash was all shiny and clean, but its tainted now. Its like a stain you can never wash out. A constant reminder. But their relationshipwell, it was messed up from day one, so thats kind of their status quo. Itll work between them, Kaylee. If you let it.
I could only stare at him in mounting shock and pain. And when my anger reached its crest, my temper exploded. What is wrong with you? I demanded. How can you stand there and tell me that two people who love each other shouldnt be together? That I should just shove him into the arms of his slut of an ex-girlfriend and call it a day?
This is the truth, Kaylee. Tod put his hands up, palms out, in another defensive gesture. You cant get mad at me for telling the truth.
Oh, yes, I can. I stood and flipped the pizza box closed, then slammed my hand down on it for good measure. Get out. I picked up the smooshed box and shoved it at him.
Kaylee
Just go away, Tod. I have enough to worry about without adding taking stupid advice from a dead guy to the list.
Tod blinked at me, and the smallest cobalt tremor of emotion rippled through his irises before he regained control. Before I could interpret what Id seen. Then he sighed and blinked out of the room, pizza box and all.
