Never Enough
Page 94
Adrian heaved out a breath. He’d asked her if her father had ever been in her life and she’d said simply, no.
“She should have told us. My god, to be confronted with it that way in the street like that.” Erin shook her head. “I trusted her.”
“You know I love you and I’d do anything for you. But you’re wrong.” Brody leaned against the counter. “How do you go about revealing that story? You tell me, Erin. How does a woman like Gillian begin to share such intimate details when she knows they’ll bring pain?” He turned that perceptive gaze to Adrian. “Hm? How does she tell you her father is a killer? At breakfast between pancakes and bacon? And do you for one second truly believe she held all this back to get your help selling an art house flick she wrote a score for fifteen years ago? Before she knew you? When she did actually entertain a music career as an option? You heard Todd. The guy hasn’t even spoken to her. You overestimate yourself all while underestimating yourself.”
“What the f**k am I supposed to think? She blindsides me with this amazing voice I never knew she had. There’s a whole lot of I never knew in this relationship.”
“Oh, boo-hoo. You acted like a total c**k and started that entire mess with your reaction. Everything had already begun to spiral before she hit the door because you overreacted and she got embarrassed.
“And for what? Huh? You’ve known her four months! Here’s a woman who grew up the way she did. She’s got this shitty mother and a murderous father. She grew up in public housing, and I can imagine she got a lot of crap for who her parents were and what they were like. Then she comes here and she goes to school. Makes something of herself. But Miles comes along and what does she do? She’s twenty-one years old and she dropped that career and came to Washington and made a life for her son. That’s what you know, and it’s more than a bunch of things she could have said. Who she is is all over her and your son. She is a good woman. Stronger than most people I know. And she loves you.”
“She didn’t tell you because she was ashamed. How can she not be?” Elise’s voice was soft. “I know what she feels. I know what it means to live with secrets and to feel like other people’s defects are your responsibility. I know the shame of having violence in my life, know the humiliation of that. And she knew about Erin and Adele, yes, which in my opinion made her scared because she didn’t want to bring hurt into your life.” Elise took Erin’s hand.
“She was my friend.”
“She is your friend. As am I, right? And I’m telling you, I’m sorry you had to be devastated that way in public. Hell, at all. But she didn’t do it to you on purpose or to hurt you. She was victimized too. That reporter used her to hurt you, Adrian.”
“I have to go.” Adrian pushed from his seat and blindly grabbed his keys.
Brody caught up with him at the elevator. “When I was falling for Elise you told me you weren’t going to let me lie to myself. And that saved me. So I’m going to do you the same favor right now. I’m sorry I threw my water in your face, first of all. I was frustrated and you were working yourself and Erin up too. But it was shitty and disrespectful and I shouldn’t have done it. Second of all, don’t lie to yourself just to save face. You love her and you misjudged her. Go make this right before you lose the chance.”
“She should have told me about her father. She should have told me about everything. How can I trust her if she won’t tell me everything?”
“I hope that’s enough for you once you’ve lost her for good.” Brody shook his head. “You’re really going to let her go? You and I talked about how much you loved her not even a week ago and now you just walk away?”
“As long as I can see Miles, that’s what I care about.” He got on the elevator and didn’t meet Brody’s gaze as the doors slid shut.
Jules was waiting at the ferry dock, concern on her face, Mary at her side. Neither of them said a thing as they helped Gillian into the car.
“My house or yours?” Jules asked.
“Or the police station? What the hell is going on, Gillian?” Mary demanded.
And the words just came out, tumbling one after the other, even as they both helped Gillian up her front steps and into her house.
Once she’d finished, Jules rocketed from where she’d been holding Gillian on the opposite side from Mary and began to pace. “That sanctimonious prick! He accused you of—”
“Nothing. He didn’t accuse me of anything there. But he left a message on my voice mail. He thinks I hid it from him deliberately and I did. I can’t lie. I knew I should have told him about Ronnie but I never did. He never wants to see me again.” Her tears started anew.
“You didn’t hide it from him, for f**k’s sake! You didn’t open some past wound for his amusement. It had nothing to do with him. You didn’t tell him about something that did not include him.” Jules was fuming.
“But it did. His sister’s child was murdered by a crazy person. His sister-in-law was nearly killed by her crazy ex. Violence is something that includes him and I should have told him. And now you’re mad. I should have called a cab.”
Mary knelt in front of her and shook her just a moment, enough to get her attention. “Of course you should have called us. You’re in pieces. I’ve never seen you so torn apart except after your gran passed. You love this man. He loves you. Would you like me to call him? Explain things?”
“She should have told us. My god, to be confronted with it that way in the street like that.” Erin shook her head. “I trusted her.”
“You know I love you and I’d do anything for you. But you’re wrong.” Brody leaned against the counter. “How do you go about revealing that story? You tell me, Erin. How does a woman like Gillian begin to share such intimate details when she knows they’ll bring pain?” He turned that perceptive gaze to Adrian. “Hm? How does she tell you her father is a killer? At breakfast between pancakes and bacon? And do you for one second truly believe she held all this back to get your help selling an art house flick she wrote a score for fifteen years ago? Before she knew you? When she did actually entertain a music career as an option? You heard Todd. The guy hasn’t even spoken to her. You overestimate yourself all while underestimating yourself.”
“What the f**k am I supposed to think? She blindsides me with this amazing voice I never knew she had. There’s a whole lot of I never knew in this relationship.”
“Oh, boo-hoo. You acted like a total c**k and started that entire mess with your reaction. Everything had already begun to spiral before she hit the door because you overreacted and she got embarrassed.
“And for what? Huh? You’ve known her four months! Here’s a woman who grew up the way she did. She’s got this shitty mother and a murderous father. She grew up in public housing, and I can imagine she got a lot of crap for who her parents were and what they were like. Then she comes here and she goes to school. Makes something of herself. But Miles comes along and what does she do? She’s twenty-one years old and she dropped that career and came to Washington and made a life for her son. That’s what you know, and it’s more than a bunch of things she could have said. Who she is is all over her and your son. She is a good woman. Stronger than most people I know. And she loves you.”
“She didn’t tell you because she was ashamed. How can she not be?” Elise’s voice was soft. “I know what she feels. I know what it means to live with secrets and to feel like other people’s defects are your responsibility. I know the shame of having violence in my life, know the humiliation of that. And she knew about Erin and Adele, yes, which in my opinion made her scared because she didn’t want to bring hurt into your life.” Elise took Erin’s hand.
“She was my friend.”
“She is your friend. As am I, right? And I’m telling you, I’m sorry you had to be devastated that way in public. Hell, at all. But she didn’t do it to you on purpose or to hurt you. She was victimized too. That reporter used her to hurt you, Adrian.”
“I have to go.” Adrian pushed from his seat and blindly grabbed his keys.
Brody caught up with him at the elevator. “When I was falling for Elise you told me you weren’t going to let me lie to myself. And that saved me. So I’m going to do you the same favor right now. I’m sorry I threw my water in your face, first of all. I was frustrated and you were working yourself and Erin up too. But it was shitty and disrespectful and I shouldn’t have done it. Second of all, don’t lie to yourself just to save face. You love her and you misjudged her. Go make this right before you lose the chance.”
“She should have told me about her father. She should have told me about everything. How can I trust her if she won’t tell me everything?”
“I hope that’s enough for you once you’ve lost her for good.” Brody shook his head. “You’re really going to let her go? You and I talked about how much you loved her not even a week ago and now you just walk away?”
“As long as I can see Miles, that’s what I care about.” He got on the elevator and didn’t meet Brody’s gaze as the doors slid shut.
Jules was waiting at the ferry dock, concern on her face, Mary at her side. Neither of them said a thing as they helped Gillian into the car.
“My house or yours?” Jules asked.
“Or the police station? What the hell is going on, Gillian?” Mary demanded.
And the words just came out, tumbling one after the other, even as they both helped Gillian up her front steps and into her house.
Once she’d finished, Jules rocketed from where she’d been holding Gillian on the opposite side from Mary and began to pace. “That sanctimonious prick! He accused you of—”
“Nothing. He didn’t accuse me of anything there. But he left a message on my voice mail. He thinks I hid it from him deliberately and I did. I can’t lie. I knew I should have told him about Ronnie but I never did. He never wants to see me again.” Her tears started anew.
“You didn’t hide it from him, for f**k’s sake! You didn’t open some past wound for his amusement. It had nothing to do with him. You didn’t tell him about something that did not include him.” Jules was fuming.
“But it did. His sister’s child was murdered by a crazy person. His sister-in-law was nearly killed by her crazy ex. Violence is something that includes him and I should have told him. And now you’re mad. I should have called a cab.”
Mary knelt in front of her and shook her just a moment, enough to get her attention. “Of course you should have called us. You’re in pieces. I’ve never seen you so torn apart except after your gran passed. You love this man. He loves you. Would you like me to call him? Explain things?”
