Nightwalker
Page 82
Kamen stood stunned. Here were two men he had wronged in violent terms, and they were saying they forgave him?
“You can’t mean this,” he said softly.
“Just because we’ve forgiven you doesn’t mean you get to dictate our feelings to us,” Leo said sharply. “And you don’t get to trivialize this either.”
Again, that word. Was that what he was doing? Making important feelings small and…less? But he couldn’t seem to grasp such a weighty thing as forgiveness. Oh, he understood the essentials of it, but he wasn’t certain he would be as capable of giving it as Leo seemed to be. Or Ahnvil, a man he had enslaved for decades.
But here they were, telling him he was worthy of it. He thought they were wrong, but it was such a profound thing that he dare not refuse it.
“I…I thank you,” he said at last. “I feel myself undeserving of this, but I thank you for it.”
“If you weren’t deserving we wouldn’t be giving it,” Leo said. “You know, you sound like little Viève did when she first got here. In three days she’s learned to stick up for herself. Perhaps you should take a lesson from that.”
Kamen looked to Viève, who had a fairly smug expression on her face. She held out her hand to him. “Come on. Let’s go back upstairs and talk about this like grown-ups. Like grown-ups who are worthy of one another.”
“This changes nothing,” he said, although he looked and felt a little at sea.
“It changes everything,” she said. She stepped forward and caught his hands up in hers. “You’re worth more than you know. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.”
“Yeah,” Leo said. “You’re a jerk, but you have value to this household. To the people in it. We need you.”
“Not any longer. Apep is destroyed,” Kamen said.
“And who is going to help us wade through hundreds of Templar prisoners?” Jackson asked. “Kamen, you have made yourself invaluable in more ways than just your pursuit of Apep.”
“Name one,” Kamen said harshly.
“Healing. Whenever someone is injured you are there, without question, healing their wounds.”
Kamen fell silent. His mind was working frantically, trying hard to piece together the meaning in what he was hearing. He was not a dense or stupid man, but he felt like both right then.
Jackson stood up and placed a hand on Kamen’s shoulder. “You killed me once, remember?”
Kamen did remember. It had been lifetimes ago and he had used the Curse on him. It was a painful way to die. He swallowed and nodded.
“If I am willing to forgive you that, don’t you think you’re allowed to forgive yourself?”
Kamen’s eyes widened slightly. He hesitated, and then gave another nod. He could do that, couldn’t he? Could he do any less than what they were willing to do for him? It wouldn’t be right to spit in the face of such gifts.
And yet, to accept it meant he had to accept his own worth. Or rather, he had to upgrade his own worth in his own eyes. That was not an easy task. But perhaps…
“Yes,” Viève said softly as she watched the play of emotion that crossed his face so openly, for all to see and understand. “You see it don’t you? You are worth forgiving and even more. You are worth loving.”
“No one loves me here. None but you,” he added hastily.
“Am I not enough?” she asked him simply.
He gazed into her dove gray eyes and knew he couldn’t reject her. She had grown strong and sure these past three nights, but she was still fragile. She couldn’t bear up under this continual rejection.
And he found he no longer wanted to reject her. Was it true what they said? Did he deserve forgiveness and love?
He stepped forward quickly, into her embrace, his arms wrapping around her tightly, his hug lifting her feet off the floor. He buried his face into her hair and breathed deeply of her. The scent of strawberries filled his senses.
“You are more than enough,” he whispered against her ear. “More than I shall ever deserve. But I swear to you I will strive every day to make you feel loved beyond reason. You will ever be a treasure in my eyes and I will never take your worth for granted.”
“What woman could ask for anything more?” she asked him fiercely. “Now take me upstairs and make love to me properly to make up for this foolishness.”
“Yes, madam,” he said with a smile before he kissed her lips, then bent and hauled her up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She yelped in surprise, but the feel of his hand intimately on her backside quelled any complaints she might have had. As he walked, Viève took in the group of people they were leaving behind. She waved to them and mouthed the words “thank you.”
Leo nodded to her. He had a great deal of respect for the openhearted little Wraith who was brave enough to turn her back on her entire species to stand up for what she believed in. She may not have seemed strong when she first got there, but he realized now she had a lot more strength within her than she had been given credit for. Now, in a place where that strength would be nurtured, she promised to do great and wonderful things.
Leo felt a sense of closure settling over him as well. That wasn’t to say he would never dream of the horrors he had suffered again, but he realized he was going to sleep easier tonight, and it would be all her doing.
Viève allowed Kamen to carry her to their rooms without so much as a word. When he closed the door behind them, he slid her down his body until she was on her feet. But he did not allow her to put even the slightest millimeter of space between them.
“If I didn’t know any better I would say you planned all of this,” he said in a deep, rumbling voice. There was emotion in his tone. He was moved by what the others had given him. What she had given him. For he knew none of it would have been possible without her.
He tipped her chin up and bent to kiss her lips softly.
“I love you,” he said simply.
“I knew that all along. I just wanted you to admit it. And I wanted you to be willing to accept my love in return.”
“I still am not worthy, but I will do my best to learn how to deserve you.”
“I do not love unworthy people. I will not tolerate you saying otherwise.”
“Yes, my little dove,” he said softly. “You are correct. Forgive me.”
“You can’t mean this,” he said softly.
“Just because we’ve forgiven you doesn’t mean you get to dictate our feelings to us,” Leo said sharply. “And you don’t get to trivialize this either.”
Again, that word. Was that what he was doing? Making important feelings small and…less? But he couldn’t seem to grasp such a weighty thing as forgiveness. Oh, he understood the essentials of it, but he wasn’t certain he would be as capable of giving it as Leo seemed to be. Or Ahnvil, a man he had enslaved for decades.
But here they were, telling him he was worthy of it. He thought they were wrong, but it was such a profound thing that he dare not refuse it.
“I…I thank you,” he said at last. “I feel myself undeserving of this, but I thank you for it.”
“If you weren’t deserving we wouldn’t be giving it,” Leo said. “You know, you sound like little Viève did when she first got here. In three days she’s learned to stick up for herself. Perhaps you should take a lesson from that.”
Kamen looked to Viève, who had a fairly smug expression on her face. She held out her hand to him. “Come on. Let’s go back upstairs and talk about this like grown-ups. Like grown-ups who are worthy of one another.”
“This changes nothing,” he said, although he looked and felt a little at sea.
“It changes everything,” she said. She stepped forward and caught his hands up in hers. “You’re worth more than you know. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.”
“Yeah,” Leo said. “You’re a jerk, but you have value to this household. To the people in it. We need you.”
“Not any longer. Apep is destroyed,” Kamen said.
“And who is going to help us wade through hundreds of Templar prisoners?” Jackson asked. “Kamen, you have made yourself invaluable in more ways than just your pursuit of Apep.”
“Name one,” Kamen said harshly.
“Healing. Whenever someone is injured you are there, without question, healing their wounds.”
Kamen fell silent. His mind was working frantically, trying hard to piece together the meaning in what he was hearing. He was not a dense or stupid man, but he felt like both right then.
Jackson stood up and placed a hand on Kamen’s shoulder. “You killed me once, remember?”
Kamen did remember. It had been lifetimes ago and he had used the Curse on him. It was a painful way to die. He swallowed and nodded.
“If I am willing to forgive you that, don’t you think you’re allowed to forgive yourself?”
Kamen’s eyes widened slightly. He hesitated, and then gave another nod. He could do that, couldn’t he? Could he do any less than what they were willing to do for him? It wouldn’t be right to spit in the face of such gifts.
And yet, to accept it meant he had to accept his own worth. Or rather, he had to upgrade his own worth in his own eyes. That was not an easy task. But perhaps…
“Yes,” Viève said softly as she watched the play of emotion that crossed his face so openly, for all to see and understand. “You see it don’t you? You are worth forgiving and even more. You are worth loving.”
“No one loves me here. None but you,” he added hastily.
“Am I not enough?” she asked him simply.
He gazed into her dove gray eyes and knew he couldn’t reject her. She had grown strong and sure these past three nights, but she was still fragile. She couldn’t bear up under this continual rejection.
And he found he no longer wanted to reject her. Was it true what they said? Did he deserve forgiveness and love?
He stepped forward quickly, into her embrace, his arms wrapping around her tightly, his hug lifting her feet off the floor. He buried his face into her hair and breathed deeply of her. The scent of strawberries filled his senses.
“You are more than enough,” he whispered against her ear. “More than I shall ever deserve. But I swear to you I will strive every day to make you feel loved beyond reason. You will ever be a treasure in my eyes and I will never take your worth for granted.”
“What woman could ask for anything more?” she asked him fiercely. “Now take me upstairs and make love to me properly to make up for this foolishness.”
“Yes, madam,” he said with a smile before he kissed her lips, then bent and hauled her up over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She yelped in surprise, but the feel of his hand intimately on her backside quelled any complaints she might have had. As he walked, Viève took in the group of people they were leaving behind. She waved to them and mouthed the words “thank you.”
Leo nodded to her. He had a great deal of respect for the openhearted little Wraith who was brave enough to turn her back on her entire species to stand up for what she believed in. She may not have seemed strong when she first got there, but he realized now she had a lot more strength within her than she had been given credit for. Now, in a place where that strength would be nurtured, she promised to do great and wonderful things.
Leo felt a sense of closure settling over him as well. That wasn’t to say he would never dream of the horrors he had suffered again, but he realized he was going to sleep easier tonight, and it would be all her doing.
Viève allowed Kamen to carry her to their rooms without so much as a word. When he closed the door behind them, he slid her down his body until she was on her feet. But he did not allow her to put even the slightest millimeter of space between them.
“If I didn’t know any better I would say you planned all of this,” he said in a deep, rumbling voice. There was emotion in his tone. He was moved by what the others had given him. What she had given him. For he knew none of it would have been possible without her.
He tipped her chin up and bent to kiss her lips softly.
“I love you,” he said simply.
“I knew that all along. I just wanted you to admit it. And I wanted you to be willing to accept my love in return.”
“I still am not worthy, but I will do my best to learn how to deserve you.”
“I do not love unworthy people. I will not tolerate you saying otherwise.”
“Yes, my little dove,” he said softly. “You are correct. Forgive me.”
