Nothing Personal
Page 19
The new clothes, the hairstyle, the makeup, the confident attitude.
Those things changed her. Now that she’d realized how much she had to offer she also discovered how much he lacked.
She didn’t care at all about him. She wanted out.
It was simple, and oh-so-clear.
He followed her down the steps and stopped her when she got to the bottom. “I see what’s happening here.”
She turned. “Do you?”
He refused to buy the sad look in her eyes. It was an act, and one he’d seen countless times in the past. Frankly, he was surprised she was so cold and calculated, but then again hadn’t everyone he cared about done this to him?
“Yes. It’s obvious. You become an attractive butterfly and suddenly decide you want to spread those pretty little wings and fly away to the outside world, see what’s out there that’s better than what you have here.”
Her words sliced at him. “That’s ridiculous!”
“Is it? Then explain why you suddenly decide to leave, when you would have done anything I asked you before…before you—”
She finished it for him. “Before you transformed me?”
“Yes.” That’s not what he meant at all, but if she thought so, more the better.
“That’s priceless, Ryan. Obviously, this is your pathetic attempt to remove any guilt from your own shoulders and place it on mine. Yes, you had this planned all so well didn’t you? Except this time you aren’t going to win. This time I’m not playing the game.”
She picked up the suitcase and opened the front door.
“Go ahead, Faith. Run. Run to your new lover or your new life or whatever it is out there you think is better than what you have right here.”
But she didn’t hear him as the door slammed shut before he could finish his sentence.
The silence was deafening. He stood in the foyer, the dark closing in, the emptiness pervading the very air around him.
Okay, she was gone. Good riddance. He should have known better than to open his heart.
Suddenly, he was the small boy again who was told Daddy was too busy to play with him. Daddy was gone now. Mommy was gone now. And Grandfather had no use for an emotionally distraught child.
He’d learned then not to love anyone. Love stabbed holes in your heart, and your soul bled through them. It hurt when you loved someone. Because they never loved you back.
Ryan had made a fatal mistake. He’d fallen in love with Faith, and handed her the power to hurt him.
He’d buried hurt before. He could do it again.
She couldn’t sit still. The hotel room was like a tiny box, imprisoning her. She wanted to go home.
But where was home? She didn’t have one anymore.
How could she have been so blind? How could she have allowed Ryan to creep into her heart, only to find he was playing her? She shouldn’t be surprised by that.
Her mother’s voice rang in her ears, those punishing lectures she’d heard over and over and over again. Men would hurt her. She was plain and homely and no man would ever love her.
For so long she hadn’t wanted to believe it. But her mother had been right.
How Ryan and Erica must have been laughing over her these past months. She was so naïve. When would she learn?
And since she’d left, not a word from him. It had been days, and not a single word. Did she really expect he would try and find her? He was probably glad she was gone.
Of course, she hadn’t gone to the office. She’d have to find another job now. There was no way she could continue to work for him, not after everything that had happened.
And then there was the baby.
The only bright spot in this whole dismal affair.
The twin towers of The Chalet Hotel shone like a beacon from her hotel window. She wondered how Ryan would feel if he knew she had taken up residence in one of the competing chains.
She hadn’t even asked for a suite, even though she had a considerable expense account as Ryan’s wife. She wasn’t going to touch his money.
As soon as she got back on her feet, found a new job and a new place to live, she’d never use another dime of McKay money.
They’d divorce, and she’d get nothing. After all, she’d left before the terms of the contract were met. That meant she’d go away empty-handed.
Of course, she could tell him about the baby. Then he’d keep the company and she’d be entitled to a settlement. But she’d have to live with him, sleep with him, for the remainder of the year. No way would she do that. Her heart couldn’t take it.
Besides, that would mean he’d won. And so would Erica. And they would spend the rest of their lives laughing at her stupidity.
She’d be damned if he was going to win this one. Let him lose McKay Corporation. That was his one great love anyway. Let him feel a bit of the pain she was going through right now, knowing how it felt to lose something he loved.
Despite losing control of the company, he’d still be wealthy. He could start something new. She pushed aside the nagging guilt that nestled in her stomach. She wouldn’t feel guilty. This wasn’t her fault.
And in the meantime, she’d look for another job. With a company that wouldn’t mind her taking a bit of time off for maternity leave. And she and her child would be fine.
Her heart would heal. Eventually.
A knock at the door interrupted her self-pity session. She opened it, her jaw dropping as Leland Banks stood there. How in the world had he found her?
Margaret, of course. She was the only one who knew where Faith had gone.
“Margaret told you I was here.”
He nodded as she opened the door and led him into the tiny living area. “Yes.”
She motioned him to the small sofa. “What can I do for you, Leland?”
“Come back, ma’am.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. My marriage to Ryan is over.”
“I think I know why you would think it was over, but I must tell you you’re wrong.”
“No, you don’t know why, although I appreciate you coming. You can just go back to Ryan and tell him I’m not coming back, and I’m sorry he’s going to lose the company.”
“He doesn’t care about the company, Mrs. McKay. He’s already called a board meeting for noon today to announce the end of your marriage.”
She frowned. “You’d think he’d wait until the board called a meeting to check on the status of our marriage. Why the hurry?”
“He’s very unhappy, ma’am.”
Right. He was probably unhappy about losing the company, not about losing Faith.
“His happiness is no longer my problem, Leland.” She turned her head to the window, swiping away the hair falling in front of her face.
“He loves you.”
She whipped around, desperately needing to refute Leland’s statement. “That’s a lie!”
Leland remained stoic, unmoved by her passionate denial. “He loves you.”
Tears threatened, but Faith refused to be swayed. “He’s a good actor, Leland. He even fooled me.”
“You don’t understand, ma’am. I know why you left. If you’ll just let me explain—”
“Explain what? Explain how upset poor Ryan is at the thought of losing his company?” She crossed her arms, hoping to hold in the wretched grief threatening to pour out. “How much is he paying you to come here and beg on his behalf?”
Leland sniffed and stood. “That’s insulting.”
She shrugged and waved her hand. “Just tell him it didn’t work, Leland. I’m not interested in hearing any more.” How much more could she stand? She felt stupid enough as it was. Couldn’t this just end?
“I beg your pardon, ma’am, but you’re just going to have to listen to me!”
She turned, never having heard Leland raise his voice before. He stood rigid in the middle of the room, but his brow was furrowed and anger crossed his normally implacable features.
“I overheard James this morning,” he said.
“So?”
“He was speaking with Miss Stanton on the telephone. Normally I don’t eavesdrop, would be improper, but I paused when I heard their discussion.”
Despite wanting to close her ears and her heart to his explanation, something about his statement tipped along the edges of her memory.
“Go on.”
“He was laughing. About you. He was talking to Miss Stanton about how they’d fooled you when they led you to believe that James was Master Ryan. James said their plan worked perfectly, that you moved out that evening.”
No. That’s not how it happened. She wouldn’t believe it. It was Ryan that night. She’d heard him, saw him with her own eyes.
Or had she?
“I went to the office last week to surprise Ryan,” she explained. “I found him with Erica, their arms around each other. Laughing at how gullible I was.”
Leland’s brown eyes softened. “Did you see Master Ryan’s face?”
She thought. Ryan’s back had been turned to her the entire time.
“No, just his back.”
“And did he speak?”
“Yes, but come to think of it, I only heard him mumble because he whispered in Erica’s ear.”
Suddenly the room spun wildly. Faith grasped the sofa for support and reached for Leland’s hand “Oh, no. Oh, Leland. Did they trick me?”
His expression softened as he coaxed her into a seat. “It appears so.”
Shock, hurt, guilt and anger all swirled inside her. How could she have done this to Ryan? How could she have done this to them?
How could James and Erica have done this? Damn them!
She buried her face in her hands, unable to believe what she’d allowed to occur. Her lack of belief in herself had screwed everything up.
She couldn’t keep the tears at bay and finally broke down. Leland gathered her in his arms and held her against him as she poured out her grief.
When she had no tears left to expend, he handed her a handkerchief.
She laughed.
“It seems you’re always here when I fall apart.”
He nodded, his voice soft and paternal. “I don’t mind, really. Margaret and I always wanted children, and Master Ryan was the closest we ever had. But he never allowed anyone to love him.”
She looked at him, the realization hitting her before the words were out of his mouth.
“Until you,” he said with a smile.
Oh, no. What had she done? “Leland, I’ve made a terrible mistake.
I’ve hurt Ryan deeply.”
“No, ma’am, the mistake was made by James and Miss Stanton. They manipulated you and Mr. McKay. And now you and he are at odds, and he’s prepared to give up McKay Corporation.”
Anger and desperation filled her. She’d caused irreparable damage, and all because she believed that Ryan couldn’t really love her. Damn James—he’d known it, too.
“Leland, how bad is Ryan?”
He shook his head. “Mr. McKay—Ryan—is not good. He mopes about, has barely gone to the office, won’t speak to anyone. It’s quite obvious he hasn’t slept or eaten much since you left. He’s trying to be indifferent about it, but he’s hurting.”
The pain was nearly unbearable. She wanted to run home to Ryan, throw her arms around him and beg his forgiveness. Then she wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how much she’d always loved him.
And let him know about the baby.
The baby!
She looked at her watch. “What time is the board meeting?”
“Noon. Why?”
“I have to hurry.”
“What are you doing, ma’am?”
She should have believed in Ryan, instead of letting her mother’s words seep back into her consciousness. She’d let her own insecurities rule her judgment. Now she’d lost her chance at love.
But she could still make amends to Ryan, at least professionally.
Faith grabbed Leland’s hands. “I’ve got to save the company for Ryan!
Help me, Leland, we have to make it on time!”
Chapter Thirteen
Ryan stood in front of the Board of Directors, a sense of dismal finality darkening his mood even more than it had been lately. This would be the last time he’d stand before them as CEO. Less than a week ago everything looked as if it would work out. Hell, less than a week ago he hadn’t cared a whit about goings-on at the company. All he’d cared about was Faith and his realization that he loved her.
Now everything he’d cared about was gone.
There was no point in delaying the inevitable. Faith had left him before the year was up, before she’d gotten pregnant, before they’d made a life together. A real life. The terms of the will hadn’t been fulfilled.
James had won.
And James knew it too, judging from the self-satisfied smirk on his face. It killed Ryan to turn this company over to James, knowing his cousin had no intention of keeping it intact. He’d probably have it on the market within a week, selling it off in chunks to the highest bidder.
It hurt more than Ryan dared to admit. Not the loss of his job, he didn’t really care about that. But the loss of the McKay holdings, the company his grandfather and great grandfather had built from nothing.
Ryan had made plans for bigger and better things in the future.
Now all was lost.
A few months ago, the thought of losing control of the company would have devastated him. Now, all he could think about was Faith.
“Will we be starting soon?” Lincoln Simmons, one of the directors, looked at his watch. “It is after twelve, you know, and I have another meeting to attend.”
Those things changed her. Now that she’d realized how much she had to offer she also discovered how much he lacked.
She didn’t care at all about him. She wanted out.
It was simple, and oh-so-clear.
He followed her down the steps and stopped her when she got to the bottom. “I see what’s happening here.”
She turned. “Do you?”
He refused to buy the sad look in her eyes. It was an act, and one he’d seen countless times in the past. Frankly, he was surprised she was so cold and calculated, but then again hadn’t everyone he cared about done this to him?
“Yes. It’s obvious. You become an attractive butterfly and suddenly decide you want to spread those pretty little wings and fly away to the outside world, see what’s out there that’s better than what you have here.”
Her words sliced at him. “That’s ridiculous!”
“Is it? Then explain why you suddenly decide to leave, when you would have done anything I asked you before…before you—”
She finished it for him. “Before you transformed me?”
“Yes.” That’s not what he meant at all, but if she thought so, more the better.
“That’s priceless, Ryan. Obviously, this is your pathetic attempt to remove any guilt from your own shoulders and place it on mine. Yes, you had this planned all so well didn’t you? Except this time you aren’t going to win. This time I’m not playing the game.”
She picked up the suitcase and opened the front door.
“Go ahead, Faith. Run. Run to your new lover or your new life or whatever it is out there you think is better than what you have right here.”
But she didn’t hear him as the door slammed shut before he could finish his sentence.
The silence was deafening. He stood in the foyer, the dark closing in, the emptiness pervading the very air around him.
Okay, she was gone. Good riddance. He should have known better than to open his heart.
Suddenly, he was the small boy again who was told Daddy was too busy to play with him. Daddy was gone now. Mommy was gone now. And Grandfather had no use for an emotionally distraught child.
He’d learned then not to love anyone. Love stabbed holes in your heart, and your soul bled through them. It hurt when you loved someone. Because they never loved you back.
Ryan had made a fatal mistake. He’d fallen in love with Faith, and handed her the power to hurt him.
He’d buried hurt before. He could do it again.
She couldn’t sit still. The hotel room was like a tiny box, imprisoning her. She wanted to go home.
But where was home? She didn’t have one anymore.
How could she have been so blind? How could she have allowed Ryan to creep into her heart, only to find he was playing her? She shouldn’t be surprised by that.
Her mother’s voice rang in her ears, those punishing lectures she’d heard over and over and over again. Men would hurt her. She was plain and homely and no man would ever love her.
For so long she hadn’t wanted to believe it. But her mother had been right.
How Ryan and Erica must have been laughing over her these past months. She was so naïve. When would she learn?
And since she’d left, not a word from him. It had been days, and not a single word. Did she really expect he would try and find her? He was probably glad she was gone.
Of course, she hadn’t gone to the office. She’d have to find another job now. There was no way she could continue to work for him, not after everything that had happened.
And then there was the baby.
The only bright spot in this whole dismal affair.
The twin towers of The Chalet Hotel shone like a beacon from her hotel window. She wondered how Ryan would feel if he knew she had taken up residence in one of the competing chains.
She hadn’t even asked for a suite, even though she had a considerable expense account as Ryan’s wife. She wasn’t going to touch his money.
As soon as she got back on her feet, found a new job and a new place to live, she’d never use another dime of McKay money.
They’d divorce, and she’d get nothing. After all, she’d left before the terms of the contract were met. That meant she’d go away empty-handed.
Of course, she could tell him about the baby. Then he’d keep the company and she’d be entitled to a settlement. But she’d have to live with him, sleep with him, for the remainder of the year. No way would she do that. Her heart couldn’t take it.
Besides, that would mean he’d won. And so would Erica. And they would spend the rest of their lives laughing at her stupidity.
She’d be damned if he was going to win this one. Let him lose McKay Corporation. That was his one great love anyway. Let him feel a bit of the pain she was going through right now, knowing how it felt to lose something he loved.
Despite losing control of the company, he’d still be wealthy. He could start something new. She pushed aside the nagging guilt that nestled in her stomach. She wouldn’t feel guilty. This wasn’t her fault.
And in the meantime, she’d look for another job. With a company that wouldn’t mind her taking a bit of time off for maternity leave. And she and her child would be fine.
Her heart would heal. Eventually.
A knock at the door interrupted her self-pity session. She opened it, her jaw dropping as Leland Banks stood there. How in the world had he found her?
Margaret, of course. She was the only one who knew where Faith had gone.
“Margaret told you I was here.”
He nodded as she opened the door and led him into the tiny living area. “Yes.”
She motioned him to the small sofa. “What can I do for you, Leland?”
“Come back, ma’am.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. My marriage to Ryan is over.”
“I think I know why you would think it was over, but I must tell you you’re wrong.”
“No, you don’t know why, although I appreciate you coming. You can just go back to Ryan and tell him I’m not coming back, and I’m sorry he’s going to lose the company.”
“He doesn’t care about the company, Mrs. McKay. He’s already called a board meeting for noon today to announce the end of your marriage.”
She frowned. “You’d think he’d wait until the board called a meeting to check on the status of our marriage. Why the hurry?”
“He’s very unhappy, ma’am.”
Right. He was probably unhappy about losing the company, not about losing Faith.
“His happiness is no longer my problem, Leland.” She turned her head to the window, swiping away the hair falling in front of her face.
“He loves you.”
She whipped around, desperately needing to refute Leland’s statement. “That’s a lie!”
Leland remained stoic, unmoved by her passionate denial. “He loves you.”
Tears threatened, but Faith refused to be swayed. “He’s a good actor, Leland. He even fooled me.”
“You don’t understand, ma’am. I know why you left. If you’ll just let me explain—”
“Explain what? Explain how upset poor Ryan is at the thought of losing his company?” She crossed her arms, hoping to hold in the wretched grief threatening to pour out. “How much is he paying you to come here and beg on his behalf?”
Leland sniffed and stood. “That’s insulting.”
She shrugged and waved her hand. “Just tell him it didn’t work, Leland. I’m not interested in hearing any more.” How much more could she stand? She felt stupid enough as it was. Couldn’t this just end?
“I beg your pardon, ma’am, but you’re just going to have to listen to me!”
She turned, never having heard Leland raise his voice before. He stood rigid in the middle of the room, but his brow was furrowed and anger crossed his normally implacable features.
“I overheard James this morning,” he said.
“So?”
“He was speaking with Miss Stanton on the telephone. Normally I don’t eavesdrop, would be improper, but I paused when I heard their discussion.”
Despite wanting to close her ears and her heart to his explanation, something about his statement tipped along the edges of her memory.
“Go on.”
“He was laughing. About you. He was talking to Miss Stanton about how they’d fooled you when they led you to believe that James was Master Ryan. James said their plan worked perfectly, that you moved out that evening.”
No. That’s not how it happened. She wouldn’t believe it. It was Ryan that night. She’d heard him, saw him with her own eyes.
Or had she?
“I went to the office last week to surprise Ryan,” she explained. “I found him with Erica, their arms around each other. Laughing at how gullible I was.”
Leland’s brown eyes softened. “Did you see Master Ryan’s face?”
She thought. Ryan’s back had been turned to her the entire time.
“No, just his back.”
“And did he speak?”
“Yes, but come to think of it, I only heard him mumble because he whispered in Erica’s ear.”
Suddenly the room spun wildly. Faith grasped the sofa for support and reached for Leland’s hand “Oh, no. Oh, Leland. Did they trick me?”
His expression softened as he coaxed her into a seat. “It appears so.”
Shock, hurt, guilt and anger all swirled inside her. How could she have done this to Ryan? How could she have done this to them?
How could James and Erica have done this? Damn them!
She buried her face in her hands, unable to believe what she’d allowed to occur. Her lack of belief in herself had screwed everything up.
She couldn’t keep the tears at bay and finally broke down. Leland gathered her in his arms and held her against him as she poured out her grief.
When she had no tears left to expend, he handed her a handkerchief.
She laughed.
“It seems you’re always here when I fall apart.”
He nodded, his voice soft and paternal. “I don’t mind, really. Margaret and I always wanted children, and Master Ryan was the closest we ever had. But he never allowed anyone to love him.”
She looked at him, the realization hitting her before the words were out of his mouth.
“Until you,” he said with a smile.
Oh, no. What had she done? “Leland, I’ve made a terrible mistake.
I’ve hurt Ryan deeply.”
“No, ma’am, the mistake was made by James and Miss Stanton. They manipulated you and Mr. McKay. And now you and he are at odds, and he’s prepared to give up McKay Corporation.”
Anger and desperation filled her. She’d caused irreparable damage, and all because she believed that Ryan couldn’t really love her. Damn James—he’d known it, too.
“Leland, how bad is Ryan?”
He shook his head. “Mr. McKay—Ryan—is not good. He mopes about, has barely gone to the office, won’t speak to anyone. It’s quite obvious he hasn’t slept or eaten much since you left. He’s trying to be indifferent about it, but he’s hurting.”
The pain was nearly unbearable. She wanted to run home to Ryan, throw her arms around him and beg his forgiveness. Then she wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how much she’d always loved him.
And let him know about the baby.
The baby!
She looked at her watch. “What time is the board meeting?”
“Noon. Why?”
“I have to hurry.”
“What are you doing, ma’am?”
She should have believed in Ryan, instead of letting her mother’s words seep back into her consciousness. She’d let her own insecurities rule her judgment. Now she’d lost her chance at love.
But she could still make amends to Ryan, at least professionally.
Faith grabbed Leland’s hands. “I’ve got to save the company for Ryan!
Help me, Leland, we have to make it on time!”
Chapter Thirteen
Ryan stood in front of the Board of Directors, a sense of dismal finality darkening his mood even more than it had been lately. This would be the last time he’d stand before them as CEO. Less than a week ago everything looked as if it would work out. Hell, less than a week ago he hadn’t cared a whit about goings-on at the company. All he’d cared about was Faith and his realization that he loved her.
Now everything he’d cared about was gone.
There was no point in delaying the inevitable. Faith had left him before the year was up, before she’d gotten pregnant, before they’d made a life together. A real life. The terms of the will hadn’t been fulfilled.
James had won.
And James knew it too, judging from the self-satisfied smirk on his face. It killed Ryan to turn this company over to James, knowing his cousin had no intention of keeping it intact. He’d probably have it on the market within a week, selling it off in chunks to the highest bidder.
It hurt more than Ryan dared to admit. Not the loss of his job, he didn’t really care about that. But the loss of the McKay holdings, the company his grandfather and great grandfather had built from nothing.
Ryan had made plans for bigger and better things in the future.
Now all was lost.
A few months ago, the thought of losing control of the company would have devastated him. Now, all he could think about was Faith.
“Will we be starting soon?” Lincoln Simmons, one of the directors, looked at his watch. “It is after twelve, you know, and I have another meeting to attend.”
