Once and Always
Page 85
“Extremely!” Victoria agreed.
Captain Farrell grinned at her loyal reply, then said, “Whatever tenderness Jason felt for her when he married her was soon destroyed by living with her. She gave him a son, though, and for that reason, he kept her in the height of fashion and ignored her affairs. Frankly, I don’t think he cared what she did.”
Victoria, who had been unaware that Jason had a son, sat bolt upright, staring in dazed shock at Captain Farrell as he went on. “Jason adored that child. He took him nearly everywhere he went. He even agreed to come back here and spend his money restoring Charles Fielding’s run-down estates so that Jamie could inherit a proper kingdom. And in the end, it was all for nothing. Melissa tried to run away with her latest lover, and she took Jamie with her, intending to ransom him back to Jason later. Their ship sank in a storm.”
Captain Farrell’s hand tightened on his glass and the muscles in his throat worked convulsively. “I was the first to discover Melissa had taken Jamie with her. I was the one who had to tell Jason his son was dead. I cried,” he said hoarsely. “But Jason didn’t. Not even then. He can’t cry.”
“Captain Farrell,” Victoria said in a suffocated voice, “I would like to go home now. It’s getting late, and Jason may be worried about me.”
The sorrow vanished from the captain’s face and a smile broke across his rugged features. “An excellent idea,” he agreed. “But before you go, I want to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“Don’t let Jason fool you or himself into believing he wants nothing from you but a child. I know him better than anyone else does, and I saw the way he watched you last night. He’s already more than half in love with you, though I doubt he wants to be.”
“I can’t blame him for not wanting to love any woman,” Victoria said sadly. “I can’t imagine how he’s survived everything that’s happened to him and stayed sane.”
“He’s strong,” Captain Farrell replied. “Jason is the strongest human being I’ve ever known. And the finest. Let yourself love him, Victoria—I know you want to. And teach him how to love you. He has a great deal of love to give, but first, he’ll have to learn to trust you. Once he trusts you, he’ll lay the world at your feet.”
Victoria stood up, but her eyes were cloudy with trepidation. “What makes you so certain this will ail work out the way you think it will?”
The Irishman’s voice was soft and there was a faraway look in his eyes. “Because I knew another lass like you long ago. She had your warmth and your courage. She taught me how it feels to trust, to love, and to be loved. I don’t fear dying because I know she’s there, waiting for me. Most men love easily and often, but Jason is more like me. He will love only once—but it will be for always.”
Chapter Twenty-four
While Victoria put on her still-damp clothes, Captain Farrell brought the horse and carriage around from his small barn. He helped her into it, and mounted his own horse. The downpour had subsided to a gloomy, persistent drizzle as he rode beside her in the early darkness toward Wakefield.
“There’s no reason for you to ride all the way back with me,” she said. “I know the way.”
“There’s every reason,” Captain Farrell warned. “The roads aren’t safe for a woman alone after dark. Last week a coach was stopped just the other side of the village, the occupants robbed, and one of them shot. A fortnight before that, one of the older girls at the orphanage wandered too far abroad at night and was found dead in the river. She was an addled girl, so there’s no telling whether foul play was involved, but you can’t take chances.”
Victoria heard him, but her mind was on Jason, her heart filled with warmth for the man who had sheltered her when she came to England, given her beautiful things, teased her when she was lonely, and ultimately married her. True, he was frequently distant and unapproachable, but the more she contemplated the matter, the more convinced she became that Captain Farrell was right—Jason must care for her, or he’d never have risked another marriage.
She remembered the hungry passion of his kisses before they were married and she became even more convinced. Despite the torment he had suffered as a child in the name of “religion,” he had gone into a church and married her there, because she asked him to.
“I think you’d better not come any farther,” Victoria said when they neared the iron gates of Wakefield.
“Why?”
“Because if Jason knows I’ve spent the afternoon with you, he’s bound to suspect you told me about him as soon as I act differently toward him.”
Captain Farrell lifted his brows. “Are you going to act differently toward him?”
Victoria nodded in the darkness. “I rather think I will.” In a soft underbreath she said, “I’m going to try to tame a panther.”
“In that case, you’re right. It’s best not to tell Jason you came to my place. There were two deserted cottages before you reached mine. I suppose you could say you stopped there—but I warn you, Jason has an aversion to deceit. Don’t get caught up in the lie.”
“I have an aversion to deception, too,” Victoria said with a little shiver. “And an even greater aversion to being caught in one by Jason.”
“I’m very much afraid he’ll be worried and angry if he’s returned and discovered you’ve been out in this storm alone.”
Jason had returned, and he was worried. He was also furious. Victoria heard his raised voice coming from the front of the house as soon as she entered it from the rear, after tying Wolf outside. With a mixture of alarm and eagerness to see him, she walked down the hall and stepped into his study. He was pacing back and forth, his back to her, addressing a group of six terrified servants. His white shirt was soaked, clinging wetly to his broad shoulders and tapered back, and his brown riding boots were covered in mud. “Tell me again what Lady Fielding said,” he raged at Ruth. “And stop that damned weeping! Start from the beginning and tell me her words exactly.”
The maid wrung her hands. “She—she said to have your gentlest horse harnessed to the smallest carriage, because she said she weren’t—wasn’t too good at driving carriages. Then she told me to have Mrs. Craddock—the cook—pack baskets with food left over from the party last night, and to have the baskets put in the carriage. I w-warned her it was comin‘ on to storm, but she said it wouldn’t start for hours. Then she asked me if I was certain-sure you’d left the house and I told her I was. Then she left.”
Captain Farrell grinned at her loyal reply, then said, “Whatever tenderness Jason felt for her when he married her was soon destroyed by living with her. She gave him a son, though, and for that reason, he kept her in the height of fashion and ignored her affairs. Frankly, I don’t think he cared what she did.”
Victoria, who had been unaware that Jason had a son, sat bolt upright, staring in dazed shock at Captain Farrell as he went on. “Jason adored that child. He took him nearly everywhere he went. He even agreed to come back here and spend his money restoring Charles Fielding’s run-down estates so that Jamie could inherit a proper kingdom. And in the end, it was all for nothing. Melissa tried to run away with her latest lover, and she took Jamie with her, intending to ransom him back to Jason later. Their ship sank in a storm.”
Captain Farrell’s hand tightened on his glass and the muscles in his throat worked convulsively. “I was the first to discover Melissa had taken Jamie with her. I was the one who had to tell Jason his son was dead. I cried,” he said hoarsely. “But Jason didn’t. Not even then. He can’t cry.”
“Captain Farrell,” Victoria said in a suffocated voice, “I would like to go home now. It’s getting late, and Jason may be worried about me.”
The sorrow vanished from the captain’s face and a smile broke across his rugged features. “An excellent idea,” he agreed. “But before you go, I want to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“Don’t let Jason fool you or himself into believing he wants nothing from you but a child. I know him better than anyone else does, and I saw the way he watched you last night. He’s already more than half in love with you, though I doubt he wants to be.”
“I can’t blame him for not wanting to love any woman,” Victoria said sadly. “I can’t imagine how he’s survived everything that’s happened to him and stayed sane.”
“He’s strong,” Captain Farrell replied. “Jason is the strongest human being I’ve ever known. And the finest. Let yourself love him, Victoria—I know you want to. And teach him how to love you. He has a great deal of love to give, but first, he’ll have to learn to trust you. Once he trusts you, he’ll lay the world at your feet.”
Victoria stood up, but her eyes were cloudy with trepidation. “What makes you so certain this will ail work out the way you think it will?”
The Irishman’s voice was soft and there was a faraway look in his eyes. “Because I knew another lass like you long ago. She had your warmth and your courage. She taught me how it feels to trust, to love, and to be loved. I don’t fear dying because I know she’s there, waiting for me. Most men love easily and often, but Jason is more like me. He will love only once—but it will be for always.”
Chapter Twenty-four
While Victoria put on her still-damp clothes, Captain Farrell brought the horse and carriage around from his small barn. He helped her into it, and mounted his own horse. The downpour had subsided to a gloomy, persistent drizzle as he rode beside her in the early darkness toward Wakefield.
“There’s no reason for you to ride all the way back with me,” she said. “I know the way.”
“There’s every reason,” Captain Farrell warned. “The roads aren’t safe for a woman alone after dark. Last week a coach was stopped just the other side of the village, the occupants robbed, and one of them shot. A fortnight before that, one of the older girls at the orphanage wandered too far abroad at night and was found dead in the river. She was an addled girl, so there’s no telling whether foul play was involved, but you can’t take chances.”
Victoria heard him, but her mind was on Jason, her heart filled with warmth for the man who had sheltered her when she came to England, given her beautiful things, teased her when she was lonely, and ultimately married her. True, he was frequently distant and unapproachable, but the more she contemplated the matter, the more convinced she became that Captain Farrell was right—Jason must care for her, or he’d never have risked another marriage.
She remembered the hungry passion of his kisses before they were married and she became even more convinced. Despite the torment he had suffered as a child in the name of “religion,” he had gone into a church and married her there, because she asked him to.
“I think you’d better not come any farther,” Victoria said when they neared the iron gates of Wakefield.
“Why?”
“Because if Jason knows I’ve spent the afternoon with you, he’s bound to suspect you told me about him as soon as I act differently toward him.”
Captain Farrell lifted his brows. “Are you going to act differently toward him?”
Victoria nodded in the darkness. “I rather think I will.” In a soft underbreath she said, “I’m going to try to tame a panther.”
“In that case, you’re right. It’s best not to tell Jason you came to my place. There were two deserted cottages before you reached mine. I suppose you could say you stopped there—but I warn you, Jason has an aversion to deceit. Don’t get caught up in the lie.”
“I have an aversion to deception, too,” Victoria said with a little shiver. “And an even greater aversion to being caught in one by Jason.”
“I’m very much afraid he’ll be worried and angry if he’s returned and discovered you’ve been out in this storm alone.”
Jason had returned, and he was worried. He was also furious. Victoria heard his raised voice coming from the front of the house as soon as she entered it from the rear, after tying Wolf outside. With a mixture of alarm and eagerness to see him, she walked down the hall and stepped into his study. He was pacing back and forth, his back to her, addressing a group of six terrified servants. His white shirt was soaked, clinging wetly to his broad shoulders and tapered back, and his brown riding boots were covered in mud. “Tell me again what Lady Fielding said,” he raged at Ruth. “And stop that damned weeping! Start from the beginning and tell me her words exactly.”
The maid wrung her hands. “She—she said to have your gentlest horse harnessed to the smallest carriage, because she said she weren’t—wasn’t too good at driving carriages. Then she told me to have Mrs. Craddock—the cook—pack baskets with food left over from the party last night, and to have the baskets put in the carriage. I w-warned her it was comin‘ on to storm, but she said it wouldn’t start for hours. Then she asked me if I was certain-sure you’d left the house and I told her I was. Then she left.”
