Only Mine
Page 33
“No, because I didn’t want to admit it to myself.” Love? Dakota told herself not to be surprised. Considering the man in question, it was probably inevitable.
Love. She turned the concept over in her mind and found that it fit. She loved him. No doubt she had for a long time.
“It will be an unconventional happy ending,” she told her sisters and her mother. “I won’t get the guy, but I’ll get everything else. That’s going to be enough for me.”
They moved toward her as one, embracing her and holding her close. She felt their love wash over her and through her, strengthening her. There were people who had to go through much worse situations alone. She was lucky. She had her family, and they had her.
FINN CHECKED the cargo manifest against the boxes he loaded. It was a good day to fly. The winds were light, the sky was clear and he was going to Reno. Sure, it was a turnaround trip, with him on the ground less than an hour, but it was always interesting to fly somewhere he’d never been.
He was enjoying the airspace of the West Coast. The weather was more predictable, and there were a lot more airports to be had. Even moderately sized communities like Bakersfield lay sprawled in all directions. There were people everywhere, little towns and big cities. Instead of dodging mountains and arctic storms, he had to find his way through commercial flight paths in the wake of a 757 jetliner. Different challenges, same thrill.
Flying was in his blood. He couldn’t escape it, and he didn’t want to. He regretted that neither of his brothers were as interested, but he accepted it. He wouldn’t have wanted to be pushed into some other career.
He finished the paperwork and started toward the office. If he got back early enough, he could take a second trip that day. That would make Hamilton happy. The old coot reminded Finn of his grandfather. Both men were smart entrepreneurs, patient with honest mistakes and unfailingly generous. They were men from another time.
“Finn?”
He stopped and turned. Sasha was walking across the tarmac. His younger brother had been voted off the show the previous night. Given what he and Lani had admitted on camera, it wasn’t a surprise that viewers had been disappointed in them and wanted them gone.
He’d wondered if Sasha would be disappointed. Now as he watched his brother approach, he recognized the other man’s excitement. Sasha had good news.
Finn knew without being told that Sasha was not going back to South Salmon. Even so, he paused and waited for his brother to speak.
“Did you see the show?” Sasha asked, sounding more happy than sad. “I can’t believe we got caught like that. We’ve been so careful.” He shrugged and grinned. “I guess not careful enough.”
“You don’t sound upset.”
“I’m going to L.A. I got a call this morning from an agent. One of his assistants has been watching the show and she thinks I’m really hot.” The grin broadened. “Hot is good. So he wants me to come down to L.A. We’re going to talk. He already has a few ideas of where he’s going to send me. There is a show looking to replace an ongoing character and a small part in a movie.”
Sasha kept talking, going on about how he and Lani were driving down that afternoon. She knew of a cheap apartment where they could stay. It seemed she, too, had an audition and interested agent.
Finn knew it was time to let go. Sasha no longer belonged in South Salmon. His brother needed to be other places.
“This is what I really want,” Sasha told him earnestly. “I know you’re disappointed.”
“A little,” Finn admitted. “But not surprised. You’ve been heading in this direction for a while.”
“That almost sounds like you’re not mad.”
“I’m not. I won’t say I didn’t wish this had turned out differently. I would rather you finish college. But you have to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. I hope this turns out for the best. I hope you get to be on TV or in a movie.”
“Thanks!” Sasha sounded both happy and surprised. “I thought you’d be furious.”
“You wore me down, kid.” Finn pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and counted out the money he’d withdrawn from his account that morning. “Here’s three hundred dollars and a check for a thousand more. Get yourself a decent place to live. Try to eat regularly.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Sasha admitted, taking the money. “I really appreciate this. It’s gonna make a big difference.”
“Your brother is going back to college. The money is still there, in your education fund. If you decide to go back, you’ll be able to finish whenever you want.”
Sasha’s mouth twisted. “You’re the best brother a guy could have. I know I’ve been a pain. It wasn’t on purpose.”
Finn felt his throat tighten. “Most of the time it was.”
Sasha laughed. “Maybe fifty percent.” His humor faded. “You did a good job with us. Mom and Dad would be proud. I have a plan. You can stop worrying about me.”
“That’s not going to happen, but I’m ready to let you go.”
They moved toward each other at the same time. There was some back slapping and a brief hug. About as much emotion as either of them were comfortable with. Then Sasha put the money in his pocket, waved and walked away.
Finn had come to Fool’s Gold to force his brothers to return home. He’d believed the only place they belonged was in college or in South Salmon. He’d been wrong on all counts. Neither brother was coming home, and oddly enough, he was just fine with that.
DAKOTA ARRIVED at work the next morning with a burning need for coffee and a promise to herself that she would tell Finn about the baby before sundown. Or maybe by the end of the week.
She wasn’t trying to be a coward or even keep the information from him. It was just that she was so happy. She wanted to stay happy for a little longer. She wanted to have her fantasies about the future and pretend everything was going to work out fine. She wanted to imagine a house with a big tree in the yard and two children playing together and Finn beside her.
Because as much as she wanted this baby, she also wanted to be with that baby’s father. The big surprise wasn’t that she had fallen in love with him, it was that it had taken her so long to figure it out.
She walked toward the temporary production offices and was surprised to see large trucks pulled up in front of them. As she approached, she saw guys in T-shirts carrying boxes and furniture into the trucks. If she didn’t know better, she would say everyone was leaving.
She saw Karen, one of the production assistants, sitting at a table in the middle of the sidewalk.
“What’s going on?” Dakota asked as she approached. “Why are you working out here?”
Karen looked up at her. Her eyes were swollen and red, as if she’d been crying. “It’s over. The show’s canceled.” She sniffed. “We were shut down late last night. Geoff called me from the airport. He’s already back in L.A.”
“Canceled? How can they do that? We’re not even through this cycle. Who wins?”
“No one,” Karen told her flatly. “No one cares. The numbers suck. We started out okay but then plummeted in the third week. It’s a disaster.”
Dakota was having trouble taking in the information. “What happens to the contestants?”
“They go home.”
“What happens to you?”
Tears filled Karen’s eyes. “I work for Geoff. Right now that’s not a good thing. I have a lot of friends in the business and they’ll help me. I need to get work with another company or producer.” She sighed. “I have savings. This sort of thing happens all the time, so if you’re going to survive, you have to be prepared to deal with weeks of unemployment. But it’s not fun and I know people are wondering if I knew. I didn’t. But nobody gives a crap about that.”
“I’m sorry,” Dakota said, feeling awkward. She didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t understand how so much money could be put into a show and then the show simply canceled within a few short weeks.
“If you need a recommendation or if I can help in any way, please let me know,” Dakota told her.
“Thanks.” She glanced at her watch. “You’d better get into your office. If you have anything personal, I’d get it in the next five or ten minutes. Your part of the office is going to be dismantled by nine.”
“Okay. I will.” Dakota stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, but Karen returned her attention to her work and didn’t look up again.
As Dakota walked toward her small corner of the production office, she pulled out her cell phone and left a message for the mayor. She had a feeling that word had already spread all over town. She looked around at the cameras being loaded onto trucks and people getting in cars and driving away. The TV show had tried to take over the town. She had a feeling that in a matter of hours, it would seem as if it had never been there. Maybe that was just the nature of the business. It was all an illusion and nothing ever lasted.
BY NOON, Dakota was back in her old office, ready to tackle the curriculum planning for which she’d been hired. She’d had a quick meeting with Raoul Moreno and, as he put it, a game plan. She let him call her schedule a game plan for two reasons. First, because he was a former NFL quarterback and sports terms made him feel happy. Second, because he signed her paycheck.
Before his summer camp had been transformed into a temporary elementary school, his dream had been to open a facility for kids in middle school. The emphasis would be on math and science. They would come for three or four weeks at a time, have extensive study in either math or science and, in theory, return to their regular schools enthused about what they could accomplish. As the elementary school would need the camp for at least two years, they had ample time to develop their program.
Montana arrived at the office exactly at two. She had a leash in one hand and pushed the stroller with the other. Buddy, the intense and worried labradoodle, kept pace with the stroller. Every few seconds he looked at Hannah, as if making sure she was all right.
“I can’t decide if Buddy would make a good dad if he were human,” Montana said, “or if he would be on Prozac half the time.”
“He’s a pretty good-looking guy,” Dakota said, rising and coming around her desk. “He’d probably discover women and forget to pick up his kids from day care.”
Montana bent down and patted the dog. “Don’t you listen to her, Buddy. I know better. I know you’d never forget to pick up your children from day care. Who’s that handsome puppy? We’ll ignore my mean sister.”
Dakota laughed. “I’m sorry, Buddy. I was teasing.” She picked up Hannah and pulled her close. “How’s my girl?”
Montana straightened. “She was great. She’s eating much better. I swear I can see her growing. I can’t say I love poopy diapers, but I’m getting good at them.”
“I really appreciate you looking after her,” Dakota said. “Now that I’m back here, I should be able to bring her to work with me at least three days a week. So I’m not going to need as much day care. Mom’s going to take her one of those days and I’ve had about five calls from different women in town wanting her the other day.”
“It must be nice to be popular.”
“It’s not me. It’s Hannah. She’s more popular than any of us.”
Montana sat on the edge of the desk. “I don’t think I could do what you do.”
“Plan curriculum?”
“Have a baby by myself.” Montana’s gaze dropped to her sister’s stomach. “Make that two babies.”
“It wasn’t planned,” Dakota admitted, telling herself not to panic at the thought of being a single mom to two young children. “I’ll admit I’m scared, but I’m not going to think about that. Both children are a blessing.”
“What is Finn?”
A good question and one she couldn’t answer.
“I love him,” Dakota said quietly and shrugged. “I know it’s stupid, but I couldn’t help myself. I just…” She smiled. “He’s the one.”
“Wow. You found him.”
“I’m not saying it was an intelligent choice.”
“It could work out,” Montana told her.
“I appreciate your loyalty, but do you really believe that?”
“He could surprise you.”
Dakota gave her a skeptical look. “He’s made it clear that he wants his old life back. With his brothers moving on, he’s finally free. I know he cares about me, but that’s not the same as love or taking on more responsibility.”
“So you’re not going to ask?”
“I’m not going to make myself crazy wishing for something that might never happen.”
Montana started to speak, then stopped. “Tell me what I can do to help.”
“What were you going to say?”
Her sister shifted. “That you’re giving up without trying. If you love him, if he’s the one, shouldn’t you at least try to make things work? Fight for him? Only he hasn’t said no yet, because you haven’t told him. So there’s no fight to be had.”
“I’ll tell him. I’m waiting because I know what’s going to happen and I don’t want to ruin what we have. Trust me. When Finn finds out I’m pregnant, there will be burning skid marks on the road.”
“If you say so.”
The conversation wasn’t going the way Dakota had intended, and she found herself annoyed. She told herself that this wasn’t Montana’s fault. She didn’t understand. Wanting something didn’t make it happen.
Love. She turned the concept over in her mind and found that it fit. She loved him. No doubt she had for a long time.
“It will be an unconventional happy ending,” she told her sisters and her mother. “I won’t get the guy, but I’ll get everything else. That’s going to be enough for me.”
They moved toward her as one, embracing her and holding her close. She felt their love wash over her and through her, strengthening her. There were people who had to go through much worse situations alone. She was lucky. She had her family, and they had her.
FINN CHECKED the cargo manifest against the boxes he loaded. It was a good day to fly. The winds were light, the sky was clear and he was going to Reno. Sure, it was a turnaround trip, with him on the ground less than an hour, but it was always interesting to fly somewhere he’d never been.
He was enjoying the airspace of the West Coast. The weather was more predictable, and there were a lot more airports to be had. Even moderately sized communities like Bakersfield lay sprawled in all directions. There were people everywhere, little towns and big cities. Instead of dodging mountains and arctic storms, he had to find his way through commercial flight paths in the wake of a 757 jetliner. Different challenges, same thrill.
Flying was in his blood. He couldn’t escape it, and he didn’t want to. He regretted that neither of his brothers were as interested, but he accepted it. He wouldn’t have wanted to be pushed into some other career.
He finished the paperwork and started toward the office. If he got back early enough, he could take a second trip that day. That would make Hamilton happy. The old coot reminded Finn of his grandfather. Both men were smart entrepreneurs, patient with honest mistakes and unfailingly generous. They were men from another time.
“Finn?”
He stopped and turned. Sasha was walking across the tarmac. His younger brother had been voted off the show the previous night. Given what he and Lani had admitted on camera, it wasn’t a surprise that viewers had been disappointed in them and wanted them gone.
He’d wondered if Sasha would be disappointed. Now as he watched his brother approach, he recognized the other man’s excitement. Sasha had good news.
Finn knew without being told that Sasha was not going back to South Salmon. Even so, he paused and waited for his brother to speak.
“Did you see the show?” Sasha asked, sounding more happy than sad. “I can’t believe we got caught like that. We’ve been so careful.” He shrugged and grinned. “I guess not careful enough.”
“You don’t sound upset.”
“I’m going to L.A. I got a call this morning from an agent. One of his assistants has been watching the show and she thinks I’m really hot.” The grin broadened. “Hot is good. So he wants me to come down to L.A. We’re going to talk. He already has a few ideas of where he’s going to send me. There is a show looking to replace an ongoing character and a small part in a movie.”
Sasha kept talking, going on about how he and Lani were driving down that afternoon. She knew of a cheap apartment where they could stay. It seemed she, too, had an audition and interested agent.
Finn knew it was time to let go. Sasha no longer belonged in South Salmon. His brother needed to be other places.
“This is what I really want,” Sasha told him earnestly. “I know you’re disappointed.”
“A little,” Finn admitted. “But not surprised. You’ve been heading in this direction for a while.”
“That almost sounds like you’re not mad.”
“I’m not. I won’t say I didn’t wish this had turned out differently. I would rather you finish college. But you have to make your own decisions and live with the consequences. I hope this turns out for the best. I hope you get to be on TV or in a movie.”
“Thanks!” Sasha sounded both happy and surprised. “I thought you’d be furious.”
“You wore me down, kid.” Finn pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and counted out the money he’d withdrawn from his account that morning. “Here’s three hundred dollars and a check for a thousand more. Get yourself a decent place to live. Try to eat regularly.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Sasha admitted, taking the money. “I really appreciate this. It’s gonna make a big difference.”
“Your brother is going back to college. The money is still there, in your education fund. If you decide to go back, you’ll be able to finish whenever you want.”
Sasha’s mouth twisted. “You’re the best brother a guy could have. I know I’ve been a pain. It wasn’t on purpose.”
Finn felt his throat tighten. “Most of the time it was.”
Sasha laughed. “Maybe fifty percent.” His humor faded. “You did a good job with us. Mom and Dad would be proud. I have a plan. You can stop worrying about me.”
“That’s not going to happen, but I’m ready to let you go.”
They moved toward each other at the same time. There was some back slapping and a brief hug. About as much emotion as either of them were comfortable with. Then Sasha put the money in his pocket, waved and walked away.
Finn had come to Fool’s Gold to force his brothers to return home. He’d believed the only place they belonged was in college or in South Salmon. He’d been wrong on all counts. Neither brother was coming home, and oddly enough, he was just fine with that.
DAKOTA ARRIVED at work the next morning with a burning need for coffee and a promise to herself that she would tell Finn about the baby before sundown. Or maybe by the end of the week.
She wasn’t trying to be a coward or even keep the information from him. It was just that she was so happy. She wanted to stay happy for a little longer. She wanted to have her fantasies about the future and pretend everything was going to work out fine. She wanted to imagine a house with a big tree in the yard and two children playing together and Finn beside her.
Because as much as she wanted this baby, she also wanted to be with that baby’s father. The big surprise wasn’t that she had fallen in love with him, it was that it had taken her so long to figure it out.
She walked toward the temporary production offices and was surprised to see large trucks pulled up in front of them. As she approached, she saw guys in T-shirts carrying boxes and furniture into the trucks. If she didn’t know better, she would say everyone was leaving.
She saw Karen, one of the production assistants, sitting at a table in the middle of the sidewalk.
“What’s going on?” Dakota asked as she approached. “Why are you working out here?”
Karen looked up at her. Her eyes were swollen and red, as if she’d been crying. “It’s over. The show’s canceled.” She sniffed. “We were shut down late last night. Geoff called me from the airport. He’s already back in L.A.”
“Canceled? How can they do that? We’re not even through this cycle. Who wins?”
“No one,” Karen told her flatly. “No one cares. The numbers suck. We started out okay but then plummeted in the third week. It’s a disaster.”
Dakota was having trouble taking in the information. “What happens to the contestants?”
“They go home.”
“What happens to you?”
Tears filled Karen’s eyes. “I work for Geoff. Right now that’s not a good thing. I have a lot of friends in the business and they’ll help me. I need to get work with another company or producer.” She sighed. “I have savings. This sort of thing happens all the time, so if you’re going to survive, you have to be prepared to deal with weeks of unemployment. But it’s not fun and I know people are wondering if I knew. I didn’t. But nobody gives a crap about that.”
“I’m sorry,” Dakota said, feeling awkward. She didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t understand how so much money could be put into a show and then the show simply canceled within a few short weeks.
“If you need a recommendation or if I can help in any way, please let me know,” Dakota told her.
“Thanks.” She glanced at her watch. “You’d better get into your office. If you have anything personal, I’d get it in the next five or ten minutes. Your part of the office is going to be dismantled by nine.”
“Okay. I will.” Dakota stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, but Karen returned her attention to her work and didn’t look up again.
As Dakota walked toward her small corner of the production office, she pulled out her cell phone and left a message for the mayor. She had a feeling that word had already spread all over town. She looked around at the cameras being loaded onto trucks and people getting in cars and driving away. The TV show had tried to take over the town. She had a feeling that in a matter of hours, it would seem as if it had never been there. Maybe that was just the nature of the business. It was all an illusion and nothing ever lasted.
BY NOON, Dakota was back in her old office, ready to tackle the curriculum planning for which she’d been hired. She’d had a quick meeting with Raoul Moreno and, as he put it, a game plan. She let him call her schedule a game plan for two reasons. First, because he was a former NFL quarterback and sports terms made him feel happy. Second, because he signed her paycheck.
Before his summer camp had been transformed into a temporary elementary school, his dream had been to open a facility for kids in middle school. The emphasis would be on math and science. They would come for three or four weeks at a time, have extensive study in either math or science and, in theory, return to their regular schools enthused about what they could accomplish. As the elementary school would need the camp for at least two years, they had ample time to develop their program.
Montana arrived at the office exactly at two. She had a leash in one hand and pushed the stroller with the other. Buddy, the intense and worried labradoodle, kept pace with the stroller. Every few seconds he looked at Hannah, as if making sure she was all right.
“I can’t decide if Buddy would make a good dad if he were human,” Montana said, “or if he would be on Prozac half the time.”
“He’s a pretty good-looking guy,” Dakota said, rising and coming around her desk. “He’d probably discover women and forget to pick up his kids from day care.”
Montana bent down and patted the dog. “Don’t you listen to her, Buddy. I know better. I know you’d never forget to pick up your children from day care. Who’s that handsome puppy? We’ll ignore my mean sister.”
Dakota laughed. “I’m sorry, Buddy. I was teasing.” She picked up Hannah and pulled her close. “How’s my girl?”
Montana straightened. “She was great. She’s eating much better. I swear I can see her growing. I can’t say I love poopy diapers, but I’m getting good at them.”
“I really appreciate you looking after her,” Dakota said. “Now that I’m back here, I should be able to bring her to work with me at least three days a week. So I’m not going to need as much day care. Mom’s going to take her one of those days and I’ve had about five calls from different women in town wanting her the other day.”
“It must be nice to be popular.”
“It’s not me. It’s Hannah. She’s more popular than any of us.”
Montana sat on the edge of the desk. “I don’t think I could do what you do.”
“Plan curriculum?”
“Have a baby by myself.” Montana’s gaze dropped to her sister’s stomach. “Make that two babies.”
“It wasn’t planned,” Dakota admitted, telling herself not to panic at the thought of being a single mom to two young children. “I’ll admit I’m scared, but I’m not going to think about that. Both children are a blessing.”
“What is Finn?”
A good question and one she couldn’t answer.
“I love him,” Dakota said quietly and shrugged. “I know it’s stupid, but I couldn’t help myself. I just…” She smiled. “He’s the one.”
“Wow. You found him.”
“I’m not saying it was an intelligent choice.”
“It could work out,” Montana told her.
“I appreciate your loyalty, but do you really believe that?”
“He could surprise you.”
Dakota gave her a skeptical look. “He’s made it clear that he wants his old life back. With his brothers moving on, he’s finally free. I know he cares about me, but that’s not the same as love or taking on more responsibility.”
“So you’re not going to ask?”
“I’m not going to make myself crazy wishing for something that might never happen.”
Montana started to speak, then stopped. “Tell me what I can do to help.”
“What were you going to say?”
Her sister shifted. “That you’re giving up without trying. If you love him, if he’s the one, shouldn’t you at least try to make things work? Fight for him? Only he hasn’t said no yet, because you haven’t told him. So there’s no fight to be had.”
“I’ll tell him. I’m waiting because I know what’s going to happen and I don’t want to ruin what we have. Trust me. When Finn finds out I’m pregnant, there will be burning skid marks on the road.”
“If you say so.”
The conversation wasn’t going the way Dakota had intended, and she found herself annoyed. She told herself that this wasn’t Montana’s fault. She didn’t understand. Wanting something didn’t make it happen.
