Only Yours
Page 17
He was smiling. Denise frowned as she realized there weren’t a lot of wrinkles around his eyes or gray in his dark blond hair.
They’d met last month, when Steve had been in town for some kind of conference. She’d bumped into him at Starbucks. Despite the spilled coffee, he’d been funny and friendly and when he’d asked for her number she’d impulsively given it to him, assuming he was close to her age.
“How old are you?” she asked.
“Forty-two.”
Had she been drinking her glass of Merlot, she would have choked.
“I’m more than ten years older than you.” She braced herself for the skid marks he would make as he raced away.
Steve shrugged. “Age is just a number.”
“That’s not what my mirror tells me every morning.”
He leaned toward her again. “Don’t sweat it. I don’t. You’re an attractive, vital woman. Sexually in your prime.”
A second opportunity to choke, she thought, torn between hysterical laughter and the burning need to call one of her children to come rescue her. Sexually in her prime? She’d been dating for a while now and could barely bring herself to kiss a man. Sex was impossible to imagine.
She drew in a breath. “Steve, this has been great,” she began.
“It has. I want to see you again.”
“Why?”
His blue eyes crinkled as he smiled. “I like you, Denise.”
“You’re very nice, too,” she murmured, “but let’s be realistic. Have you been married?”
“Divorced.”
“Any kids?”
“No.”
“Want them?”
“Sure.”
“Exactly. Not to be too blunt, but that ship has sailed. I have six children, the oldest of whom is…” She had to swallow hard. “The oldest is about eight years younger than you.”
“So you were a baby when you got married. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. I have grandchildren. I don’t want to start over with someone. I want…”
She pressed her lips together when she realized she didn’t know what she wanted. The impossible, she supposed. A man who made her heart beat faster, who understood her and her world and found both were exactly what he’d been looking for. A man she could picture clearly, but was taking great pains to avoid.
“It’s been great,” she said, rising to her feet. “Thanks for the drink.”
He stood as well. “You’re leaving?”
“I’m saying goodbye.”
With that she walked through the tasting room and back to her car. But when she got there, she didn’t get inside.
She’d barely had five sips of her wine, so she wasn’t worried about driving. Still, she stood in the fading sunlight and fought back tears.
There were times when she missed her husband so much she thought she would rip apart from the inside out. Times when it had seemed impossible to go on. Today wasn’t one of those, because as she stared out at the mountains, she wasn’t thinking about her late husband.
Ralph hadn’t been the one to bring her here. That had been Max. Dangerous, exciting Max, who rode a motorcycle and had kissed like he meant it. Max who had shown her what it meant to be swept away by passion and love.
He’d left, because that was what men like him did. By then, she’d already met Ralph and realized he was the kind of man she could love her whole life. Being with him had been different from being with Max. There hadn’t been danger at all. Where Max had withheld, Ralph had offered.
He’d given her six beautiful children and the happiest years of her life. He’d been her other half. They’d loved each other faithfully long past his passing.
She got in her car and started the engine. While she didn’t believe there was only one great love in each person’s life, she did believe that a man like Ralph wasn’t likely to come along again. That left her with the choice of accepting second best or simply giving up on the whole dating thing.
She drove out of the parking lot and headed for home. If she hurried, she could still join Kent and Reese for dinner, take Fluffy for a walk and lose herself in the familiar. Wasn’t that better than anything a man had to offer?
“YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, right?” Montana asked. “You’re clear on the rules?”
Reese looked at her with a combination of patience and pity. “We’ve been over the rules three times.”
Probably a good enough answer, she thought. “I’m nervous.”
They were in the hospital elevator, going up to see Kalinda. Montana had left Cece at Max’s place, thinking it would be easier to only deal with Reese for now.
When they exited the elevator, Reese stopped and looked at her. “I’m not going to say anything bad. I promise. I know she looks different and maybe seeing her will scare me a little. But I’ll get over it. I don’t know how she’s feeling, but I’m not a little kid. I know she feels bad.”
“Look at you,” Montana said, feeling impressed. She hugged her nephew. “You’re growing up.”
“Six more years until I get my license.” He grinned. “I know how many days, even.”
She winced. “You probably don’t want to mention it to your dad. I think knowing how close you are to driving would give him a heart attack.”
Reese laughed.
They walked toward the burn unit. Once they were inside, she led the way to Kalinda’s room. Fay met them at the door.
“She’s a little tired,” Fay said by way of greeting. She looked more cautious than excited and Montana suspected she was having second thoughts.
“Are you sure about this?” Fay asked.
Montana glanced at Reese, who nodded.
“Okay, then.”
He drew in a breath and stepped into the room. Without hesitating, he walked up to the bed and smiled. “Hi. I’m Reese. You’re Kalinda, right?”
She was half sitting in her bed, only a few strands of blond hair sticking out from white gauze. Her bandages were in place on her face and arms. The parts of her neck and cheeks they could see were raw. The smell of medicine and sickness seemed to linger in the air, fighting with the scent of antiseptic.
When she didn’t answer, he continued, “Montana told me you can’t get up and move around a lot. I guess that’s why you want a small dog visiting you. My dad and I just got a dog a few weeks ago. Fluffy would sure make a mess of things in here.” He smiled again. “She’s real friendly, but she doesn’t get how big she is. She practically knocks me over with her tail and you should see what she did to the glass dishes on my grandma’s coffee table.” He frowned. “Montana, didn’t Fluffy come to the hospital?”
Now it was her turn to be uncomfortable. “Just the one time. Accidentally.”
Kalinda surprised her by giggling. “I remember. I saw her. Dr. Bradley was mad.”
“He sure was.” She didn’t like thinking about their first meeting. Not that he was any happier with her today.
“Do you like Dr. Bradley?” Reese asked. “I was in a car accident and he did the stitches.” He pointed to the small bandage on his cheek. “He doesn’t think I’m going to have a scar, which is okay, I guess. I wouldn’t mind if I did. I think scars are interesting.”
Kalinda turned away, then looked back. “I have scars. Or I’m going to.”
Reese’s expression turned sympathetic. “Does it hurt a lot?”
The girl nodded. “They give me stuff for the pain. It makes me sleepy. A barbecue exploded. I caught fire.”
Reese pulled up a chair and sat down. “Like on TV? But not in a good way.”
“Just like that.”
Montana backed out of the room. Fay stood with her in the hallway.
“She’s talking to him,” Fay whispered. “I didn’t think she would. I thought she’d tell him to go away. This is good, right?”
“I think so. It’s a form of normal.”
There was that word again—the one that always made her think of Simon. Not that she needed much help in that department. The man was always on her mind.
“Thank you for suggesting this,” Fay told her. “I’m going crazy here, watching her suffer, knowing there’s nothing I can do to help.”
“You’re with her. That means everything.”
“I hope so.”
Reese came to the door. “Do you have any games we can play? Kalinda’s hands aren’t burned too bad, so she could use a joystick or control.”
“Or you could play a board game,” Montana told him.
He sighed heavily. “Yeah, that would be great.”
Fay laughed. “You’re just like my daughter. I did bring in her Playstation 2. Does that sound better than a board game?”
“Lots.” He grinned. “I know how to hook it up to the TV and everything.”
Fay excused herself.
Montana was left standing alone in the hallway. She decided she would find a waiting area close by and read. An hour should give the kids enough time to enjoy the game without tiring Kalinda too much.
She started toward the nurses’ station only to turn the corner and nearly run into Simon. They both came to a stop.
He was as tall as she remembered, and the right side of his face was just as perfect. She barely noticed the scars, except that she knew they were significant to him.
“Montana.”
“Hi. I brought my nephew to visit with Kalinda. So far it’s going well. They’re playing video games.”
One dark eyebrow rose. “That sounds like it will be fun for her. Good. We don’t want her getting depressed. It interferes with healing.” He cleared his throat. “I’m glad I ran into you. I wanted to speak to you about something. Several children will be by the hospital tomorrow to get out their stitches. If the first one starts crying, it upsets the rest and the morning goes badly. I was wondering if you could bring a service dog by to distract them.”
She nodded, even as she thought about her schedule. “Of course. What time?”
“Nine-thirty. For about two hours.”
“I don’t have any appointments with the dogs until afternoon. I’ll bring one of the bigger dogs. That’ll make more of a diversion.”
“Good.”
He sounded so formal. Distant, even. That was her fault. She’d been the one to cross the line.
She reached out and touched his arm. The fabric of his white coat was smooth under her fingers.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “About what I said before. It’s not my place to tell you what to believe or how to live your life. I barely know you. I was trying to show you something and I got it all wrong. I apologize for hurting you or offending you or whatever it is I did.”
His expression gave nothing away. “And if I say it was nothing?”
“I won’t believe you, but I won’t argue.”
“You like to argue.”
“No, I don’t.” She stopped and sighed. “I don’t mean to like it.”
“Then that changes everything.”
She studied him, trying to figure out what he was thinking. “Are you mad?”
“No.”
“Do you hate me?”
“No.”
Do you still want me?
She didn’t speak those words. Her courage only took her so far.
“Do you forgive me?” she asked instead.
“Yes.”
She smiled. “Thank you for saying that, instead of telling me there was nothing to forgive. I really am sorry.”
He raised his hand as if he were going to touch her face, then lowered it back to his side. Disappointment swelled inside her. Terrified she’d blown it, she didn’t know what to say. How was she supposed to ask a man to want her again?
RESTLESS FROM HER ENCOUNTER with Simon, Montana decided what she needed was a good book to distract her. An evening curled up on the sofa reading would make her feel better. When she was done with work, she swung by Morgan’s Books.
As usual, the place was busy, with a dozen or so people browsing and chatting. The scent of fresh coffee filled the air, along with the distinctive and delicious smell of brownies. Morgan’s daughter Amber must have come by with a fresh batch from her bakery.
Montana waved to people she knew and headed for the romance section. Her love life was in the toilet, but there was no reason not to live vicariously through others, she told herself. She scanned the shelves, looking for a book that fit her mood, and stopped in front of a red book with a picture of a woman on the cover.
“Visions of Magic,” she murmured, studying the flame tattoo on the woman’s back. She’d never read Regan Hastings before, but was intrigued.
She reached for the book, only to bump hands with someone else.
“Sorry,” she said, stepping back and turning. “Oh, hi.” She recognized the curvy blonde as new to town. “Heidi, right?”
The woman, about her age, but much prettier, smiled. “Yes. And you’re one of the triplets. I’m sorry, I can’t tell you apart yet.”
“Montana.”
“Right.” She tilted her head, as if studying Montana and hoping to find a difference.
Montana grinned. “If it helps, Dakota is pregnant, so for the next few months she’ll be easy to find.”
“Great. Thanks for the tip.”
Heidi had golden blond hair she wore in two braids and large green eyes. Green eyes that made Montana think about Simon, which she didn’t want to do.
They’d met last month, when Steve had been in town for some kind of conference. She’d bumped into him at Starbucks. Despite the spilled coffee, he’d been funny and friendly and when he’d asked for her number she’d impulsively given it to him, assuming he was close to her age.
“How old are you?” she asked.
“Forty-two.”
Had she been drinking her glass of Merlot, she would have choked.
“I’m more than ten years older than you.” She braced herself for the skid marks he would make as he raced away.
Steve shrugged. “Age is just a number.”
“That’s not what my mirror tells me every morning.”
He leaned toward her again. “Don’t sweat it. I don’t. You’re an attractive, vital woman. Sexually in your prime.”
A second opportunity to choke, she thought, torn between hysterical laughter and the burning need to call one of her children to come rescue her. Sexually in her prime? She’d been dating for a while now and could barely bring herself to kiss a man. Sex was impossible to imagine.
She drew in a breath. “Steve, this has been great,” she began.
“It has. I want to see you again.”
“Why?”
His blue eyes crinkled as he smiled. “I like you, Denise.”
“You’re very nice, too,” she murmured, “but let’s be realistic. Have you been married?”
“Divorced.”
“Any kids?”
“No.”
“Want them?”
“Sure.”
“Exactly. Not to be too blunt, but that ship has sailed. I have six children, the oldest of whom is…” She had to swallow hard. “The oldest is about eight years younger than you.”
“So you were a baby when you got married. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does. I have grandchildren. I don’t want to start over with someone. I want…”
She pressed her lips together when she realized she didn’t know what she wanted. The impossible, she supposed. A man who made her heart beat faster, who understood her and her world and found both were exactly what he’d been looking for. A man she could picture clearly, but was taking great pains to avoid.
“It’s been great,” she said, rising to her feet. “Thanks for the drink.”
He stood as well. “You’re leaving?”
“I’m saying goodbye.”
With that she walked through the tasting room and back to her car. But when she got there, she didn’t get inside.
She’d barely had five sips of her wine, so she wasn’t worried about driving. Still, she stood in the fading sunlight and fought back tears.
There were times when she missed her husband so much she thought she would rip apart from the inside out. Times when it had seemed impossible to go on. Today wasn’t one of those, because as she stared out at the mountains, she wasn’t thinking about her late husband.
Ralph hadn’t been the one to bring her here. That had been Max. Dangerous, exciting Max, who rode a motorcycle and had kissed like he meant it. Max who had shown her what it meant to be swept away by passion and love.
He’d left, because that was what men like him did. By then, she’d already met Ralph and realized he was the kind of man she could love her whole life. Being with him had been different from being with Max. There hadn’t been danger at all. Where Max had withheld, Ralph had offered.
He’d given her six beautiful children and the happiest years of her life. He’d been her other half. They’d loved each other faithfully long past his passing.
She got in her car and started the engine. While she didn’t believe there was only one great love in each person’s life, she did believe that a man like Ralph wasn’t likely to come along again. That left her with the choice of accepting second best or simply giving up on the whole dating thing.
She drove out of the parking lot and headed for home. If she hurried, she could still join Kent and Reese for dinner, take Fluffy for a walk and lose herself in the familiar. Wasn’t that better than anything a man had to offer?
“YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, right?” Montana asked. “You’re clear on the rules?”
Reese looked at her with a combination of patience and pity. “We’ve been over the rules three times.”
Probably a good enough answer, she thought. “I’m nervous.”
They were in the hospital elevator, going up to see Kalinda. Montana had left Cece at Max’s place, thinking it would be easier to only deal with Reese for now.
When they exited the elevator, Reese stopped and looked at her. “I’m not going to say anything bad. I promise. I know she looks different and maybe seeing her will scare me a little. But I’ll get over it. I don’t know how she’s feeling, but I’m not a little kid. I know she feels bad.”
“Look at you,” Montana said, feeling impressed. She hugged her nephew. “You’re growing up.”
“Six more years until I get my license.” He grinned. “I know how many days, even.”
She winced. “You probably don’t want to mention it to your dad. I think knowing how close you are to driving would give him a heart attack.”
Reese laughed.
They walked toward the burn unit. Once they were inside, she led the way to Kalinda’s room. Fay met them at the door.
“She’s a little tired,” Fay said by way of greeting. She looked more cautious than excited and Montana suspected she was having second thoughts.
“Are you sure about this?” Fay asked.
Montana glanced at Reese, who nodded.
“Okay, then.”
He drew in a breath and stepped into the room. Without hesitating, he walked up to the bed and smiled. “Hi. I’m Reese. You’re Kalinda, right?”
She was half sitting in her bed, only a few strands of blond hair sticking out from white gauze. Her bandages were in place on her face and arms. The parts of her neck and cheeks they could see were raw. The smell of medicine and sickness seemed to linger in the air, fighting with the scent of antiseptic.
When she didn’t answer, he continued, “Montana told me you can’t get up and move around a lot. I guess that’s why you want a small dog visiting you. My dad and I just got a dog a few weeks ago. Fluffy would sure make a mess of things in here.” He smiled again. “She’s real friendly, but she doesn’t get how big she is. She practically knocks me over with her tail and you should see what she did to the glass dishes on my grandma’s coffee table.” He frowned. “Montana, didn’t Fluffy come to the hospital?”
Now it was her turn to be uncomfortable. “Just the one time. Accidentally.”
Kalinda surprised her by giggling. “I remember. I saw her. Dr. Bradley was mad.”
“He sure was.” She didn’t like thinking about their first meeting. Not that he was any happier with her today.
“Do you like Dr. Bradley?” Reese asked. “I was in a car accident and he did the stitches.” He pointed to the small bandage on his cheek. “He doesn’t think I’m going to have a scar, which is okay, I guess. I wouldn’t mind if I did. I think scars are interesting.”
Kalinda turned away, then looked back. “I have scars. Or I’m going to.”
Reese’s expression turned sympathetic. “Does it hurt a lot?”
The girl nodded. “They give me stuff for the pain. It makes me sleepy. A barbecue exploded. I caught fire.”
Reese pulled up a chair and sat down. “Like on TV? But not in a good way.”
“Just like that.”
Montana backed out of the room. Fay stood with her in the hallway.
“She’s talking to him,” Fay whispered. “I didn’t think she would. I thought she’d tell him to go away. This is good, right?”
“I think so. It’s a form of normal.”
There was that word again—the one that always made her think of Simon. Not that she needed much help in that department. The man was always on her mind.
“Thank you for suggesting this,” Fay told her. “I’m going crazy here, watching her suffer, knowing there’s nothing I can do to help.”
“You’re with her. That means everything.”
“I hope so.”
Reese came to the door. “Do you have any games we can play? Kalinda’s hands aren’t burned too bad, so she could use a joystick or control.”
“Or you could play a board game,” Montana told him.
He sighed heavily. “Yeah, that would be great.”
Fay laughed. “You’re just like my daughter. I did bring in her Playstation 2. Does that sound better than a board game?”
“Lots.” He grinned. “I know how to hook it up to the TV and everything.”
Fay excused herself.
Montana was left standing alone in the hallway. She decided she would find a waiting area close by and read. An hour should give the kids enough time to enjoy the game without tiring Kalinda too much.
She started toward the nurses’ station only to turn the corner and nearly run into Simon. They both came to a stop.
He was as tall as she remembered, and the right side of his face was just as perfect. She barely noticed the scars, except that she knew they were significant to him.
“Montana.”
“Hi. I brought my nephew to visit with Kalinda. So far it’s going well. They’re playing video games.”
One dark eyebrow rose. “That sounds like it will be fun for her. Good. We don’t want her getting depressed. It interferes with healing.” He cleared his throat. “I’m glad I ran into you. I wanted to speak to you about something. Several children will be by the hospital tomorrow to get out their stitches. If the first one starts crying, it upsets the rest and the morning goes badly. I was wondering if you could bring a service dog by to distract them.”
She nodded, even as she thought about her schedule. “Of course. What time?”
“Nine-thirty. For about two hours.”
“I don’t have any appointments with the dogs until afternoon. I’ll bring one of the bigger dogs. That’ll make more of a diversion.”
“Good.”
He sounded so formal. Distant, even. That was her fault. She’d been the one to cross the line.
She reached out and touched his arm. The fabric of his white coat was smooth under her fingers.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “About what I said before. It’s not my place to tell you what to believe or how to live your life. I barely know you. I was trying to show you something and I got it all wrong. I apologize for hurting you or offending you or whatever it is I did.”
His expression gave nothing away. “And if I say it was nothing?”
“I won’t believe you, but I won’t argue.”
“You like to argue.”
“No, I don’t.” She stopped and sighed. “I don’t mean to like it.”
“Then that changes everything.”
She studied him, trying to figure out what he was thinking. “Are you mad?”
“No.”
“Do you hate me?”
“No.”
Do you still want me?
She didn’t speak those words. Her courage only took her so far.
“Do you forgive me?” she asked instead.
“Yes.”
She smiled. “Thank you for saying that, instead of telling me there was nothing to forgive. I really am sorry.”
He raised his hand as if he were going to touch her face, then lowered it back to his side. Disappointment swelled inside her. Terrified she’d blown it, she didn’t know what to say. How was she supposed to ask a man to want her again?
RESTLESS FROM HER ENCOUNTER with Simon, Montana decided what she needed was a good book to distract her. An evening curled up on the sofa reading would make her feel better. When she was done with work, she swung by Morgan’s Books.
As usual, the place was busy, with a dozen or so people browsing and chatting. The scent of fresh coffee filled the air, along with the distinctive and delicious smell of brownies. Morgan’s daughter Amber must have come by with a fresh batch from her bakery.
Montana waved to people she knew and headed for the romance section. Her love life was in the toilet, but there was no reason not to live vicariously through others, she told herself. She scanned the shelves, looking for a book that fit her mood, and stopped in front of a red book with a picture of a woman on the cover.
“Visions of Magic,” she murmured, studying the flame tattoo on the woman’s back. She’d never read Regan Hastings before, but was intrigued.
She reached for the book, only to bump hands with someone else.
“Sorry,” she said, stepping back and turning. “Oh, hi.” She recognized the curvy blonde as new to town. “Heidi, right?”
The woman, about her age, but much prettier, smiled. “Yes. And you’re one of the triplets. I’m sorry, I can’t tell you apart yet.”
“Montana.”
“Right.” She tilted her head, as if studying Montana and hoping to find a difference.
Montana grinned. “If it helps, Dakota is pregnant, so for the next few months she’ll be easy to find.”
“Great. Thanks for the tip.”
Heidi had golden blond hair she wore in two braids and large green eyes. Green eyes that made Montana think about Simon, which she didn’t want to do.
