Panic
Page 16
“A friend.”
“Yes. A friend.”
I let out a deep breath. I can actually picture myself doing all those things with Ford. I like Ford. And if I don’t have to worry about him making a move on me, I like him even more. “Thanks, Ford. I’m not sure why you’re so interested in helping me, but… I’m glad you are.”
“So we’re straight with this now? No more weirdness?”
I nod. “OK, yeah. We’re good.”
“Great. Happy birthday, Rook. Next year we’ll finally get to take you out in public and celebrate like grownups.”
“Asshole.”
But I laugh on my way out.
Yup, Ford is one weird dude. I’m just glad he’s on my side.
Chapter Nine - RONIN
I close the door behind me as Ford pulls the blackout curtains across the front window of Rook’s old garden apartment. “We’re gonna throw in here, or what?”
Ford glares at me under his slanted brows. “I’d win that fight.”
“Riiiight. Rook came out happy, what’d you say to her?”
He takes a seat on the couch and beckons me to the chair across the coffee table. I follow suit and ease down into the overstuffed chair.
“I told her I consider her a friend and if she needs anything, she’s welcome to come to me for assistance.”
“Uh-huh. That’s all?”
“You don’t trust her?”
“I don’t trust you, Ford. I see the flashes of insanity inside your brain that pass as ideas and I’m worried that you’ve decided to make Rook your next victim.”
He folds his hands in his lap and leans back a little more, giving off an air of being totally comfortable in this setting. “I’ll be truthful, Ronin. I like her. A lot. Maybe more than any person ever. I’m not sure why, maybe because she’s unavailable, maybe because she refuses to put up with my shit, maybe because she listens to me when I give her advice. I’m not sure, but it hardly matters why. The fact is, I like her and she likes me.”
I start to say something but he puts a hand up to stop my words.
“I think we both know what that sick f**k was doing with her. And if you’re still delusional I’ll spell it out for you. I recognize her behavior. She hides it pretty well, but she’s quite easy to control once you know her triggers. I manipulated her all summer when we went running. They were all unconscious reactions, of course, and if I pointed it out to her, she backtracked and did everything in her power to prove she wasn’t under my control. She was something to Jon, but a girlfriend wasn’t one of them. Not from his point of view, anyway. What really happened?” He lets out a long sigh. “Well, we won’t know that until she’s ready to tell us. And that might be never, that might be tomorrow. We just can’t know.”
I have to swallow to keep my dinner from coming back up. I guessed this too, but Ford is seriously involved in that shit, I’m not. BDSM is just a game to me, it’s something I play at. To Ford, it’s a lifestyle. And if he says Rook displays all the characteristics, then I’m gonna have to defer to his expertise. I feel it to be true anyway.
“She will never admit this to you because she has yet to admit it to herself.”
I lean back in the chair and rub my temple a bit. My head f**king hurts.
“She needs serious help. She needs a lot of time. And she needs a lot of freedom. I know she likes you, maybe even loves you, but if you keep her too close she’ll fall back into the same patterns. And do you really want to get her by default?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to make the shooting pain go away.
“She’s running blind right now. She wants to do something, anything to erase what she was. So to prove to herself that she’s not the same girl who put up with that life for three years, she’s ready to jump on just about every opportunity that comes her way.”
“I’m not breaking up with her.”
Silence.
I lift my head and look over at Ford. “I’m not gonna do that. I’ll back off, I’ll give her space, I’ll support her decisions, but I’m not breaking up with her.”
Ford shrugs. “I’m not asking you to. She’ll check out soon, though, Ronin. Write this down. She’s not ready for you. She’s not ready for anyone right now. What she needs is to start over. She needs to figure out who she was before Jon came along if she’s to have any hope of figuring out who she is now.”
“Is that your professional opinion, then? We done here?”
“Not quite. That ex-boyfriend is in town.”
“Who?”
“Wade Minix, a boy from her childhood. Spencer said she lived with him as a teen in a foster family. This guy was her first boyfriend, or love, or something. His mother got worried when the relationship started getting serious and sent her back into the system. After that her status as ward of the State of Illinois goes cold. I figure Jon picked her up soon after. Before the Minix family she was in twelve other foster families.”
“Yeah, she told me this part. Not good ones, either.”
“Not good is an understatement. Almost of all them have been stripped of fostering privileges.” Ford gets up and grabs a folder off the kitchen counter, then takes his seat and opens it up. “Rook Camille Corvus entered the foster care system at age five when she was found wandering the streets of Chicago barefoot in the middle of January. She didn’t speak to anyone for months and when she finally gave up enough information to determine who her mother was, it was too late. The woman had OD’d and was already a cremated body in an unmarked grave. I could go on, but if you use your imagination, I’m sure you can fill it all in. She never got involved in drugs, prostitution, had any illegitimate babies, or did p**n .” He stops to laugh. “Until you guys, that is.”
“Yes. A friend.”
I let out a deep breath. I can actually picture myself doing all those things with Ford. I like Ford. And if I don’t have to worry about him making a move on me, I like him even more. “Thanks, Ford. I’m not sure why you’re so interested in helping me, but… I’m glad you are.”
“So we’re straight with this now? No more weirdness?”
I nod. “OK, yeah. We’re good.”
“Great. Happy birthday, Rook. Next year we’ll finally get to take you out in public and celebrate like grownups.”
“Asshole.”
But I laugh on my way out.
Yup, Ford is one weird dude. I’m just glad he’s on my side.
Chapter Nine - RONIN
I close the door behind me as Ford pulls the blackout curtains across the front window of Rook’s old garden apartment. “We’re gonna throw in here, or what?”
Ford glares at me under his slanted brows. “I’d win that fight.”
“Riiiight. Rook came out happy, what’d you say to her?”
He takes a seat on the couch and beckons me to the chair across the coffee table. I follow suit and ease down into the overstuffed chair.
“I told her I consider her a friend and if she needs anything, she’s welcome to come to me for assistance.”
“Uh-huh. That’s all?”
“You don’t trust her?”
“I don’t trust you, Ford. I see the flashes of insanity inside your brain that pass as ideas and I’m worried that you’ve decided to make Rook your next victim.”
He folds his hands in his lap and leans back a little more, giving off an air of being totally comfortable in this setting. “I’ll be truthful, Ronin. I like her. A lot. Maybe more than any person ever. I’m not sure why, maybe because she’s unavailable, maybe because she refuses to put up with my shit, maybe because she listens to me when I give her advice. I’m not sure, but it hardly matters why. The fact is, I like her and she likes me.”
I start to say something but he puts a hand up to stop my words.
“I think we both know what that sick f**k was doing with her. And if you’re still delusional I’ll spell it out for you. I recognize her behavior. She hides it pretty well, but she’s quite easy to control once you know her triggers. I manipulated her all summer when we went running. They were all unconscious reactions, of course, and if I pointed it out to her, she backtracked and did everything in her power to prove she wasn’t under my control. She was something to Jon, but a girlfriend wasn’t one of them. Not from his point of view, anyway. What really happened?” He lets out a long sigh. “Well, we won’t know that until she’s ready to tell us. And that might be never, that might be tomorrow. We just can’t know.”
I have to swallow to keep my dinner from coming back up. I guessed this too, but Ford is seriously involved in that shit, I’m not. BDSM is just a game to me, it’s something I play at. To Ford, it’s a lifestyle. And if he says Rook displays all the characteristics, then I’m gonna have to defer to his expertise. I feel it to be true anyway.
“She will never admit this to you because she has yet to admit it to herself.”
I lean back in the chair and rub my temple a bit. My head f**king hurts.
“She needs serious help. She needs a lot of time. And she needs a lot of freedom. I know she likes you, maybe even loves you, but if you keep her too close she’ll fall back into the same patterns. And do you really want to get her by default?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to make the shooting pain go away.
“She’s running blind right now. She wants to do something, anything to erase what she was. So to prove to herself that she’s not the same girl who put up with that life for three years, she’s ready to jump on just about every opportunity that comes her way.”
“I’m not breaking up with her.”
Silence.
I lift my head and look over at Ford. “I’m not gonna do that. I’ll back off, I’ll give her space, I’ll support her decisions, but I’m not breaking up with her.”
Ford shrugs. “I’m not asking you to. She’ll check out soon, though, Ronin. Write this down. She’s not ready for you. She’s not ready for anyone right now. What she needs is to start over. She needs to figure out who she was before Jon came along if she’s to have any hope of figuring out who she is now.”
“Is that your professional opinion, then? We done here?”
“Not quite. That ex-boyfriend is in town.”
“Who?”
“Wade Minix, a boy from her childhood. Spencer said she lived with him as a teen in a foster family. This guy was her first boyfriend, or love, or something. His mother got worried when the relationship started getting serious and sent her back into the system. After that her status as ward of the State of Illinois goes cold. I figure Jon picked her up soon after. Before the Minix family she was in twelve other foster families.”
“Yeah, she told me this part. Not good ones, either.”
“Not good is an understatement. Almost of all them have been stripped of fostering privileges.” Ford gets up and grabs a folder off the kitchen counter, then takes his seat and opens it up. “Rook Camille Corvus entered the foster care system at age five when she was found wandering the streets of Chicago barefoot in the middle of January. She didn’t speak to anyone for months and when she finally gave up enough information to determine who her mother was, it was too late. The woman had OD’d and was already a cremated body in an unmarked grave. I could go on, but if you use your imagination, I’m sure you can fill it all in. She never got involved in drugs, prostitution, had any illegitimate babies, or did p**n .” He stops to laugh. “Until you guys, that is.”
