Perfect Regret
Page 19
I tugged his arm. “Just lie down with me for a little while,” I pleaded. Yes, I was practically begging this guy who I had rejected at every turn, to cuddle with me. But I was an emotional mess right now and his company was something I craved.
Slowly, Garrett kicked off the shoes he had just put on and lay down beside me. I scootched over to make room on the double bed. Garrett stretched his arm above his head, his other arm laying awkwardly beside him as though he didn’t know what to do with it.
I rolled onto my side and pressed my back into him and then he got the hint. He slid over and wrapped his arm around my waist. This spooning thing really was an uncomfortable business. You never knew what to do with your arms or legs. It took forever to find that spot where you felt like you weren’t a human pretzel.
But when you found that spot, it was pure bliss. And when I found that spot with Garrett I never wanted to move again. Our bodies synched up and we sort of melted into each other. Garrett tucked my head under his chin and I felt warm and secure wrapped up in him like this.
“Will you be here when I wake up?” I asked almost fearfully. I couldn’t figure out why it was so important for him to be here with me. But right now it was the most necessary thing in my world.
“I’ll be here as long as you want me, Riley,” he whispered, his breath stirring my hair. And that’s all I needed to fall into a restful sleep.
True to his word, Garrett was still there when I woke up three hours later. I probably could have slept longer but my mind wouldn’t let me rest that long. I sat up with a start, jolting Garrett awake with my sudden movement.
I reached over top of him to grab my phone; scared to death I had missed a call or a text from my mom or one of my siblings. I quickly checked but lay back down when I realized they hadn’t tried to get a hold of me.
No news was good news, right?
I rolled onto my side and looked up at Garrett, feeling suddenly shy being in bed with him. I had seen him na**d. He had been with me in the most intimate way possible (even if I still couldn’t recall every detail) and here I was shy while lying in a bed together, fully clothed.
Garrett’s fingers traced the line of my face until his palm came to rest against the thudding pulse at my throat. His hand was warm against my skin. “How’d you sleep?” he asked.
“Pretty good actually. At least you don’t hog the bed,” I said, nudging his leg over with mine.
“Yeah, I picked up pretty quickly after you fell asleep that you like your space. Doesn’t leave a guy much room to work with, you know.” Garrett indicated the tiny, sliver of space I had left for him and I laughed, moving over.
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
Garrett pressed in close to me and pulled me against his chest. My cheek rested over the thudding of his heart, strong and loud beneath my ear. The consistency of that sound lulled me into an easy peace.
“I’m not sure why you’re being so nice to me after how crappy I’ve been to you, but I sincerely appreciate it,” I said, needing him to hear again how much him being here meant to me.
“I haven’t been Mr. Sunshine and Roses. And I’m a jerk when my pride gets stomped on,” he responded.
Garrett’s took my chin between his fingers, pressing me to look up at him. When I did, my breath caught at the way his eyes lit up when they met mine.
“You’re a challenge, Riley Walker. But I knew that the day we met. Do you remember?” he asked and I shook my head.
Garrett’s fingers began to thread through my hair and I wanted to purr like a cat at his touch. “You and Maysie were hanging out at the bar after your shift and I came in with Cole to meet up with Jordan. I saw you and I had to talk to you. You were the most gorgeous girl in the room,” he said, smiling at the memory and I snorted.
“Oh please. Give me a break. You’ve already gotten in my pants, you don’t need to butter me up,” I said, feeling ridiculously uncomfortable with the compliment.
Garrett shook his head, his eyes amused by my response. “Never can take a compliment, can you?” His fingers continued their lazy travel through my hair. “That day, I walked over to you, thinking I’d buy you a drink, give you some line about how hot you were and you’d come home with me. All I could think about was seeing your clothes on my bedroom floor and your beautiful legs wrapped around my waist,” he said huskily and I felt a familiar warmth pooling in my belly.
Garrett leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose, a silly affectionate gesture that made my heart clench. “But when I tapped you on the shoulder you turned around and looked at me with this expression on your face that said I was wasting my time. You didn’t say anything. You didn’t need to. I knew you were out of my league. So I turned around and walked away with my tail between my legs,” he finished and I felt my face flush in embarrassment.
“God I’m so sorry, Garrett. Rude just comes naturally. I really need to work on that,” I muttered, feeling not for the first time, mortified by the way I tended to respond in unfamiliar situations. When I didn’t know what to say, or how to act, I always fell back on my snarky one-liners. But what I realized I was doing was keeping everyone else away. Mostly so I wasn’t forced to go outside of my small, confined bubble and see the world that lay beyond it. Scared that it would prove that my perfect life plan wasn’t so perfect.
Garrett pulled me up so that we were nose to nose. His lips were a breath away from mine and his eyes never left me. “I love the way you are, Riley. It’s what makes you, you. If I didn’t want the hassle, I wouldn’t be here now.” My heart thudded in my chest and I knew, without a doubt that I wanted this.
Right now.
Maybe for a long time after.
Garrett’s hands slid up my back until he was cupping the back of my head. “I’m here because no matter what you say, or what you do, I want you. I want every part of you. There is something in you that calls out to the messed up pieces inside of me. And I think that you might be the girl to make my world right again.”
Emotion was thick in my throat and I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say that would come close to how amazing his words were.
Garrett’s blue eyes were soft as they regarded me as if I were the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. Not once in the year that Damien and I had been together had I ever felt that I was it for him. That person that he revolved around. Hell, he wanted to get back together because comfortable was okay with him.
But the passion and desire and absolute totality I saw in Garrett’s eyes blew me apart.
Garrett softly kissed my lips. “Because I’m a mess, Riley. I have spent so long pretending like the future doesn’t matter because I was terrified to plan anything. I had all ready lost the two people that meant the most to me, so I would be damned if I would ever depend on someone like that again. And if I didn’t think too much about what comes next I wouldn’t have to think about the million and one ways I was disappointing my parents.” His breath caught and he looked away, as though shamed by the secrets he had just revealed.
It was my turn to grip his chin and turn him back to face me. “Your parents would be nothing but proud of the man you’ve become, Garrett. You’re talented and motivated by your music. You’re building a future around something you love to do. How many people get to do that?” I leaned up and placed my lips on his for a moment and he held me tightly as we tasted each other.
I pulled back and looked at him again. “You are the guy who took a heart broken girl and put her back together again, whether you realize it or not,” I whispered, my soul close to flowing over.
And it was true. Garrett held me together and he tore me a apart. And what was left behind was complete and total annihilation.
“God, Riley,” he said, making it more of a strangled cry. In one swift movement he rolled us over until he was leaning over me, his hair brushing my chest as he leaned down. This was so much like the hazy memory I had of us yesterday. A recollection of our first time together that was still so much out of reach.
But this time, we were both in the here and now. And the only thing that mattered was each other.
With shaky hands, I unbuttoned his shirt and he sat back and pulled it off, tossing it on the floor. I ran my hands up his chest, the hard ridges of muscles under my palm. I gently touched the tattooed words that wrapped around his waist.
“Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken,” he whispered, stirring the air around us. I remembered the words. Another flash of memory startled me as I recalled reading these words branded on his flesh as I kissed the skin around them.
I brushed his long hair back and cupped his cheek. “That’s beautiful. But why the need to ink it?” I asked, staring into his eyes.
Garrett leaned down and kissed me with trembling lips. “After my parents died, I swore I’d never feel that kind of empty heartache again. That I’d strengthen my heart so it would never, ever break. I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive that kind of pain again.”
I closed my eyes, feeling overwhelmed by this. By him.
Garrett swept his mouth along the curve of my jaw. “My heart isn’t strong enough to survive you, Riley. You won’t just bend it, you have the power to shatter it to pieces,” he said quietly and with enough feeling to bring me low.
I pulled my head to the side, not able to look at him. “I don’t want to shatter your heart, Garrett. But I’m not sure I can promise that I won’t. I don’t know what happens from here. What all this means,” I told him honestly, knowing he deserved no less.
Garrett pulled my face back around so that I looked at him again. “Handle it with care, please. Because I want to give it to you. Completely,” he murmured, placing my hand on his chest.
My eyes hazed over with unshed tears and I felt way too emotional. I didn’t know what to do with all of these feelings. I felt choked up and downright sick to my stomach by the implications of his testament.
I had a feeling Garrett Bellows might actually love me. And that was a huge complication that I couldn’t face right now.
I started to pull away, ready to shut this down when Garrett held me firm. “Don’t you dare run away from this,” he said harshly. And then his mouth was on mine. Rough and unapologetically brutal. And given the emotional wreckage of my current situation, I needed this.
I threw myself into kissing him. Into touching him. Into immersing myself in him.
Garrett pulled away suddenly and looked down at me, a fierce light in his eyes. “Are you sure, Riley? We’ve been here before and honestly I don’t think I can take you turning me away right now,” Garrett’s words were as close to a plea as I had ever heard from him.
I shook my head. “I won’t push you away,” I said emphatically.
Garrett smiled down at me, lighting up the world. “You promise?” he asked.
“Promise,” I swore just as he took possession of me again. Our lips moved together in unison. His tongue, my tongue, sliding and loving each other.
His hands, almost hesitant, gripped the hem of my shirt and dragged it up over my head. Once it was on the floor with his, Garrett looked down at me in wonder. “I have never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life,” he said and it was on the tip of my tongue to make some sort of sarcastic remark. But the look in his eye killed the words.
I hooked my arms around his neck and forcefully brought his mouth back to mine.
After that, any hesitation on his part was gone. We were one perfect blend of want and need as we peeled each other’s clothes away until we were completely na**d together. Garrett’s hand came up to cup my breast, his thumb rolling over the sensitive flesh as his tongue ran up the side of my throat. He suckled and nibbled as fingers circled around the taught nipple.
His mouth took the place of his hand and as he sucked my nipple into his mouth I arched back off the bed. Garrett brought my leg to wrap around his waist, lining us up perfectly. His hand came between us and touched the throbbing folds between my thighs.
“You’re so f**king wet, Riley. Fuck…” he groaned into my mouth as his finger slid through the wet warmth. My h*ps pumped against his hand, greedy for his touch. And when his finger finally entered me, I moaned so loudly I felt a momentary mortification.
Garrett pushed my hair back off of my face. “I want to hear you, Riley. I need to know you like what I’m doing to you. That you want me to touch you,” he said fiercely and I realized then what my continued rejection had done to him. I had taken this confident man and made him second-guess himself. And in the heat of our lust, I hated myself for that.
I pressed into his hand, feeling him slid in and out of my body and my eyes closed. “I love it, Garrett. Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop,” I said in a thready whisper. Garrett’s mouth claimed mine again and he reached for his pants and pulled out his wallet. I barely registered the tearing of foil and the slight movement as he rolled on the condom.
All I was aware of was the moment when his body lined up with mine and I felt him hard and waiting at my entrance. Garrett pulled back slightly and looked down at me.
“I want to watch you this time. I want to see your face when I’m inside you,” he said and if I wasn’t already flushed and excited, I would be at his words.
And then suddenly he entered me. But my body was familiar with him and it felt…right.
Garrett gripped my h*ps and pulled almost all of the way out before he surged forward again, pushing us both up the length of the bed.
“Ahh!” I cried out, digging my nails into the flesh of his back.
He threw his head back and let out a deep, guttural groan as he began to pound into me. Our movements were totally in tune. He was just as desperate for me as I was for him.
Slowly, Garrett kicked off the shoes he had just put on and lay down beside me. I scootched over to make room on the double bed. Garrett stretched his arm above his head, his other arm laying awkwardly beside him as though he didn’t know what to do with it.
I rolled onto my side and pressed my back into him and then he got the hint. He slid over and wrapped his arm around my waist. This spooning thing really was an uncomfortable business. You never knew what to do with your arms or legs. It took forever to find that spot where you felt like you weren’t a human pretzel.
But when you found that spot, it was pure bliss. And when I found that spot with Garrett I never wanted to move again. Our bodies synched up and we sort of melted into each other. Garrett tucked my head under his chin and I felt warm and secure wrapped up in him like this.
“Will you be here when I wake up?” I asked almost fearfully. I couldn’t figure out why it was so important for him to be here with me. But right now it was the most necessary thing in my world.
“I’ll be here as long as you want me, Riley,” he whispered, his breath stirring my hair. And that’s all I needed to fall into a restful sleep.
True to his word, Garrett was still there when I woke up three hours later. I probably could have slept longer but my mind wouldn’t let me rest that long. I sat up with a start, jolting Garrett awake with my sudden movement.
I reached over top of him to grab my phone; scared to death I had missed a call or a text from my mom or one of my siblings. I quickly checked but lay back down when I realized they hadn’t tried to get a hold of me.
No news was good news, right?
I rolled onto my side and looked up at Garrett, feeling suddenly shy being in bed with him. I had seen him na**d. He had been with me in the most intimate way possible (even if I still couldn’t recall every detail) and here I was shy while lying in a bed together, fully clothed.
Garrett’s fingers traced the line of my face until his palm came to rest against the thudding pulse at my throat. His hand was warm against my skin. “How’d you sleep?” he asked.
“Pretty good actually. At least you don’t hog the bed,” I said, nudging his leg over with mine.
“Yeah, I picked up pretty quickly after you fell asleep that you like your space. Doesn’t leave a guy much room to work with, you know.” Garrett indicated the tiny, sliver of space I had left for him and I laughed, moving over.
“Yeah, sorry about that.”
Garrett pressed in close to me and pulled me against his chest. My cheek rested over the thudding of his heart, strong and loud beneath my ear. The consistency of that sound lulled me into an easy peace.
“I’m not sure why you’re being so nice to me after how crappy I’ve been to you, but I sincerely appreciate it,” I said, needing him to hear again how much him being here meant to me.
“I haven’t been Mr. Sunshine and Roses. And I’m a jerk when my pride gets stomped on,” he responded.
Garrett’s took my chin between his fingers, pressing me to look up at him. When I did, my breath caught at the way his eyes lit up when they met mine.
“You’re a challenge, Riley Walker. But I knew that the day we met. Do you remember?” he asked and I shook my head.
Garrett’s fingers began to thread through my hair and I wanted to purr like a cat at his touch. “You and Maysie were hanging out at the bar after your shift and I came in with Cole to meet up with Jordan. I saw you and I had to talk to you. You were the most gorgeous girl in the room,” he said, smiling at the memory and I snorted.
“Oh please. Give me a break. You’ve already gotten in my pants, you don’t need to butter me up,” I said, feeling ridiculously uncomfortable with the compliment.
Garrett shook his head, his eyes amused by my response. “Never can take a compliment, can you?” His fingers continued their lazy travel through my hair. “That day, I walked over to you, thinking I’d buy you a drink, give you some line about how hot you were and you’d come home with me. All I could think about was seeing your clothes on my bedroom floor and your beautiful legs wrapped around my waist,” he said huskily and I felt a familiar warmth pooling in my belly.
Garrett leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose, a silly affectionate gesture that made my heart clench. “But when I tapped you on the shoulder you turned around and looked at me with this expression on your face that said I was wasting my time. You didn’t say anything. You didn’t need to. I knew you were out of my league. So I turned around and walked away with my tail between my legs,” he finished and I felt my face flush in embarrassment.
“God I’m so sorry, Garrett. Rude just comes naturally. I really need to work on that,” I muttered, feeling not for the first time, mortified by the way I tended to respond in unfamiliar situations. When I didn’t know what to say, or how to act, I always fell back on my snarky one-liners. But what I realized I was doing was keeping everyone else away. Mostly so I wasn’t forced to go outside of my small, confined bubble and see the world that lay beyond it. Scared that it would prove that my perfect life plan wasn’t so perfect.
Garrett pulled me up so that we were nose to nose. His lips were a breath away from mine and his eyes never left me. “I love the way you are, Riley. It’s what makes you, you. If I didn’t want the hassle, I wouldn’t be here now.” My heart thudded in my chest and I knew, without a doubt that I wanted this.
Right now.
Maybe for a long time after.
Garrett’s hands slid up my back until he was cupping the back of my head. “I’m here because no matter what you say, or what you do, I want you. I want every part of you. There is something in you that calls out to the messed up pieces inside of me. And I think that you might be the girl to make my world right again.”
Emotion was thick in my throat and I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say that would come close to how amazing his words were.
Garrett’s blue eyes were soft as they regarded me as if I were the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. Not once in the year that Damien and I had been together had I ever felt that I was it for him. That person that he revolved around. Hell, he wanted to get back together because comfortable was okay with him.
But the passion and desire and absolute totality I saw in Garrett’s eyes blew me apart.
Garrett softly kissed my lips. “Because I’m a mess, Riley. I have spent so long pretending like the future doesn’t matter because I was terrified to plan anything. I had all ready lost the two people that meant the most to me, so I would be damned if I would ever depend on someone like that again. And if I didn’t think too much about what comes next I wouldn’t have to think about the million and one ways I was disappointing my parents.” His breath caught and he looked away, as though shamed by the secrets he had just revealed.
It was my turn to grip his chin and turn him back to face me. “Your parents would be nothing but proud of the man you’ve become, Garrett. You’re talented and motivated by your music. You’re building a future around something you love to do. How many people get to do that?” I leaned up and placed my lips on his for a moment and he held me tightly as we tasted each other.
I pulled back and looked at him again. “You are the guy who took a heart broken girl and put her back together again, whether you realize it or not,” I whispered, my soul close to flowing over.
And it was true. Garrett held me together and he tore me a apart. And what was left behind was complete and total annihilation.
“God, Riley,” he said, making it more of a strangled cry. In one swift movement he rolled us over until he was leaning over me, his hair brushing my chest as he leaned down. This was so much like the hazy memory I had of us yesterday. A recollection of our first time together that was still so much out of reach.
But this time, we were both in the here and now. And the only thing that mattered was each other.
With shaky hands, I unbuttoned his shirt and he sat back and pulled it off, tossing it on the floor. I ran my hands up his chest, the hard ridges of muscles under my palm. I gently touched the tattooed words that wrapped around his waist.
“Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken,” he whispered, stirring the air around us. I remembered the words. Another flash of memory startled me as I recalled reading these words branded on his flesh as I kissed the skin around them.
I brushed his long hair back and cupped his cheek. “That’s beautiful. But why the need to ink it?” I asked, staring into his eyes.
Garrett leaned down and kissed me with trembling lips. “After my parents died, I swore I’d never feel that kind of empty heartache again. That I’d strengthen my heart so it would never, ever break. I knew I wouldn’t be able to survive that kind of pain again.”
I closed my eyes, feeling overwhelmed by this. By him.
Garrett swept his mouth along the curve of my jaw. “My heart isn’t strong enough to survive you, Riley. You won’t just bend it, you have the power to shatter it to pieces,” he said quietly and with enough feeling to bring me low.
I pulled my head to the side, not able to look at him. “I don’t want to shatter your heart, Garrett. But I’m not sure I can promise that I won’t. I don’t know what happens from here. What all this means,” I told him honestly, knowing he deserved no less.
Garrett pulled my face back around so that I looked at him again. “Handle it with care, please. Because I want to give it to you. Completely,” he murmured, placing my hand on his chest.
My eyes hazed over with unshed tears and I felt way too emotional. I didn’t know what to do with all of these feelings. I felt choked up and downright sick to my stomach by the implications of his testament.
I had a feeling Garrett Bellows might actually love me. And that was a huge complication that I couldn’t face right now.
I started to pull away, ready to shut this down when Garrett held me firm. “Don’t you dare run away from this,” he said harshly. And then his mouth was on mine. Rough and unapologetically brutal. And given the emotional wreckage of my current situation, I needed this.
I threw myself into kissing him. Into touching him. Into immersing myself in him.
Garrett pulled away suddenly and looked down at me, a fierce light in his eyes. “Are you sure, Riley? We’ve been here before and honestly I don’t think I can take you turning me away right now,” Garrett’s words were as close to a plea as I had ever heard from him.
I shook my head. “I won’t push you away,” I said emphatically.
Garrett smiled down at me, lighting up the world. “You promise?” he asked.
“Promise,” I swore just as he took possession of me again. Our lips moved together in unison. His tongue, my tongue, sliding and loving each other.
His hands, almost hesitant, gripped the hem of my shirt and dragged it up over my head. Once it was on the floor with his, Garrett looked down at me in wonder. “I have never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life,” he said and it was on the tip of my tongue to make some sort of sarcastic remark. But the look in his eye killed the words.
I hooked my arms around his neck and forcefully brought his mouth back to mine.
After that, any hesitation on his part was gone. We were one perfect blend of want and need as we peeled each other’s clothes away until we were completely na**d together. Garrett’s hand came up to cup my breast, his thumb rolling over the sensitive flesh as his tongue ran up the side of my throat. He suckled and nibbled as fingers circled around the taught nipple.
His mouth took the place of his hand and as he sucked my nipple into his mouth I arched back off the bed. Garrett brought my leg to wrap around his waist, lining us up perfectly. His hand came between us and touched the throbbing folds between my thighs.
“You’re so f**king wet, Riley. Fuck…” he groaned into my mouth as his finger slid through the wet warmth. My h*ps pumped against his hand, greedy for his touch. And when his finger finally entered me, I moaned so loudly I felt a momentary mortification.
Garrett pushed my hair back off of my face. “I want to hear you, Riley. I need to know you like what I’m doing to you. That you want me to touch you,” he said fiercely and I realized then what my continued rejection had done to him. I had taken this confident man and made him second-guess himself. And in the heat of our lust, I hated myself for that.
I pressed into his hand, feeling him slid in and out of my body and my eyes closed. “I love it, Garrett. Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop,” I said in a thready whisper. Garrett’s mouth claimed mine again and he reached for his pants and pulled out his wallet. I barely registered the tearing of foil and the slight movement as he rolled on the condom.
All I was aware of was the moment when his body lined up with mine and I felt him hard and waiting at my entrance. Garrett pulled back slightly and looked down at me.
“I want to watch you this time. I want to see your face when I’m inside you,” he said and if I wasn’t already flushed and excited, I would be at his words.
And then suddenly he entered me. But my body was familiar with him and it felt…right.
Garrett gripped my h*ps and pulled almost all of the way out before he surged forward again, pushing us both up the length of the bed.
“Ahh!” I cried out, digging my nails into the flesh of his back.
He threw his head back and let out a deep, guttural groan as he began to pound into me. Our movements were totally in tune. He was just as desperate for me as I was for him.
